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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Writing - Untitled Project (Fantasy. Think Tolkien) |
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Clockworkz Birdon                   Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6465 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| Just wrote this a little while ago. Never wrote anything like this, ever. So let's hope that this turns out alright, eh?
Untitled Project Preface: Of Creation and Destruction Usilion, known as the All Knowing King, was once known as the highest authority in the kingdom of Retreiarch, the Realm of the Gods. Before the earth existed, Usilion was a lonesome soul, and longed for companionship. From his being, he formulated many others crafted after himself in form, but varying in power and likeness. These were the Kabar, the Audience of Gods, and their power was significant. Usilion spoke to them all upon their creation, and told them, “See here, for from mine spirit, ye hath been born from me. And so long as I am immortal and undying, ye shall be subservient. Fear not, for mine rule is peaceful and non-oppressive,” and the Kabar heard this, and they were pleased. Retreiarch was a paradise for Usilion and his Kabar. In time, however, Usilion became uninterested in the dealings of just the Kabar, and again, from his being, formulated a flaming sphere in the emptiness of the universe, and circling this flame, yet another sphere, a globe of dirt and rock and sand. Usilion poured his spirit and knowledge, and breathed life into this dusty orb, and water flowed across the land, and finally, with his last, greatest act, he poured the spirit of law into the world and gave birth to all creatures who would uphold the law. The most prominent of these creatures were the Elves, the first race. They were intelligent, quick witted individuals who quickly built for themselves empires and kingdoms, and lived a peaceful life in harmony with nature and their environments. The Kabar witnessed Usilion’s majesty, and rejoiced in his splendor. Unfortunately, there were those who admired Usilion’s power so, that it became a coveting. Most notably, the Kabar, known as Kalthagor, craved the power of Usilion so much, that he confronted him about it, and attempted to overthrow his master in a show of spiritual power. Usilion was displeased with Kalthagor’s arrogance, and stripped him of his title and banished him to the earth. Filled with rage and contempt, Kalthagor salvaged what little godly power he retained, and brought up a massive army of dark, treacherous creatures that he himself had summoned from his hatred, and spoke unto Usilion. “Witness my might, Usilion! For from thine banishment came mine power. Mine dwelling is great, my army greater, and my hatred, greater still. For with these hands, I shall bring down thine creation, and raze it to the ground!” From a great palace in the mountains, a swelling, black haze billowed out, and Kalthagor and his minions marched upon the unsuspecting kingdoms that were built upon the world, and annihilated all that once was, leaving ruins and history buried under rock and dirt, and the world breathed no more. Defeated and demoralized, Usilion shrunk greatly in power, lowering his defenses enough to allow Kalthagor entrance back into Retreiarch. Kalthagor killed Usilion in his moment of weakness and took the throne, and proclaimed himself the new All Knowing King. He spoke unto the other Kabar, “Doth ye not see? Usilion was weak and powerless! I have slain him, and shall rebuild his world, but in greater, more amazing glory!” And it was so. Kalthagor used his new power to remake the beings of the world once more, but with more wonderment and awe in their essence, and through this, the Kabar reveled in this majesty and praised Kalthagor’s name. The elves were smarter and revered his name, for he made it known to them, and told them the tale of how he usurped his master Usilion. Kalthagor poured his spirit into them as well, and through this, some Elven individuals became hedonistic, and cared only for themselves, rather than Usilion’s perfectly molded beings from the last incarnation, for Kalthagor believed this would provide interest to the beings, and would make them more appealing to witness. Yet, once again, another of the Kabar became envious of Kalthagor, and followed in his arrogant footsteps. Following the same pattern of challenge, expulsion, destruction and overthrowing, Kalthagor was slain and replaced. With each successive usurping, the reincarnation of the earth and its residents became more wondrous and incredible until now, at the seventh incarnation of the earth. Several races have been born since the First Era, as it has been now called, and each of them have learned of legacy of corruption in the halls of Retreiarch from accounts of past Eras. As of late, a billowing black cloud has been formulating around the mountainous regions of the west, and the people have become afraid of their possible destruction. The life of the Seventh Era will become the bloodiest one the earth has ever seen. |
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Silvershield   580   Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6477 days Last view: 6465 days |
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| You label this writing a preface - how long will the entire work ultimately be?
You're correct in labeling it "Tolkien-esque." Everything from the names to the sort of creation story to much of the style mimics Tolkien, and that would have to be my major criticism. Not that there's anything wrong with him - he's the father of modern fantasy, after all, and to call his work groundbreaking would be a huge understatement - but his style can definitely lean towards tedious and his language is sometimes archaic, and I think you've nailed those two elements. If that's your goal, then you've succeeded, but just my personal preference is for a more dynamic style. You're a bit inconsistent with the Early Modern English words you use - the "mines" and "thines" and whatnot. You use them, and then don't use them under identical circumstances that you just have used them. Should be all or nothing, in my opinion. (Or, more like "nothing" in my opinion, because I feel like if you use that sort of language too often it can bog down your story.) It is definitely a matter of style though, so I can't necessarily criticize it. If you expand and write more, I'd like to read it, so post it up here  . |
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