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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - So confused... |
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drjayphd Beamos What's that spell? pimp! Level: 56  Posts: 1457/1477 EXP: 1387410 For next: 10766 Since: 03-15-04 From: CT Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Okay, make sense of this. I've been with my girlfriend for, as of today (10/26), three years. I know how I feel about her, and how she feels. She's thinking engagement, I'm not (because I'm just not ready, and have other priorities). It will not be a fun conversation when that time comes, but I'm not ready for THAT either. If it came down to, say, an ultimatum or just oppressive pressure, maybe, but I won't initiate talks. Well, for quite some time, I've been talking to this other girl. She's about an hour away, and I think I have a bit of a crush on her. Here's the kicker: She's not my type, and even if I were single, I wouldn't date her. Sort of a platonic crush. Mang, what do I do here? I've floated the idea of meeting up, and it seems she'd be open to it if she wasn't working all the time. (It should be noted I work late... I almost never show up at the newsroom before 1:30 PM. Hey, stuff doesn't start until 3:30.) I honestly have no idea how she feels, but I'd suspect it's the same. Here's why. I've never gotten any hints she liked ANYONE besides maybe a couple of basketball players while she was at college (she went for athletic training and worked with their basketball teams, among other teams and training experience). She's into guys, I know this, but I'm not sure if she's not looking, has really high standards, doesn't think anyone could be attracted to her... not a clue. So consequently, since I don't know her all THAT well, maybe she would be my type and I just don't know it. Why is it the one thing I know will throw me into chaos, but I'm already kind of there?  |
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Shane -26- Ninji Level: 17  Posts: 186/239 EXP: 21382 For next: 3361 Since: 09-30-05 From: The Sunny SouthEast of Éire Since last post: 8 hours Last activity: 7 hours |
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| If you like this other girl then get to know her VERY well. Carefully decide if you want to go out with her instead of your present girlfriend. If you are that sure that she is not your type then don't go out with her, It won't work out, TRUST ME. Don't worry about getting into an awkward conversation about engagment with your girlfriend, if you feel the conversation is going to turn in that direction just change the subject. I hope that advice helps you. | |||
Crim~ Blue Octorok Level: 10  Posts: 46/46 EXP: 4146 For next: 268 Since: 05-09-05 From: The Wild Wild West, Los Angeles Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 2 days |
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Originally posted by drjayphdSo tell your girlfriend you're not ready engagement and you have other priorities when the conversation arises. If you wouldn't date her, what the hell is the problem? Puppy love is cute and all, but why even worry about it? (edited by Crim~ on 10-26-05 12:48 PM) (edited by Crim~ on 10-26-05 12:50 PM) |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 1642/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| My that sounds oddly familiar seeing as one of my online friends is engaged and she's having crushes on other guys. But she's still with her fiance though. See the thing is you could get engaged and wait another year or two to get married to get your priorities taken care of. |
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Danielle Local Moderator  Level: 76  Posts: 3152/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| Maybe you just like her because you can't have her? Sort of like a way you can tease yourself, even though it's not what you want. Are you happy with your girlfriend?.. Maybe you should talk to her. Secrets aren't good. | |||
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drjayphd Beamos What's that spell? pimp! Level: 56 Posts: 1461/1477 EXP: 1387410 For next: 10766 Since: 03-15-04 From: CT Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| Danielle: Maybe that's it. I mean, it would be easier if I wanted the other girl (who we shall refer to as E). Then I could just say to myself "yes, you have feelings for E, but you are with D (girlfriend) and you are not dumping her just to be with anyone else." I'm happy with D right now, and I think she knows of the platonic crush (and doesn't mind it because I don't want to date E). DV: I don't want to be engaged to anyone, though. I won't be until I date around more, but I'm not in the mindset to break up with D. She knows I'm not ready, and passes off any engagement talk as "well, my family (grandparents and such, not her parents, really) keeps pressuring me, so I'm letting you see how it feels." Which is a really shitty excuse, although her family DOES pressure her and her sisters/cousins (even the cousin that's just a senior in high school!). I think the problem here is that I don't WANT to date E, it's just a really intense "I think I'd like to be friends with her". If it was the former, like I said, this would be easy because I could deny those feelings (I've cheated on SO's before, but not D, and I promised myself heading into the relationship I wouldn't). |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76  Posts: 2933/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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So you really like D but you still want to date around? What are you going to do about wanting to date around? Let D know or wait until something happends?  Just be friends with E to see what kind of person she is and if she's your type. You don't want to date her now because you don't exactly know what she's like. If the engagement talk ever comes up, tell her that you want to get other things finished up and what not first. |
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Danielle Local Moderator Level: 76 Posts: 3205/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| I don't understand why this is bothering you if you know you would never date E, even if you could. You'd be risking your current relationship if you looked further into this. Try talking to your girlfriend, maybe she'll have an answer for you. |
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drjayphd Beamos What's that spell? pimp! Level: 56 Posts: 1467/1477 EXP: 1387410 For next: 10766 Since: 03-15-04 From: CT Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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After some reflection and half a pumpkin ale, I can't keep going on the way I am. It's totally turning into what Danielle said earlier, a tease because I can't have her. I dunno how friendship would work just because we're e-pals at this point ( ) and she's working all the damn time.Bella: I haven't exactly dated around since D dumped me briefly a year and a half ago (and even that was just my ex while D and I weren't together... D and I reunited later, as the dumping was meant as motivation to look for a job). The engagement talk has come up; the thing is she thinks she should be involved in whatever solution my problems need. Have to move out? Hey, move in with her grandparents or, more to her liking, propose and shack up. (Not everything involves engagement, thankfully.) This would be easier if we hadn't been together so long. |
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Danielle Local Moderator Level: 76 Posts: 3234/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| So.. what are you going to do? | |||
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drjayphd Beamos What's that spell? pimp! Level: 56 Posts: 1474/1477 EXP: 1387410 For next: 10766 Since: 03-15-04 From: CT Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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Originally posted by Yoshi Danielle Nothing I really can do. Can't make her get a full-time job or anything. I'm just going to worry about getting to know her before anything big happens. As for D, no need to know about something that didn't happen. I'll worry about the bigger things when they come. |
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