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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Modern Art - Tell me what you think.. |
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SnowTomato Goomba Level: 9  Posts: 19/21 EXP: 2296 For next: 866 Since: 04-11-04 From: NYC Since last post: 508 days Last activity: 339 days |
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| I've been songwriting for a while now.. and I just need some critique from people other than my friends and family.. because they'll lie and not give me a good critique. Just tell me whatcha think, honestly. About A Girl ((This is the first song we've put music too..)) Tears spill down her cheeks, She has regrets, She never took caution, And she always forgets.. Please, Don't notice her, As she screams for help, Leave her alone, As she drowns herself.. No one knows her burden, As she makes it to school, Trudging onto nothing, As she's playin the fool, She sits at her desk, The time goes by, Soon she goes home, To curl up and die.. Please, Don't notice her, As she screams for help, Leave her alone, As she drowns herself.. Retaliation doesn't exsist, When odds stack against you, Realizing just this, She adds up the issues... Please, Don't notice her, As she screams for help, Leave her alone, As she drowns herself.. Please, Don't notice her, As she screams for help, Leave her alone, As she drowns herself.. --------------------------------------------------------------- Angst's Anthem ((A ska-ish sounding song.. kind of ironic sounding if you hear it with the lyrics..)) I woke up this morning, To think about the world, Then thought it'd be better to sleep, I walked to my car, To go to my mothers, And found myself throw away the key, When life's so fucked up, We should all just stay at home, When things are so messed up, There's no point of tryin alone, I went to go for a walk, With my healthy dog, And then I heard he was dead, I went to go to school, To be bored and drool, And I ended up just sleepin.. Why should we even try, When we're gonna need some ointment? Why are we so surprised, When things end in dissapointment? I woke up this morning, To think about the world, Then thought it'd be better to sleep.. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Easiest Song Ever ((Named that because it's rediculously easy to play)) I just wanna know, And not have to guess, Am I a stranger, Or a permanent guest, I see you more with her, And neglecting me, I'm shreiking in pain, Why can't you see? Silent screams fall from my lips, Is it really worth my while? You stay enticed by her hips, That seem to draw an empty smile.. I just need to know, If my parking spots reserved, Do I really own the spot, That I have observed? If you want me there, Just let me know, If I'm stunting you, Making it hard to grow, Silent screams fall from my lips, Is it really worth my while? You stay enticed by her hips, That seem to draw an empty smile.. That seem to draw an empty smile.. Is it really worth my while? ----------------------------------------------------- Song about Conformity ((Not the actual name of the song.. don't quite know what it's gonna be called.. doesn't quite matter.. we started working on this song.. so it's not fully done yet..)) Sit in the dark, Act like everythings blue, Not giving a fuck, Although you want to, Never shop at the mall, Radio's not for you, Acting all tough, It's what your supposed to do, Anarchy's not for you, But all the punks do it, So it makes you want to, Why not just screw it? Religiously active, But that stuff's not cool now, Now you're an athiest, You're bringin yourself down.. You're conforming, Don't you see? Conforming to non-conformity? You're conforming, Don't you see? Conforming to non-conformity? Just be yourself, Don't let anyone tell you, How you should act, And what you're supposed to do.. ---------------------------------------------------------- Pretend ((No music to this one.. actually.. I wrote this song last night)) I was happy when I was innocent, I could truly smile now and then, I've been stunned by the pain that's been sent, I'm self-destructive with a pen, Living one lie all this time, I've been jaded behind these eyes, Convicted of an unknown crime, Unleashed within a mess of lies, It's true I'm a wreck, With only myself to blame, No one to fix this broken neck, Yet I've done it all the same.. I haven't laughed in a while, And I have felt secure, I can't remember a smile, And I'm never sure, My past haunts my future, But I live in the present, Waiting for fate to occur, My heaven's been hell sent.. It's true I'm a wreck, With only myself to blame, No one to fix this broken neck, Yet I've done it all the same.. I'm a self-destructive hazard, With no warning signs, I'll just appear to be happy, And pretend to be fine.. ----------------------------------------------- Err.. doesn't have a name.. ((Wrote this a couple of weeks ago.. think it's pretty nifty.. no name for this one either..)) I haven't gone this long, That's what it must be, It's taking it's toll, Pain is all I see, I saw you today, With your best friend, I smiled today, A sign of the end.. It was so great, What ever happend? It just wasn't lucky enough.. It just wasn't real enough.. You fucked up my head, With a lasting stigma, Trying to break out, Of a lasting enigma, I think I'm in love, For the second time now, I'm honest I'm stuck, But it's okay somehow.. It was so great, What ever happend? It just wasn't lucky enough.. It just wasn't real enough.. --------------------------------------------- No name for this one either ((Wrote this one a couple of monthes ago..)) No need to panic, This is just a drill, Now you'll only fail, If you fail to fufill, Just a crash coarse assignment, Bound to go wrong, Just an unheard rhythm, To an unseen song, So carry your bags, And try your best, Wear your best suit, To go down with the rest.. No need to complain, That'll do you no good now, It'll drive you insane, How futile becomes somehow, We'll decide if it's good, Decide if it's mutual, Decide if it works, Or if it's just futile.. So carry your bags, And try your best, Wear your best suit, To go down with the rest.. ------------------------------------------- Constructive critiscism would be appreciated.. thankiess :]~ |
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tinzeee Permaban Repeated warnings and bannings about stupidity Level: 38  Posts: 428/618 EXP: 369695 For next: 752 Since: 04-02-04 From: Australia - Sydney Since last post: 553 days Last activity: 339 days |
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I really really like the "about a girl" song and Song about Conformity they were both cool and my favorites out of them all. I can't really say i didn't like any of them because they were all great and that you are an excellent song writer |
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