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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - Obsessed...? |
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Jovis Octorok Level: 8  Posts: 13/34 EXP: 1587 For next: 600 Since: 08-30-05 From: North Country, New York Since last post: 56 days Last activity: 22 days |
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| I never really like going to forums for help on matters wrong with my life, as I tend to trust my livejournal friends more... unfortunely, I can not do that for the reasons that will be unfolded in this post. Please forgive me if it's too rambly but I am a little shaken up right now. I'm an okay girl - get told I am cute a lot, like a lot of nerdy things like card games, roleplaying, video games, designing webpages - etc, etc. This makes the genre of pathetic men that are 30 years old and living with mommy of course love me. A bad quality of mine is that I am too nice to people I care about - and this includes friends of mine and people I have just met unless I have a reason beforehand to not like them. So a lot of these guys tend to take this niceness of mine as a "omg she loves me!!!" sort of thing and can cause a lot of problems. Now, I introduce the guy. 20 year old guy, met him on Livejournal. Well, sort of on LJ. See, I use to live in Florida and had a good friend there named Erin. This guy is Erin's best friend and she introduced him to my Livejournal a few months ago. He use to live in the Florida area and went to the local anime conventions - of course, not going to the one where he could have met me. Says he regrets it. Either way, she introduces him to me and I guess this is where the fondness of me comes from. He claims to have liked me before he even spoke with me - just by reading my online journal. We speak a little on AIM and I mention coming to visit Florida. You see, a mutual friend of our's was wanting to have a graduation from college party and I wanted to go. He tells me of an anime convention that is coming up (Anime Festival Orlando 6) and says that I should come down for that. I agree to it - a lot of my friends are coming down to AFO and I'd see a lot of people, including the one I wanted to see. He offers me his place to stay with (His parents approve, of course) and I fly down to Florida and hang out with him. This is where it starts to get very creepy, but I ignore it because I just think it's my stupid paranoia. He never gives me my privacy - no matter how many times I scream at him, beg with him or anything. Even when I take a shower, he's sitting outside the door, waiting for me. He goes out of his way to get me anything I mention liking and said "Oh you can pay me back after you get back to New York." which I thought was a good deal. I'm good at paying people back and my bank is having a lot of problems down in Florida. Now that I am back, everything was a gift. I spent HUNDREDS there and now he's refusing to let me pay him back. Ack! But that is off-topic. Either way, we stay with one of his friend's houses for Friday night and I get no privacy there like I didn't at his house. He would SLEEP by the bed or even ON the bed, no matter how many times I begged for my privacy. None there at all, save for the time I got him to go to sleep for a couple hours. Which in that case, I hopped online for once (Despite him saying I could call whoever I wanted and speak online to whoever I wanted when I got down there) and was able to speak with people who were wondering how the Hell things were going down there. Either way, we're at this friend's house and he sleeps right by the couch I am laying on. I feel his hand touch my arm and face throughout the night and I'm just pissed off at this point. We get to the convention where I demand my privacy to run around the convention. Make a scene in front of this friend, but fuck it all. At this point, I wanted some time to myself. I'm walking through the dealer's room (Very busy area where they sell the animu merchandise, lolz) and I can SEE HIM SNEAKING BEHIND ME! Watching me go everywhere like I'm some sort of thief! Seeing what I look at so he can later it get it for me. I should be flattered, right...? We stay at another friend's house for the last night in Orlando, where she forced him to go downstairs and let me sleep in her room. Oh thank god for her because if she didn't spare me from that, I would have went INSANE! They spend a couple hours down there discussing me, where he claims he loves me so much that it hurts him to be away and all sorts of other bullshit. She finally comes up, warns me about him and I just thank her for the privacy. During the convention, he'd introduce me to someone and then kiss me. I told him before I wasn't comfortable with him kissing me and then he would just do it everytime he'd introduce me. It'd be like "This is Katt, the woman I love *KISSU!*" I felt as though as he was showing me off as his and that he could do that and even though I asked him not to, he continued! Gah.. I leave Florida and come back home. It's all over, right...? Apparently, I left a sock there and this is where the creepiness comes right up. He sleeps with my damn sock. It's just a sock - thrown out, right? Mailed to me at least if he cared that much. But no, he sleeps with it. Everynight. Unless we have argued that night, then he sleeps with his BACK TURNED TO IT, as if he's ashamed to even be blessed with that memory of me. Then he tells me just now over messenger that he found a can of febreeze that smelled like me when I got out of the shower. I laugh at that and say I don't use febreeze to shower with, but he's telling me he's going to go put it in his room. Uh... comes back and tells me now that his bed smells just like me. Now... I've already had my fair share of stalkers and obsessive people (I deal with otakus and these sorts of people all the time, plus some things that I should be going to court for) ... so naturally I am scared about this. He claims he's trying to be sweet and says I am reading him wrong and my friend I confided in read him wrong... but... how can I be sure...? I mean.. is that the sort of thing you do to be sweet...? He's trying to guilt trip me right now into coming down for a trip after we've had an arguement, but now I don't feel comfortable at all. He's an awesome person and would have been a good friend, but all of this creepy stuff..? I just can't handle it! I'm scared right now because I don't know if I am overreacting or if he is really obsessed... If he's obsessed, I'd like for him to get some help and all and maybe help salvage a friendship with him.. I've already lost a dear friend because of him getting jealous and basically destroying this friendship (The whole 'I tell you she said this about you when she didn't really say it at all' BS). I'd normally ask for my LJ friend's help, but filters have been acting wonky and a fair chunk of my friends are his friends as well and I don't want any drama ensued. I am holding back a lot of information to about this because I don't want him to be able to find this or because it really isn't a lot of anyone else's business. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you for listening to the rambles of a frightened girl, LOL. Edit; Forgot to mention a couple of other things. He's always thinking I am talking to him and is one of the most selfish people I've met. He thinks if I mention another friend or write about me having fun with someone tonight, he thinks it's him and then gets pissed off at me if it's someone else. Also, he made my friends in Florida dislike me so whenever I flew down there, I'd be stuck at his house the entire time. I rarely got to see anyone because apparently they all disliked me :/ (edited by Jovis on 09-06-05 04:04 AM) |
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Valcion YOU WA SHOCK Level: 50  Posts: 1035/1139 EXP: 939607 For next: 7710 Since: 03-15-04 From: internets. Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| I've already told you the bulk of what needs to be done... but really.... that's just really disgusting. Would be safer if you kinda cut it off with him. Don't rely on him to generate space between you, you have to force the space. Threaten not coming down there ever again if you have to. |
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Jovis Octorok Level: 8 Posts: 16/34 EXP: 1587 For next: 600 Since: 08-30-05 From: North Country, New York Since last post: 56 days Last activity: 22 days |
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Originally posted by Valcion Thank you so much Phil for reading this and offering your words on the matter. You are definately one of the closest people I have in my life and it's a lot nicer on my mind knowing that you know the sort of thing I am going through at the moment. I am afraid to put up distance because he has all of this contact information of mine and would put it to use. I'm even afraid of him coming and seeing this thread. I hope he just doesn't find the link anywhere.  |
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Valcion YOU WA SHOCK Level: 50 Posts: 1038/1139 EXP: 939607 For next: 7710 Since: 03-15-04 From: internets. Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 2 hours |
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| If its that much of a trouble, just ask the mods to move it after afew hours or so. I'd do it myself, if i still had staff powers. | |||
Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143  Posts: 11455/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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Originally posted by Jovis There´s just 5 words for people like him. He´s a goddamn freak. My advice would be that you cut all threads between you and him. You could save the link to this thread somewhere but I think that you should remove the history if where you´ve been on the net. |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38  Posts: 256/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| Holy shit, Katt, girl, two words: RESTRAINING ORDER. Seriously. (edited by Thayer on 09-06-05 10:48 AM) |
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knuck Hinox Banned until 19-58-5815: trolling, flaming, spamming, being a general fucktard... Level: 62 Posts: 1487/1818 EXP: 1894574 For next: 90112 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 14 hours Last activity: 9 hours |
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| Erm, I misread it, it seems, Crim told me now how it worked~ Still though, that guy is from the internets. No wonder he acts like that.  (edited by knuck on 09-06-05 12:42 PM) |
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Crim~ Blue Octorok Level: 10  Posts: 16/46 EXP: 4146 For next: 268 Since: 05-09-05 From: The Wild Wild West, Los Angeles Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 2 days |
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| So tell him how you think it's fucking weird how he sleeps with your sock. Tell him he's not sweet, just selfish and obsessed. You really can't and shouldn't wait for him to decide when to stop being freaky. Just tell it like it is, and how you feel. :/ |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 280/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| I repeat: RESTRAINING ORDER. | |||
Captain moneybags Bloober Level: 33 Posts: 364/447 EXP: 208968 For next: 20211 Since: 07-01-04 From: the lol land (or in reality sweden) Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| How about trying to make someone give him no privacy at all? So he can fell how awful no privacy is. |
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Crim~ Blue Octorok Level: 10 Posts: 21/46 EXP: 4146 For next: 268 Since: 05-09-05 From: The Wild Wild West, Los Angeles Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 2 days |
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Originally posted by Captain moneybagsI doubt that'd work, he's sort of crazy(and might enjoy it), remember? |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 290/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| Yeah, exactly. And that's why two words are still coming to my mind: RESTRAINING ORDER. |
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Jovis Octorok Level: 8 Posts: 24/34 EXP: 1587 For next: 600 Since: 08-30-05 From: North Country, New York Since last post: 56 days Last activity: 22 days |
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There�´s just 5 words for people like him. He�´s a goddamn freak. My advice would be that you cut all threads between you and him. You could save the link to this thread somewhere but I think that you should remove the history if where you�´ve been on the net. Well, he knows of all of my journals and places I frequent on the web, right down the what server of Ragnarok Online I play, as well as my Silvermoon server. It'd be hard to completely change myself around and hide once more. :/ I will do it if it comes to that, but for now, I think I should ignore him. Cutting off ties between him should be very helpful though. Thank you. Originally posted by Thayer He hasn't done anything to physically harm me or threaten my life, so I think that would be a little unnecessary... Originally posted by knuck Yeah, one of the things he's starting to do now that he's 'been too sweet to me' is guilt trip me about staying with him just because he won't have anyone and will just spend his life on the Internet. Um... no. :/ Originally posted by Crim~ The main problem here, Crim, is that I *have* told him how I feel. How I think it's creepy. The entire time I was down there I demanded my privacy and was never granted any. Do you think me saying he's too creepy for me is going to work if he can't even leave me alone for 10 minutes on my own demands? :/ Trust me, I've told him how I felt about all of this and even though he claims everything is for my own good, he's selfish and won't just lose me like that. Originally posted by Captain moneybags He's the kind who doesn't have a whole lot of friends and loves hanging out and having no privacy, so I don't think he'd mind o.O I am just confused as to what I can do to all of this. I've told him what he does makes me uncomfortable and yet he still does it. I've threatened to go away if he doesn't stop and yet he doesn't stop. I just fear most of all losing a large chunk of my friends because of it. (edited by Jovis on 09-06-05 03:54 PM) (edited by Jovis on 09-06-05 03:54 PM) |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 301/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| His ignoring your desire for privacy is a threatening action. Restraining orders are not just for personal protection from physically abusive individuals. They're also to prevent harassment, and the pattern of behavior that you have described is harassment, Katt. Getting a Harassment Restraining Order You should really re-read what you have written here in your first post, and then check out that site. |
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57  Posts: 1506/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| He's an obssesive little prick, isn't he? I couldn't handle having no privacy while around people like that and soon just get pissed off at them. Simply yelling or saying mean things will not solve this problem as he might not understand it. The whole "going in one ear and out the other" saying comes to mind. One thing you should do is get new email address, new AIM s/n and change all your other names you use on different sites that he knows. I did that once when a friend was getting really annoying to me so I just made a new AIM s/n and used that while he was on for awhile. Felt much better during that time I didn't talk to him while online. Also you can just ignore him completely like sign in while being invisible or not sign in at all while getting on AIM and don't return his emails. | |||
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 303/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| I do not really feel that's effort enough, but for now it may work out, but really she should at least examine the possibility of a restraining order, especially with what's been described. | |||
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Dark Vampriel Lynel "Life is just a dream on the way to death." Level: 57 Posts: 1507/1658 EXP: 1400355 For next: 85573 Since: 08-29-04 From: Somewhere..... Since last post: 2 hours Last activity: 4 min. |
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| Well she can also do both. Change information around on the net from him and get a restraining order. | |||
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 306/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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Originally posted by Dark Vampriel Yeah, I really don't feel that it would be inappropriate to do so, in fact it'd be quite wise to perform a combination of both. But all the information change may be unnecessary if she can block access from him, however, the internet is full of so many loops that it may well be better for her to do so anyway. |
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Ran-chan Moldorm eek, when are they going to stop growing... Level: 143 Posts: 11478/12781 EXP: 35293588 For next: 538220 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nerima District, Tokyo - Japan Since last post: 12 hours Last activity: 12 hours |
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Originally posted by Jovis How would you lose friends because of this? Can´t they help you in some way? "Also, he made my friends in Florida dislike me so whenever I flew down there, I'd be stuck at his house the entire time. I rarely got to see anyone because apparently they all disliked me." That alone would make me hate the person. A person that made your friends dislike you doesn´t deserve to be with you. And you don´t want to be with him either. I don´t know what there is to do either. You seem to have tried everything. |
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knuck Hinox Banned until 19-58-5815: trolling, flaming, spamming, being a general fucktard... Level: 62 Posts: 1488/1818 EXP: 1894574 For next: 90112 Since: 03-15-04 Since last post: 14 hours Last activity: 9 hours |
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Originally posted by JovisAnd that's why you shouldn't give away info on the internets.~ Not to strangers anyway. I don't really know what to say. Restraining order can be a good idea.  |
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