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11-02-05 12:59 PM
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Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - In a quandry; a love-related quandry | |
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Bella

Ludwig Von Koopa
You're Gonna Love Me
Level: 76

Posts: 2623/2962
EXP: 3891483
For next: 114577

Since: 03-29-04
From: Groovy Way

Since last post: 8 min.
Last activity: 6 min.
Posted on 10-02-05 03:26 AM Link | Quote
Yeah, sometimes it takes awhile for the truth to unfold . I mean it's not good to rush with wanting a relationship or going into a relationship. Sometimes I would question the opposite sex friends, how close are they is what I'd ask. =P It's good to have them so they can give you feedback about the opposite sex when it's needed.
Seph2k4

Bob-Omb
Level: 39

Posts: 615/619
EXP: 376086
For next: 28685

Since: 03-16-04

Since last post: 6 days
Last activity: 6 days
Posted on 10-03-05 07:28 AM Link | Quote
(Depressed mode: On) [and yes, I DO have a rather unique "style" of posting when talking about these sorts of things]

Oh dear... why is it that I mess up at everything?

I know I'm a bit late at trying to bring out the kind of aspiration that I've been meaning to do for some time, but nonetheless I've still been trying to start friendly conversations with her and trying to maintain a good, strong friendship... to little or no avail. Next thing I know, I'm being told how I've kinda been "bugging" her with these sorts of comments, I'm not even going to get into them when, first of all, I've seen/read people saying the same things about her (even some of her male friends) so it's not just me, and that was during her pre-boyfriend era. I haven't said or done anything like that since, not in school, and yet I'm still told how I've been kinda giving her... well, more than what she wanted, I'll put it to you that way. I've been told of this when 90% of the time I'm out in the open, trying to think of what to say to her/talk to her about, generating little more than a few lines over to her most of the time. I know it's always good to have nice long, thoroughbred conversations with friends, and it's what they want out of their friends, but unfortunately, that's all I could give. For some reason (and that might have been it) I feel like my fragile and shyness has been getting the best of me in such endaveurs, be it friendly or "over" friendly, which that's basically over with now. This has always been the case for me when it comes to this. It's not the fact that my own Dad went out of his way to intrude on my personal life to tell me this which makes me sad, its the fact that I'm supposedly trying yet failing on virtually any aspect which is getting me down. I know I said I wouldn't give up on her, I never wanted to from the start even after I found out that she had a bf, but if all of a sudden, I'm "failing" her (which in turn means that I've failed myself), then I think that, sooner or later, it's only right if I do, and by that, I mean give up on the relationship status altogether. I've been contemplating it for some time; every time's always left the same result, and this is no different (the only difference is: she never said or did anything to hurt me mentally or physically; it's the impression I'm supposedly leaving her). I guess being a nice, respectable guy comes at a price, one that outweighs anything I have to offer for it. Incompetence has literally been killing me on this front, and it's been eating me up, to the point where I just don't know what to do. Every man can only take so much punishment... before he's down on his last knees, after all. When a man has sustained so many injuries (an athlete, if you will), does this athlete continue to play the sport he loves at the cost of being maimed, beaten, and battered, spilling all the blood just for it, or does he throw in the towel before he receives the "next big hit"? This is the type of comparison I am in right now; I've suffered so much mentally from this, that I don't know if I should just quit or continue to work at it some more. If only she could see that I'm really trying with this, and that I'm not trying to get at her in any way. I'm doing all that I can to open up to her somehow, yes, even in a friendly way. As little or as lacking as it may be, there it is. That's all I have to give (for now, anyways; maybe if a lucky spark hits me I might be able to get something going, but for right now)... I guess some people really don't have the luxury of being sociable enough to tickle one's fancy, I might be one of them.

But, the thing is, even if our friendship does go well in the end, there still might be reason enough to do the "unthinkable". The policy with me is, and always has been that, if I can't be with the one I like so much, that I would like it if we could at least be friends, but if I'm doing all that I can, only to have her displeasure rubbed in my face later on, then maybe it just wasn't meant for me, or something. I know it may sound sad or naive to think that of myself, but one thing's for sure: I'm not ruling out... well, "retirement" from this love business, I guess you could say.

On the other hand, I received opposite news the other day from a couple of her familiars that she's been... well, talking positive things about me, and that was coming from a couple kids who weren't even aware of my feelings for her at the time... but at this point, I honestly don't know what to believe and what not to. I'm just a sad puppy lost in reality, I guess.


(edited by Seph2k4 on 10-20-05 10:57 PM)
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