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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Job Application.... |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.  Level: 73  Posts: 986/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Aiiiieeeeieieie.... I have to write a Job Application for a government job. I'm very unsure/nervous about this, because writing, particularly formal writing, is not my strong point. Government Job Applications are a little different to normal ones. They send out what's called a "Job and Person Specification" and you have to write a response to the Job and Person Specification. Funny, it sounds easier when I write it out like this than it is actually **DOING** the stupid response. The response has to write to very specific criteria and bacially... has to be extremely well written bullshit about how utterly fabulous I am. I'm not good at bullshitting about how fabulous I am (hell, I'm not much of a bullshit artist in general), so this is particularly hard. (Although I wonder -- is ANYBODY good at writing BS about themselves?) I have till the 7th of January to complete this highly polished piece of bullshit! I'm freaking out!! Anyways, I was wondering, is anybody out here good at writing stuff, and would anybody be willing to help proofread and stuff? If I do this right, I'll get permanancy at my job. Permanancy is GOOD -- it means I get to stop worrying where my next meal is coming from! Course, this is also the reason I'm freaking out so much. If I don't do it well, I WON'T get permanancy... and I'll lose this job that (despite the stupid users) I love so much!! *freakoutfreakoutfreakout* Anybody willing to lend me a hand? |
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Karadur Fire Snake  Level: 48  Posts: 355/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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I'll help proofread it if you want. If you were asking for help writing the thing, that'd be a bit different  You've made it sound like something you need to do as well as possible on, and I wouldn't want to take the risk of making you put in something dumb  At any rate, I'd be glad to help you proofread for spelling mistakes and such  |
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Colleen Administrator Level: 136 Posts: 5668/11302 EXP: 29369328 For next: 727587 Since: 03-15-04 From: LaSalle, Quebec, Canada Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| I could look it over when you're done if you want... I don't want to brag, of course, but when needed I can BS extremely well.  |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 990/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| My first "response" bit. The "question" (or thing I have to write to) is: Possess excellent customer service skills with the ability to deal with clients and deliver quality services under pressure. I have thus far written: To provide the best possible customer service, I ensure that my knowledge is kept up to date. I discuss with other IT professionals the latest systems and practices in industry, and I research current information through various media. I make sure to stay informed of current security issues, including recent virus alerts. When assisting clients, I am attentive and friendly at all times, and I assist clients in a calm and patient manner. This can sometimes be a challenge when clients are stressed and demanding, however I always approach these situations calmly. Each call at the DECS Customer Support Centre is timed, which puts additional pressure on me to resolve problems within the time limit of 10 minutes. This requires me to know which questions to ask the client in order to be able to solve the problem quickly. Oh, and I've worked out what these job applications are -- they're the department's way of breaking your spirit.... |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 357/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| I didn't notice anything there spelling-wise, but there were two other things that caught my eye. First one: "I discuss with other IT professionals the latest systems and practices in industry," If I was writing this, I'd put "I discuss the latest systems and practices in industry with other IT professionals". It depends on what you think sounds better though  The other thing I noticed was this: "Each call at the DECS Customer Support Centre is timed..." They know what DECS is, right? I personally don't, but I think the first time you have an acronym in a formal thing like this, you're supposed to put the acronym, and then the full name in brackets Aside from that, it sounds good to me so far |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 991/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Originally posted by Karadur Yeah, they know what DECS is -- at least I HOPE they know what DECS is -- they are DECS!! (and DECS = Department of Education and Children's Services). So, in this case, I don't think I have to worry about that particular acronym. As for your first suggestion, yeah, duly noted and changed. I are teh sooo not good at this writing stuff, and the more I obsess over it, the sloppier my writing gets (which is why I'm asking you guys for help) Appreciate your help muchly! |
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Colleen Administrator Level: 136 Posts: 5679/11302 EXP: 29369328 For next: 727587 Since: 03-15-04 From: LaSalle, Quebec, Canada Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 1 hour |
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| When assisting clients, I am attentive and friendly at all times, and I assist clients in a calm and patient manner. Hm... a) I am attentive and friendly at all times when assisting clients, and do so in a calm and patient matter. b) When assisting clients, I am attentive and friendly at all times, carrying out my duties in a calm and patient matter. Your call. Having "assist" in there twice is grasping for straws a bit. |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 997/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Damn, you people are good at this!! I'm too busy obsessing about what I'm trying to say.... Again, another good call. I like the first one. *edits Job App* I have till the 7th January to get this all done... I've been freaking since I found the job was advertised on the 17th...  (In fact, I freaked so much I spent all weekend procrastinating and I played Kingdom Hearts and read Memoirs of a Geisha instead....) |
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HighSorceressDelial Buzzy Beetle DDR FREAK Slayer of Beasts Savior of Worlds Eater of Napkins Level: 31  Posts: 328/380 EXP: 181041 For next: 4322 Since: 03-15-04 From: Shimmering Waters Of Avden Since last post: 9 days Last activity: 2 days |
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| Before you submit the final application, I want you to send me the whole thing and I'd be more than happy to look it over for you. (I've kinda been editing a story for the past six months straight, so I know what to look for). I'll check for content as well as sentence structure, grammar, and spelling. To provide the best possible customer service, I ensure that my knowledge is kept up to date. I discuss the latest systems and practices in the industry with other IT professionals, and I research current information through various media. This one is debatable, but it sounds wrong without the word "the" in there. You also might want to give an example of the various media you use like: ". . . through various media such as . . . " and then list them. I make sure to stay informed of current security issues, including recent virus alerts. I am attentive and friendly at all times when assisting clients, and I do so in a calm and patient manner. If you copied and pasted it from Colleen's post, make sure you add the word "I". You *have* to, because otherwise it's just not grammatically correct. Also, Colleen miss typed manner and said matter instead, just make sure you don't make the same mistake. (I know you didn't in your original, but double check it now that you re-wrote it. This can sometimes be a challenge when clients are frustrated and demanding; however, I always approach these situations calmly. Using the word "stressed" just seemed very unprofessional to me, a suggested replacement is "frustrated", but it's completely optional and you could either leave it how you have it, or think of another word entirely. You *have* to change the punctuation around the word "however" though. Put a semi-colon right after the word "demanding", and then a comma right after "however". Each call at the DECS Customer Support Center is timed, which puts additional pressure on me to resolve problems within the time limit of 10 minutes. Is it called Center or Centre? Some places can be weird like that, I just wasn't sure if it was a spelling/type-o error, or if that's the actual name or not. You also may want to think of a way to re-write that sentence so you don't have to use the word time twice. This requires me to know which questions to ask the client in order to be able to solve the problem quickly. What this sentence is saying is that you're required to know which questions to ask, but it doesn't necessarily say that you actually know which questions to ask. Try re-wording it so it says what you mean. ~Delial |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1011/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Every time I get a response here, I'm blown away by how good at this you guys are. (And thanks again so much for all your help!!) Here is that section at the moment, after a few edits. To provide the best possible customer service, I ensure that my knowledge is kept up to date. I discuss the latest systems and practices in industry with other IT professionals, and I research current information through various media. I stay informed of current security issues, including recent virus alerts. I am attentive and friendly at all times when assisting clients, and I do so in a calm and patient manner. This can sometimes be a challenge when clients are frustrated and demanding; however, I always approach these situations calmly. Each call at the DECS Customer Support Centre is timed, which puts additional pressure on me to resolve problems within the time limit of 10 minutes. This requires me to know which questions to ask the client in order to be able to solve the problem quickly. I'm trying to think how to fix that last sentence, and the time thing got me too, but I'm not sure how to rephrase it. As for "Centre" vs "Center" -- I think "Centre" is the British / Australian spelling of the word. It is how the documents and stuff around here are all spelled too. Another section I've written a bit for is this bit: Proven ability to communicate at a high level (orally and written) To which I have responded with: In my role at the DECS Customer Support Centre, I am required to have a high level of communication skills. These skills are required to liaise effectively with clients, other analysts, and with external organisations such as EDS and IBM. As the clients that call have varying levels of ability, it is important to tailor responses and solutions to the level of expertise of the client. This may mean that I need to explain computer terminology to some clients, where in other cases, this is not necessary. Also at the Customer Support Centre, I have been involved in writing |
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 389/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| "This may mean that I need to explain computer terminology to some clients, where in other cases, this is not necessary." The two instances of 'this' are what I noticed. Some replacements you could have: 1) In some instances, I may need to explain computer terminology to a client, while in other cases, this is not necessary. 2) In some cases, I may need to explain computer terminology to a client, while in others, this is not necessary. "Sometimes this also means that I use pictures (screenshots) when words alone will not effectively communicate the information necessary." To me, having necessary at the end just doesn't sound right You could replace it with either of these::: That is required :: That is needed Then you could also take a look at thesaurus.com, search for necessary, and pick the word you like most out of the results that come up Now, on the thing in the last sentence of your first main point. I can only think of two sentences you could use right now, which are these: "This requires me to have questions ready for the client in order to be able to solve the problem quickly." "This requires me to quickly prepare questions for the client in order to be able to solve the problem promptly." Once again, no spelling mistakes that I could find. It's sounding good so far though (edited by Karadur on 12-21-04 10:34 PM) (edited by Karadur on 12-21-04 11:52 PM) |
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HighSorceressDelial Buzzy Beetle DDR FREAK Slayer of Beasts Savior of Worlds Eater of Napkins Level: 31 Posts: 332/380 EXP: 181041 For next: 4322 Since: 03-15-04 From: Shimmering Waters Of Avden Since last post: 9 days Last activity: 2 days |
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| Each call at the DECS Customer Support Centre is timed, which puts additional pressure on me to resolve problems quickly. I know which questions to ask the client in order to solve the problem within the time limit of ten minutes. I just re-mixed this two sentences to get rid of using time twice in the same sentence and making it so you (edited by HighSorceressDelial on 12-23-04 09:22 PM) |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1046/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Time is running out, I am starting to freak out, wheeee.. I redesigned my blog in an effort to procrastinate, and I installed MT-Blacklist too  I've tried to write some more, here's another bit I'm stuck on. I had to do some research on EEO to try to make this sound good.... A sound working knowledge of policies relating to Occupational Health, Safety and Welfare, EEO and personnel management standards as they relate to the scope of the position.
And now I'm going to go back to freaking out and trying to write some more. *freakoutfreakoutfreakout* EDIT: and some more: Excellent understanding of help desk practices, techniques and competency in providing help desk related activities in an IT environment
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 721/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| That's bogus that you have to do this Tarale to keep the job. It's insane and I've never heard of this kind of thing before. Also, I wouldn't be much help with this seeing as I'm not good with grammer and/or spelling. | |||
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Karadur Fire Snake Level: 48 Posts: 457/1192 EXP: 786444 For next: 37099 Since: 11-02-04 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 15 hours |
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| Take it easy. Freaking out isn't going to do anything but make you more worried that you're not doing good enough. As long as you try your hardest and best, you shouldn't be constantly worried that it's not good enough It stands to reason that you're not the only one that's worried either. Just think about the other people that want the same position. They're probably pulling their hair out as well As for what you wrote, let's see (what you wrote is bolded, for easier reading) "Equal Opportunity benefits the workplace as staff feel valued and contribute to the best of their ability." I think there should be a comma between workplace and as, so it would read "Equal Opportunity benefits the workplace, as staff feel valued..." "I am familiar with the software (infraEnterprise)..." I've never used that program, but shouldn't the 'i' in infra be capitalized? That may not be the case, because I have seen program names where the first letter of the word was lowercase Also, the fact that you have a word in brackets in that sentence, to me, doesn't look very good. Maybe something like this?:"I am familiar with infraEnterprise, the software used by the DECS Customer Support Centre to record, track..." Another thing that I noticed, is that the last two paragraphs of the second 'part' have quite a few instances of the word 'familiar'  You might need to word some parts differently, but if you're able to cut the number back to 1 or 2, that'd look a lot better.Originally posted by Tarale If you worry about this, and think that you're going to do bad, you most likely will. There's no guarantee to this, however, like the first thing I said, if you give your best effort, and have and think positively on how things will go, there's a good chance they will go how you want. (edited by Karadur on 12-28-04 03:34 PM) (edited by Karadur on 12-28-04 04:32 PM) |
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Tarale I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get. Level: 73 Posts: 1050/2720 EXP: 3458036 For next: 27832 Since: 03-18-04 From: Adelaide, Australia Since last post: 4 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Yeah, the capitalisation of infraEnterprise is weird, but I know that it's meant to be that way... I stare at the bloody program all day every day. If you think that's fucked up, you should see my big fat list of supported software, and all the spellings there!! "Dtex SystemSkan Enterprise Edition" |
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