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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - - Posts by Randle |
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Randle Bronto Burt                 Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| It's been a while since I was a member here and I gather the board went a kaput a few times since I last posted.
Still, suits me as I fancied a change in name etc etc. Anyway, happy to be here. I'm in my early twenties and currently studying in my 3rd and final year at University. With the end of my education staring me in the face, I have to start wondering about this whole employment/career thing (whatever the hell that is). I spend too much time playing videogames, especially this year (the crucial one of course) and generally waste most of my time avoiding working. Still, what else are student loans for? |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Feels a bit weird my second post here being a moan to relative strangers but then its on my mind a lot and I can't really talk about it in more familiar haunts due to mutual friend problems. I hope its okay to post this in here, seems the place for it and I apologise in advance for the fact that I have a long post.
A year ago or so, summertime, I started to get to know this girl I'd already known for a while a bit more. I had a crush on her but didn't let her know (maybe a mistake in retrospect) as it would be embarrassing and probably pass in time. Over the course of the following months we got quite a good friendship going on and I started to realise that the crush was growing into something else. I convinced myself it was still a crush as she was in a long-term and long distance relationship so telling her would only lead to awkwardness and the loss of a friendship I'd really started to value. I ended up falling for her though (again, in retrospect maybe I should have said something sooner) and getting really jealous of her boyfriend. I tried my best to hide it until in easter kinda out of nowhere, she told me she thought she loved me. I admitted I felt strongly for her too and we thought it would allow us to just carry on as friends more comfortably. Inevitably things got more serious though as we met up and things unintentionally took off. We came back to earth, things had got too serious and yet when apart, we both missed each other terribly. We couldn't meet up again for a while for various reasons but we spent a great deal of time talking to each other and looking forward to when we could, professing love for each other regularly. She was beginning to contemplate leaving her boyfriend (ontop of me, things hadn't been great for a while). We spoke about what would happen afterwards, talked about the danger of getting involved in the rebound etc and eventually came to a decision about remaining single friends for some time and getting together later once things had settled even. Still seemed to be crazy about each other and looked foward to when we could see each other again. It was mid summer when she told me she had decided to give it another chance with her ex. I was heartbroken and I'd freely admit I didn't act well and we argued. She eventually told me that her mind was made up and that nothing I could do would make her reconsider, instead it would only make her resent me. So I gave up. We didn't get on aswell after that. I found it difficult to talk to her and certainly not about what had happened as the times I did this, it pissed her off. I couldn't talk to friends either as most were mutual friends, (she wanted to keep it secret and not unnecessarily hurt her boyfriend so I kept shtum). Still it was depressing as hell as I felt like I'd not only lost the person I was in love with but also a good friend. I've been depressed about it ever since then and it had got in the way of lots of things, my inability to mention it to friends just made me seem like a miserable sod without a reason so they began to avoid me. I thought I was slowly getting over it telling myself she was with someone she had been with for ages and I never stood a chance but in honesty I was as miserable in November as I was in August. Then I go and find out that she did end it with her partner at some point since then and was now seeing someone else who had apparently been very persistant whilst she experimented with being single briefl. Basically it's killing me, I realise I still have very strong feelings for her and don't know what to do. Part of me wonders if I should just cut my losses and leave the places where I'm painfully reminded of her and forget her and that she is with someone else. I fear I'd regret this however as it would be cutting out a large part of my social life, would distance me from friends who would never know why i did it and that after a while I'd just regret it. The other option would be to tell her how I feel about her etc etc and hope that honesty will somehow lead to something bearable which is what someone has suggested I do. My fear for that is what the reaction would be. Indifference or lack of caring would kill me and I think this is probable seeing as we don't talk much anymore. Whenever I do work up the courage to speak with her, she seems generally uninterested in talking to me and conversations quickly die. I'd hate it if her response to learning how hurt I was and that I still harboured feelings for her resulted simply in mild annoyance and a suggestion that maybe I should just leave and 'get over it'. The final option is I just carry on without saying a thing, hoping that in time I'll learn to deal with it (which hasn't worked thus far) or hope that her new relationship doesn't last (which I don't see happening even if fundamental problems she said she wanted to avoid from now on exist in it) sorry for the ramble. If anyone is still around after reading this revoltingly angsty drivel, are there any suggestions? |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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I don't like mining 
Oh, you probably won't remember this username (unless I've stolen someone elses) as I was called something else when I was here before. I never posted much either. I'm just starting anew with a new name. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Well thanks guys, there is good advice right here and I can also say that there were some pretty accurate predictions of what would happen. I don't want to patronise anyone though as I'm sure you speak from very explicit experience. In some cases I was kind of aware of the background which I suppose could have unconsciously led me to ask for advice here.
As it turns out, I ended up telling her how I feel but mainly because she brought it up unexpectantly. I explained the whole sordid mess, how I had not totally gotten over her, that the latest revelation had shocked and hurt me etc etc. The result is far from pretty as basically she shattered any illusions I may have had about how she feels for me. She told me in no uncertain terms that she regretted everything that had ever happened between us and didn't have one fond memory of that time. I also witnessed something in her actions that I had never seen in the years of knowing her that I find quite unpleasant. She has this habit of lying to get out of awkward things instead of admitting she ever acted poorly and even when you call her on it, she still refuses to admit and will just mumble something else equally hurtful. Also she has demanded an end to our friendship because I wasn't over her. I suppose it may be some noble intention to remove all bonds between us and thus help me get over it faster but to be honest it sounded more like punishment because I hadn't gotten over it in the timeframe she wanted me to. I spoke to someone about it who didn't know her at all and they came out with a few observations which made a lot of sense and had never occurred to me. In short that she had control issues when it came to relationships. Despite saying things like she never wanted to get involved in a long distance relationship again with someone younger than her, she ultimately had done and this could simply be that her age allowed her to dominate the relationship and the distance allowed her to control the closeness of it. She once boasted to me for instance that she had never been dumped and had always been the one to end relationships. When her old boyfriend once exp As it was this person suggested that had been the problem with me. Even after the relationship she was trying to dictate how I quickly I was to get over her, it was never advice or suggestion, it was cold hard dictat. She could hardly argue that me not getting over it was affecting her as we rarely spoke and I avoided talking about feelings for her whenever we did. She used to tell me that I was more emotionally articulate than any of her past relationships and in that respect I was more like her. So being not only closer to her geographically and in terms of age but also in ability to exp This last argument kind of left me feeling strangely satisfied at first...as if I'd finally got some truth and closure from it. There were things I could take from it for instance like experience and the ability to recognise warning signs. I haven't come out of it with a general loathing for women as a whole or disillusion and I suppose I'm still thinking relatively rationally about it all instead of tricking myself into thinking dumb things. Of course as time has passed I've started to feel somewhat upset by the fact that the friendship is now well and truly over. I've been instructed not to contact her directly for any reason whatsoever, I'm blocked again and I know her well enough that it will be a long time before I'm ever given another 'chance' at friendship as she cut people out before. I admit a little bitterness popped up and I wanted briefly to tell some mutual friends so that there weren't quite so many of them that hold her in this high regard as the uber balanced, kind and fair relationship guru (I don't fell loyalty anymore afterall) but then at least I can recognise it as bitterness and not act on that urge when it comes. But I'm rambling and have another long post again don't I? I'm going to get a reputation for this if I'm not careful  |
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Randle Bronto Burt  Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I kind of laugh a bit when I look back at the conversation we had where she boasted about not being dumped and wonder why I wasn't more concerned. The context was some online debate she had got involved in where someone had suggested that the position she was adovcating was probably born from immaturity and inexperience in relationships and in turn she was showing me her reply. The fact that she bizarrely perceived her ending relationships as the indication of maturity should have rung some bigger alarm bells. I was just too smitten at the time to notice many flaws. She can be in long term relationships, she had been in one for several years with her ex before all this kicked off with me. In the end though, she needs to be the one in control of them thus why she was terrified the one time her ex suggested ending the relationship after an argument despite the fact she regularly did the same herself without much apparent remorse. This need for total control seems so obvious to me now. Unlike her last boyfriend and her new one, I lived relatively nearby which meant circumstances wouldn't dictate such limited time together which in turn meant there was control about how close anyone got (in her last relationship afterall, it was always her that had the final say when they would get to see each other). She once claimed that a problem with her last boyfriend aside from the distance had been that he was so much younger than her and this meant regardless of maturity, he didn't have much experience in relationships so she always had to lead the way. Her new guy is even younger.
As for her dictating when I was to get over her, I also view it as quite unforgivable (but then I'm pretty bitter right now). I mean okay you may believe someone is dwelling too much on the past and may therefore try and suggest they stop or even intervene. You may of course have your opinion about how someone is getting over things. But is it right for you to actively dismiss someones actions and just say they're overeacting? I'm kind of stuck here. I sought the advice of someone and they were disgusted that she had just dismissed my sadness as an overeaction. Their argument was that it was wrong for anyone to tell you that your reaction or how you felt was 'wrong' because that in turn was like saying your feelings were 'wrong'. Just because she hadn't taken much time to get over whatever it was she felt, didn't mean that she could expect everyone else to get over it as quickly. Afterall, it was not as if I was bothering her because of it. Had I been pestering, hassling or being a creepy stalker, one would appreciate her desire that I get over it more quickly but then I'd kept my distance from her for a long time and had always been careful about what i did say when we spoke. One of the last things she said to me was something like: "you know, now that i know youre not getting over me at all, i prefer we break friends completely" and that was that despite my pleas. I'd see it as an attempt to help me get over it by forcing a distance but the fact was that for several months at least, we had been distant anyway. I don't know how to take it really. The person I told believes it's just a cruel and mean punishment because I wasn't reacting how she wanted me to. We didn't talk much anyway so its hardly anymore helpful and in turn declaring the friendship over, openly deleting all ties to me and then instructing me to direct any communications to her (kinda work related) through her boyfriend just seems vindictive. At least that is how I saw it at first as others did but then I feel a lot of contempt for her at the moment so maybe I'm being unfair. I dunno. I certainly don't feel the same way toward her anymore. I dislike her immensely and sometimes have little fantasies in my head where she suddenly apologises and wants to be friends again so I can tell her to go f**k herself or otherwise make her feel truly rotten for it all. I don't think i hate her enough to wish harm on her but I certainly hope her new relationship hits the rocks and she's left alone. It's not necessarily because I want it to fail so I can have another chance but rather because I'd get satisfaction from feeling she was left in the same position I'm in. Whether this will happen is hard to say, she suggested they would take it slowly yet I already see this not being the case for him. But then I doubt she's ever the kind of girl to be alone for long, she has always nurtured numerous crushes and admirers. Her experiment at being single lasted all of a fortnight from what I gather. Being destined to be alone? I don't know really. I can see why people feel that way but then I have misgivings. The reason I fell so head over heels for this girl (and I suspect her new boyfriend has fallen for her for much the same reasons) was that she seemed like the perfect girl. Past relationships I had got involved in had always been charaterised by concessions or compromises. For instance I've nerdish or geekish tendancies and interests and to be blunt, when I did get in relationships, the partners never shared them so i had to suppress or ration them. Other interests and preferences made things awkward too (I'm a 22 year old that prefers staying in. I've always struggled to find someone who felt the same way). When I first met this girl, she struck me as the ideal because she did share my passions, interests and preferences. She was attractive too, funny and smart and personally, she was not on some other continent so there was a chance of it going from an OL relationship. Of course when it ended, I was convinced that I would not find someone like that again and thus was destined to be alone. I can certainly see why you'd feel like that after numerous events. Still as time passed, I decided not to think in that way because it was not necessarily true. I'm at the beginning of my life and no mater how much I may think I can predict what will happen, i don't know where my life goes or what lies around each corner. My own parents met in the most unexpected circumstances. I no longer see having identical interests as a necessity to a relationship because if I do, I am always going to be falsely limiting myself to an impossibly narrow niche and will always be setting myself up for dissappointment. I've already met a girl who I'm attracted to. I know i probably don't like the same music she does or have even heard of it and a million other little things but screw it, life is to short to dwell on it. |
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Randle Bronto Burt  Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I'd say it looks like she is the kind of insecure person that doesn't really want you but at the same time doesn't want anyone else to have you either. It's as if she enjoys the feeling of you really wanting to be with her (sometimes it can be difficult not to start having feelings toward someone who has feelings for you) but she is unsure if that enjoyment is actually feelings for you or just enjoying being liked. That could explain why she is so hesitant to get involved with you as she may feel it is wrong to get involved in a relationship with uncertain foundations. The fact that she wants you when you are involved in someone else could then simply be the jealous pang she feels when your affections are focused elsewhere. She may then mistake that pang for genuine affection and a desire for you and so she tries to get you back...only to realise afterwards that she is possibly wrong again.
Now if that were the case then her doing it once is bad but kinda forgivable but doing it twice (i.e. trying to split you up a second time) is IMO a shitty thing to do...still she may be confused. There are possible other explanations and other ways to see her. You could view her sympathetically or you might not. For instance you could look at her as someone that just wants to keep you around as an ego boosting toy; getting a buzz from your ardour and a kick from having the power of splitting you up. Alternatively you could look at her as someone that is genuinely confused about whether she wants you but is terrified of risking losing you just in case you are the one for her...so she tries to keep you around How to deal with it is tricky. I would suggest you do something that lets you work out just why she is doing this over and over because if you let it go on without addressing it, you're just going to keep getting hurt. As she's now trying to get you to be with her again, you could use the opportunity to nail her on it. For instance you could insist that you want to know how she feels about you and point out that you've ended a relationship to be with her only to get fucked around by her when you did and you don't want to end up in that position again. She may continue to be evasive when you do that in which case I'd suggest steering well clear. If she really values you then the threat of losing you for good might make her be a little clearer (even if it isn't much). Whether you choose to believe her is up to you however because if she is completely heartless and merely wants to string you along for her own needs then she might say anything. Still if she just wanted you for an ego boost then I would imagine she wouldn't allow herself to plead or trick you with fake professions of love. Whatever you do, I'd recommend extreme caution and let her know you are being cautious. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Hot blackcurrant with some honey works ace. I sometimes add a little brandy if its a really bad throat but only for taste really. | |||
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I'm pretty sure my ISP puts a cap on BW and I suspect I may have gone over last month so we'll see how much they charge (I can't remember what the cap is or how much they charge. I seem to remember it was relatively cheap though).
They are crap for other reasons though. Over the summer they killed our connection quite a few times and it would take them days to reconnect us. There were apparent diagnosis procedures that took about 48 hours. Not that they worked, they never seemed to be able to fix the problem properly. A lot of the time it turned out to be that we lost the connection after they would try and upgrade our line to a 2 Mbit connection from 0.5. They could never tell us why it happened and we'd have to wait about a day for them to regrade us. We'd get a week online and then they'd try and upgrade us again. Eventually they sent out an engineer but he wasn't authorised to do much it seemed. He told us off the record that he thought it was our router playing up so my mother went and ordered a new router from the ISP (which would take a week to arrive) until I told her we could just go buy one. The best thing is is that now they're trying to sting us for that router. Before we went out to buy one, my mother made sure we could return the one we had just ordered from the ISP to them free of charge. They said it was fine etc etc and they'd send out a special postage bag which it would have to be in to be returned to them. It took ages to arrive but we sent it back. Now they're saying they never received it, have no record of a request for this particular postage bag and are saying that unless we can prove we sent it to them, they'll keep charging us for the router. They told us at the time though that recorded postage wasn't necessary because it was in this bag thing. My mother has threatened to go to the Ombudsman so we'll see if they back down |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| okay..
1) I'm happyish with my weight. I don't feel like I have much of a reason to complain about it. I'm actually trying to gain a little weight which has been kind of a long term thing. 2) I've always been someone more likely to not eat enough rather than eating too much which kinda comes from laziness. What I'm doing most of the time therefore is just making sure I don't skip meals, forcing myself to go and cook etc. I'm avoiding junk food and sticking to (relatively) fresh and healthy stuff. I'm not after massive body building so it's not like I'm going crazy with weight gain powders or whatever. Just nice evening meals, lunches which fill me up rather than just take the edge off the hunger...that kinda thing. I'm also increasing the amount of exercise I do each day. 3) As I'm trying to gain weight, this should be N/A but in a way I'm trying to stop myself from slipping and losing weight again. During last year, I gradually got up to around 140lbs (about 63.5 kilos) but then in the summer I had a few personal problems and was a mess for a while. In the autumn when I checked myself out again, I noticed I'd lost about 14lbs which worried me. So I'm doing the above, making sure I don't skip meals. The danger is making do with snacking. I'm hungry so I'll have a small snack of some junk and that satisfies my hunger enough so that I don't have to go and cook or whatever. 4) beyond my weight I'm largely happy with my body image. I like my height, I have no features I'm desperate to change. 5) Well I never answered these questions before openly but on a personal basis, yes, I'm happier now than I was back in the Autumn. Since then I've only gained about 3lbs but I'm getting there and I have no intention of becoming a scary weight gain monster |
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Randle Bronto Burt  Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I just thought I'd point out to those worrying about the voice talent in the english translation. It is not confirmed as of yet. IMDB is notorious for accepting fan submissions of cast lists and posting them up without official confirmation. As far as I am aware, the only english actors confirmed is the guy playing Cid (who is the same as the one playing him in AC apparently and not the guy who plays him in KH) and the voice of Elena who was apparently leaked (she admitted it in some kind of interview at a convention. She is a professional Voice Actor having done quite a few games).
An important fact to remember that the casting for voices in the American KH was not done by Squeenix but actually done by Disney. It's not surprising that popular candidates were chosen. Whilst Squeenix were no doubt consulted, they would have been forced to tow the line a bit. Of course Disney are not involved with AC one bit and so Squeenix is by no means bound to the same cast lists. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I look for people who are kind, considerate and hopefully honest. Thats maybe the most important thing. I've had enough 'friendships' in the past where those qualities were absent and I understand now that without them, they aren't really friendships.
Intelligence and a sense of humour are of course important qualities as are common interests. I could go into details as to the kind of things I would look for in a prospective partner or friend but I've come to realise that this just limits you to an almost impossible ideal. I've had a few things happen recently that have shaken my confidence. They have not made me question whether what I look for is correct but rather make me wonder whether I can actually spot when people are being genuine. I had a really close friend who turned into a partner and I thought I had found my ideal. However as it turned out, after things came crashing down, I saw in them the kind of things that they had always claimed not to be. Cruel, vindictive, dishonest, going out of their way to cause pain. I just couldn't believe I had gotten someone so completely wrong and had let them get close enough to hurt me. So yeah, I look for those good qualities and hope I'm right when I find them in someone. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Okay, my suggestion would be:
Staying involved with a girl who is still involved with someone else (even if she is breaking up with him) could very possibly lead to a bad place. You don't want to end up being the crutch or stepping stone that gets used whether shes conscious shes doing that or not. That said, I'm not suggesting you should call it quits. I would suggest you make it clear how you feel about her and that might mean you have to be a little bold. If she wants to kiss you then maybe do it, make sure she knows you really like her and want to have something with her, hopefully she'll realise that this sin't easy for you and appreciate you've made an effort. However you then have to explain that you want to cool it off a bit until she is truly single again. There's a whole lot of possible mess and pain if you keep the relationship growing whilst she is still involved with someone else. EDIT: I just realised I said exactly what Tarale said. Do that. (edited by Randle on 01-06-06 08:15 AM) |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| My only guess would be either a problem from not drinking enough fluids or having somekind of iron deficiency. But then all the tests you've had would have shown them up and I'm no Doctor so I'm sure the people you've seen would have considered things like this immediately. | |||
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| The worry here would be that your Doctors would determine that its psychological in some way. I don't know about anyone else but in my experience doctors tend to stop even trying once they think its psychological...as if they're saying "We've done all we can boys, it's one of those weird head things".
I know someone that would get this really bad shoulder pain and once the doctors had exhausted all direct causes, they determined it was stress related or something. The best they were willing to do then was pack him off to a crap psychiatrist (who must have won his qualification off a pack of cereal) and offer him some mood altering medication. As it turned out, it was something quite straight forward they'd just missed. Bleeding heavily is one particularly obvious thing that can lower blood pressure...but I'm sure you may have noticed if that had happened  . Iron and water quite important. the medication thing seems possible. I know some acne type medication have huge side effect lists. I'd suggest you remain persistant with Doctors. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I don't see how the fact that she cheated on her ex signifies anything. If she made a habit of it or the relationship she was in seemed okay I could understand possible anxieties.
The bigger worry is staying with her whilst she is going through the breakup. I speak from experience as the person who got involved with someone coming out of a long term relationship. We discussed cooling it off until it was well and truly over with the ex and then possibly giving it a little time before we started anything and we even intended to but I was just too damn impatient. I was scared that if we did cool it off, they would possibly rediscover feelings for their ex or possibly even find someone else. As it happened, we continued to be very close whilst they ended their other relationship. However this merely resulted in them starting to feel guilty and eventually led to them convincing themselves that they had to find atonement for what they'd done to their ex. So I got dumped and they decided to try and give the old relationship another chance. Problem was that the old relationship had long been dead so this second chance didn't last long. Enough bad water had gone under the bridge between me and them, I was associated with too many bad things and feelings of guilt to effectively screw up any hopes I might have of getting another chance, they simply weren't prepared to let me into their lives again. I didn't even find out they had been available until they announced that they had got involved with someone else and in turn having to see this tore me apart. I don't mean to hijack a thread or anything but just point out the dangers of remaining closely attached through a breakup. Sure, sometimes you can remain close and it can all work out beautifully but other times you can get hurt. Depending on the relationship she was in, it could end up not being as easy as is first perceived, If the ex is an arsehole then it should make things easier. My problem was that the ex was a really sweet and understanding person so feelings of guilt were enhanced. That said, the arsehole sometimes has a strange hold over people. People can feel sudden strange pangs of guilt, loyalty and betrayal towards complete gits. It's a phenomena that will probably never be understood but it can happen. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| third person from England. And that is England, not on the borders of Scotland as the damn thing decided to arbitrarily interpret my clicking | |||
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I don't know if this has either been posted (the date suprised me, I'd missed it) or whether this is the right place.
Now this is nothing to do with that Nissan car or whatever but rather Microsoft's answer to iTunes. I figured they had something in the works and I have no problem with it really but seriously, could they not have picked a better name? I mean its asking for fanboy piss takes |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Wally Wingert is listed on the IMDB page (they appear to have taken all the KH entires off) but then the last I looked, Boy effing George had been cast as well (as one of the turks no less) so I still take anything IMDB states with an industrial tanker full of salt.
Still Wally Wingert does seem a bit more plausible so I guess it's probably true |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| Well I was using daily cycle but then I just discovered FF9. I decided to use it just because I could never imagine anyone would go to the trouble of actually making a FF9 skin. I like the game quite a lot, just don't encounter many people that don't agree without immediately talking about FF7 | |||
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| I added myself (again). I would have thouht there would be more people from the UK. I'm the only northerner
I will have to live up to the stereotypes alone |
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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - - Posts by Randle |
