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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - My Mother and Myself |
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Sinfjotle Lordly? No, not quite.                     Since: 11-17-05 From: Kansas Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| I really feel like she's messed up, especially tonight.
Apparently she "took a bunch of pills" because her and my step-father got in a fight. Now I think suicide is a fairly childish thing to do, and I asked her how many pills she took. She said that she could handle it and to not call the cops (while crying mind you), so I'm just not going to bother. She's a rather stubborn person, she gets in fights all the time for no reason and she hasn't been able to hold a job recently. (She blamed me for her losing the last job because she couldn't mess with the computer. Apparently me and my sister told her that she would break it and it burned into her mind so she's afraid of computers. We have a computer downstairs that I set up for her use and she uses it fairly frequently and I've never had to fix anything on it.) She's been through 10 jobs or so this year I think. She's made less than $8,000 this year and it's put a lot of stress on our budget. (Had to file bankruptcy and the only thing we kept was the house.) My step-father is kind of old fashioned so he hasn't complained and he's tried to make things work. He isn't a very smart man, but he has a good heart and good intentions and has been supporting my mother and myself for this last year. (I pay for most of my food, clothes, internet, games, etc, he pays for the house bills.) I believe this is an attempt at my mother to either get attention, which both me and my step-father down right ignored, or she's actually planning on killing herself. If I wake up and smell something dead, I figure I'll call the cops, but I'm not playing games with her, especially when I asked her if I needed to call the cops or not. I think I probably should've called the cops anyways, but really I'm not going through that. I realize that sounds cold hearted. My mother has been self-destructive lately, pushing away friends, family, even her children. She blames all of this on childhood abuse. I'm the only child of the three she had that even talks to her right now. (I'm also the youngest.) She's been smoking more pot lately, I can always smell it in the house now and it drives me crazy. I've asked her several times if she'd just take a step back and examine what she's doing, but she just ignores me or pins a line on me everytime. "You said you'd be fine if you woke up and I was dead." I did say I would be fine if I woke up and she was dead, that was no joke on my part, but she uses it on everything I say. I'm getting tired of it. I have people around me that will help me if she's dead, but I'd rather not rely on them unless I have to. Now, maybe I'm just a bad person, but I've never been able to actually care for my mom. I can pretend to care, ask questions, and try and help her out, but I'm not going to be her best friend and walk her through every step. Maybe I'm just heartless, but since I was fourteen, I really wouldn't care if she up and died. I don't think I could even manage to fake a tear. Now, am I heartless, am I being stupid, is there something I should be worried about if I can think like this? I have no one to blame for what I'm thinking, not even her. I've allowed myself to mature this way and I knew it was happening, I've even tried to get psychological help, but we got tracked to side issues and I dropped it, walking away from it believing it was worthless. My mom just left the house... I'm still not worried one bit. I have no sinking feeling, no encroaching doom, no nothing. It's just... the same as always. If she dies, she dies. |
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n3g-Z3r0 theory Rat Since: 01-09-06 From: Augusta, Ks Last post: 6338 days Last view: 6315 days |
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Sam, I'm your cousin and all but you can only feel what you want to feel. Throughout your life, or at least in earlier years, your mother tried to get you to have feelings for everything. And of course for a while you did....Around the time you started middle school however you seemed to have goten the idea in your mind that life was in a way like a video game and that we're all just following this amazing quest....Great quest so far  ... Anyway, you feel nothing for your mom because that is how you raised yourself. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with how you were raised it is just that you raised you...
About your mom and her feelings. I remember her many, many, many times telling me that if someone ever wanted to commit suicide to just have them come to her and she'll make sure they do it right and not become a vegetable. If your mom was really trying to commit suicide I guarantee she would have done it. Besides, this is how Aunt Karla has almost always been anyway it's just that she is under more stress because of her back and the fact that she does amazing amounts of pot now and that she can't remember that she has a job so she loses it. If you ever need a place to stay man, we have an open room. Just remember that. |
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Tarale    2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Pfft, I'd call the cops just because it would (hopefully) force her to get help.
She sounds like she has Depression or something of that nature, it's clearly not being managed or treated right, maybe calling the cops will put some proper treatment into action. Smoking pot's probably only gonna make her worse really -- while it has antidepressant properties, it's not all the best for getting her out in social situations, or for her being motivated and whatnot, and those kinds of things matter overall. Hopefully police intervention will see to it that she gets help of some kind. I doubt you really don't care if she dies or not, it just sounds more to me like you're over all the bullshit. Try not to blame her for the BS -- if it's really Depression, then she's not exactly in full control of the situation.  |
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Sinfjotle Lordly? No, not quite. Since: 11-17-05 From: Kansas Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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My mom doesn't have depression. She's been to enough psychologists and psychiatrists over the years. 
I'm going to sleep on it and let life see what happens, if she isn't back by the morning I'll call the cops and tell them to be on the look out. Think it's time to move to my dads though, something I probably should've done a year ago. |
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Originally posted by Pvt. Prinny Well, she's got something because people generally don't act so self-destructive. Her behaviour is very similar to Depression (but could be a lot of other things), and just because she hasn't had it in the past doesn't mean it won't happen now or in the future. |
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n3g-Z3r0 theory Rat Since: 01-09-06 From: Augusta, Ks Last post: 6338 days Last view: 6315 days |
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| Hey Sam, If you move in with you dad again are you going to be forced to go back to AHS? Anyways, if you wake up in the morning and she isn't there just do what you were going to do and hope that she shows up alright. I'll probably be home all day tomorrow so if she isn't there just find a way of getting a hold of me man.
g'night.... (edited by Legault on 10-04-06 03:37 AM) |
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Sinfjotle Lordly? No, not quite. Since: 11-17-05 From: Kansas Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| "What is highlighted is what I take maybe you should read about these medications and it will help you understand why sometimes I look and feel like shit. Sorry I suck. Mom"
"By the way, why is it okay for you to be up all night and for you to wear wrinkled clothes, not comb your hair, you think you don't embarass me?" She takes OxCotin, Valium and...Phenylephrine/Guaifenesin. She's been taking these for years, but now she's trying to blame her problems on medication? She's now afraid of my step-father, who won't hurt her  , and she's going to call the cops to make sure they're here when he gets home.
Time to move to dad's!
Done and done. (edited by Pvt. Prinny on 10-05-06 07:51 PM) |
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