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04-16-24 11:40 PM |
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| Main - The Landfill - my made up story. | New thread | Thread closed |
| ultramailman |
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 Micro-Goomba Level: 10 Posts: 11/12 EXP: 3249 Next: 1165 Since: 07-23-07 Last post: 6107 days Last view: 6107 days |
July 13th Normally Bob would stay home all day long in Friday the 13th’s. But this time, he forgot to check the calendar and went to school like he normally does. Bob is a boy with extraordinary bad luck. There seem to be something wrong everyday. There was one Friday the 13th where he forgot to stay home. The result was falling from the second floor of school. He was lucky that Mr. Brawn caught him just in time. That was the fourth late of the week and Bob had to stay after school for that. Missing the bus is not unusual for Bob. No matter how hard he tried he always miss at least one bus a week. Everything was fine until lunch time. Until lunch time. Billy was waiting at the front door of the cafeteria. Bob accidentally spilled puddings on Billy’s face yesterday. That would explain why Billy was waiting at the front door. Bob went in through the back door, only to be seen by Billy’s buddy. “Hey you! Get over here!” Bob panicked and tried to ignore him, but he dragged Bob by the collar to Billy. “hey Bill look what I found here!” “Oh it’s Bob.” Billy said. “Oh hi Billy.” Bob said, shivering. “Buy me lunch for a month.” “Billy can we talk about this?” “No.” “Please?” They dragged Bob by the collar to the boys washroom. Billy punched Bob while his buddy got hold of Bob. When they were gone, Bob got up from the wet floor. He looked into the mirror, and his face was bruised. A janitor saw him and dragged him to the nurse. “This is terrible! Who did this? The nurse exclaimed. “I slipped.” “Tell me the truth. I know you are lying.” “It was Billy Wonka. He punched me hard.” “Don’t worry I’ll report it to the office.” That would mean more punches from Billy, but he didn’t care anymore. Bob stayed at the nurse until the bell rang. In math, he was thinking about his luck. Something was wrong today. It wasn’t just any bad luck. It was very bad. Partly because of yesterday, but he found out why when they have a math quiz. “Alright guys write your name on the top left of the sheet. Today’s date is July 13th. Mind you, it’s Friday the 13th. Scared? You all will fail the quiz. Hahahahahaha.” Mr. Turner joked. That almost made Bob jumped. Since he didn’t pay attention in class, he failed the quiz. To punish Bob, Mr. Turner extended his detention. Bob’s detention also get extended for staying at the nurse when he could’ve been in the English class. All of this almost made Bob cry. “Why is it always me?” Bob thought, “From the moment I was born till now, my life’s full of misery. Why me?” It was a long detention, and just sitting there hurts Bob’s back. After what felt like days, he was finally free. Billy was out from another room t the same time, and once he saw Bob, he yelled “Bob!” “Billy!” Bob ran, but Billy caught him by the collar as always. “You think you’ll be protected by teachers huh?” Billy roared. “Next time don’t tell on me. You got that?” Then, with all his strength, Billy shoved Bob hard. What happened to be behind Bob was a staircase. this is my made up story. ____________________  |
| Omi |
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 Super Koopa Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Hey Nick ♥ Level: 62 Posts: 116/836 EXP: 1892856 Next: 91830 Since: 07-03-07 Last post: 4485 days Last view: 4482 days |
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| ultramailman |
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Micro-Goomba Level: 10 Posts: 12/12 EXP: 3249 Next: 1165 Since: 07-23-07 Last post: 6107 days Last view: 6107 days |
dude im from china still in esl. what do you expect? well im going to regular next year. but ya my gramar is bad. ____________________ |
| GreyMaria |
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>implying even the Japanese understand the Japanese Level: 105 Posts: 132/2851 EXP: 11911603 Next: 350657 Since: 07-13-07 Last post: 4488 days Last view: 4457 days |
This thread fails and doesn't even belong in the proper forum (Writing, dumbfuck)
I deem this thread the dumbest thread ever to appear. ____________________ we're currently experiencing some technical difficulties |
| Flan |
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Level: 82 Posts: 847/1610 EXP: 5113959 Next: 95268 Since: 02-19-07 Last post: 3595 days Last view: 4585 days |
It's not that bad, just work on the language flow, and maybe use commas. I really like the line where Bob said “I slipped.”, it really illustrates the type of character this Bob is and the transition is pretty smooth there. I thought the spacing was a bit odd, so if you're trying to make a poem, try something easy like iambic pentameter for a start. If it's just supposed to be prose, you don't have to use all those new lines, except when starting a new paragraph.
In this case it's rather fitting because of Bob's passive nature, but using passive verbs really has an impact on how people visualize the character. Just my input. O: |
| kuzumeutashii |
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Newcomer Level: 6 Posts: 1/4 EXP: 622 Next: 285 Since: 09-21-07 Last post: 6041 days Last view: 6041 days |
Nice Story |
| Main - The Landfill - my made up story. | New thread | Thread closed |
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