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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - The Pit of Despair - I just want to vent |
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Deleted User Banned                Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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| I remember a time when the majority of the board's users would know who I am, but now I don't think even 20 of you people know me. That's okay, I'm just looking for a place to let out my feelings anyways. I just don't know what to do anymore. A part of me is looking for guidance or advice, but a part of me knows no one can change anything but myself. Sigh... I'm sure no one will hold that against me.
For those of you who know of me, you probably don't know what's been going on in my life. Let me recap. The last time I remember posting regularly on this board must've been back in 2003. That's 3 years ago, wowee. So in those 3 years, I've managed to do tremendously well in school, and even went as far as to be regionally recognized for my achievements. Now, regionally may not be much but it is still an accomplishment none-the-less. However, being the humble person that I am, decided to stay in highschool for one more year, not to improve my grades, but to help out the school in general. I come from a horrendous school. One of the reasons why I became known in my city was because I graduated with top marks from a school usually known for its high drop-out rate. I thought that perhaps if I stayed behind to help some of the students, and teachers, that I'd gain a little bit more recognition for the help that I can provide. Now, why is our school such a terrible place for education, you wonder? Our school is located in the center of gang territory. Our students all come from the parents of, albeit well-intentioned, gang members. As such, their focus is more on the 'hood so to speak, and the "ghetto." There are very few students who actually attempt to do well in school, but those select few tend to do very well. Those who know me might be wondering how I ended up in a school like this. It was my choice. I'm not from this neighbourhood or area, but I chose to go to school here. It was my challenge. It was also my one regret. You see, I met a girl. She was another one of those students that had their mind elsewhere other than education. But my... she was breathtaking. I first met her 3 years ago, when I tranferred to this school. She was in some of my classes, and in each of those I couldn't help but stare at her. Luckily, this didn't affect my schoolwork as much as you might think, but that's besides the point. This girl, I wanted her to succeed with me so much. I talked to her whenever I could, and it took a lot of courage from me to ask for her e-mail. I felt so stupid when she told me she couldn't afford a computer, let alone the internet. However, quickly recovering from this, I asked for her number. Surely she had a phone with service, I thought. Again, she turned me down. Maybe she was lying to me at the time, maybe she didn't want anything to do with me, but I was wearing her down. Eventually, she began starting conversations with me at school, and allowing me to participate in activities with her more often. It made me so happy. However, things turned for the worse. Some of you would remember me doing extremely bad in school, so why would I possibly go to a school like this for a challenge? I'm not sure. I was depressed at the time, and everyone looked down on me. I lost all my friends. I just had to prove to myself I could do something right. I guess I did do something right, in a way. The girl I met, she pushed me farther than I ever could imagine. She helped me get on a more personal level with the teachers as well, and they pushed me even further than she did! Well... It's hard for me to admit but... I'm still really stupid. I guess I kind of... lead you all to believe differently at the beginning of this post, but... Okay... Okay... My teachers used me for sexual gratification and in turn they helped me achieve the marks I did in school. They didn't just give me the high marks, no, I still had to do the examinations myself, because they weren't done in the school itself. But they basically gave me the inside help... The exact tests and exams that were used, I already had access to. They also gave me the answers if I needed it, and I would just secretly take my already-completed copy with me to the exam location. I'm a fake. I'm sorry. Now, that's not where it gets bad. See, the girl, I said that she pushed me farther than I could imagine. It's not really in the sense that you were probably thinking... She has an older brother. Okay, sorry, I'm not comfortable enough to dive into any more detail than that. Anyways, long story short, this girl and I have been together and inseparable since then. I love her with all my heart... I think. I'm having doubts. See, it's about her brother... Guys, I know this is new information about me, but... I'm bisexual. Don't hate me for that please. Anyways, her brother is so... strong-minded and different from the other "ghetto kids." It wasn't just the physical aspect... it was very intellectual. He didn't just make me feel good... The girl made me feel good too! He was just... different. Haha, if I had it my way they'd both be mine forever. Okay, I guess you won't understand unless I explain more. When I first met her brother... he raped me. And she... pushed me (and him) further. She helped her brother rape me. There, I said it. But... I still love them. I told my mom about these siblings, and that I'm a bisexual. She was extremely upset about it. She still holds traditional views as far as sexuality goes, and I don't blame her for being upset. I tried to tell her about the rape... And she became hysterical. I tried to calm her down and she was just screaming and throwing things around. I was so scared. Thankfully, she eventually calmed down, but... she said "'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "Fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I can say this cab is rare, but I thought "Naw forget it, yo homes to Bel Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later." I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air. |
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Schweiz oder etwas [12:55] (Dr_Death16); I swear, the word drama needs to be stricken from the dictionary, for I've heard it so many times, it will permanently be imprinted on my brain       Since: 11-17-05 From: Kingston, Rhode Island Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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