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04-19-24 11:10 PM |
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| Main - The Landfill - 2 storys i have written in my past. | New thread | Thread closed |
| gaara8591 |
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Newcomer Level: 5 Posts: 3/3 EXP: 410 Next: 119 Since: 03-19-07 From: New York Last post: 5827 days Last view: 5800 days |
One day in mid spring, Vladimir was visiting Jasmin Athara when a girl in a red cape come bursting into Jasmin's house. She demanded to know when Jasmin was going to die, because she wanted her inheritance. "WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO KEEL OVER AND DIE, YOU OLD HAG!!!" screamed Little Red.
"I'll die when I die, not a moment sooner." Jasmin said calmly. When Little Red heard this she was very pissed off. She stormed out of Jasmin's house in a rage. "That hag IS going to die this week if I have any say." she thought to herself. The next day Little Red remembered her mother’s teaching about the Death Cap. The Death Cap is a very deadly mushroom. “This mushroom will KILL you if you eat It.” said Little Red’s mother. “You will become grim as death” Upon remembering this Little Red immediately went into the forest in search of the plant. “What was it again that this plant looks like?” she pondered. She remembered that she had her book Common Poisonous Plants with her. She went to the table of contents and found that the Death Cap could be found on page 73. She immediately turned to page 73 and learned that Death Caps are generally greenish in color with a white stem; it also had a picture. Under the picture there was a caption. The caption read "The eater of the Death Cap will die in 6-16 days of the initial ingestion.” “Perfect” Little Red thought to herself. “Now how do I get rid of the body…? THE WOLF!” After twenty minutes of searching she found a solo cap near a Birch Cap. “Well, time to put my plan into motion.” Later that day Little Red made her grandmother a deadly salad. The salad was laced with Death Cap chunks. After Little Red was finished with making the salad, she went out and caught one big wabbit. When she was cooking the wabbit, she added a fairly strong sleeping agent to it. The next day on the way to Jasmin’s Little Red meets Vladimir. “Where are you headed, Red?” inquired Vladimir. “I am headed to my Grandmothers house; I’m bringing her some dinner. I was hoping you were going to be there, because I brought you some food, also,” said Little Red. “I’ll be delighted to have lunch with you and Jasmin.” said Vladimir cheerfully. They both headed to Jasmin’s house. Later that day they both arrived at Jasmin’s house. Once there she announced that she brought dinner for Jasmin, Vladimir, and Herself. “Dearest grandmother, I hope that you had no plans for dinner because I have brought you some. I have also brought Vladimir some dinner also.” Stated Red. “Why, thank you Red!” Said Jasmin cheerfully. After Vladimir and Jasmin ate the salad and wabbit, they both fell asleep due to a full stomach and a hard day. “The death cap will take to much time to kill Jasmin” thought Little Red. “Well time to kill that hag now.” As she thought that she went to her grandmother’s kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife. Butcher knife in hand Red went to work. She cut her grandmothers throat from jugular to jugular severing her vocal cords so she didn’t squeal like a little pig. After she started to hack away at the body shredding it to a unidentifiable pulp. Even though he was asleep, after smelling all of the blood in the air Vladimir went into a feeding frenzy. He devoured Jasmin’s body in what seamed to be one bite. Immediately after seeing her plan fall into place perfectly she went into a maniacal laugh. Story 2 (the back story to one of the caracters i sim with  )
Seiah the Calm Many years ago, there was a birth to the noblest family in the land. Yet the child was different; he was born with extraordinary powers, powers that will ever shape his life for good and evil. Until his tenth birthday there was absolutely no indication that he was different. But on that day he saw a beautiful necklace in a magazine and wanted it for his mother and it just appeared out of nothing. Immediately he brought the necklace to his mother “H-how did you get this Seiah?” asked Seiah’s mom “It just appeared. I was looking at a magazine with it in it, and I wanted it for you and it just fell out of nothing.” Said Seiah “That is impossible my child.” Said Seiah’s mother “It did though” said Seiah. Once he finished his statement he though of the thing he most wanted. He wanted a Nintendo so bad that one just appeared in front of him. “H-h-how this should have never happened again I thought we had that gene strand removed?” Seiah’s mother thought “YOU MUST NEVER DO THAT EVER AGAIN!!!” she screamed. Seiah backs away from his mother fearing her wrath and backs into a corner. “You wont ever do this again will you Seiah?” questioned his mother. “I-I promise I won’t ever do it again Mommy.” Said Seiah. He starts to cry. “Stop your blabbering, and act like a man.” his mother scolded. She goes to slap him but he catches her hand in mid-swing. “YOU WILL NEVER HIT ME AGAIN YOU BITCH!” screamed Seiah. His eyes were a blood red and seemed to be burning with rage, anger, and hate. He crushed his mothers hand with what seemed like no force. “YOU WILL DIE!” He pulls his mother to the ground by her crushed hand. “Seiah think about what you are doing.” His mother pleaded “Why this is fun.” Sneered Seiah. He stomped his mothers’ skull into the ground until she is dead. After he finishes her he continues to kill everyone that is at his house, and then goes on a killing spree killing anyone he comes across in the city he lived in. 20 minutes after killing the last person Seiah’s eyes return to their normal silver. “What have I done!? He screamed. He sits down, goes into the fetal position, and starts to cry and rock violently. He cries himself to sleep on this horrendous night. oOoOoOoOoOo Upon awakening Seiah breaks into an ear shattering scream. “M-mother what have I done? What have I become?” He begins to sob uncontrollably remembering what he did the day before. “I may have some answers.” Said a cloaked man. “W-who are you?” questioned Seiah “I am your Uncle. My name is Letharious” he offers his hand to Seiah to help him off the ground and Seiah takes it. “I want to take you somewhere where you will be with kids like you. There you will be accepted by everyone and not picked on for being different.” “I-I don’t think that anyone will accept me after what I have done.” Said Seiah “Of coarse they will, almost everyone has done something like you there, some even worse. “ Stated Letharious “O-ok, I will go there for a while. If I don’t like it there, I will leave somehow.” Said Seiah “Fair enough.” Said Letharious. Even though we cant let him go once he has been in the facility. He thought to himself. “It will take about a day to get there by a car. So follow me so we can get going.” “Ok.” Said Seiah. He fell in behind his Uncle and followed him to his car. All criticism is welcome, Tell me what you think. |
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go away Level: 86 Posts: 881/1788 EXP: 5984242 Next: 157865 Since: 02-23-07 Last post: 4963 days Last view: 1531 days |
There are a lot of errors, and way too much spacing between paragraphs. It's like one of those stories that could be considerably better if, say, you told the original idea to a professional writer, and let them write it up. I liked how you were pretty blunt with the Seiah guy killing his mom. Although, now I reread it, a lot of it sounds as if you are dictating an idea to someone else, you've changed tenses a lot in weird places, and it can be a bit confusing if you don't put some thought in. Still, a good idea in principle. |
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