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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Modern Art - Something I had layin' around |
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Zer0wned Cheep-cheep Level: 17  Posts: 144/181 EXP: 21472 For next: 3271 Since: 08-16-05 From: Hermosa Beach, CA Since last post: 30 days Last activity: 30 days |
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I wrote this about... two years ago, this is the first half that I ended up writing (probably a 15th of the total), the other half went missing because I was dumb enough to store it on a floppy disk  . Anyway, bear with me on a few things: •I had a bad education, especially when it comes to the english language. I also didn't have any form of grammar check, be warned of run-ons, my biggest problem. •I'm fond of strange names, but even now I think a few of these are better off changed... •This has not been edited in almost 2 years, so anything I'd change now, has not been changed. •This is the beginning of a much more complex, much longer story that I had mentally mapped out (at least the root, gotta leave room for creativity), so don't expect much. •PG-13 language, most likely an innuendo or sexual reference, nothing too direct. •Violence (like that's a downside  )•Shifting (but announced) first person, confuses some people, I dunno about you guys though •The title is a placeholder, this has nothing to do with hotels *rimshot*, I'll think of one eventually Anyway, depending on feedback, I may consider going back and fixing it up to my satisfaction, and get back to writing it. [firstname (nickname) lastname] from then on, only the first name or nickname is used. Note that a few characters don't have last names. Real-time thought is put in curly brackets like this: {what the current person is thinking} Vagabond Chapter 1: "Night Watch" [Hephaestus (Gray) 12] {I don't see why that old man's paying us so much, this is completely legal, and easy at that, there's gotta be more to this, he's paying 2,000 CRs (credits) to each member, and we've got four people on this, including me, why's he forkin' out eight grand for some one-day bouncers?} I thought as I looked over the document. This fragile old club owner sent for four able-bodied people from my business, Solid Deal. Solid Deal handles all business that's deemed reasonable; considering price, contract conditions, risk, all that nonsense. " 'Keep premises secure for a period of eight hours, from 2300 to 0700, ALL HAZARDOUS EVENTS MUST BE DEALT WITH TO KEEP CONDITIONS TO SAFE LEVELS FOR ALL MEMBERS.' I can't help thinking this part is where the catch is . . . " I said to myself. "Dammit Boy!" "Relax old man, you're gonna keel over if you’re not careful," I said as I turned around to face him, "anyway, the fourth guy’s outside, I’ve got the front door, Lupo’s got the back door-" damned old man cut me off . . . "Yeah, about that kid, how old's dat little bastard? I thought he was a midget, but the little freak's got no five a'clock, ya got me? An' just look at how short he is for cripes sake; I can fit him in a freezer!" "Don’t worry old man, he's 20, that's the legal age around here, right? He uses a cattle-prod, so don’t worry about his size," I lied about the age, all of us use fake IDs, we just made him a bit older. I then continued, "we have this on-call, Hirosha on a nearby roof of an abandoned building keeping watch, and the jackass on the dance-floor is one of my best men, name’s Psun. Any other questions?" I asked, wishing he didn’t have any more. "Well, I’m gonna check the little bastard for ID, and I think I talked to that Hirosha fella earlier, but he said his name was-" I cut the old man off. "One, right? It’s his . . . Alias . . . yeah, they’re one in the same." " *Coughs*, fine. You'll be seein' why I'm paying you so much at around twelve, these guys always come in around then . . . " Heph coughed again and left. I seriously think this guy only has a few days left, whoever his heir is . . . One lucky sonofabitch . . . He looks like he's loaded with cash. It was getting close to twelve, so I figured I wouldn't have any more to drink, I went up to Psun and took his drink. I put up two fingers, he blinked and straightened up. "Two, that’s two, right?" Psun asked. "How much did you have? We’re on duty! Whatever, as long as you have some coordination around twelve, apparently some trouble usually comes in around then, have some cranberry juice or something," I told him. "I’ve got a better idea . . . ugh," Psun said before he ran off to the bathroom, I knew him well enough to know that he wasn’t puking drunk, rather he has this thing where he can intentionally throw up, he learned it from one of our members, Tai, she’s experienced with poison tasting. Lupo came instead of her because she’s a bit too attractive to be lingering around a bar during any occasion where she isn't trying to get laid or get in a fight. "Don’t forget to rinse your mouth out. Puke doesn't have a great smell!" I called to Psun as he ran off. I looked up at the bright red digital clock {Huh, it’s twelve, nothing yet . . . } I thought. With my luck, something drastic’s going to happen in the next couple of minutes. [Lupo (Negative One) Pnuemi] {Man, that old dude sucks, good thing I hacked for these real IDs to be delivered, he was spending a lot of time looking between me and that card, it probably smells like old man now} I heard some tires screeching off in the distance, sounded more like a drift than a burnout, I got Hirosha on the short-wave "Yo, Hirosha, respond! Over," I messaged. Then waited . . . Then remembered, "Yo, One, go check out what that noise was all about, over," I looked up randomly like people habitually do when waiting for a radio response. "You mean the tires of a limo and two vans heading your way? Yeah, I’ll check it out," Hirosha responded. {Man he’s weird . . . }I craned my neck to look further down the street, sure enough I saw a van in front and occasionally a part of a limo would weave into my view. {Who comes to a bar already drunk? Geez, why can't the cops ever do a patrol around here every now and then!?} "Just my luck . . . They are stopping here," I moped as they slowed down, I reached for my cattle-prod/baton combo, it looks like a fat pen from a distance, it actually functions as one too, an invention I’m glad to call my own. I picked up my clipboard to get ready. The front van continued past, but then the limo stopped in front of me. Some big guys from each van came out and formed a path in front of the limo. A huge guy stepped out first, I swear this guy was about six foot five, three-hundred-fifty pounds. A smaller, better dessed man walked out behind him. The huge guy approached me. I cleared my throat, then asked "you on the list?" he turned to his buddies and laughed, they all laughed back. I stood firm, "what's your name?" He picked me up by my shirt, and before he had the chance to do anything else, I flicked out the baton and shocked his spine with the conductor. He fell on the floor and started convulsing. I did a backflip off of his chest when he let go. When I landed, I pressed the emergency button on my watch. When he hit the floor, the other guys rushed me. I jumped to the left and hit the closest one in the kidney with the baton, then turned the conductor on, or thought I did; he winced a little, then brought his arm back, I looked down and realized that I’d just clicked the pen function. I ducked the punch and a shot rang out, the guy’s arm sprayed blood, and the other thugs pulled out their weapons. I assumed that was Hirosha that fired. When I glanced to the van, I saw that more of those guys were in there with heavier weapons. I turned the conductor back on and left it on, an occasional wave of electricity pulsing from the tip of the baton. Psun and Gray both came out. Gray had a pistol drawn. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? KILL THEM!!!" the vaguely familiar looking smaller one said. A shotgun round went off on the left, where Psun was holding one of the thugs' shotgun up with one hand, and doing an insane kicking combo on his body and face, when some of the assailants turned to take care of him, Psun gripped the now unconscious grunt in a head-lock and attempted to use him as a hostage. "Get the hell out of here or I’ll snap his neck!" he shouted. There was a brief silence. A thug gripping two professional style black tonfa looked back at the little guy and smiled, the little guy smiled back. The tonfa guy dashed at Psun, Psun became surprised, but nonetheless held his promise, made a quick motion and a sick Another shot rang out and the charging thug's head exploded. A capped figure dropped from a nearby rooftop and headed our way; it was Hirosha. He's either bored or out of rounds. The thugs turned their attention back to us, and continued their attack. Gray pistol-whipped one directly in front of him, he remained undaunted and slashed a knife at his face, Gray rolled off to the right and fired off two rounds into his chest. I realized that I wasn’t doing anything, when I saw Hirosha come up behind one of the vans, I ducked into the club, which was a horrible clamor because of all of the drunks and gunfire, and started talking to him via the radio. "One, do something about the average-sized guy, hold him hostage or something, I’m sure he’s their ringleader," after I made the request, there was a brief radio silence, then the radio was relaying what was going on outside. "I have a better plan . . . " Hirosha whispered. {This probably won’t end well . . . } I thought as I put my head in my hand. I took a look back outside, but couldn’t see Hirosha; meanwhile Gray and Psun were on the upper hand, the thugs were down to three, the best weapon among them was a grenade, but for obvious reason, it couldn’t be used. The grenadier was fighting hand-to-hand, he was probably planning to use it on his escape, the others probably don’t know about, what to do . . . I figured I should stun the guy and disarm him, which would be fairly easy, he’s the closest one to me, and his back’s turned . . . I waited for the opportunity. "NOW!" I said to myself when I’d seen an opening, I realized I had said it kind of loudly, but no one turned. I flipped around the already primed baton and dashed towards the armed assailant. "Whoa!� I gasped while I planted my feet forcefully in front of me to make myself stop when I saw a dark shadow pass my face along with a gleam of metal. My face was sprayed with the guy’s blood as I saw him drop to his face, probably dead. Gray glanced over at the scene while he took cover to reload. Psun was driving one of the smaller big guys up against a wall, whom apparently once had a chain, because Psun had one wrapped around his forearm, which he was now using to beat the guy with. Psun has this thing where he just loves disarming people with short-ranged weapons and using them against whoever had it. The remaining henchman surveyed the situation, panicked, then ran towards the limo. He stopped at the door quickly turned and started calling out nervously "BOSS! Where the hell are ya man? We gotta get the hell outta here!" "THIS who you lookin’ for? Nice suit he has there... Who the hell are you people?" Hirosha asked as he tossed down the unconscious normal-sized man. The thug looked around nervously, looked down and whispered something to himself. "Speak up, this’s your life at stake you fool, best you give up now, it's all over," Gray suggested in a morbid tone. "You’re right.. It’s all over.." he said with a strange twitch. "Something ain’t right here boss..." I overheard Psun whisper. "It's... all... over... for you, and my boss, but I’m gonna live through this..." He looked up with a strange smile. "You’ve got an armed assassin in front of you, two fully loaded pistols pointed at your head, and a little dude with a cattle-prod, and we’re screwed?" Gray asked. "Allow... heh... Allow me to show you the power of ADX..." the desperate, but lucky fool did a dive behind the limo, dodging four of Gray’s bullets, Hirosha and Psun followed behind. Psun and Hirosha swooped up on the limo from both sides, Hirosha had drawn a small blade. "HOLY SHIT!" I heard Psun cry out as he started running toward one of the vans. "DIE!" a horrid voice grunted as a completely psychotic version of whom we were facing just a second ago pursued Psun with a powerful fury. While Gray was trying to close the distance for a good shot, he motioned me to stay on the sidelines, I obliged. Hirosha maintained a distance of roughly six feet, looking and waiting for an opportunity to attack. Psun stopped running when he realized how fast his assailant was gaining. Psun then did what he did best, took the offensive. To stop, he slid his right foot on the concrete, and pistoned his left into his solar-plexus. This briefly halted the beast, but he then laughed and took a grab for Psun’s leg, Psun pushed off with the leg he was grabbing for and did a jumping, spinning heel kick into the man’s jaw, which made his entire upper body turn with the force, then Psun did a laugh of his own and threw a full-force push-kick toward the now exposed rib. The beast quickly turned and put Psun into a bear-hug, the finishing kick missing harmlessly. This was Hirosha's opportunity. Hirosha ran the entire blade through the back of the beast's calf, completely disabling it. He dropped Psun out of sheer pain, and snatched up Hirosha’s leg by the calf on his attempted escape. The beast used Hirosha as a club and hit Psun a few times with his body, then cast Hirosha aside. Psun was completely dazed. Now it was Gray’s turn, he pointed his guns, Unos et Altera, at the man, his range still wasn’t ideal for a pistol, but he was a damned good shot "you’re done with them, it's time for me to finish you," Gray announced. "Heh . . . Fool," he laughed as he kneed the stunned but standing Psun in the stomach for good measure, causing a skin-crawling scream of dismaying pain to escape from him before he finally went down from what appeared to be shock. "BASTARD!" Gray shouted as he shot the beasts inner tricep. "Now I’ll be sure you suffer!" The nameless opponent let out a primal yell and dashed at a surprising velocity with his good leg, body arched in preparation for a strong attack. Gray, keeping his word, let loose an assault of shots in non-lethal areas. He dodge-rolled of to the side, continuously firing a barrage of sheer pain to his enemy. As luck would have it, Gray had to change clips just as the beast regained his footing from the missed dash. With the pain encompassing the creature’s body, all he could do was hold Gray by the neck, stare him in the eye with eyes of blood and tears and manage the words "Kill me . . . there’s nothing left for me after this much ADX, just . . . end it . . . " His panicked grip was slowly draining the life from Gray. His face was beginning to turn blue. Without words, he fired one between the eyes. They both fell to the ground. I surveyed the scene, it was over, I called up Tai. [Tai Mortu] {those morons are probably drunk off of their asses . . . I swear these guys can be complete losers sometimes, why're they taking so long?} I thought as I flipped through the channels. "Damned cable . . . Never anything good on, Gray is so cheap. We could have a much better package, but noooo, we had to get the standard freaking package," I said pretty much to myself, "Don’t you agree Wrench?" I asked our mechanic/security guard. "Heh . . . " He grunted. Not the very talkative type, which is good, because he can be a serious pain when he opens his mouth longer than he needs to. "Tai . . . The others . . . They’re down, I don't know if they’re dead . . . Oh god . . . I barely . . . Umm . . . Ahh," judging by the caller ID it was Lupo, but he was panicked, whatever happened was pretty heavy, Lupo never calls unless something's severely wrong. "LUPO, CALM DOWN!" I shouted over his mumbling, "don’t bother explaining what happened, just tell me what you need." "Get Wrench . . . Get Wrench to get the recovery chambers warmed up, come . . . Come here and . . . Pick us up . . . Please hurry . . . " Lupo was a wreak, but whatever was wrong was too important for me to calm him down, there'll be time for that later. "I’m on my way," I told him before I hung up, "Wrench, something’s wrong, get the chambers started!" I ordered him. "All of 'em?" he asked with a surprised look. "Lupo just called, he’s seriously panicked, we'd better be ready for anything, Hirosha was on the job too, that’s why we need all of them," "Hirosha? Don't you mean One?" He asked as he walked over to the chambers. "Does it make a diff-, I have to go!" I ran by a table and snatched up the key to our medical emergency vehicle (an old ambulance), then ran out the door, slamming it behind me. "What the hell happened? I thought they were just looking for an excuse to go out and party, I guess they did have a mission," I said to myself as I reached down to start the ambulance. Luckily it started on the first try. Since the siren was still operational, and this was in fact an emergency, I turned it on. My level of panic was too high to enjoy the speeding and driving on the wrong side of the road I'd be doing. When I got to the club district, I glanced over and saw a flipped limo with two vans, one behind and another in front. {This’s gotta be the place} I thought as I pulled around to the back of the club. I rammed my shoulder on the door to get out of the ambulance. I stumbled out and looked around "LUPO!?" I called out. "The little bastard’s inside. You're that Tai broad, right?" the club owner Heph asked me. Him calling me a "broad" kind of pissed me off until... "Yeah, yer little buddies got their asses kicked, but they got the job done, here's their eight grand, an' I better not hear any bitchin' from them about they didn't get their money," after he handed me the small bag of hundreds, I mentally forgave him. "Where are they now? Other than Lupo, I mean," I asked, looking around. "You dumb or somethin'? There's that big pile of people, dead or KO’d, you go pick 'em out," he told me as he turned to wipe a table {RUDE OLD BASTARD!... They’d better be the KO’d ones...}. I went into the club, which was seemingly untouched by whatever had happened, and looked for Lupo. I saw him talking to a couple of guys by the bar. "I need you guys to help carry some of my friends, they’re hurt, please man, I’m serious," Lupo pleaded. "Little dude is crazy, what the hell’s he doing in this bar anyway, what is he, 15?" one of the men remarked to the other. "Lupo, you’re not gonna get any help that way," I whispered to him. "Tai! The guys are out fr-" I interrupted the relieved-looking Lupo. "Heph already told me," I told him as I patted his shoulder, he was still shaking, poor guy, I turned my attention to the guys he was talking to {time to employ operation "guilty pleasure"}"hey boys, havin’ a good time? Of course you are," I said in a seductive voice, then grazed my hand slowly down one of the guys' chest, can you big, strong men help my little buddy and I out? I promise there’ll be a reward..." I said with a grin. "Yes ma'am!" one of the guys said, they turned to each other with stupid grins. {morons} I got them to load my co-workers into the ambulance. Lupo wandered off a little and opened one of the van side doors. "Crap! It's him!" Lupo exclaimed, staggering back. "Who? Is he dangerous?" I asked. "Nah, he looks unconscious, you have any sedatives on you? I want to make sure he’s completely out of it," he asked while he poked at the slumbering man in a suit. "Of course I do, catch," I tossed him a capped syringe, "you going to take that van back with us? You know that’s stealing right?" He looked around at the bodies on the ground, "I don't think anyone'll be using this anymore anyway... I'll take care of the registration and all that tomorrow," he told me while he injected the sedative. "So, now our reward; should we take you our pad, or will the shrimp be taking us to yours?" the guys brought the attention back to themselves {these pigs are completely unaffected by the fact that they’re surrounded by dead bodies, whatever, time for their reward}. I reached into my pocket and pulled out two twenty-credit bills. "Here ya go, thanks for your hard work, now go buy yourselves something nice," I went back into the ambulance. The sore losers were complaining as I drove away, I thought I heard something about being a tease, normally they'd be minced-meat for even thinking I was going to put out in the first place (although I intentionally gave that impression... but that's beside the point), but I had to take care of my boys. I took a look in the back of the van when I was at a stop light, everyone looked like they were going to make it. The best one off looked to be Hirosha, most likely because he doesn’t drink. He was conscious now, and holding his rib. He’d occasionally wince in pain, his rib may be broken. {What the hell happened? Why would it resort to Hirosha coming in for close range fighting? Hopefully this is a one-time thing...} When I arrived back at HQ, I got back out of the ambulance, went inside to get Wrench, Wrench and I both put everyone on stretchers, everyone was conscious now, probably not to their benefit, either, Gray seemed delirious, and Psun was in a fetal position, occasionally coughing up blood. Lupo hooked up Psun to first, because he appeared to be the only one experiencing any kind of fluid loss; I gave Gray a quick examination to determine the best placement of the intravenous tubing. I gave Hirosha a onceover, he asked if his floating rib had broken. "No," I told him as I gently pressed around the area, I heard a dripping noise {that sounds like blood...} I looked down to see a small puddle under where Hirosha had been lying. "however..." I mumbled as I moved my sight up to see his leg, "you seem to have a chunk of your calf missing," There was a shit-load of blood coming from his pant leg I hadn’t seen earlier, most likely because of the water-proof synthetic material he was wearing. After I had pulled the pant leg up, there was the higher part of his calf hanging by some skin and a bit of meat. "Well, would you look at that, holy shit, yeah, put me in the chamber," he told me after he had a look down. "Actually, since this is a small external wound-" {dammit, Hirosha’s going to add his two cents...} I thought as he interrupted me. "SMALL!?!? What the hell do you mean small!? Oh crap, I’m starting to feel it! AAHHH it’s horrible!!!!! This is one of the worst pains I’ve ever fe-" ah, the joy of sticking a suffering patient with a powerful sedative. {Aww, how cute, he’s sleepin’ like a baby already} I cut the pant leg up to just above his knee and put his leg into what looked like a plastic bag filled with what looked like baby oil, but it was actually filled with SAUCE (Synthetic, Accelerated, Undesignated Cellular Elastoplast), a specifically external version of the intravenous and full-body external happenings going on in the chambers. What that basically is, is a labratory-made version of stem-cells. After controversy over the whole thing, scientists managed to find a way to synthesize and duplicate the cells without the need for living donor cells. Not only that, but they worked about 1,000% faster. Lupo hacked the Pharmaecorp database (one of many times) and found out how to duplicate the procedure, it took a few months and quite an investment, but it’s paid off in our not having to pay for any medical bills since (keeping our consistant injuries within our own walls has its own benefits as well). [Wrench] {These guys got tore the hell up, they'll be better in a couple of days. I wonder if I'm getting a cut in today's mission?} I thought while I slowly slid Psun, tubes and all, into the saltwater, which keeps him suspended in the chamber (not sodium chloride, it's some non-harsh stuff), a little extra Lupo added. It supposedly speeds the process. "Wrench, help us out with Gray, he's heavy. He's already all hooked up," Tai requested. "Oh, can’t carry him yourself, huh? What happened to that equality crap you’re always talkin' about? Looks like little Tai needs a man's touch, here," I helped her out, the whole time she was glaring at me. "You are such an ass, Wrench, can't you save your womanizing crap for a more appropriate time, like NEVER!?� With that she turned the chambers on, and stormed off to her room. {Unstable bitch, what’s up with her?} "Say Lupo, what the hell happened?" I asked, nobody had told me anything yet, it was getting on my goddamned nerves. "I’d rather not... not tonight at least... Good-night," Lupo said quietly as he went to his room. "Well, shit, whatever, I’m gonna get drunk and pass out," I said to myself as I pulled out a six-pack of cheap beer. Chapter 2: "Pharmaecorp" When I woke up the next morning, I did my morning thing, took a shower, got dressed, and did security rounds of the house and perimeter. In the garage I heard some noise coming from a van that I hadn't seen before. "The hell? What were they up to last night? Now I’m really curious," I said to myself. I heard a scuffling noise and some mumbling coming from inside the vehicle. I pulled out my nightstick and opened the van door. "Heh..." I grunted nervously when I saw guy in a suit tied up in the back. "Untie me, you oaf!" the fella demanded. "Well, if you put it that way," "Lupo! Tai! Wake up!" I called out as I tied the suit guy up to a support beam. "What? What’s the matter?" Tai asked as she darted out of her room in her underwear. "Well, fer starters, one a yer nipples it pokin out for a visit," she looked down and saw I was kidding, she had a furious look on her face {geez, can't take a joke}. "That and, who the hell is this?" I pointed at the unconscious man. "Not sure, Lupo knows... I’ll go get him," she said as she walked over to Lupo's room. Lupo came out of his room looking extremely drowsy, "wha...?" he asked. "Who is this?" I pointed at the guy again {I'm getting tired of this}. "I'm not 100% sure, Hirosha took the liberty of capturing him... *Yawn* He was the head honcho behind last night’s occurrence. We need him for questioning," he explained. "Oh, alright," I confirmed, "oh yeah, we're outta cereal. Want I should go get some? I’ll need some dough, y'know?" I rhymed cleverly. Lupo put his head on his hand and sighed, probably out of jealousy of my rhyming skill, and handed me five bucks. I thanked him and walked out to my truck. [Hirosha] {sonofabitch, my calf... Oh yeah, there was a fight last night... ugh} I thought as I sat up. "Who’s up?" I asked in a volume that wouldn’t wake up anybody who was sleeping. "Pretty much everyone except for the guys in the containers, how’s your leg?" Tai answered. "Looks like must of the muscle's back, this won't scar, will it?" I asked. "It won't scar much, and the little it does is easily taken care of, so nothing to worry about," she assured me. "Why can't Wrench be more like you and Lupo? I mean, I don't have any big complaints about Gray, and Psun is at least entertaining, but..." "Yeah, we all have our problems with him, his lack of honor disgusts me. Did he do something to bother you this morning?" I asked, pretty much just making conversation. "Oh, he just did his usual, 'I'm important, look at me do my job right' bullshit, he's supposedly off getting cereal right now, the bum's probably getting more beer," She complained. "Well, at least he cleans up after himself," I encouraged, fearing a possible misunderstanding at my wording. "Hmph, more like at most, Psun usually takes care of security, and Lupo fixes things. Hephaestus should dock his pay, he’s really just a janitor," she explained. {I just realized, I haven’t eaten yet... a bagel sounds great right now... Last time I had a bagel I think I almost died, I should’ve sued that company, that was a faulty bagel, it was before the expiration date...} My mind wandered, "hey Tai, do you eat things past their expiration date?" "... If I have to... Where'd that question come from?" she asked. "Uhh... Where’d Lupo go anyway?" I changed subjects so I wouldn’t have to explain. "He’s at his table, he's making something, not sure what, though," she answered. "Good to know, good to know..." I said as I rolled over to go back to sleep. "AAAGHHH!!! OH GOD IT HURTS!!!!" I screamed. "Hirosha you idiot! Why’d you lie down on it? Well," she said as she took a closer look at the calf again "you didn't damage it, do you want to go into one of the chambers so you won’t hurt yourself again?" "Nah.. I... agh... I'll be alright, I'll just go to my bed... I don't live here, damn... I'll just lie on this table thing. Would you mind getting me a pillow and a blanket?" I know I’m being needy but I’m not asking too much." "Hirosha, are you sure you’re alright? You have those things already..." she pointed out. I looked around and sure enough, I was well prepared for a nap. "Now that's what I call service," I mumbled at I lay back down to sleep. [Lupo] {that drunkard had better not be wasting my money again...} I thought as I checked up on the status of the incubated. "Tai, how's Hirosha doing with that portable version?" I asked as I made my way over to the two, Hirosha was apparently sleeping and Tai was reading a book in a chair nearby. "Well, the fool accidentally rolled over on it," Tai started. "He was asleep, I'm assuming, because who would..." I thought aloud. Tai just coughed and had an odd look on her face as she glanced accusingly over to Hirosha. "Oh, he was awake... I see... any damage from it?" I asked. "Nothing that can be seen by the naked eye, he'll be fine," she assured me. "Good to hear, good to hear... Well, Gray will be out of there by tomorrow, he doesn’t need it, but just a precaution, Psun will be the day after that, he actually needs that time. There was no brain damage to either of them, and Psun’s broken rib is about 75% healed, but his internal organs still need some time," I reported. "So hey, Lupo, I was wondering," Tai asked with a hint of excitement. "Wh-what? Wondering what?" I got a bit panicked, not sure why, I’ve known Tai about a year now, I should be used to her, but I still get all nervous sometimes. "We’re running low on a few things, want to go to the store with me after Wrench gets back?" she asked with a big smile, she scares me sometimes. "Uh... yeah, I guess. Why do you want me to go?" I asked at an attempt to conversation, but just feared another one of many awkward moments. "It cuts way down on the pick-up attempts, remember? Less guys hit on me when you or Psun come with, Psun especially because he tries to act like he's y'know, "with" me. I don't mind the company, either," she explained. "Why doesn't Gray ever go with you? I mean, he's the boss, wouldn't he come just to keep an eye on spending at least? Not accusing you of overspending, but... eh..." I slightly panicked because I thought I’d said something wrong. "Well, for one, he trusts us to find a good deal, and not to buy useless materials (although Psun and Hirosha have been known to make some poor investments with their own money, but I'm talking company money here), and secondly, he has this cold air to him, it makes me uncomfortable," she explained. {Hey, I've actually got a conversation going with her... maybe I’m not such a loser after all} About twenty minutes later, Wrench returned with a cheap bag of cereal, and, to no surprise, a six-pack of cheap beer. Tai got up and told Wrench where we were going, he made a quick sexist remark, Tai yelled at him, then we were on our way out. [Psun] {I've had this dream before... A few times, WHY DOES IT HAUNT ME!? That night, just me protecting my sister, that crazy man... almost killed me, but I sense something about that man... What is this dream trying to tell me, if anything? It happened so long ago... nothing special... Nothing special...} I’m walking my sister home, she’s about two years younger than me, 14, a little pissy at times, but I love that kid... There’s a man staggering... I offer some help, but he just starts yelling something about being surrounded. He was displaying symptoms of war flashbacks, but... there hadn’t been a war for thirty years, this man was about 35... "Excuse me, what's wrong sir? Sis, stay back, I'll deal with this," I said. "Ammunition gone, guess I'll have to take these guys by hand..." the man mumbled to an imaginary figure next to him before he lunged at me. "What the hell?!" I exclaimed as I dodged him. "Quit wasting my time and DIE!" he yelled as he threw several potentially lethal attacks, all I either blocked or dodged. "Hey! I’m trying to help, keep this up and I'll be forced to take the offensive," I warned. "Defend?! You’re invading our territory! I'll make you suffer for your lies,' he said directly to me. With that he threw a punch that nicked my Adam’s apple, hurt like hell, but no serious damage, but... I lost control, was this what makes this event special? No... I’ve lost control before... "YOU... YOU MONSTER!!!!" he shouted as I began my assault. I threw a ruthless barrage of kicks to the body and legs, each with enough power to cause severe pain, but no permanent damage. He dropped to his knees. I would’ve stopped... but there was no control, eye for an eye.. Throat for a throat... I sprinted and threw an overly powerful elbow strike upwards into his neck. He just passed out with his eyes open... {those eyes... something about those eyes... they look so familiar} After that realization, I woke up briefly, and felt an ungodly amount of pain in my stomach, I remembered where I was and fell back asleep. [Hirosha] "Well, feeling a bit better... wonder how my calf's doing?" I said to myself as I glanced down and winced in disgust. It was coming along fine, but it wasn’t a pretty sight. "Everybody’s gone or tubing it up, well now, this is one of those time when I wish I could walk without consequence, stupid beast, who the hell uses a person as a club? That's just damned ridiculous... I’m glad Gray made him suffer a bit first..." "Oh, hey One, yer up!" Wrench announced to me {damn... that buffoon is around} I thought. "Hey brother, want a beer?" he held up a cold one. {sounds good right now...} Upon closer inspection, it was one of the cheapest beers in the whole damned city, Escapay... The demon-esque beverage designed for getting drunk on a budget. I drink for taste, unlike Wrench and Psun. Psun at least gets good stuff here and there, and why the hell is my inner-monolog about preference of alcoholic beverages so long? "Nah man, keep your cheap shit away from me," I said with a wrist-flick of disgust. "Heh, more for me," the oaf said. (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 02:22 AM) (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 02:27 AM) (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 03:23 AM) |
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Grey the Stampede Don't mess with powers you don't understand. And yes. That means donuts. Level: 82  Posts: 3269/3770 EXP: 5192909 For next: 16318 Since: 06-17-04 From: Kingston, RI, USA, Earth Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| This is very interesting. Very, very, very interesting. Clean up your grammar and edit this heavily, it kicks the crap out of a lot of independent stuff I've read. In particular, I'm a fan of the switch-perspective style. It's a simple, to the point portrayal of events from multiple perspectives, but the characters don't feel the same each time through. Kudos on plot and character. (edited by Guilty Grey X on 09-22-05 02:13 AM) |
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Zer0wned Cheep-cheep Level: 17 Posts: 147/181 EXP: 21472 For next: 3271 Since: 08-16-05 From: Hermosa Beach, CA Since last post: 30 days Last activity: 30 days |
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Well, if say... 2 more people agree with you, I'll put my girlfriend's $23K a year education to use  .Any particular character you liked? When I was more into this, people that reviewed it usually had a character that stood out to them. But anyway, I encourage more detailed feedback if you were resisting the urge before (or from anyone else, for that matter). Edit: Thanks for checkin it out, btw. Edit2: What the hell?! what's with all these question marks??? *fixes* (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 02:19 AM) (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 02:21 AM) |
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Grey the Stampede Don't mess with powers you don't understand. And yes. That means donuts. Level: 82 Posts: 3271/3770 EXP: 5192909 For next: 16318 Since: 06-17-04 From: Kingston, RI, USA, Earth Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| For obvious reasons, Gray stood out to me... But I also liked that Psun guy. I think, however, you need to develop the Lupo character more. I get the feeling he's really not much more than an innocent bystander, when the circumstances would depict otherwise... | |||
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Zer0wned Cheep-cheep Level: 17 Posts: 148/181 EXP: 21472 For next: 3271 Since: 08-16-05 From: Hermosa Beach, CA Since last post: 30 days Last activity: 30 days |
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EDIT: Eh... What the hell? Modern art? Alright, I guess, I wish someone would have let me know they moved it  ...Yeah, as I'm going through this and fixing the formatting errors, Lupo's due for an overhaul, and I think I need to make Tai's personality a little more believable (I didn't understand women too much back when I made this). I can fix the execution and wording of a few things, and make the characters a little more consistant. Well, just from re-reading this, my interest has been re-sparked, and I will most likely put a good deal of work into this while I'm waiting for the 4th to arrive (boot camp). And again when I get back. It'll be something productive Liz and I can do together XD. (edited by Zer0wned on 09-22-05 06:20 PM) |
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