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Main - Writing - What is a man? New thread | New reply


Laplace's Demon
Posted on 10-30-08 12:05 AM Link | Quote | ID: 92985


Bloober
One over s minus a :>
Level: 47

Posts: 346/440
EXP: 731780
Next: 34423

Since: 02-20-07
From: Puerto Rico

Last post: 5284 days
Last view: 5266 days
What is a man?
A sower of discord and wrath.
Bloodthirsty warrior of a lost cause,
he wages war in the name of a false god,
Leaving nothing but death behind.

What is a man?
A weaver of falsehood and spite.
He covers his face with masks
to hide the evils in his heart;
But he deceives only himself.

What is a man?
A reaper of sorrow and pain.
When the day of judgment comes
the flames shall cleanse his wicked soul,
And he will cry tears of blood.

Mankind…
A cesspit of hatred and lies!
Full of hypocrites who don’t even flinch
when they lunge at each others’ throats
Like starving lions fighting for their prey!

What is a man?
A miserable little pile of secrets!
Yet you still fight for them,
and die for their sins?

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board2 - Jul - OC ReMix

Sukasa
Posted on 10-30-08 12:21 AM Link | Quote | ID: 92991


Red Birdo
Level: 92

Posts: 1010/2112
EXP: 7696479
Next: 60458

Since: 02-19-07

Last post: 4459 days
Last view: 3231 days 		Uh, hm. Very... interesting viewpoint there. Not really sure what feedback I can give, the grammar and wordplay is solid. It's free verse, so rhyme scheme/etc don't matter, nor does syllable count. Good use of metaphor and simile, as well.

All in all, solid writing, but a sharply negative undercurrent.

Arbe
Posted on 11-01-08 12:33 AM Link | Quote | ID: 93159

go away
Level: 86

Posts: 1017/1788
EXP: 5992884
Next: 149223

Since: 02-23-07

Last post: 4981 days
Last view: 1550 days 		To be honest with you, you should probably give some backing on this. I'm not sure whether all that stuff was actually in Castlevania, or whether this is a fan song, or who it's by. Fun to read, though. MP3?

blackhole89
Posted on 11-01-08 02:21 AM Link | Quote | ID: 93168


The Guardian
Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows!
Level: 124

Posts: 2036/4196
EXP: 21552862
Next: 283739

Since: 02-19-07
From: Ithaca, NY, US

Last post: 483 days
Last view: 95 days



Judging from the section, I'd assume he came up with it on his own.


This sounds like something you'd sing with a smoky voice while accompanying yourself with a western guitar by a campfire in one of those old cowboy movies...

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CKY-9K
Posted on 11-03-08 03:25 AM Link | Quote | ID: 93338


Pokey
Level: 57

Posts: 472/693
EXP: 1431820
Next: 54108

Since: 06-27-07
From: cKy

Last post: 222 days
Last view: 130 days
I can tell you who aren't men, all those guys singing in pop punk bands like fall out boy and simple plan!

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Main - Writing - What is a man? New thread | New reply

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