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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - - Posts by Silvershield |
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Silvershield   580                   Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Well then, not to derail the thread (which has already happened more than once, I guess), but how does the gun control debate figure into the equation? Hypothetically, is it a reasonable solution to simply outlaw civilian ownership of firearms? Does that, as conservatives like to say, allow only outlaws to have guns? Or is that a blind oversimplification of the issue? | |||
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by ||bassWhat I was trying to say, yeah. I go to a school that is officially a "college," but it could not be considered universally inferior to every school that carries the title "university." Just a difference in terminology. Take Boston College, for example: it's one of the most prestigious, credible schools in the country, but it's still called "college." (Though that's not exactly an ideal example, because it is, indeed, a university, but lacks that title because a Boston University already exists.) Back on topic though, I think the issue ultimately revolves around finances, just as most such issues with higher education tend to do. A community college is pretty much universally less expensive than even a state school for which you would be an in-state student, so if money is a major concern then it's sometimes wise to get a two year degree at a community college and then complete a bachelor's degree at a four year school. Alternatively, go to a four year school for the full four years, but take some credits at the community college over summer or winter vacations - ideally, you'd be able to graduate a semester (or even a year or more) earlier, because many of your credits would have been fulfilled outside of the normal term. And you'd save money because, for one thing, every semester you cut off your graduation time is a semester of room and board fees that are saved, and those credits that were taken at a community school are going to cost less than the same credits at a four year college. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| I'd be happy to read what people submit, if not necessarily contribute myself. As it stands now, I more or less avoid this forum, but I think if we had a dedicated platform for creative writing then I (as well as others, likely) would be more inclined to actually check it out. It remains to be seen whether it would actually lead to a greater number of writing projects being posted, though...heh heh. | |||
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Silvershield 580  Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons. That is, avoid the whole Pascal's Wager thing. | |||
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by AlkisWhy, so that the US could have been maligned and demonized for the act more than it already was? |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by DanielleTo be frank, it's not like the forum could possibly be any more spam-saturated than many of the forums that already exist. I mean, even a thread that is the least bit relevant to this new forum's theme would inherently hold more value than the typical thread in Craziness, for example. |
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Silvershield 580  Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by AlkisTo the best of my memory, that sort of statistic has very little factual basis. It's a common justification for capital punishment - that people will be less likely to commit crimes if they know the death penalty is on the books - but I don't think I've ever seen any reliable numbers to prove it. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Very cool, all of them, but I think I'd like to see them asymmetrical rather than perfectly symmetrical as they appear now. Too neat and perfect-looking, if you ask me. I want them more random. I dunno how hard that would be technically though, so you could disregard that remark if it's unrealistic.
Edit for a typo. (edited by Silvershield on 01-02-07 06:58 AM) |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Again I cite Pascal's Wager, which is essentially a probability theory application of belief or non-belief in God. It says, basically, that you're universally better off believing in God after weighing all possible outcomes:
1. You believe in God, and He does not exist. No harm done. 2. You believe in God, and He does exist. No harm done. 3. You do not believe in God, and He does not exist. No harm done. 4. You do not believe in God, and He does exist. Harm done. So, the only choice that has a bad outcome is one in which you do not believe in God, so you're better off believing in Him - whether He exists or not, you still win (or at least you don't lose). Of course, it's a logical fallacy, which is why converting to or believing in a religion just so that you don't "go to Hell" is generally a poor choice. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by RikuI think that's a pretty pessimistic take on things. The fire and brimstone philosophy bothers me - Christianity is about man, who is inherently and unavoidably flawed, having the infinite opportunity to seek forgiveness, not about that flawed species being damned without recourse. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by RikuThe issue is, the Bible tends to be contradictory in many respects, and so an individual passage might be directly opposed by a passage somewhere else in the book. I mean, there are plenty of "qualifications" that are provided regarding what a person needs to do to go to Heaven, and then Jesus comes along and says something along the lines of "be kind to your fellow man and lead a good life, and you will be saved." Which kind of throws a wrench in things. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| It's certainly a worthy goal, but I can't see myself ever succeeding at that sort of thing. I need to be in a very particular mood to write with any sort of enthusiasm, not to mention the environment has to be just right. And I feel like my mood is right, and the environment is right, so rarely when I'm living away at school; too often there is a drunken party or a booming stereo somewhere in the dorm building, and that ruins it. It's generally easier here at home, but as soon as I go back to campus I know I would struggle with it again, which is really frustrating.
But, like I said, it's a worthy goal. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| I wish there was some easy, practical method to just offer proofreading advice, because I immediately see some mechanics errors that injure the piece as a whole. There are several problems with noun-verb agreement, hyphen use, and some awkward phrasing. If you'd like me to be any more specific and provide individual examples, I'd be happy to.
I have to admit, I can't necessarily follow the storyline because I'm not familiar enough with the source medium, but I think it's short enough that that's not a huge issue. I like the mood - it seems fairly dark to me, but not overly so - and the character is described well. I would like to see you stray a bit more from the cliche of "the dark stranger with piercing red eyes, a billowing cloak, an incredible grasp of magic or some other destructive skill, a very smug and casual attitude," etc. Like I said, I'm not familiar with the original character, so those traits may not be your creation but are instead the original author's, but it's a critique nonetheless. Not bad, though. I'd like to see a second draft, maybe a bit longer if you could. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| You label this writing a preface - how long will the entire work ultimately be?
You're correct in labeling it "Tolkien-esque." Everything from the names to the sort of creation story to much of the style mimics Tolkien, and that would have to be my major criticism. Not that there's anything wrong with him - he's the father of modern fantasy, after all, and to call his work groundbreaking would be a huge understatement - but his style can definitely lean towards tedious and his language is sometimes archaic, and I think you've nailed those two elements. If that's your goal, then you've succeeded, but just my personal preference is for a more dynamic style. You're a bit inconsistent with the Early Modern English words you use - the "mines" and "thines" and whatnot. You use them, and then don't use them under identical circumstances that you just have used them. Should be all or nothing, in my opinion. (Or, more like "nothing" in my opinion, because I feel like if you use that sort of language too often it can bog down your story.) It is definitely a matter of style though, so I can't necessarily criticize it. If you expand and write more, I'd like to read it, so post it up here  . |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Out of curiosity, are you looking for feedback just for your personal use, or will your story be used for some sort of assignment? | |||
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| I know that it's just a brief fan fiction, so I don't want to be too harsh in a critique of it, but I do see some surface issues. For one thing, you tend to switch between past and present tenses at several points, which is both jarring to the reader and is just simply bad form. You offer little background, to the point that a reader who is unfamiliar with either of the source media (not your target audience, I know) is immediately lost. The tone, storyline, and style are a bit too silly, but that's not so much an objective critique as much as it's a subjective personal preference of mine.
My main problem with it is, as I said, there's so little background information provided that I can't really follow it until the exposition at the end. I'm not your intended reader, I'm sure, because you probably intend for your audience to be familiar enough to not have that problem, but I find myself totally lost as you describe the castle and the monster with the fire breath and the mutant turtles. I played the Mario games years ago, so it's vaguely familiar I suppose, but you could write it so that even a person who's never played those games can understand it: be more thorough and comprehensive in your description, and don't just jump from point to point (the hero is in the castle, then there's lava all around, then a boss appears, all without any sort of description in between each event). |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Links appear broken for me. | |||
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by PrincessPeachYou have your work cut out for you, but I think it would be a pretty major job to overhaul the piece to the point that I would fully understand it. And, again, I have to point out that that's more a consequence of my own unfamiliarity with the subject more than it is a criticism of your work. Originally posted by PrincessPeachHey, it's a tribute to you that I couldn't even tell that English isn't your first language. I thought you were a native speaker who just had some minor issues, but I'm impressed that you're actually a native German speaker .
Originally posted by PrincessPeachIt was clever. It was a scenario that I never would've dreamed up on my own. Originally posted by PrincessPeachThere are plenty of good textbooks and that sort of thing, but if you're looking for something a little less dense then a quick Google search turned up this. Hopefully it's helpful. If you ever need any specific advice or proofreading on something you've written, I'm sure you could post it up here and I or someone else would be happy to lend a hand. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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| Well, until a Mighty Taco pops up in North Jersey, I'll be content with my Taco Bell .
I don't want to take this poem too seriously and give you any sort of grave critique of it, but I thought I might just make a quick remark or two. Line 4 is awkwardly phrased - it's a consequence of the rhythm of the poem, I know, but you might be able to rework it in some way to make it sound better. Line 6 sounds like it has too few syllables to me. Same with Line 13. Overall though, it's clever. Some good turns of phrase and witty lines, even if it's just a quick, light poem. The last line is especially fun, I think. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 5920 days Last view: 5908 days |
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Originally posted by emceeOr he's a troll. |
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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - - Posts by Silvershield |
