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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Confusing Relationship Problems. May be headache inducing |
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richyawyingtmv Bouncy                  Since: 11-18-05 From: England Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6294 days |
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| Ok...well. Since about september, for about a month, me and this girl called Danni had been getting closer and closer. Met up quite a few times, and got pretty close. But she never wanted to get as close as being together and always held back when we were thinking about it, saying she was unsure about her emotions. Eventually we met up at a local venue in the town a month or so later, and she then told me she didnt want to carry on, or go any further with the relationship, which upset me, seeing how much I liked her. So we stopped seeing eachother, and eventually stopped talking altogether.
About a week later, I met this girl called April. We got on well, and had sex the first night we ever met. By the next day we were going out, and everything seemed fine, even though I still wasnt over Danni yet. Then, as soon as anything, Danni started talking to me again. And for some reason, she seemed keen as hell to be close with me, and to be with me. Only it was impossible, because i was with April. But she kept trying. Eventually we started meeting again, while I was still together with april. And the first time me and Danni met up after I started seeing april, we started kissing. i didnt know what the fuck I was doing but hey. For some reason Danni was interested in me, which she wasnt before, and I was cheating on April which felt awful. And this kinda messed me up. What was I doing? Danni kept asking me to lose april, to break up with her. Which I seriously considered seeing as how my relationship with her was going at the time. In no time at all, me and april had broken up. Nothing was working out, and she knew I liked someone else. (and she was seeing someone else too, which pissed me off. but its equal). Now, as soon as I broke up with april, just like Danni wanted...she lost all interest in me again. Back to exactly like she was when I was single. Telling me not to meet up, not to get close, that the relationship should not happen or go any further. So. Me and danni stopped talking. AGAIN. And soon enough, I found someone else, my current girlfriend. And guess what? Danni's being exactly the same as she was when I was with april. Ok thats a lot that i've writted there, but yeah. I need some advice. I dont have a clue how danni feels, or what shes thinking, and whenever I try to find out or ask her, she refuses to say. Nothing I can try will make her tell me how shes feeling/why shes doing this, and I dont know how to make it stop. So yeah. If anyone has any help than that will be appreciated. (edited by richyawyingtmv on 01-01-06 07:12 PM) |
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Black Lord + Flurry  Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| Seems like she likes the chase... or when she can't have you, she wants you, but as soon as she can have you she doesn't want you.
Don't have any suggestions on what you should do, maybe you should just talk to her and tell you how you feel about everything. And if she wants to continue being childish, let her, there's more women then men in the world, meaning she's gonna be the one having trouble finding a new loved one. |
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Shadic The Adventure of Link Perfect Member  Since: 11-18-05 From: Olympia, Washington Last post: 6301 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| I say, just don't fucking bother with Danni. She's either just out to "get you," for the fun of it, or she just wants to screw with all your relationships. You could tell her, you could not, but I honestly don't think it matters either way.
Judging from this, she doesn't deserve to know how you feel, and next time she tries to come onto you, tell her that you "aren't sure about your emotions." |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon  Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6315 days Last view: 6300 days |
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| It could be one or two things.
1. She wants what she can't have. 2. Bad timing. I've had bad timing with guys before... I guess I've been the Danni.. (sorry). I never meant to go out there and mess up relationships, I was genuinely confused. Bad communication also plays into this, if you make her feel like a heartbreaker... she's going to be a heartbreaker. Yes, that's strange to say.. but if you give her the upper hand on your relationship, she'll use it. My advice is to try and find someone who's on the same page as you. That's the whole point of a relationship, it's what everyone's looking for.. and it's tough to find. It seemed like you and April clicked really well.. that's kind of rare. You hurt her, but maybe something could work out? I don't know that situation too well.. but don't be April's Danni... if you really do want her and aren't going to hurt her again.. go for it? I dunno, maybe that's just what happened with Danni. Like, she thought she wanted you.. and then felt she didn't. That's kind of what you did to April. It happens dude. Danni doesn't have to be evil, although it's easier to believe that. (I've believed that with guys.. even if they weren't really evil) |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6685 days Last view: 6685 days |
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| I'd say it looks like she is the kind of insecure person that doesn't really want you but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to have you either. It's as if she enjoys the feeling of you really wanting to be with her (sometimes it can be difficult not to start having feelings toward someone who has feelings for you) but she is unsure if that enjoyment is actually feelings for you or just enjoying being liked. That could explain why she is so hesitant to get involved with you as she may feel it is wrong to get involved in a relationship with uncertain foundations. The fact that she wants you when you are involved in someone else could then simply be the jealous pang she feels when your affections are focused elsewhere. She may then mistake that pang for genuine affection and a desire for you and so she tries to get you back...only to realise afterwards that she is possibly wrong again.
Now if that were the case then her doing it once is bad but kinda forgivable but doing it twice (i.e. trying to split you up a second time) is IMO a shitty thing to do...still she may be confused. There are possible other explanations and other ways to see her. You could view her sympathetically or you might not. For instance you could look at her as someone that just wants to keep you around as an ego boosting toy; getting a buzz from your ardour and a kick from having the power of splitting you up. Alternatively you could look at her as someone that is genuinely confused about whether she wants you but is terrified of risking losing you just in case you are the one for her...so she tries to keep you around How to deal with it is tricky. I would suggest you do something that lets you work out just why she is doing this over and over because if you let it go on without addressing it, you're just going to keep getting hurt. As she's now trying to get you to be with her again, you could use the opportunity to nail her on it. For instance you could insist that you want to know how she feels about you and point out that you've ended a relationship to be with her only to get fucked around by her when you did and you don't want to end up in that position again. She may continue to be evasive when you do that in which case I'd suggest steering well clear. If she really values you then the threat of losing you for good might make her be a little clearer (even if it isn't much). Whether you choose to believe her is up to you however because if she is completely heartless and merely wants to string you along for her own needs then she might say anything. Still if she just wanted you for an ego boost then I would imagine she wouldn't allow herself to plead or trick you with fake professions of love. Whatever you do, I'd recommend extreme caution and let her know you are being cautious. |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6294 days |
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| Aren't you the guy that said you date someone new, practically for fun, all the time in the "how many boy/girlfriends..." thread?
That being said... if you actually want to stick with Danni, then stop dating other girls. How do you think she'll feel if you act like you care about her, and then start dating someone else at the same time? |
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richyawyingtmv Bouncy Since: 11-18-05 From: England Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6294 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle Well, I didn't say that I date people new all the time for fun. I just kinda hate being alone/I usually feel kinda insecure. So after one relationship, I usually try to move on to another to avoid feeling lonely/etc  It sounds lame, and I really shouldnt be like that. But hey.
Oh and everything is relatively sorted now. Me and Danni have decided its best not to talk to eachother for a bit, as we both need to concentrate on other people. Me and April have stopped talking completely, after she told me about a pretty fucking huge lie she said to me. The last time we arranged to meet, she couldnt make it because a family member was 'terminally ill' in hospital, and she had to visit them. Turns out that was a lie. She fucking went to a gig to see the doves with her mates. That has pissed me off so much. No one in her family were even ill. But still. Me and my current girlfriend are totally fine now...so everything is ok. Which is good. (edited by richyawyingtmv on 01-04-06 12:32 PM) |
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witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6404 days Last view: 6404 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle If you want this Danni to have any interest in you, I'd suggest the opposite of Danielle's advice. But I really suggest just getting over Danni alltogether. It sounds like you made the right call. Most women want stuff they can't have, and most women think that a guy who has other women is more attractive than the same guy who doesn't have any other women attracted to him. Some women are mature and will understand and control these drives. Other women, like Danni, either aren't mature enough to have control over those drives or just choose to ignore societal norms and willingly give into those drives. It sounds like Danni falls under that second category; She's either too physically or mentally young to recognize what she's doing to you, or she doesn't care about you any more than wanting you. To quote that computer thing from Wargames, the only winning move is not to play. |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji  Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6340 days Last view: 6340 days |
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| 'Kay...
Are you in high school? This really sounds high-school-ish, because in high school, people are immature. All that stuff above about girls wanting stuff they can't have, etc? From all I've learned, it's really not that true--it's just a trait some girls have. In college, people are so much more mature than high school. I don't quite get why, but I swear, you will piss yourself after your first semester of college when you realize just how mature people are...or...maybe I'm just really lucky and have a good college...Hard to say. If you care about this Danni girl at all, DO NOT start dating other girls. Danielle is right. If you date other girls, she's gonna think you have no interest in her. And if you need to date other girls in order for her to be more attracted to you...I dunno, doesn't that sound a bit, ya know, odd? Materialistic? If she really liked you, she'd like you whether you were dating a girl or not, and if she really and truly cared about you and wanted you to be happy, she wouldn't intrude on your relationships, either, unless she felt that you were being hurt in said relationship. And...well, frankly, your entire approach, honestly, just strikes me as a bit lacking in thought. I'm trying to be rude, it's just...I used to have a best friend, and she did the stuff you seem to do with your relationships--bounding from one to the next, being caught inbetween multiple ones at the same time, etc... And then there's this line that really disturbs me: "We got on well, and had sex the first night we ever met." You got on well, but you needed to have sex on the first night? Um...I dunno, maybe I'm the only one here, but doesn't that seem a but pretentious and overly-physical to you? Red flag to me. It would seem your hormones were the things getting on, not your personalities. But, hey, that's just the impression I get. I can tell you right now, that most relationships that start fast and physical don't work out. Sometimes, once in a while, they do, but not most of the time. Early sex can really screw up relationships. If you screw a girl the first time you meet, guess what she'll be thinking when you're away? "I wonder if he's just going to screw a girl like he did to me?" Aftter all, it doesn't seem too unlikely when it's what you do the first day you meet, now, is it? From what I understand, sex isn't the same thing to girls and it is to guys. For guys, it's usually more physical, but for girls, it's often more emotional, so that can really mes stuff up. But, basically, my advice is that you should start taking things slower and think a bit before jumping the gun. I'd say, honestly, don't date anyone unless you can firmly commit yourself to that one girl. I guarantee you, when you can completely commit yourself to ONE girl and be unshaken, that's a good sign that you're ready to enter a meaningful relationship. I don't see the point in 'dating' a random stranger to make yourself feel less lonely. I'd feel MORE lonely if I was jumping from girl to girl, myself. Anyway, good luck, at any rate. |
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