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Main - The Landfill - 2012 Apocalypse Theories -- who can spin the best one? New thread | Thread closed

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Kawa
Posted on 06-23-09 09:14 PM Link | Quote | ID: 109241


CHIKKN NI A BAAZZKIT!!!
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Inspired by an IRC conversation and this article, who can spin the best, original apocalypse theory for 2012? I expect something good from people like RomManic and Jargon.

Note that you're not supposed to rehash established theories, nor take submissions seriously. If you were, this wouldn't be in Spatula -- this is all in good fun.

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Kawa rocks — byuu

justjake274
Posted on 06-23-09 09:25 PM (rev. 2 of 06-23-09 09:26 PM) Link | Quote | ID: 109244


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Original post deleted

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I'm not gonna be here much anymore. So yeah, go and celebrate.

setz
Posted on 06-23-09 09:43 PM Link | Quote | ID: 109246


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"ship happens"

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RT-55J
Posted on 06-24-09 12:51 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109253

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All of this 2012 apocalypse theories are part of a conspiracy to cause enough social unrest in 2012 to end the world as we know it.

Bukkarooo
Posted on 06-24-09 01:51 AM (rev. 2 of 06-24-09 01:52 AM) Link | Quote | ID: 109254


Fuzzy
Son of a bitch, I'm sick of these dolphins...
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The world won't end.

The end.

____________________



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Dr. Hell
Posted on 06-24-09 02:16 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109255


Lakitu
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Posted by Kawa
Note that you're not supposed to rehash established theories, nor take submissions seriously. If you were, this wouldn't be in Spatula -- this is all in good fun.

Just a reminder to everyone who seems to have missed the point...

Okay, so according to a new secret code found in the bible on February 14th 2012 a meteor will pass just by Earth. It won't make contact with the planet, but it will come close enough that it will enter orbit around it. The new object in orbit will cause massive tidal waves, covering a large portion of the planet and destroying nearly anything in it's path. This won't fully end all of humanity though. In the coming year all of the bodies washed up by the flood will begin spreading disease through the world. It will start off spreading things like AIDS and the plague, you know, like the original plague. The human race, crawling with disease, hunger, and desperation will start dropping like flies. More diseases will continue to spread and grow until it gets to the point where they become parasitic. This new breed of parasitic disease will essentially render the host body into a mindless animal roving the planet looking to eat anything in it's path. Seeing how by now regular parasites will also be rampant, The Hunger will never be able to be fulfilled. So these diseased people will continue to eat until they are killed by other diseases or if someone is defending themselves from the infected. Eventually the whole world will be either consumed by disease, or consumed by the diseased.

RomManic
Posted on 06-26-09 04:31 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109361


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Some cool looking people will come down and tell you how to rise from your body, how the 4 elements work, etc. The anti-christ will hate this but meh, people like to play games so this would probably be the time to play this one. Jesus will come around that time, tell the world what the scoop is, play his cards and leave until they turn the river

MEANWHILE

God is dying because all of his children are becoming more comfortable in justifying hatred for another person, casting shadows in his light. Seeing as Love is the only answer available to man at that point, people begin to embrace neutrality by accepting both Christ and Anti-christ and then for 1000 years peace is propagated throughout the universe because the only way to restart a dying heart is for a burst of electricity to jump start it back into action.

MEANWHILE

The Anti-Christ is sitting on the dark throne, because now he is the backbone to the darkness. He makes the things in the dark, AKA your dark intentions come to life because he sees nothing wrong with loving anything.

MEANWHILE

The dark brotherhood, once thinking they were strong along with the illuminati slowly hide in existence, wondering whether they're gonna survive, being the bearers of wisdom on Earth at one point. After humanity learned all they needed from them, they were fine with not hating them anymore, just left them to rot.

1000 YEARS LATER

The Anti-Christ, now the beast, learns to love his own hatred, and begins to love what he hates by killing humans, now knowing their darkest secrets. He gives life to those dark ideas them by enacting actions based on them, mixed with love. The 7th cycle is about to be complete and the "rest" is almost over. The resulting catastrophe will be catastrophic, but now that the mission is over, light can shine through. All the sins have been washed away by the fire of life, and now the journey to the source can begin.

The end.

Ailure
Posted on 06-26-09 11:08 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109371

Hats
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Internet goes down.

After a week the whole world is in chaos as young adults and teenagers are without their porn fix.

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Kawa
Posted on 06-26-09 04:56 PM Link | Quote | ID: 109379


CHIKKN NI A BAAZZKIT!!!
80's Cheerilee is best pony
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The cat wins the thread.

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<GreyMaria> I walked around the Lake so many goddamn times that my sex drive was brutally murdered
Kawa rocks — byuu

Marzen
Posted on 06-30-09 05:54 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109598


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No, see, it's already started to happen. 2012 began early, with the death of Michael Jackson and Billy Mays. They were the key to everything, and the government knew this. Which government? EVERY government. They conspire against everyone, they shall be the cause of 2012.

Jackon and Mays were really powerful, alien entities who had no yet awakened. They would free us from the tyranny of the government on their 51st birthdays, but the government learned of this and killed them both. Eventually, on 2012, the government will kill the last savior. And then they shall form into one solid entity, to Governator. He shall suck the planet dry of all freedom and energy, forming it into a barren crust that shall then break apart into space rock.




....Did I do good? :|

____________________

RT-55J
Posted on 06-30-09 07:38 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109600

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Virtual reality will become cheaper than dating.

CKY-9K
Posted on 06-30-09 07:10 PM Link | Quote | ID: 109606


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Music will get more worse and more worse over the years, eventually leading to what dog shit would sound like if it was converted into soundwaves, causing people to go deaf and mass suicide will take place.

____________________








Trax
Posted on 07-01-09 12:24 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109610


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Many societies, some extinct today, predicted the end of times in 2012...
Thus, time will stop...

Fin...

RomManic
Posted on 07-01-09 12:29 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109612


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justjake274
Posted on 07-01-09 01:57 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109614


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Posted by RomManic



Broken images shall take over.

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I'm not gonna be here much anymore. So yeah, go and celebrate.

Kironide
Posted on 07-01-09 02:00 AM Link | Quote | ID: 109615


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On the eve of December 21, 2012, I shall seize power and establish myself as rightful God of this world of men. As the beacon light and truth leading humanity forth into a new future, I shall purge this world of its inconsistencies and errors! All shall revere me as their one God!

Dr. Hell
Posted on 07-07-09 10:42 PM Link | Quote | ID: 110108


Lakitu
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OH NOES! We shall be forever ruled by Kironide and his army of Mathletes!

Kironide
Posted on 07-07-09 10:44 PM Link | Quote | ID: 110109


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Keikaku doori.

ultimatepower22
Posted on 07-07-09 11:51 PM Link | Quote | ID: 110113


Ninji
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One instant after midnight on Dec. 20, 2012 (aka the instant it becomes Dec. 21, 2012), I shall regain my full power.

The stars shall be blocked out for eternity by my infinite power, the moon shattered, galaxies split, and the universe destroyed in a few short minutes.

And all of you shall remain trapped in the nondimensional void where the universe once existed...trapped, for eternity.

____________________

Mariofan0
Posted on 07-08-09 01:25 AM Link | Quote | ID: 110118


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I too have a guess...

Martions will invade Pluto during late 2011 there they will steal plutonian Woman and porn In order to power thier deadlyest wepon the dehydrator once they steal all of these things they will then Invade Earth secretly stealing all the booze and alchol.
finnally around the end of august they will liquify all they have stolen and use everylast drop of it to power the dehydrator which once activated causes all the water to become dry and flaky like my scalp.
once this occurs all lifeforms will die out unless they become dependent on something other than water. they will find that drinking soda will work fine.

once learning this. by late 2012 the entire universe explodes for no reason and everyone dies.

The End

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Main - The Landfill - 2012 Apocalypse Theories -- who can spin the best one? New thread | Thread closed

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