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| 1 user currently in Movies / TV / Entertainment: |
| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Movies / TV / Entertainment - Van Helsing - Peer Reviewed |
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Geiger Buster Beetle Level: 34  Posts: 56/460 EXP: 241080 For next: 12571 Since: 03-15-04 From: Indianapolis, IN, USA Since last post: 6 hours Last activity: 6 hours |
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| I just got back from an advanced screening of Van Helsing. Scary? You betcha. Pork has always frightened me. As per the usual, the remainder of my post may contain some very mild spoilers, but probably nothing you couldn't figure out yourself if you've seen the trailer. Plot The movie opens with what could best be termed a tribute to the old horror movies. Its black and white and a mad scientist is screaming "ITS ALIVE! ITS ALIVE!" A familiar angry-mob-at-a-windmill later, we are brought forward one year and to Paris, where Van Helsing is tracking down Mr. Hyde. We see why Van Helsing is da man, and then we barrel straight into the main plot, or what passes for it anyway. Dracula has an evil plan to take over the world. Or something. I am not really sure. That is just how dangnabit good this film's script is. Content This film is rated PG-13, which must be for violence. I did not find the voilence portrayed to be particularly noteworthy, and I imagine it would have gotten a PG rating back in the days before PG-13. There is a little blood, but surprisingly scarce considering werewolves and vampires abound. There is no sex or nudity. The hybrid form of the vampire brides is a bit amorphous. We do get half-mooned by Mr. Hyde at one point though. There is some mild cussing (I do not recall hearing the F-Bomb). Logic Holes To have a logic hole, you would need to have some logic, would you not? The whole thing Dracula and his vampire brides are trying to accomplish will probably make you wince with a headache when its finally revealed. Summary As with most movies made in the last 10 years, Hollywood spent millions on cartoonish effects and apparently five coppers on the script. Your first warning should have been Kate Beckinsale in another vampire movie. Really, the story is just a flimsy excuse to throw a bunch of CGI monsters and fight scenes your way. Most of the actors are not terribly good either. Beckinsale puts in another decent performance, but again nothing to indicate why she is a "name" in movies right now (her performance in Underworld was better). Jackman shows his incredible range beyond the Wolverine character to whole new levels of nill (who thought this guy would make a good Bond?). The monsters were super hams (especially the vampire brides). The only performance that even came close to mildly impressing me was Shuler Hensley as Frankenstein's Creation. It was overdone a bit as well, but heck, its Franken-freakin-stein. It should be a little overdone. Its an enjoyable movie, if you like pork or are still in grade school. Otherwise, wear a strand of garlic and carry a silver cane if you go to the movies this weekend, less this movie run up and bite you in the posterior. The only redeeming quality I see in this movie is that is should be a safe monster movie to take your kids to see. I would write more, but frankly, this movie ain't worth it. At least we got a new release of the classic movies with this film. I'd give it 1.5 out of 4 stars. ---Evil Peer |
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Eclipse Red Paragoomba tinzeee Level: 13  Posts: 8/50 EXP: 8276 For next: 1991 Since: 05-03-04 Since last post: 541 days Last activity: 339 days |
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I saw this movie yesterday and i will agree scary Though i did find the beginning a bit boring, it still was extremely interesting. And i reckon Huh Jackmon ( or however you spell his name ) was right for the character, though i didn't like the long hair on him |
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Toxic in a sublime state of mind Level: 75  Posts: 1058/2857 EXP: 3732709 For next: 94195 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 3 days Last activity: 8 hours |
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| So far everyone and anyone is saying it womps, but the guy who made it, also made the Mummy and the Mummy Returns, and they took in about 800 mil with poor reviews. | |||
Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 109/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| I might go see this one tomorrow. Even though the reviews I've read of it weren't quite stellar ones, I've always been a sucker for the Mummy flicks. Nothing but special effects? Yes, but a deep story as well. Some amazing fight sequences in the mix. I expect more or less the same from this one, so that's what's getting me my ticket. | |||
Smeg4Brains Red Koopa Level: 20  Posts: 42/138 EXP: 39611 For next: 2828 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 262 days Last activity: 242 days |
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| That film IS NOT scary! True it makes you jump a few times but i would define scary as jumping out of your skin every few minuets, then not being able to sleep that night. | |||
Jarukoth  IRRATIONAL EXUBERENCE!!1! Level: 79  Posts: 938/3194 EXP: 4402011 For next: 177456 Since: 03-17-04 From: New Jersey, U.S.A. Shoes: Yes. Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| Just another example of a good premise going nowhere... Hugh Jackman - Good. Deserved a better movie. Kate Beckinsale - Meow. Very Good. Again, deserved a better movie. Story - Sucked. Easily the movie's weak point. Vampire Ladies - Kinda sexy, but the laughing gets irritating. Werewolves - Damn good effects. |
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Boomer Level: 29  Posts: 156/318 EXP: 138493 For next: 9392 Since: 03-16-04 From: The land of all that is Canadian Since last post: 4 days Last activity: 8 hours |
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| I went to see this yesterday. I didn't mind it. It was pretty good. The fight scenes were pretty cool, along with their renditions of the original monsters. I agree that the story was the main weak point. And I didn't really like the corny ending with her in the clouds  |
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Mel (USER WAS TOTALLY AWESOME FOR THIS POST) Level: 47  Posts: 276/991 EXP: 762490 For next: 3713 Since: 03-15-04 From: secure tripcodes are for jerks Since last post: 17 min. Last activity: 16 min. |
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| <3 for barrel-fed repeating crossbows | |||
Uncle Elmo Hammer Brother Partly Sweet, Helpful, good at advice and a half decent writer. Also modest. Level: 49 Posts: 363/1062 EXP: 845899 For next: 37984 Since: 03-15-04 From: Prestatyn, Uk Since last post: 23 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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I went to see it today and it's alright, not bad. I agree about the ending, it reminded me of Hot Shots  I liked the firar bloke from LOTR though, he was likeable. Dracula's accent fluctuated a lot didn't it? I was expecting the count from Sesame Street to show up |
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Weasel Missionary in PeruLevel: 34  Posts: 284/454 EXP: 236444 For next: 17207 Since: 03-15-04 From: Washington Since last post: 467 days Last activity: 339 days |
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| I dunno about your peer review, Peer. I thought it deserved at least 3 of 4 stars. I thought it was great. | |||
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101  Posts: 808/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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Damn Ziff, that was brutal!  I thought it was very fun to watch. And that's what movies are lacking these days. Sure it had plot holes and such, but I had a very enjoyable time watching it and that's what matters most to me. But more importantly, you must admit that the score kicked ASS! I downl...obtained it and it's very very good. Would you expect any less from Alan Silvestri? On a final note, Hugh Jackman just plain kicks ass. I would LOVE to see him in more movies. Word has it that he might just get a Wolvie solo movie which would absolutely rock. |
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alte Hexe Star Mario I dreamed I saw Joe Hill last night Alive as you and me "But Joe you're ten years dead!" "I never died" said he "I never died!" said he Level: 99  Posts: 605/5458 EXP: 9854489 For next: 145511 Since: 03-15-04 From: ... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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...I said something  What happened to it? |
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God459 Spammer, uber spammer. Level: 7 Posts: 9/14 EXP: 1213 For next: 235 Since: 05-14-04 Since last post: 537 days Last activity: 339 days |
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Sofie Level: 52 Posts: 345/1210 EXP: 1028812 For next: 55028 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 187 days Last activity: 279 days |
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| I gots the soundtrack, which rocks. and that's about it, really. oh, wait. His hat. that was cool too. |
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Legion banning people for no reason sure is fun Level: 101 Posts: 812/5657 EXP: 10399737 For next: 317938 Since: 03-15-04 From: The Crossroads is under attack! Since last post: 5 days Last activity: 5 days |
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Originally posted by EvillerLegion Wow...I must be on crack. I've seen this thread here and there from when it was made and every time I still thought it was made by you. Arg. |
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ErkDog Fuzz Ball Level: 47  Posts: 537/982 EXP: 752190 For next: 14013 Since: 03-15-04 From: Richmond, VA Since last post: 40 days Last activity: 19 days |
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| I would like to just take this opportunity to point out... that technically you cannot give a "peer" review of a movie or anime for a few reasons..... 1) Peer implies... peer... so unless you make movies or anime you aren't their peer 2) Peer implies... peer... so unless you make movies or anime you aren't their peer 3) Peer implies... peer... so unless you make movies or anime you aren't their peer if you are using Peer as in reference to your name... as in ... Peer (Evil Peer) Reviewed then yeah I guess you could use it in that context but in the general context of peer review it would imply you are the creators peer for example..... if someone set up a linux box... I could peer review their configuration because I am also a Linux guru and configurator.... I, however, would not be qualified to give a peer review of the techniques and modalaties invovled in say, changing an engine in a car... because I don't know how to do it, have never done it, and never will do it.... so therefore, I am not a Mechanic's Peer.... and consequently cannot give a Peer review.... I could however give a consumer or end user review..... and be like... yep my car works... good job, lol |
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Geiger Buster Beetle Level: 34 Posts: 58/460 EXP: 241080 For next: 12571 Since: 03-15-04 From: Indianapolis, IN, USA Since last post: 6 hours Last activity: 6 hours |
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| Yes, let's talk about the technicalities of the phrase "peer reviewed". Because that's relevant. No, its just a gimmick. "Peer reviewed" being a common phrase, and "Peer" being the latter part of my pseduonym. Like something marketing would come up with. ---Evil Peer |
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