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Please chime in on a proposed restructuring of the ROM hacking sections.
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Main - Posts by Hiryuu

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Hiryuu
Posted on 06-25-07 08:45 AM, in Resonance (horror/mystery, in-progress draft) Link | Quote | ID: 49351

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Way to cliff-hang on page 30. You suck.

Well, I've looked over it over the past three and a half hours or so and it isn't half bad. You can take a look at the notes I've scribbled by quoting the post. It's pretty intriguing but it's also a bit confusing at times too. That could very well be my lack of comprehension but towards the end it does throw me for a loop or too and tends to be slightly harsh on my reading skills.

I'd give it a 7 thus far. It seems that it's definitely leading somewhere and there's a few areas that I wouldn't mind seeing opened up a bit more than they are. Some of it just feels forced or pushed forward too fast. Perhaps this is intentional in the 'she' that we're dealing with.

qfm


Hiryuu
Posted on 06-25-07 09:45 AM, in [SF continuation/Solo] Element (Ch. 18 up!) (rev. 2 of 06-25-07 09:45 AM) Link | Quote | ID: 49365

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Well, I -am- working on it but...

...I got sidetracked with a few things, including looking at Rydain's novella, so I only have a spoiler to give you. I have tomorrow off and should have it finished by then if it's any consellation.

Spoiler:

“Who are you?”

Rain gulped, not exactly sure what she was supposed to say to something like that. “Ah, ahm...just passing through?”

The short, blue-haired girl grabbed a spear from behind her back to bring to full view where Rain could see. That made Rain more tense. “Ahahahaha...shit?”

The girl pointed the spear directly at Rain. “You’re to come with me.”

“Why?” Rain asked plainly.

That was enough to get a reaction. More or less the wrong one. The girl quickly jabbed forward, attempting to skewer Rain in the process. She only met with minor success, nicking Rain on the shoulder as she dodge rolled off to side, feeling a pang of pain come from the near-death experience.

“Ah!” Rain winced, noting the cut she had when she got back up. ~She’s fast!~

This wasn’t going to be pretty.

“I’ll only say this once more. Come with me now,” the girl repeated.

Rain grimaced. “You know, that’s not a really nice way to address someone you know tha-whoa!”

She jumped back this time, missing another spear thrust by inches and moving towards the entrance crater that didn’t look too fun to drop in on with all the rocks below her and the jagged cliffs leading to the ground about a good fifty feet down.

~I have a feeling this means we can’t be friends...~ Rain thought, mildly complaining to herself about her left shoulder...

Which soon healed itself within a few seconds of her thinking that as a cool feeling went through her. It made her slightly dizzy considering it caught her off-guard. She looked at her shoulder briefly afterwards, noticing the mark was gone.

“You forget that we’re here, you know.” Yukina said, internally.

Rain dodged yet another thrust but this time took the option of delivering a vicious spin kick to the girl’s head when she passed her up, sending her sprawling to the ground, making not much more than a grunt upon hitting it.

~That’s all well and good, but...~

The girl got back up, briefly dusting herself off. Rain gaped, noticing that it barely did anything to her.

~...~

She then jumped, spear in hand and dive-bombed Rain’s position, who dodged out of the way, taking some excess debris with her on the girl’s warpath crash into the ground.

“Urgh!” Rain said, getting knocked back by the rocks that flew her way on impact.

~...how am I gonna...~

Her train of thought was interrupted as a few other sounds could be heard around a cliff edge on where they stood. More of them...swords.

~...fight all of these?!~

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-25-07 11:02 AM, in Anime smilies. Link | Quote | ID: 49371

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All I gots this:

(_8^(1)

'cept that's not Unicode.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 03:31 AM, in Resonance (horror/mystery, in-progress draft) Link | Quote | ID: 49577

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In regards to the quote:

There were some points where the description length went fairly well; most of it was at the start and felt unforced. Near the middle and towards the end felt more forced or to the point where the character really didn't have much in terms of the feeling aspect.

It's kind of weird to explain but it felt as if she was really controlled to do things rather than she was really doing it herself and it just felt that she was rushing from one area to the next after that point, which started to kick down the reading a bit. I kinda figured that's how you wanted to do the insanity bit but it seemed a bit underdeveloped. The intro starts out decently but then deteriorates a bit and just leaves the reader (and probably the character) tired throughout it.

I understand your Blair Witch concern, but I think it would do you good for her to act a bit more natural. She seems to be about what you were describing. From what I gathered from observations of just knowing to be aware of draining the battery at the beginning to other observant things of the character, she strikes me as highly intelligent and observant, somewhat of a strong personality and yet not at the same time...it just kinda makes me wonder how she didn't start with anyone else around with her or the fact that she carries no ties enough for her to buy a cell phone, let's say, which wouldn't have done her much good given her circumstances anyways. I can kind of deduce what kind of character I have here but it still feels not quite right, as if something was missing from the description. It felt more of an insert of yourself (which most shorts like this tend to be that I read, but this one's quite a bit more developed and isn't meant to run it as much). I wonder if it's at all necessary to not mention her name or to give her more of a personality. Perhaps you feel that maybe giving her this would work against you or that you'd have a lot to contend with? I'm not exactly sure how you want to do this.

The end of it was definitely a head-scratcher. You did what you wanted to but it did mess with me to the point of going 'ow?' in terms of how the paragraphs went from one thing to another. Then again, this is exactly what you may be shooting for anyways, considering the mental state she's going through. Just makes me wonder if it was -over- done. That's really a matter of what you like in that one and it works fine. The only thing I kinda hated about it was the way it abruptly cut in with the way the sentences/paragraphs were structured. That's just personal preference, really.

Overall, the concept is a good one. Nothing too basic but nothing too hard to grasp either. I'd just pick around with it a little bit more. If you're anything like me, thinking it over days and weeks will give you a clearer understanding of what you want to do with it. I tend to take some time with mine just for the sake that I know I -have- to think about it...otherwise it looks like a big stinking pile of donkey doo.

Anyways, ramble ramble.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 04:12 AM, in MetalMan88: Supreme Hero of the Internets Link | Quote | ID: 49600

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What fad did I miss?

I don't think I gave permission for this.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 06:25 AM, in [SF continuation/Solo] Element (Ch. 18 up!) (rev. 2 of 06-26-07 10:38 AM) Link | Quote | ID: 49674

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And OF COURSE my piece of crud server decides to die (for once, in a long time).

Temp link for Chapter 17.
Permanent Link for Chapter 17.

I'll repost this after my server goes back up but it IS written.

EDITED!

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 06:43 AM, in Dancing Games Thread Link | Quote | ID: 49683

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Ai ya...

Heaven forfend I see someone AAA this.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 08:20 AM, in Happy Birthday Kyoufu Kawa Link | Quote | ID: 49705

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BAROOOM THE HUMAN BOULDERRRRRRR

BAROOOOOOOMMM

[squashes Kawa]

OOOPS SORRRRYYYY

qfm


Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 09:37 PM, in RAM Question... Link | Quote | ID: 49855

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K, peeps...need some help.

Trying to see if I can get some PC100 strips of RAM into my system without it giving me an FU error.

Found that...

Here's the thing, those chips are square, the chips on my current strips are rectangular. That going to mean anything or is this just as good as any other PC100 strip? There were some additional things on the name that had me going 'wut?'.

I'm surprised PC100 even goes that high. Am I looking at this right?

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 10:12 PM, in RAM Question... (rev. 2 of 06-26-07 10:19 PM) Link | Quote | ID: 49867

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It's web only. The return in itself is something I'd rather not do...I'd rather buy and be done with it.

And it wasn't that I was buying it with the intent of it being exceptionally fast...it's PC100 fer chrissakes...

Of course, if you've got a better BETTER take on PC100 without the excess cost I wouldn't MIND hearing it.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 10:20 PM, in RAM Question... Link | Quote | ID: 49872

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Pst...see the edit...find me cheaper.

70 bucks for old RAM sucks.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 10:34 PM, in RAM Question... Link | Quote | ID: 49877

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I managed to find this on eBay.

33 bucks. Only glaring thing is the double-size (which would fit in my tower).

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-26-07 10:40 PM, in RAM Question... Link | Quote | ID: 49880

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Well yea...but my mobo doesn't go past 512MB as it is...

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 01:15 AM, in RAM Question... Link | Quote | ID: 49929

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Regardless, the 2x256es has been bought. I know I have the 2 notch.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 01:40 AM, in I SHALL WAGE WAR WITH TEH INTARWEBS!!! Link | Quote | ID: 49933

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Needs more Chateau.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 02:12 AM, in Happy Birthday Kyoufu Kawa Link | Quote | ID: 49939

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Needs more desu.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 03:36 AM, in The best idea, ever Link | Quote | ID: 49957

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Donk.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 07:11 AM, in Resonance (horror/mystery, in-progress draft) (rev. 2 of 06-27-07 07:13 AM) Link | Quote | ID: 50053

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Much better.

Depending on how you want the character to -really- react is going to really be what should drive you in terms of editing the whole story.

At the same time, you don't want to give too much away...I know that you're trying to come from a standpoint where you're wanting to keep the reader interested but at the same time you're not trying to divulge so much that they won't really be surprised when they find something out. It's kinda sucky that you have to hold off for so long before you can actually get to said point, I know, but as long as you give enough details that doesn't make the reader go 'wut?' then you're fine.

I'd say another runthrough of what you have now would be good.

EDIT: Ryd, he's also a freaking scaredy-cat and his grandparents aren't home. He probably has nightlights on for a purpose.

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 07:16 AM, in What could be greater than golf with a gator? Link | Quote | ID: 50060

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Well there is such a thing as Gator Golf in Little Rock, you know...

Hiryuu
Posted on 06-27-07 07:18 AM, in Resonance (horror/mystery, in-progress draft) Link | Quote | ID: 50064

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You're a wuss.
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Main - Posts by Hiryuu

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