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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Craziness Domain - Writing a story... called Muffin Avenger. This story is no joke and I plan to complete it! |
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Nebetsu Shmee Level: 55 Posts: 613/1574 EXP: 1291130 For next: 23059 Since: 09-01-04 From: Nebland Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| To start this story: there's me. Muffin. That's what you need to know. I am Muffin the muffin and if you have a problem with that, then you should probably stop reading now. I am not like all the other little muffins, for I have chocolate chips inside of me instead of fruits and vegetables like potatos and walnuts. These chocalate chips give me a courage and power that all the other little muffins and panacakes didnt like, so I was scorned by my pathetic fellow foods. Little did they know that the evil Ham Sandwich was going to take over the vast reaches of Pieland and decree that 90% of all the food would be sentanced to death by Tabasco Sauce... Ham Sandwich's rise to power would leave the land in devestation, famine and ruin. His influence would and corruption would reach far into the reaches of Kitchenland, the country in which the province of Pieland is located. Enough with the introduction: here's the story. "I dont want to wash the cheesecakes.", I grumbled under my breath, glaring up at my mother. Why does she make me wash the cheesecakes? Why can't she do it herself? I'm guessing the next insult to my intelligence is going to be her reminding me about the two measly crackers I get for my allowance. Doesnt she know that I cant buy anything GOOD with that kind of money? "You have to do something to earn the crackers I give you every Fryday." reminded my mother. "But I dont care about crackers. It will never be enough to get that Knight Of Pastrami action figure I've been wanting all my life." I replied. Ok. A little teenage angst never hurt anyone. I sighed and returned to washing the cheesecakes. "Miserable cheesecakes. If we didnt have the pathetic requirement for nourishment, we could probably do WITHOUT cheesecakes to eat off of.", were the words that echoed in my brain. I found myself focused more and more on the flaws of the nature of the beings around me... and myself. Seeing my own evil firsthand sickened me to no end and brought a sort of self loathing that your pathetic misshappen brain wouldnt believe. I was done washing the cheesecakes. As I walked to my room, many thoughts rushed through my head. Mostly about how everyone is generally has the nature to do wrong and will never overcome that nature. Also there were thoughts about me having that nature. It's a reoccuring thought. There is nothing I would like more than to be free of this mind that I am enslaved to. I looked around my room one last time. There was my gravy lamp. I got it for Candyfest a couple years back. Sometimes I still just sit back and stare at it's mysterious beauty. Sometimes I stare for hours. I glanced my Singing Corn poster on my wall. That was my favourite band until I got interested into better bands from other countries like Berryvine. I saw my computer on my desk. It only had a 600MHz cookie processing unit. Oh well. At least I know someone with a 400MHz CPU. I looked at my video games: Chocoman, Applio, Kandy. I must have beat all of them a million times. Finally I looked at the window. The window: my final escape from the life that I now lived. A new beginning. The death of the old and the birth of a new. This window was the key to happiness. The key to escaping my evil. The key to the end of my suffering. These are the lies I told myself on a daily basis. Today I choose to believe them. Today I look out and let the longing to run away consume me and take me whole. I climbed out the window and walked away from the house. I looked back at the house as I got out of Breadil, thought a final "Good riddance", and let my feet take me to a new future. That's the last time I saw Breadil alive again. (edited by Nebetsu on 12-12-04 06:00 PM) |
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Alastor the Stylish Hey! I made a cool game! It's called "I poisoned half the food, so if you eat you might die!" Have a taco.  Level: 114  Posts: 3410/7620 EXP: 16258468 For next: 51099 Since: 03-15-04 From: Oregon, US Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| That was actually mildly entertaining. But you need to say they live in Breadil at the start. It's a bit confusing when you say that at the end there. (edited by Davis on 12-12-04 06:13 PM) |
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Nebetsu Shmee Level: 55 Posts: 616/1574 EXP: 1291130 For next: 23059 Since: 09-01-04 From: Nebland Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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Originally posted by Davis Ok I will. Thanks for the tip. |
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Squash Monster New Age Retro Hippie Togateiru Fohku Kohgeki!! GRUNGE no HAMSTER otona bite Peace love and turnpike! Level: 40 Posts: 479/677 EXP: 430507 For next: 10802 Since: 03-15-04 From: Maryland (of the Country Between Canada and Mexico) Since last post: 5 hours Last activity: 5 hours |
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| Haha, nice. I approve. When's the next installment? (edited by Squash Monster on 12-12-04 07:50 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 650/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| That's was amusing to say the least. | |||
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Nebetsu Shmee Level: 55 Posts: 625/1574 EXP: 1291130 For next: 23059 Since: 09-01-04 From: Nebland Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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Originally posted by Squash Monster I dunno, but that's just a portion of the first chapter. This whole thing is going to take a while and will be done whenever I feel like it... >> |
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Jarukoth  IRRATIONAL EXUBERENCE!!1! Level: 79  Posts: 2199/3194 EXP: 4402011 For next: 177456 Since: 03-17-04 From: New Jersey, U.S.A. Shoes: Yes. Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| This is either brillance...or madness. I choose both. In layman's terms, it was pretty good. |
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Grey the Stampede Don't mess with powers you don't understand. And yes. That means donuts. Level: 82  Posts: 1433/3770 EXP: 5192909 For next: 16318 Since: 06-17-04 From: Kingston, RI, USA, Earth Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| You've got skill. I like your inner monologue best. But at the same time it feels kinda empty, like there's no background to it all. You're making a world that's almost not a world. If that's the first chapter, you might want a prologue. The plot is interesting, too. A world of food, I guess. |
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knuck Hinox Banned until 19-58-5815: trolling, flaming, spamming, being a general fucktard... Level: 62 Posts: 957/1818 EXP: 1894574 For next: 90112 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 14 hours Last activity: 9 hours |
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Originally posted by JarukothIt comes from Nebetsu. Go figure.  |
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Nebetsu Shmee Level: 55 Posts: 644/1574 EXP: 1291130 For next: 23059 Since: 09-01-04 From: Nebland Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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Originally posted by Grey I'll give you a little more depth to the insanity of the world: Because of the population crisis and the food crises, murder was deemed legal 50 years ago. People could kill whoever they wanted and eat them for nurishment. Killing your own kind and eating them (cannibalism) is legal, but extremely frowned on and would make you shunned by all. I'll tell you, the scenes where Muffin gets hungry are going to savage, but to them it's just normal. ^^ |
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Dracoon Zelda The temp ban/forum ban bypasser! Level: 84  Posts: 1943/3727 EXP: 5514391 For next: 147561 Since: 03-25-04 From: At home Since last post: 5 hours Last activity: 5 hours |
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| Hmmmm.... this is the first thing I have seen Nebetsu post that I didn't think was stupid... It was as others said mildly entertaining, but, personally, inner monolouges and mind sufferings that the character can never get over because it is his mind really bugs me. Then again, I read books no one has ever heard of... (Blending series, Book of Swords series, King's Dragon, yatata) |
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Nebetsu Shmee Level: 55 Posts: 661/1574 EXP: 1291130 For next: 23059 Since: 09-01-04 From: Nebland Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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Originally posted by Dracoon Believe me. His inner struggle makes the ending really ironic. |
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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Craziness Domain - Writing a story... called Muffin Avenger. This story is no joke and I plan to complete it! |
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