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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - I'm in love, but I have no clue what to do... |
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DurfarC Micro-Goomba                 Since: 11-18-05 From: Norway Last post: 6332 days Last view: 6303 days |
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| Two years ago, in August 2004, I started at what our English teachers call upper secondary school. I got in the same class as two of my old friends, which I was very happy about, since I'm a quite silent person (it's not like I shut up all the time, but I'm not the one who talks to a lot to everyone). However, one of the girls started to hang around with us. We were only friends, none of us were in love with her or anything, we only had some conversations and did tasks together in class...
Then, when the second year started exactly a year ago, I suddenly started to like this girl more and more, and it didn't take long before I realized that I loved her. In September that year (2005), I became 18 years old and got driver's licence, and one month later, we started to do things together in our spare time, like cinema, bowling, etc... I didn't stay with her alone, my other friends were with us, but I really enjoyed it. However, she never knew that I loved her, she only looked at me as a friend. In January 2006 we got a lot of "work in pairs" tasks at school. Since I'm doing well at school, she always wanted to work together with me. From then, I had many days when there were only me and her. From April and until now, we have been very good friends. There's one problem though: I still love her!! I'm in love with a girl in my class, which really isn't easy... Actually, if I could choose, I would choose not to love her, but there's nothing I can do: I do love her, and I have to deal with it. She still doesn't know that I love her, I treat her as a friend, and she also treats me as a friend. We spend some time with together, we talk a lot, she always gives me a hug when the day is over, which is quite usual when a girl says goodbye to a boy over here. We both enjoy being friends. However, there are also moments when we are quite mad at each other. Sometimes, when I ask her if we should do something together, she says no right before it's going to happen. Of course, I don't like when my other friends say that either, but when she says no, I get mad because then I'll have to wait so long until we can do something again: She's a busy person, she's both working and playing football in addition to school, so she doesn't really have much spare time. But in the end, we always become friends again. But now, I nearly can't stand it anymore. It can't continue on like this, something has to happen. But I don't really know what to do... On one side, I would really like to tell her that I love her, I would like to tell that I really care. On the other hand, she's probably not feeling the same way about me, so if I tell her the truth, it may fuck up our friendship for good. I apologize if there are any serious English mistakes in this post, I'm quite tired after writing this, and I don't know many English words about this topic... But I'm open for anything, I really need some advices... At least someone to talk to about it, because no one in real life knows about this. On a side note: As you can see, it's been a while since I posted last. I used to post much before the last board change, I've just been occupied with a lot of other things. There might be some of you who still remember me... Just wanted to let you know. |
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Vyper Kodondo Raging Venom     Since: 11-18-05 From: Final Fantasy Fire Last post: 6312 days Last view: 6312 days |
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| You're young and 18. You have your entire life ahead of you to find a soulmate. Take a risk and let her know. If she says no, so what? There are so many people out there you're bound to find somebody else. | |||
witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6404 days Last view: 6404 days |
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| Do NOT use the words "I love you" while talking to her, or imply that in any way. "Like" is fine. "Love" will just make you seen needy/obsessive and drive her off. I have talked to many girls who have told me stories about "That guy who suddenly claimed he loved me." Don't be that guy.
But just be cool and talk about it. You very well might get shot down, but at some point you just have to grow some balls, put your neck on the line, and go for it. It's better than being forever stuck as "friends." And who knows, it might work out in the end. |
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Deleted User Banned    Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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| She doesn't like you. Let it go. | |||
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witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6404 days Last view: 6404 days |
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Originally posted by CrimsonGX You might be right, but better to have the balls to stare down that reality rather than running from the possibility, in my opinion. |
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Ziff B2BB BACKTOBASICSBITCHES Since: 11-18-05 From: A room Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Get a hobby.
Why bloody worry at this stage of the game? Force yourself to work harder at other things: school, exercise, extra-curriculars, work, volunteering, and etc. When you get to college or where you're going you'll be better equipped to deal with bullshit and you'll be overall more attractive because you'll show yourself to be driven to improve. |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now.  Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Just because he's young and about to go to college doesn't mean he should not worry about how he's feeling, guys. Sure, relationships at that age don't usually work, but you go for them anyway. And sometimes they do.
Anyway... I hate to say it to you, but it's been my experience and the experience of many other guys that the following is true: Guys can be friends with a girl and then have it develop into more. If a girl is friends with you, it's VERY likely that she'll quickly get used to thinking of you that way and you'll never be anything more than a friend to her. That's not a hard and fast rule, but it's a pretty good illustration of one of the fundamental differences in the way we operate. I agree with Wite. If you talk to her do NOT say "love." If you want to keep it from being awkward, just be cool about it and don't make a serious conversation out of it. When you're doing something and chatting just say something like, "Hey, we've been pretty good friends and I've enjoyed spending time with you. Lately I've kinda been thinking about what it would be like if things were a little more serious. Would you be interested in going out on a date?" Don't say exactly that, but you get the idea. As long as you keep it casual and comfortable, she'll be less likely to think you're psycho and clingy and more likely to be comfortable around you even if she says no. So you can either deal with the pain of keeping it a secret and wanting what you can't have or you can just ask her out. If you want to go for it and still have her as a friend I think that kind of conversation is your best bet. |
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Deleted User Banned Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Kasdarack Of course, he's trying to move from an affectionate relationship into a romantic one. It generally doesn't work that way. If you don't want to be her fucking best friend (first), therapist, whatever image you've been projecting.. Then you shouldn't act like it, if you only started to like her last year, you should've pursued her right then and there. Instead, you chose to stand on the sidelines and you're not going to get what you want now. Originally posted by DurfarCWell, you can keep on doing what you've been doing now and just whine after she talks to you about how much of a jerk her boyfriend is. Alot of silly guys do that, anyway. 
Originally posted by witeasprinwowOriginally posted by CrimsonGX There's a great chance that I'm correct, so great that it's probably guaranteed. The way I see it, he's already screwed it up. Normally putting your balls on the line would be an honorable thing to do, but he might as well save face, avoid complicating the current relationship, and just keep her as a friend. Originally posted by DurfarCnub. Just let it go. |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now. Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Yeesh... I really don't see the need to be so harsh here... | |||
Dr_Death16   970 Since: 05-07-06 From: Iowa Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I've been in a situation similar to this recently, actually. I learned something that maybe you could use: follow your instincts, your deepest, most innate instincts and it will help you in a situation like this. Instinctual reaction be more correct than anything we could tell you about what you should do. This is on the preassumption that you can be completely truthful and honest with yourself in your mind. | |||
Ryoku Tooky Since: 01-07-06 From: sandiego CA. Last post: 6436 days Last view: 6436 days |
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| Correct me if I'm wrong but from experience in the fields with women I have realized that they sometimes think the same way you are now.
I have deeply liked a girl, quite a few times in my life, and I didn't go for it because I feared rejection, and the possiblity of screwing up my friendship with them. But when I finally built up the courage to tell this one specific girl I found out that she at a time liked me, but also feared rejection. But sadly by the time I found all of this information out, she had already stopped liking me and moved on. So basicaly in the outcome I'm saying just go for it man, before it's too late. |
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