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| Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Lost Section - In a quandry; a love-related quandry |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 598/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| I'm having trouble getting started on this one girl in my class who I'm interested in that I just don't what to do, who to look for for help. Here's the scoop: there's this one girl in a couple of my classes who I have a devoted interest in, but there's several things that need to be cleared up. One, I don't know if she already has a boyfriend or not; she never really talks about it in either of the two classes we are in, at least I don't hear her talking about it, and two, what to do or say if I find out that she doesn't. I really want to find out if she does or not, but I don't know where, when, or how. There's this one other girl who sits right in front of me beside of her desk in 4th period who she talks to a lot, and I think she would know if she does or not, but the thing is, if I ask her, she'll respond back with "Why? Do you like her or something?" regardless of whether she's "on the market" or not, and on that, you can trust me. People are always like that at my school when it comes to this stuff. I can pretty much guarantee you she would ask me that question in return. Worse yet, even if and when I do get my answer, and she really doesn't have a bf after all, I don't know how I'm going to win her over, being the shy person that I am. You see, I'm the kind that "breaks under pressure" and that's exactly what trying to start a boy-girl relationship does: it puts pressure on you, because if you mess up, like persay you say or do the wrong thing and she resents you for it, then you will have just made a HUGE mockery out of yourself, and since, unless you have her phone # or Instant Messenger handle (which I don't for her), other people will be listening in on it, you would embarrass yourself around those people as well. If you're gonna make it public, you'd better hope and make sure it all pays off in the end. Otherwise, it's a total waste of an effort, is it not? Perhaps some of you could give me a few pointers, that is, if I manage to get the answer I'm hoping I will get. |
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Ares Blue Octorok Level: 12 Posts: 40/47 EXP: 7857 For next: 64 Since: 03-17-04 From: Uh...Olympus....yes, that will do..... Since last post: 12 days Last activity: 7 days |
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| Well, its cliche' but there's a reason why a phrase has made it to cliche' status: it makes sense. And that is: Faint heart never won fair lady. I feel for ya man and its a real b**ch, but the only thing you can do is go for it. Elaborate plans always fail in school, I don't know why that is (I think its a pocket dimension thing). And if you ask and she's spoken for, go for the ego. Say something like "yeah, that's what I thought, (insert something kind of sarcastic about her chastity)" |
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Danielle Local Moderator  Level: 76  Posts: 2038/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| Well, if you're not comfortable to ask her that question, I don't see how you're ready to start dating her. I believe you need a bit of solid ground before starting a relationship.. it usually always helps. Continue talking to her in class, try opening up a little, little steps at a time. Hopefully she will return it, and you can get the courage to ask her (if she doesn't mention a boyfriend before then). You could also ask her things like what she did over the weekend, she's sure to mention a boyfriend if she has one. With luck, you'll get your answer and the courage to ask. It's a risk you have to take if you want a relationship. And chances are, if you see her as good enough for you, she shoud react well, in any case. One of those times where you have to throw caution to the wind and go for it, and accept the fact that you may not get it. But then you won't be asking yourself "what if" forever.  |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76  Posts: 2010/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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| Yeah, what you should do is just talk to her. It seems like she just caught your interest recently. So I'd say it's better to see what she's all about, if you like her and what not. The boyfriend part..don't worry about it so soon. Don't ask her it right now..you'll find out eventually if she does. I don't think you'd feel comfortable asking her right now. If you really want to know ask around school..people that might know her. Talk to her, get to know her better and eventually ask her for her e-mail or IM handle. Maybe even her phone number? Tell her that you'd like to call her in case you miss class. |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 599/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| Okay, thus far, here is what I have learned... Today in 4th period, I have found out that she doesn't officially "have" a boyfriend right now (at least I don't think she does after what I have just learned), but there is this one guy in one of her other classes who she thinks is "really cute" and everything. That doesn't necessarily mean it's "over" or "too late" for me, but I may have my work cut out for me on this one. On the other hand, there may be SOME chance that this one guy is already dating someone else. I'm not truly optomistic OR pessimistic on this one, I'm just saying. I know she mentioned it (in whispering) in class. I should've asked then ("does he like you?") and if that were to be my answer, well, then I could tell her that I know exactly how she must feel about that if that is indeed the case (I've had it happen right before my very own eyes, as a matter of fact). It's been a week into school and yet apparently nothing between the two has happened thus far. Wouldn't she have already proposed to him by now? But regardless, I MIGHT still try, anyway. I had a rather brief discussion with her today in 4th period... not much of a "movement" towards getting her if you want to call it that. Seriously, I would want to know if she feels left out because that one other guy is currently dating, because I know I can relate to it in every which way and that would probably set fair grounds for this little "movement" (I second the words "if you want to call it that" here), and thus, the first thing a girl would want in that case is to have someone cheer her up, and right about now, I don't think anyone would feel stronger towards such a feeling than me. (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-30-05 04:58 PM) (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-30-05 05:07 PM) |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76 Posts: 2034/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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Okay, so no boyfriend and she thinks another guy is sexy? Doesn't mean anything. Does she know this guy? Girls aren't going to propose to a guy she just meant in class. Does she talk to him a lot? If they do and she still hasn't done anything with him then she's just taking it slow and that guy is too. That's what you should be doing  . |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 600/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| In all honesty, I don't think she "knows" the guy all too well. I just remember hearing her say that "he's hot" and all that. She never did mention his name (she probably would have mentioned it if she did). She also said that she just looks at and observes him from a distance in the one class the two are in (weight lifting). The fact that she (supposedly) hasn't done anything means that either that other guy IS already dating someone else like I said, thus putting her on "hold" or that she doesn't actually know the guy that well. Me? I've at least gotten to know her before making any such decision involving her. I've known her since last year, and I've known her "predecessor" for several years now, and I wish I could say I (still) felt the same way about her now that I did a year ago, going right ahead and dating some other guy when I was in the midst of a "discussion" with her, to so speak, and when she was freelance once again, started going back out with him immediately after coming to the decision that she was "done" with him and, while I could try her again, if all else fails, I don't see how it could be done even if she is "freelance" once more. She's not in any of my classes or has the same lunch period as I do, and the only way I could ever get the chance to talk to her is in the car rider line when someone comes to pick me up from school, and that's only sometimes. I wouldn't exactly "rule" out that option, but I just don't see it happening. So new gal it is, then. Still, I don't think I should "tell" her or spill the secret (as in tell other people around me). Not yet, anyway. Maybe if and when we get down to the bottom of it all (or even the middle) I'll tell her just how I truly feel about her. (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-30-05 05:30 PM) |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76 Posts: 2039/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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| Well, all I can say is that she just thinks he's sexy. She probably barely knows him. Everyone does that..it's just someone that she thinks is cute and admires from afar. I know I do that XD Car rider line? Why don't you talk to her then? If you can't then..it doesn't seem like you guys are that close or is it just because she isn't there sometimes or something? Now wouldn't be a good time to tell her you like her now that is finally "freelance" if you guys are starting to talk more, you don't want to scare her away. |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 602/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| That other girl I was talking about was actually my ex-love interest. Broke my heart once, supposedly twice (twice being when she went back out with her ex; I started talking to her a little bit afterwards [afterwards being when she broke up with him] until then)), and I don't think I'll come back to risk a 3rd time even if such an opportunity does come by more often than expected. Why pass up an opportunity as good as this one, for something that'll only come by once a week, if that (when I can actually get a ride)? But you are right, the fact that she only thinks he's cute definitely doesn't mean it's too late for me to make my move, or anything. It just means that, if I were to ask her out right now, she would probably say no (at this rate, she'd probably say no anyway, but this lengthens that aspect). In the meantime, I'll do everything I can to make sure that it goes well, and even ask people around me for help if I must (but at the same time, I would make sure that this doesn't "spill" the secret like I talked about earlier). (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-30-05 07:23 PM) |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38  Posts: 135/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| Asking people around you for help is overly complicated, you're much better off just making your move on your own. If you can't do that, then maybe you're not ready to get involved, I'd seriously think about that, honestly. Also, my past experiences have shown me that getting help from others in that way usually leads to disaster.  (edited by Thayer on 08-30-05 10:18 PM) |
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Bella Ludwig Von Koopa You're Gonna Love Me Level: 76 Posts: 2045/2962 EXP: 3891483 For next: 114577 Since: 03-29-04 From: Groovy Way Since last post: 8 min. Last activity: 6 min. |
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| True, asking for help isn't always the best. They can tell the person opposite things or things you never said and get it all twisted. I did that for this guy and he never did say anything. Your messenger could just be throwing lies at you too so it's better to just talk to her straight up..not so soon though as I said earlier. | |||
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 603/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| Okay, I thought it was hard beforehand... But now, the just-hard situation has grown harder. Now I feel like I'm at a position where I just don't know where to go with this. (Gee, how should I put it? Oh yeah...) Well today in 3rd period (after lunch), one of my friends informed me of this one girl having an eye for me (he claims that he actually convinced her). Note that this "friend" is also quite opinionated and any and every decision I make that he doesn't agree with will come down flat footed right on the spot. This has always been the case, where I am given a choice involving him and, if he doesn't like it, I get slammed for it. I want to tell him "I'll think about it" and/or that I'm already onto someone else and I'll wait to see how it goes with her before taking the offer, but I probably can't do so without any type of criticism involved. It's like people (at least at my school) can't respect other people's decisions, anymore. I've had a few of my colleagues suggest the same; someone I haven't really thought about as opposed to someone who I was truly interested in at the time, and in the end, felt like it was de-ja vu all over again: she went back out with that guy, like I said earlier. The decision would be made easy if I find that she really does have a bf after all (I'm really not entirely sure on that as of right now, I only assumed so and was only certain to a degree or point on this) or if things just don't work out between us two, but that's the only way I'm getting off easy on this one because then the decision would pretty much already be made. Thing is, I may need a bit of time to plot all this stuff out between me and my current love interest. The only problem with that is: unless I tell him how I feel (which could backfire in a big way), timing may be of the essence this time around. It's like I'm given a choice between living freely in ways I may not have exactly ancitipated or desired, or doing things on my terms while being provoked in the end, and to think that all of this will intervein as early as tomorrow, I get the feeling that I'll be in for one hell of a long afternoon come Thursday. I'm not too sure on this, but I thought I would have one of my other friends, who I trust, and he trusts me, to just ask her... well, the thing I'm trying to figure out (if she has a bf or not). Not saying that I will (that's not guaranteed to be such a shrewd idea), but an idea. (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-31-05 06:59 PM) |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 143/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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Let me make it simple and clear (and this time without caps), if you do not ask her, you will have nothing to plot out with your "love interest", therefore you need to ask her. The worst she can do is say either she is not interested or that she has a boyfriend. Not knowin gis worse than knowing in this one. SO GO ASK HER. DURR. (edited by Thayer on 08-31-05 07:04 PM) |
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Seph2k4 Bob-Omb Level: 39 Posts: 604/619 EXP: 376086 For next: 28685 Since: 03-16-04 Since last post: 6 days Last activity: 6 days |
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| I thought of doing that... I just didn't know if it was the right thing to do or if there were better options. To quote Dr. Octaveus (?) from Spider-Man 2: "love should never be a secret. If you keep something as complicated as love stored inside of you, it's gonna make you sick" which is true. Sooner or later you're going to feel the desperate need to tell someone, even if it's not her, or even speak it publicly for all to hear, including her. If I can, I'll try talking sweet to her (anyone who knows me personally will tell you that I'm a nice guy in real life; even my past interest who rejected me so she could be with some other guy said that) and THEN finding out from there, whether it involves asking her or her saying she does by telling just what she did over the weekend like Danielle (?) said. (edited by Seph2k4 on 08-31-05 07:16 PM) |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 145/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| You're making things too complicated. Just walk up and ask her. | |||
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Danielle Local Moderator Level: 76 Posts: 2111/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| Thayer, if you read the thread, you would know he doesn't want to be blunt and end up looking like a jerk or something. It also seems like he's more shy than that, so if you want to help him, that's not how. If she isn't interested now, he's pretty much blown his chances for good. It's very rare to see a guy ask out a girl more than once. He wants to make sure things could happen first, and for that you should respect him. Things like this shouldn't be rushed. |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 148/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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Originally posted by Danielle I did read the thread, Danielle. And yes, things like this shouldn't be rushed, but frankly, I'm a fairly shy person too, and I know that waiting and stressing and worrying like this gets you no where. I've passed up too many chances myself, and I know that the times I did just do it, things went a lot better. I am not in anyway suggesting that he be a jerk. I didn't tell him to go up and ask for sex or anything. He just needs to talk to her. It's a lot better than twisting and turning and emo-gushing pointlessly on an Internet forum. This is getting him nowhere. He's no further now than when he started. I still hold that his best shot is to talk to her. Which by the way, is what you suggested above, opening the lines of communication. Not talking to her isn't going to get anything done. I mean, maybe you, yourself, should read the thread, he's stressing for something he doesn't know, and well... it's all rather pointless. |
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Black Lord Level: 34 Posts: 425/453 EXP: 235639 For next: 18012 Since: 03-15-04 From: Nebraska, what's a Nebraska Since last post: 8 days Last activity: 1 day |
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| You could do what I did, and slowly work your way into her life, talk to her a little bit more each day, etc. Build up a nice steady friendship, or not even that, just talk to her in class a little bit, if she's big on something suggest doing that sometime (mine was easy, my gf loves tetris, so I challenged her in tetris, and let's just say I got owned, big time, and I did not let her win, I think I could take her out now tho), ask her if she's interested in going to a movie, maybe with a group first, or just by your lonesome... and gradually as the year goes on get a little bit closer, ask her to prom, if prom goes well then you can ask her out, if it's a bust, better luck next time... I just hate seeing people going and rushing into things... I mean school just started back up, and your already looking for a girlfriend, unless you know this girl really well, then don't rush into anything, because you never know what to expect. Just my two cents. | |||
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Danielle Local Moderator Level: 76 Posts: 2113/3359 EXP: 3958078 For next: 47982 Since: 09-15-04 From: RATE Since last post: 3 hours Last activity: 3 hours |
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| I'm sorry Thayer, I think my previous post came off as a little rude.. I didn't mean for that. I apologize. I just think that asking her out when he doesn't even know if she's with someone right now could come off as rude to her. Something along the lines of him not caring about the relationship she may be in at the moment, and I know many girls would flip out over that. He's gotten some help about what he can do, which is talk to her, get to know her more, and get his answers. I'm sure he'll be trying that now, but it will take some time. I never suggested not talking to her, I'm sure he knows that he has to talk with her to get anywhere. You suggested the same thing, just to speed things up, which I don't think has to be done in order for this to work. But it's inevitable that if she's a nice pretty girl, waiting too long can bite you in the ass. Sort of a give and take thing.. balance it out. Do your best to make it work Seph. |
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Thayer Fuzz Ball Level: 38 Posts: 149/988 EXP: 349428 For next: 21019 Since: 06-28-05 Since last post: 1 day Last activity: 1 day |
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| I didn't really mean for him to ask her out, I meant to ask if she was interested, but now that I thought about it, I don't think that's necessarily wise at the moment, and really I think he should just try to talk to her, but the thing is, if he just stalls around forever, he'll miss his chance. |
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