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| # | Picture | Username | User bio (hide) | Registered on | Posts | Level | EXP |
| 15. |  |
Dracoon | Why is it people want to know about me? What could you possibly [b]WANT[/b] to know? Right now, I'm almost 16, and I don't believe in any religion, and I only believe in the human mind. I believe anyone is capable of anything if they try, and that if people really, truely, believe, they can alter reality. I doubt anyone could do this though, or has a need to do this. Anyways, I don't care, my belief, or faith, is unimportant. I listen to heavy music to drown my thoughts, always my thoughts always there to confuse, anger, depress, or even hate me. I let my mind wander usually and I've been suffering in school lately because of this, but I hate to concentrate, because I start to think about everything I've done wrong. I've done nothing really wrong in my entire life, I've done bad things, because I was ignorant, or wasn't thinking, but I've never done something truely wrong. I've wondered why I punish myself when I know this, and I can't over come it now. Thus, I drown it and hope for stability while having a good time. People often say I'm annoying because of some of my qualities. My sudden lack of attention or suddenly becoming angry. I make 180 turns in personality sometimes, and when I can focus on one emotion, its always anger. I hate people who do things I don't like, but I know I can't do anything to them, because no matter what, if I get someone to the point of almost being hurt, I will stop. Because of this, I've never thrown a punch at anyone. I've never aimed a kick meant to hurt, and I've never put someone in constant pain. I'm not a pacifist, I just am unable to put someone else in pain. I've been in pain myself, plenty of times, usually due to me not putting others in pain. Having an arm feel like its going to break for over an hour is not something I'd like to see anyone else go through, and in truth, I couldn't see it happen to anyone and would have to stop it. I stopped flinching a while ago. Everyone I know who tries to scare me is never able to now. If they hit me, I get hit, I'll get back up. I can't stay laying down after being knocked down. I've also never been beaten hard enough to pass out. Self preserverence is still in me, no matter what. I will always eat when I'm hungry and drink when I'm thirst, but I still don't think I could allow someone else to be shot in front of me. I'm not selfless, I just couldn't see someone die in front of me, making me a coward. I might be remembered as a hero if I was shot saving someone, but what would be the point? Someone would've died anyways, I just made it so I didn't have to see it. I've never been in love. I thought I was once, but I was wrong. I don't understand what love is, and I've stopped caring. One day, I might find a woman I can spend the rest of my life with, but I know it won't be love. Lust; however, is something everyone feels. I don't act on lust, and keep it in my mind for only a short period. Never will I act on lust, and many people in my school tried to throw a homosexual lable on me. I never reacted to this, and they eventually shut up. I don't care what others think, this is my existance after all, why should they have a say in it? These are my thoughts, and nothing about me. I'm human, and I hate myself more than anyone. I don't hate myself in a "I'm going to cut my wrists and bleed to death!" way, I think of myself more as "You judge people and yet you have some many flaws. If you saw someone else do this, you would want to hurt them, but you won't hurt yourself or anyone. Shut up, sit down, and think about why you're wrong." My mind doesn't accept reason, and I'll continue to let it until I die. Maybe one day, I'll learn what everything is and see why people can stand to hurt others and do bad things, but for now. I'll have to stay as I am and hope that I won't hate myself forever. |
03-25-04 03:56 AM | 3727 | 84 | 5514391 |
