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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Is this wrong? |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon                   Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6486 days Last view: 6471 days |
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| Okay here we go, the question of my life.
I met a boy online over a year ago. Since then we've talked every single night on the phone for, on average.. say 8 hours a night. Most likely, more. We never tire of each other, we know that in the end when we're older.. we'll be together. And above all else, we know we're truly meant for each other. I must stress that as I get into the next couple of paragraphs. He lives in Vegas, I live in New York City. And it gets so lonely. And I'm so sure that we're going to end up together in the end... that I don't even feel guilty hooking up with other people now. He knows I hooked up with a boy in the summer, and he didn't really seem to mind.. so I took it as it was accepted. Like, it's okay as long as it doesn't develop into anything serious... which I honestly don't plan on. I don't think I'd be too jealous if he was messing around with girls... because I know again... in the end it's going to end up being us. Like if you meet your soul mate... you can't possibly mess it up. Is this wrong? |
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Tommathy   Since: 11-17-05 From: Cloud Nine, Turn Left and I'm There~ Last post: 6465 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| Some of the most in-love and well adjusted people I know are in open relationships.
Blessings and happiness to the both of you  |
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neotransotaku Sledge Brother Liberated from school...until MLK day  Since: 11-17-05 From: In Hearst Field Annex... Last post: 6467 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| you have an interesing predicament... in my opinion, i don't believe it is bad either...just as long as you don't do more advanced stuff if you know what I mean... then at that point, question of your integrity comes into play. But giving you the benefit of the doubt, I don't see why not that if you really, really adore someone and they really, really adore you back, why you should not be able to date other people. What is the difference between a date and just hanging out with someone? Probably it is the amount of "affection" one displays but well what differentiates that from what you share with your familiy...
Case in point, I think it is alright...sort of wish this is the scenario for me and my best friend...although, it seems one sided... |
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Silvershield   580  Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6477 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| If you're so terribly in love with this person, how do you even bring yourself to become involved with someone who is not him?
I'm not condemning the action, but maybe it's wise to first reassess your own feelings. If your profile's accurate, you're only 16 years old; admittedly, my own first relationship began at that age, and I had no doubt in my mind that we'd be together forever. (Needless to say, that relationship has since ended.) If you really feel like you're in control of the situation, more power to you. Otherwise, take a moment (or an hour) to sit down and think through the process you use to justify physical involvement with someone whom you're not emotionally attached, all the while professing genuine love for someone else. |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6486 days Last view: 6471 days |
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| Well I dated this one boy for four years before this one... and in the end he ended up cheating on me and treating me terribly. Through the whole thing I thought, "If he just told me, I don't think I'd be half as mad". That's kind of the logic I'm using in this situation.. and he doesn't seem to be that mad either.
The distance is another factor in this situation, I mean we see each other next to never. But he is me.. in guy form. And we've been this close for over a year.. I just know that in the end it's going to be us.. which is why not it doesn't feel that wrong for us to kind of be with other people. I feel fine with this whole situation, which is kind of weird to me. Given this situation I always thought I'd self-destruct or something along those lines.. but I'm fine.. and it works. Just do you think like down the road it could kind of like.. cause a rift between us? That's the only thing I'm really scared of. Like, yeah he knows and he says he's fine with it.. and sometimes he tells me about girls and stuff.. and really, I don't care when I hear about them.. for serious. I'm not a jealous individual.. and as far as I know, he isn't either. It's a sticky situation. Do you think given time things can get all funked up? |
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neotransotaku Sledge Brother Liberated from school...until MLK day Since: 11-17-05 From: In Hearst Field Annex... Last post: 6467 days Last view: 6465 days |
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Originally posted by Snow TomatoThis is what currently is happening between me and my best friend. I mean, my best friend has though about whether me and her could work together. But in the end, she decided not to pursue it for various reason. But I pressed on in telling her I'll wait. I've told her I adore her several times (three times to be exact--i've know my best friend for about 6 years already). Anyways, 4 months ago, she told me she was seeing someone and I was fine. Two days later, I crashed and basically decided to put myself into self-exile (i.e. not to talk to her until I get over her and other stuff). She emails me out of the blue saying she hadn't seen me for 1 month, then sees my xanga, and well..basically the beginning of the end started around that point. So, I'm not sure...you are walking on a fine line...maybe things will work out, maybe not. The amount of effort and the timing of things between you and the person you adore the most will determine if this didn't matter or not... |
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Jomb Deddorokku  Since: 12-03-05 From: purgatory Last post: 6468 days Last view: 6468 days |
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| You're 16. You may think you're really in love, and who am i to tell you you are'nt, but i have my doubts. Most people dont really know what love is yet at 16, even though they think they do. I was that way myself back then. A long distance relationship is hard as hell when you are an adult and can actual visit each other once in a while. It's going to be next to impossible for it to work at 16. When you're 20, if you still feel this way about this guy then maybe it was for real. But you'll still have all that distance to deal with. Are one of you willing to leave behind all your friends and family to be together? Thats whats going to have to happen for this to work out you know... For me, the one time i was in love, i could'nt think of any other woman. And the thought of trying to tell the woman i loved that i was seeing someone else would have broken my heart. | |||
Uncle Elmo Porcupo Loved up and ready to go :) Since: 11-24-05 Last post: 6481 days Last view: 6521 days |
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| Not sure if this is the best time for me to answer a post like this given as I'm more than a few reams to the wind, but that the hell.
What it might happen is that when you DO finally end up together end up you questioning your trust for each other - after all, what is to stop him "cheating" on you when you finally move heaven and earth to be together. Perhaps I'm just bitter, given what happened to me, but I suppose there are parralells. My soulmate and I have decided if fate ends bringing us back together, then that's great - if not, well perhaps we're not soulmates after all. |
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Danielle  6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6466 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| I think it's wrong. But then again, I've been called selfish more than once, so it's probably how I am.
If you commit to someone enough to say that you love them -- to say that they're your soulmate, why would you see other people on the side? If you honestly feel that it's okay to not have a one on one relationship just because of distance.. how will that ever change? Where do you draw the line? If you two think it's okay now, what means it won't be okay later? If/when you two are together, don't be surprised if he's with someone else, and vice versa. If I were in those shoes, I'd be heartbroken. Loyalty is something I hold in very high regard. |
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Shadic The Adventure of Link Perfect Member Since: 11-18-05 From: Olympia, Washington Last post: 6472 days Last view: 6468 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle This is exactly how I feel. I'm currently taken, and very much in love with, a girl. If either one of us did something with somebody else, we'd both be heartbroken. I don't see why distance would allow you to be with somebody else, and it seems more of an excuse than a reason. I'm not going to question your loyalty and honesty or anything, but aside from excitement, what is the purpose of being with somebody else? And who is to judge if a relationship with a "somebody else," gets too serious? |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6486 days Last view: 6471 days |
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| Too serious= sex. And I don't plan on doing that.. like for a long ass time with said person in Nevada. Maybe I'll wait till I'm married even.
That's the thing like, I'm not a slut or anything. Neither is he really. It's just, open and carefree right now.. we both know about each others things... and I guess we're just not jealous. I hope this post made sense. It's after new years and I'm burnt. Oh goody,... goody night. |
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Iori Yagami Hardhat Beetle  Since: 11-18-05 From: Hell's keeper Last post: 6672 days Last view: 6672 days |
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| Hmmm... let's see I would say it's wrong unless you two have decided for it to be open relationship while having this long distance one too. I'm not going to gripe about what I've been through just don't well wish things to happen like you think are going to. As in the end they probably won't happen like you think or wish they will. I've done that too many times already and sure to do it more as I can't help it. | |||
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6466 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| So do you to then plan on having an open relationship when you're together? Is it always going to be like that?
For me, the goal of a relationship (or one of them, at least) is to be happily monogamous. If you two both agree to not be that way... where do you see your relationship with him going? |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6486 days Last view: 6471 days |
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| When we're able to be together, it's not going to be an open relationship. When we're able to be together.. being college.
Cause he's comming east for college.. not just because of me, because he's always wanted to. |
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Black Lord + Flurry Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6467 days Last view: 6468 days |
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| If my girlfriend asked me if it would be okay if she could see other people, because we can't be together all the time. I would be so torn to pieces, I wouldn't want to be close to anyone ever. Honest is the number 1 thing in a relationship, which she would be being honest, but loyalty is right up there with honesty, in my book, and I would be heartbroken if she didn't remain loyal to me.
That being said, my answer to the question in the thread title would be, yes, very much so. |
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Shadic The Adventure of Link Perfect Member Since: 11-18-05 From: Olympia, Washington Last post: 6472 days Last view: 6468 days |
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Originally posted by Snow Tomato So, the only thing that allows you to see other people is the fact that he's not physically near you right now? You realize that couples can't always be right next to eachother, right? Originally posted by Black Lord This is exactly how I feel. Kissing, or doing anything with somebody else that you aren't with is essentially saying "Well, I'd rather be with this person for now." I mean, if "Serious," is having sex, then are you allowed to love another when you're with them? Can you really love two people at the same time? I guess I'm just taking this too far with how I would feel if it happened to me.. |
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6466 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| It's just.. something that varies person to person.
I don't see how distance should have any effect on how open you are about seeing other people. You still call him your boyfriend. And just because the people you date now aren't going to get serious, they're still boyfriends. And to me, more than one at a time is just wrong. And.. I still don't understand why you want other people when you're so deeply in love with this guy in Vegas. |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6486 days Last view: 6471 days |
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| We both figured it was better to be young and stupid... than to be old and stupid.
Does that sentance make any sense to anyone besides me? And we're so convinced that in the end we'll be together.. that anything that happens now is just filler.. like it doesn't matter. Sort of like, how when you're waiting to get into the doctors office, you know you're meant to go to the doctors office. What happens in the waiting room doesn't matter.. it's just filler, passing the time.. but still you don't want to leave the waiting room because then you will inevitably miss your appointment. Wow, that was a far fetched analogy. Hope it made sense. |
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Tommathy Since: 11-17-05 From: Cloud Nine, Turn Left and I'm There~ Last post: 6465 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| Oh dear god, the horror of modern day serial monogamy.
Traditionally, society recognizes no bonds except for engagement to be married and marriage. This whole boyfriend/going steady nonsense is an absurdity; how much attachment and hold can you have on a person short of marriage? Young people are supposed to date lots of people to get know better know what they want out of a relationship, out of life, and out of themselves, quite frankly. Of course, all this rampant dating occured back in the days where it was *assumed* no one had sex before marriage, but we're all mature enough here to recognize that was probably a relatively polite fiction. The modern invention of serial monogamy probably arose because people were getting tired of maintaining that particular polite fiction and putting up a completely different one. Monogamy isn't just "going out with just one person for right now", it's "going out with just one person for the rest of your life", doncha know. Of course, I do admit that my point of view is moderately radical, open relationships being considered "wrong" for some strange reason. However, above all, I adhere to the ideal of "whatever you two decide is your business". If you two love birds think you can make it work, I wish you both the greatest of happiness. |
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Bella Red Paratroopa Since: 11-18-05 From: Mi Casa de Candy and RATE OR DIE Last post: 6468 days Last view: 6468 days |
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| My stuff didn't work out and I did think that same thing for awhile but then after almost 2 years I realized a few things but then again, it's different for everyone else. If you really, truly believe he is the one for you, make sure you meet up and have the best time. My crap fucked up, I mean the lonliness get to you and I just broke it off because he was a jealous person and I felt trapped. As long as you guys are both fine with messing with other people but it still doesn't seem right to have guys on the side as well. I mean it does seem like you're really in love with this guy, but don't count other guys out of the picture either which I see you're not doing. |
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