Acmlm's Board - I2 Archive - Modern Art - sorry cant think of a name for now
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Orlandu
Posts: 12/16 |
I'm not much of a writer but I do have a few pointers for you.
First off, you need longer, fuller sentances. You need to add detail and depth to them, grammar allows for this with the use of commas.
Example:
Old - But then I have always loved fighting with weapons. Especially the sword my dad made for me.
New - However, I have always enjoyed the art of swordsmanship and weaponry. I especially took interest in training with the swords that my father crafted for me: magnificintly balanced blades, conditioned to perfection so that they slice through parchment without effort.
You have to make your sentances ripe with description. Show the reader what you are thinking. Use detail to make it clear, but don't over do it. While it is a good thing to use, there is such a thing as too much detail. Add action and dialogue to even out your stories. |
Prier
Posts: 4531/8392 |
[sighs]
And no one saw this because...?
Anyways, this actually doesn't belong in this forum. It's a bit misleading, but the stories in here are created on the intent that -OTHER PEOPLE- will also be participating in them, not that you can just edit the same post over and over and over again as it really would be rather pointless if it was.
This kind of stuff goes in the Modern Art forum...which I'm moving it to now...just wish I wasn't doing this on my 'vacation downstate'...
[moves] |
firemaker
Posts: 85/247 |
Prologue
Once upon a time in another universe there was a world much like our own that existed but it was a world full of magic. wizards, dragons and hydras and these sorts of legendary beings existed. Dragons were under the rule of humans but could only be controlled by the most powerful of minds. The more powerful the minds the better the dragon and the more dragons could be controlled at once. Should a man who had a weak mind tried to control more then one dragon he would probably be roasted by it but some could command hundreds of these beings at once. Then a man came along. he had the ability to control the dragons ten times better that anyone else in this world. he was evil. he used the dragons to make himself as an emperor of the world. he had manly slaves and had everything he could want. these were times of darkness. he army was millions and the ordinary people had a very bad life this had gone on for thousands of years. It was said that the man was immortal. He was and had the secret of immortality. They said nobody could kill him. Two thousand years into his reign a prophet came along saying that a boy would come. He would find 5 different artefacts which would be the weapon that could be used to kill the emperor. The prophet was killed two days later by the emperor. And so for 3000 years more the rule of tyranny continued. This is when our story begins.
Chapter 1 I |
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