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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Modern Art - My first sprite comic ever! I might make it a series. |
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Shyguy The Original Femme Fatale! Level: 57  Posts: 303/1998 EXP: 1443008 For next: 42920 Since: 02-14-05 Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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I made this a while back when. Neat-o huh? |
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Black Lord Level: 34 Posts: 227/453 EXP: 235639 For next: 18012 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nebraska, what's a Nebraska Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| I'm sorry to burst your bubble... Your comic is exactly why I hate the influx of sprite comics on the internet, really unoriginal, looks like shit, seriously looks like you spent two minutes doing it. Really, next time, put some effort into it, it my go a little further. |
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JDavis Trick or Treating Local Mod Affected by 'Halloween Syndrome' ++ Level: 44  Posts: 556/815 EXP: 568676 For next: 42609 Since: 03-15-04 From: Ada, Oklahoma, USA Since last post: 5 hours Last activity: 4 hours |
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| ... Please don't (make it a series). | |||
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Shyguy The Original Femme Fatale! Level: 57 Posts: 306/1998 EXP: 1443008 For next: 42920 Since: 02-14-05 Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| (cries) You are such constuctive with your criticism....... It's so grown-up! Yeah, but anyway, I'm not going to back down. Comics are fun to make, but I'm a little lazy, so it may take a while...... | |||
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JDavis Trick or Treating Local Mod Affected by 'Halloween Syndrome' ++ Level: 44 Posts: 557/815 EXP: 568676 For next: 42609 Since: 03-15-04 From: Ada, Oklahoma, USA Since last post: 5 hours Last activity: 4 hours |
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| Alright, alright... You did better than some first timers... for example, your ground actually looks somewhat like ground out of a game, there's... sort of scenery (a block)... And you included speach bubbles around the text and didn't make said text unreadable (though you shouldn't ever have text protruding from a bubble like it is in the first panel). On the bad side, you have irregular panels (not always a bad thing, but it's not really used greatly here), the characters are either on the horizon line or floating above it (they should be slightly below it), the text barely fits in the bubbles (when it does), you have a speech bubble that goes outside of its panel (another thing that's not always bad, but it isn't done properly here), you've saved it in JPG format (never save anything with sprites as JPG!), and you resized the bandit oddly in the last panel (always resize to even percents, such as 200%, 300%, etc., Do not resize by stretching!). Another thing I'm going to pick on, though most people aren't too bothered by it... Speech bubbles should typically point to people's mouths. Not their forehead (Sonic, panel three). Not the back of their head (Bandit, panel five). Their mouth. That is where the sound it coming from. Also, there's several things in the comic that just don't make sense. The first is Sonic being so high up in the first panel. No reason for that. Second, the view in the last two panels cuts to inside the Bandit's shop, but there's no longer a window, and the shop is suddenly much taller than it was in panel three. Finally, the dialog is where this one really loses. Not only does it not flow in a natural manner, but it's not funny either. Should be something more along the lines of... Panel OneYeah, he could have said "I'm hungry!", but people don't usually just yell what they're feeling for no reason. Well, unless they're complaining about something. But clearly, he wasn't really THAT hungry anyway if he didn't see what else the Bandit had in panel three. Speaking of which... Panel ThreeNobody eats "One Dog"... They eat one 'hot dog', one 'chili dog', one 'corn dog', etc. I dunno, maybe in New York or something where there's hot dog stands everywhere this might be commonplace, but most people don't call hot dogs/chili dogs/corn dogs/etc. by just "Dog" And typically, buisinesses don't just tell potential customers "We don't have that" and let them leave. He should at least try to offer what they DO have. Panel FiveThe punchline just plain doesn't work in its original form. By saying "Who would sell a pet here, anyway?" the Bandit is infering that Sonic would be crazy to think that there would be a pet store anywhere in the general area (Green Hills, I'm assuming). And the potential humor of the Bandit not understanding that Sonic wanted some food and not an animal is lost due to the bad wording in panel three. The reader themselves are more likely to be confused by the line about "One Dog" than someone working in a hot dog stand would be. |
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JR11 Rex Level: 35  Posts: 438/533 EXP: 278666 For next: 1270 Since: 06-07-04 From: Po-Town, ON Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| It's not awful, but I think that it would look much better if you cleaned up the background, the ground, and the speech bubbles. Maybe you could use some BGs or FGs from your favorite games. Here's just a quick little example that I made a while ago, I think that it shows the improvements that I've mentioned:  (edited by JR11 on 03-18-05 07:55 PM) |
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ETG Tektite Level: 14 Posts: 40/60 EXP: 11348 For next: 1723 Since: 03-16-04 From: Texas Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 5 hours |
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| Well...... I like the way the expressions on the bandit's face came out. | |||
Peardian Lava Lotus The Uncanny Mario Art Master KvSG #87 is up! No Trouter yet... Halloween's over... Turkey time! Level: 58  Posts: 444/1696 EXP: 1545376 For next: 32170 Since: 07-01-04 From: before 3:00 - school, after 3:00 - Pearl Island Since last post: 7 hours Last activity: 6 hours |
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| I can imagine an animal activist protesting in front of Mel's Hot Dogs for "eating cooked canines." My advice would be use .PNG instead. That and maybe squareish speech bubbles. They fit text better. Bandit's cool.  |
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Shyguy The Original Femme Fatale! Level: 57 Posts: 307/1998 EXP: 1443008 For next: 42920 Since: 02-14-05 Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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Alright. I'll do better, and consider the preceding. I'm sorry to blast you with that eye-sore.  That WAS my first time. The comics are going to be png. The reason mine were jpg. was that my old decrepit computer was the one I was using. (before we threw that sucker away) Windows XP is much better than Windows 98, no? Anyway, I'll make another comic using your suggestions.  |
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Cruel Justice XD Level: 55  Posts: 721/1384 EXP: 1253266 For next: 60923 Since: 03-20-04 From: Darkwoods Penetentiary Since last post: 11 hours Last activity: 7 hours |
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It looks like garbage... blam this pos!  I don't know why people make sprite comics anyway. If you're going to rip graphics you may as well rip the foreground as well. Anyone can spend 30 seconds to make crappy sprite comics. I could do that holding my breath. Sorry for the angry note. I just had an argument not too long ago. (edited by Cruel Justice on 03-18-05 09:48 PM) |
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Shyguy The Original Femme Fatale! Level: 57 Posts: 308/1998 EXP: 1443008 For next: 42920 Since: 02-14-05 Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| Do not type mad. That's what I've learned in tech class once........ No one wins that way.... | |||
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PumpkinPie Boo! I'll scare your dad!  Big Boo Pretend Moderator All hail the Pumpkin King! Level: 47  Posts: 88/1158 EXP: 718208 For next: 47995 Since: 12-05-04 From: Halloween Town Treats: Many Tricks: Oh yes Since last post: 2 days Last activity: 8 hours |
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| Wow, I must say...that post a few spaces up...was QUITE an over-analysis. Yeah, it's not much, probably crap compared to ther comics 'round here (I've yet to thoroughly check this place out), but it not BAAAAD. I laughed. It's...good to look at for a moment. Master M, if you do want to make a series, I would suggest cleaning it up of course, but for just a one time thing I don't think it needs to be *perfect*. |
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