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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Getting over someone |
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Randle Bronto Burt                 Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6685 days Last view: 6685 days |
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| Ever been trapped in a situation where you are struggling to get over someone? You know you should and that you have to and really you want to try yet at the same time all the obvious methods to banish them from your mind any faster strike you as being impossible or even scary?
I seem to be kind of in that situation at the moment. I have come to the grim realization that a girl for whom I have strong feelings, really wanted to be wih and who frankly fucked me over and got involved with someone else is not going to be struck down with feelings of regret or whatever and come back. Yes, she's got involved in a relationship with the same fundamental problems as the one she was in before me but regardless as to whether I can see it, she can't or won't. I've even made that bitter realization that she basically used me as an emotional crutch as she contemplated the end of one long-term relationship, casting me aside as soon as the worse was over, lying to me about her status with her ex after that and then telling me later when she was with someone else apparently oblivious to the possibility that I'd be hurt. So here I am. I fluctuate between missing her and hating her. I convince myself of how vile she is because she used me knowing I was vulnerable and how she's hugely hypocritical (she ended a friendship with someone in the past because they used someone she knew as an emotional crutch getting out of a longterm relationship...just doesn't apply the same standards to herself it seems). I tell myself I'd never want to be with her again anyway because I could never trust her etc etc...all the above. And yet I still can't stop thinking about her, day in day out. I want to move on and get involved with other people, there even are a few girls I like and who might possibly like me but as long as I'm still hung up over her, missing her, hating her, wanting her back, wanting her to spontaeously combust etc etc, there's always the risk that I'll simply be using anyone in the same way she used me. Knowing even more what that can feel like now, I would hate to be someone that is guilty of it. The obvious thing is to wait and letthe feelings subside gradually but I fear time is not on my side (I'm in my final year at college, soon to leave the campus environment  )
Problems, problems. So this isn't just me whinging like a git, anyone else have stories of getting over those important people? Good methods and bad methods? |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE      Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6293 days |
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| I can't say that I've ever been in that situation, lucky me. It's a tough spot to be in.
My advice would be to hold off on getting into relationships for a little while, because you're right in thinking that you'll be using them as a way to try and make yourself forget her. And that's like putting them into the same spot you were in.... it's just not something you want. You'll come to learn that there are better girls out there. Ones that will appreciate you and not use you for personal means. One that will be loyal and much more caring. And when you see that, you won't keep wanting to go back to the girl that doens't know the first thing about meaningful relationships. You just need some time to let go. I would say closure, but that is the most hackneyed word ever. Good luck and such. |
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Uncle Elmo Porcupo Loved up and ready to go :) Since: 11-24-05 Last post: 6310 days Last view: 6350 days |
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| Have I been in that situation? Yep, and I'm about to give you the same advice that many others gave me in the same situation. This may seem uncharacteristically callous of me, but trust me, it's for your own good.
Forget her. If the friendship is in tatters, then there's nothing to salvage, nothing to see. By sitting here weeping you're achieving nothing but drowning in your own self pity, which to be honest has never helped anyone. Time isn't on your side? What on earth is THAT supposed to mean? Is your social life over when you leave college? I don't bloody well THINK so. If you're THAT pessimistic, then do yourself a favour and book into a monistary or something. The only reason to be sad is when you're in mourning, and you only mourn when you've actually LOST something, and by the sounds of it, you've lost absolutely nothing, so basically... Shape up, ship out, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know I do it a lot but it's never helped me either. |
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netscape Grizzo Since: 12-30-05 Last post: 6324 days Last view: 6319 days |
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Delete every file, burn every pic of her, except one which you should put in the bottom of a public urinal. Trust me you'll enjoy that. Get rid of every reminder, and stay busy. Edit: Oh and one more thing. Remember she's a bitch, and be done with her but at some let the hate go or it will leave a black spot on your soul. (edited by netscape on 01-24-06 02:35 AM) |
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Mister Lover Red Tektite  Since: 12-26-05 From: Wisconsin Last post: 6306 days Last view: 6294 days |
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| my advice is get rid of all the stuff that reminds u of her, a get a new girl quick.
It worked for me. |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon  Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6314 days Last view: 6300 days |
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| Um, what can I say that's not been cliched to death?
It's easy to hate someone who screwed you over. It's very easy to hate someone who hurt you. Keep in mind that they do have their own problems to. By breaking up with someone... you aren't losing anything at all. You'll always have the memories. And, who needs a title? If you continue to be friends.. not all is lost. You'll always in some way be with her at least as a friend. Yes, she screwed you over. Never give your heart to her again.. that is the biggest mistake you could possibly make in this situation. Friends, yes. Lovers, never again. Not if she hurt you this horribly.. there aren't enough pieces to glue back together and salvage a half-normal relationship out of. There will always be the scars and the hurt built up between you guys funking up any relationship you could ever hope to have. So get those thoughts out of your head right now... it's terribly self-destructive. |
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Tzepish UFO Since: 11-21-05 From: Redmond, WA Last post: 6350 days Last view: 6350 days |
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| I don't find that "getting a new girl quick" is such a helpful way to get over someone. Give it time and eventually you'll realize the horrible about this girl outweighs the great, and you'll feel pretty good. | |||
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Ziff B2BB BACKTOBASICSBITCHES Since: 11-18-05 From: A room Last post: 6294 days Last view: 6293 days |
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| I just find occupying your time as you did before the relationship helps.
Then again I may be over my girlfriend, but I'm still angry at women. |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji  Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6339 days Last view: 6339 days |
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| Whoa, boy, do I know where you've been.
One of my best friends TOTALLY screwed me over. Bad. So bad that our friendship was in tatters. I tried to salvage what their was, but she didn't seem to care. And, so, eventually, I had to stop caring. I know people told me this when I was in that situation, but it's so true. You have to just let it go. You may hate her, but don't let that hate get to you. It might seem like you can't scrape the blackness from your burnt toast of a soul, but if you can concentrate on other things, it'll go away. Part of me still hates the girl who screwed me over, but it really doesn't bother me at all. I hardly think about it. Time itself doesn't cure all wounds, but if you can force yourself to get into other things and decide what's really important, it might help. A good rule of thumb: if you love her good side more than you hate her bad side, there's still something worth salvaging. That's a good rule for friendships, too. But if there's more hate than love, what are you expecting to get in the end? |
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