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04-19-24 11:36 AM |
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| Main - Writing - The Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Contest! | New thread | New reply |
| Stark |
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Puella Magi
Last post: 4658 days Last view: 3876 days |
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| Marzen |
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 Giant Koopa I might be alive, but chances are that's not the case. Level: 73 Posts: 217/1273 EXP: 3418665 Next: 67203 Since: 10-15-08 From: Lulzerland Last post: 4581 days Last view: 4487 days |
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| RT-55J |
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Armor Guardian Level: 81 Posts: 935/1562 EXP: 4886483 Next: 106366 Since: 02-23-07 From: Wild Side Arcade Last post: 307 days Last view: 48 days |
John McCain and WALL-E Go Skiing (Based on a True Story)
[Posted here (sans formatting) for your convenience] WALL-E had never gone skiing before. Finding skis that fit his treads was probably the hardest part, but after a little help from his Dad, John McCain, he found a suitable pair. John then proceeded to teach WALL-E the basics of skiing, starting with the “snowplow” technique. After a few failed attempts, WALL-E was able to successfully snowplow himself to a stop. WALL-E then learned how to turn, which was a considerably easier task. WALL-E spent the next hour sharpening his skiing skills at the rope tow area. His father congratulated his rapid progress, for WALL-E had managed to go an entire half-hour without falling down. WALL-E, feeling sufficiently experienced, asked his father in his squeaky voice, “I want to go up the ski lift.” His father responded, “ Sure. It will be fun.” They then went to the ski lift and entered it. WALL-E was scared on the ski lift. His lift was waving to and fro at such a great height that he felt as if the snow was saying “come down now.” The snow looked so perfect from his far away distance, and it kept on saying “come down now,” be he clenched his metal arms to the ski lift and stayed. In an attempt to not focus on the distance between him and the ground, he looked forward, but the steepness of the hill accentuated his height from the ground. He then looked up, only to see how loosely the lift was connected to the cord that held it. He took the pragmatic route and closed his eyes for the remainder of the trip upwards while squeezing his metal arms on his father's coat. After being unloaded from the ski lift, John gave his son some pertinent information on going down the slope: “Son, this is you're first time going down the big slope, so I want you to be careful. Don't go too fast. You should slalom back and forth from one end of the slope to the other to keep your speed down. If you need to, you should turn uphill. Most importantly, snowplow. Got it?” “Yes.” “Good. Let's start skiing.” At first the hill didn't seem very different than the ones at the tow rope area. The slope seemed pretty shallow, but the fog obscured WALL-E's view. After a couple minutes of skiing the slope became much steeper, causing WALL-E to panic. He thought it was going to fast, so he turned quickly, but fell in the process. His body slid down the slope several yards, mostly because of his flat surfaces. Fortunately for him, his father, being the kind and considerate man that he has always been, stayed close ahead and was able to help his son stand up again. WALL-E tried again, but the snow fogged up his lenses, making it difficult to see. Although John called WALL-E's name so that he could tell which direction was downhill, WALL-E ended up falling again. He just sat there crying. Suddenly, WALL-E heard a loud laugh of “Hurrhurrhurr!” in absurdly low pitch. “The snow-people!” McCain screamed, “That's their battle cry.” He was right. Soon the snow-people came skiing on down the slope. No one knows of their origins, but they are some of the most experienced skiers in the world. They spend their entire lives in the snow (if possible), eating raw human flesh for sustenance, and wearing the skins of animals they slaughter. They even use the faces of these animals as masks. Anthropologists who have studied these crazed humans have concluded that they are most likely furries gone crazy. For John McCain, the situation was simple: it was either “kill or be killed.” Picking the only option that would lead to his son's survival he pulled out his shotgun and fired. Taking advantage of his combat experience in Vietnam, he fired with such accuracy that a cross-country skier would have swoon over at the sight. Even with his super-human accuracy, the snow-people came in such great numbers that they were able to reach WALL-E. Regarding him as a toy, those abominations poked him with their ski poles and tossed him around like a lead beachball. “THAT'S IT!” McCain screamed. Historians are unsure of exactly how he managed to do it, but somehow McCain managed to kill all of snow-people playing with WALL-E with one pull of the trigger from his shotgun. Seeing the sheer impossibility of this awesomeness, the rest of the snow-people tried to run away, but it was no use. McCain already killed them. They continued down the slope as usual, with WALL-E falling about every ten feet, but eventually the two of them made it to the bottom. WALL-E felt overjoyed after having made it to the bottom of the slope alive, and felt the need to congratulate his father by straining his voice processor to it's absolute limit.” “You're the best dad ever!” WALL-E squealed. “Thank you, son. Now I'm going to tell you something I should have told you a long time ago.” “What?” “You're adopted,” his alleged father replied. “NOOOOOO!!!!!” said WALL-E as his circuits exploded. I'm John McCain, and I approve this message. THE END (P.S. Some epic readings would be nice.) |
| Laplace's Demon |
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 Bloober One over s minus a :> Level: 47 Posts: 383/440 EXP: 730697 Next: 35506 Since: 02-20-07 From: Puerto Rico Last post: 5266 days Last view: 5247 days |
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| RT-55J |
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Armor Guardian Level: 81 Posts: 946/1562 EXP: 4886483 Next: 106366 Since: 02-23-07 From: Wild Side Arcade Last post: 307 days Last view: 48 days |
Posted by Cirvante I seriously doubt that any sane person would think otherwise. |
| Stark |
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Puella Magi
Last post: 4658 days Last view: 3876 days |
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| NightKev |
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 Cape Luigi Level: 131 Posts: 3269/4792 EXP: 26215404 Next: 209216 Since: 03-15-07 Last post: 3727 days Last view: 3639 days |
Also there were only 3 entries so it wasn't hard to pick Stark's I bet.  ____________________ |
| RT-55J |
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Armor Guardian Level: 81 Posts: 951/1562 EXP: 4886483 Next: 106366 Since: 02-23-07 From: Wild Side Arcade Last post: 307 days Last view: 48 days |
What I really want to know is who got second place. |
| Arbe |
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go away Level: 86 Posts: 1386/1788 EXP: 5984012 Next: 158095 Since: 02-23-07 Last post: 4962 days Last view: 1531 days |
Marzen, probably. |
| Marzen |
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Giant Koopa I might be alive, but chances are that's not the case. Level: 73 Posts: 248/1273 EXP: 3418665 Next: 67203 Since: 10-15-08 From: Lulzerland Last post: 4581 days Last view: 4487 days |
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| grayeggsandham |
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 Mini Octorok Level: 9 Posts: 10/12 EXP: 2972 Next: 190 Since: 04-20-10 From: A slightly more magical place Last post: 5095 days Last view: 5094 days |
Awwww. I got "Calvin & Hobbes" + "The Smurfs", with the apocalypse as a plot device, but the contest's already ended...
That would have rocked. Maybe I'll write it anyway. ____________________ Hey! Listen! |
| Kawa |
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 CHIKKN NI A BAAZZKIT!!! 80's Cheerilee is best pony Level: 138 Posts: 3648/5344 EXP: 30927674 Next: 735307 Since: 02-20-07 From: The Netherlands Last post: 4491 days Last view: 2626 days |
It really is hard for you to see the timestamps, isn't it? Might I suggest going to your profile and increasing the font size setting? ____________________ Wife make lunch - Shampoo Opera - give it a spin Spare some of your free time? <GreyMaria> I walked around the Lake so many goddamn times that my sex drive was brutally murdered Kawa rocks  — byuu |
| Main - Writing - The Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Contest! | New thread | New reply |
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