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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Horrible Dating Advice, anyone? "The times are changin'." |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji                  Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6325 days Last view: 6325 days |
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| witeasprinwow will get a reply to me by PM if he'd done posting here, because I still want to acknowledge what he said. (he edited his post instead of posting a new one, or something...)
Snow: " Don't assume that people who make lousy choices don't have hopes are dreams. That is a terrible mistake to make. Everyone is worth knowing, everyone is worth trying to get to know. Don't limit yourself because you don't agree with their lifestyle. Cause then you're ruling out almost half of the human race. Most people appreciate someone who's genuine and tells it how it is. And another thing, if you want to be loved.. really loved. You have got to love yourself. Do your own thing and it will click I promise. You just need patience." That sounds like very good advice, I agree with you. When did I ever say everyone is not worth knowing? I thought I said the opposite: everyone is worth reaching out for friendship, I'm just not gonna jump into a relationship with them. That's why I'm annoyed when people are telling me, "You sound like you have too many friends and no girlfriend. Maybe your problem is you're being too friendly." What's wrong with more friends? Everyone is worth knowing and becoming friends with. Sure, they don't all work out, but some of them do, and if you aren't open to it, it won't open up. -- Jomb: " Just because you did'nt say something does'nt mean it was'nt implied. Until after my post when Snow Tomato chimed in, you basically told everyone who tried to give you advice that they were wrong and what they were suggesting was foolishness. " I'm sorry if I implied you were wrong, I know I never said you were. All I said is that much of what you are saying doesn't sound right to ME and doesn't make sense to ME. That doesn't mean I'm the only person that matters, blabla, what it means is that if it's advice that will not WORK in my situation, it simply isn't good advice for MY situation. That's it, that's all, period. No "you guys ae stupid" etc. Never said that, don't think it's true at all. What I'm saying is what I am looking for is different than you THINK I'm looking for or what YOU are looking for. For example, when I hear the word 'dating' I do not think o the act of going out on dates. I think of being ina serious, intimate and meaningful relationship. So f you're giving me advice on how to 'go out on dates' with girls, and I'm asking for advice on something completely different, (and they are different, indeed) then of COURSE teh advice isn't going to sound right. :p That's my fault for not realizing earlier that the way many of you define 'dating' is different. Do I think you guys are wrong? No. Foolish? No. I think that those things would be wrong for ME and foolish for ME in MY situation. That is all. "if "being super nice and friendly and holding back physical attention" works so well, then why dont you have a GF right now? Why do you want advice at all if that is the path to sucess and what you are already doing? Should'nt this be you giving everyone else advice on how to be super nice and friendly and hold back physical attention as a technique to attract women? " Maybe the reason I don't have a GF right now is because I haven't the right girl yet. Everyone is different. I want advice because I don't know if I should change something or not. This discussion HAS lead to me talking with other people and altering some of the ways I think about these things. I just don't go out and acknowledge it any time my mind changes its mind on something. As a matter of fact, I have given advice to lots of guys on how to do those things in the past, when they asked me. Hopefully, they were looking for what I thought they were, otherwise my advice was misplaced and dumb advice to give. If you think I just want a girlfriend and not a serious relationship, then of course you aren't going to be give me advice that makes sense. " If you attempting to date a girl causes her to hate you and never want to be your friend, then one of 2 things is going on. either 1) you went way too overboard with the "being bold" thing and she thinks you are a stalker, or 2) she is a prissy jerk and not worthy of your friendship anyway." That sounds pretty much right, if you ask me. Which of those two it is, I don't know. But you are telling me to be bold and take chances when I already AM, and if I'm going overboard, then it's probably not a good idea to do it moreso. She may not be a prissy jerk, she may just be that way when it comes to entering relationships with boys. I'd say she is, I suppose. "About the kissing thing, I could swear you said earlier that you did'nt want to kiss anyone until after marriage, if i misread that somewhere than my apologies. I'm not suggesting you walk up to a girl you are attracted to but dont know and say"hello baby" then immediately french kiss her. I would'nt even do that. I dont normally kiss a girl until the second date, or maybe the end of the first if it went extremely well. By the end of a date or 2 you know her well enough to like her. You dont have to me madly in love with her to kiss her." No, I'm pretty I did say that. Maybe you misread and missed the extra part--right NOW. Right NOW, I don't want to kiss any girls. Right NOW, I am not in a relationship. Right NOW, I have no experience in dating and physical contact. So doesn't that make sense that i wouldn't want those things because I'm not ready for them yet? You don't have to be madly in love with someone to kiss them, but based on where I am, right now, I don't want to kiss a girl unless I am at that point. RIGHT NOW. As I've said, that could very well change. "I used to not want to date anyone unless she was "the one", then i would invest a tremendous amout of emotion in my GF about a month or 2 after we started dating. In my opinion you are setting yourself up for some serious depression when you do meet a girl and start dating her. Its very very rare for that first or even 2nd or 3rd or 4th one to be truly lasting." You think I don't want to date someone unless they're 'the one?' That's ridiculous, I'm not that naive. I KNOW full well the first person I date will probably not be 'the one.' The problem is that you just don't realize that girls around here ARE like that. They don't want to date guys until they know they can get married to them first. So before you think it's my fault, acknowledge the environment I'm in. "You dont have to date multiple girls at once, but you're better off dating without a whole lot of emotional investment right away, this is not to say treat her badly, but be realistic about whether or not this is the girl you will one day marry, or would really want to marry." No, I don't, but I don't WANT to just DATE people just to get 'experience', I think that's insensitive and foolish. Note--I think that. In my situation, that just isn't something I'm going to do. I didn't think I needed to specify this, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate your insight and advice, it simply means I don't agree with it. Advice isn't something one shou;d just TAKE just because someone tells them to. I think that's very foolish, too. "Being at a Christian College full of conservatives does'nt necessarily mean what you think it does either. I dated a girl who went to a Christian College full of conservatives once. She was very conservative when other people were around, but it was a sham, she was extremely kinky and perverted in the bedroom and at any time when no one she knew was around. She was the wildest woman i ever dated when you get down to it, but she was like another person when her family or friends from school were around." No offense, but she doesn't sound like she was a good Christian. Not saying she's a bad person at all, just saying that Christians believe lying to others and passing yourself off as one person and acting like another outside of the community is, well...lying. Being fake. She was being fake to someone, obviously--acting ne way around some people and the opposite around others. She shouldn't be at a Christian College if she doesn't enjoy it there or has to pass herself off as something she's not. Human nature IS human nature, and lying is also lying. No offense. I think that maybe, JUST maybe, I might understand how the people around here think a little better than you. Not trying to be mean, I just don't appreciate you implying that you somehow know my friends better than I do. You could be right, EVERYONE I KNOW could be a fake. Possible. Definitely. Likely? Not very much at all. Anyway, I'll re-state again: I am appreciative of your insight and perspective. It helps me look at things in a different light and go, "Oh, hey, here's a new perspective that most people probably follow." But at the end of the day, I shrug and go, "Well, that's fine and good, it just doesn't sound right in my situation." This thread as well as the other (and some convos with my friends) has led me to change a number of my opinions on this matter, and that was why I started the threads in teh FIRST place--to learn new stuff, see new perspectives, and see what I would alter in my own beliefs. But there are some key aspects of who I am that just don't change, you know? This has been an educational thread. Sorry if I don't seem appreciative for the opinions/advice the whole throughout, I just like pressing the issue so that people will tell me more and more of their side of things, thus enabling me to potentially learn more and more. It's been a good thread, I apologize for any bitterness, it was unintentional, I'm merely thirsty for learning more of the world around me. I'm sure some of you guys will hear about my 'adventures' in college with girls as time goes on. Well, I'm done here, then. Thanks for your time, guys. |
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Jomb Deddorokku     Since: 12-03-05 From: purgatory Last post: 6282 days Last view: 6282 days |
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| *L* alright, no problem.
I wont say much because we can both be very long-winded 
But one thing you should consider is that dating and serious relationships are two seperate, but related, things. To get a serious relationship you start by dating the person. Casual dating is used to get to know the girl better to find out if you are compatible enough with her to enter into a serious relationship. I think you are trying to skip this step and go directly from regular friendship to serious relationship, skipping dating entirely. And like i said earlier i can relate to that somewhat because thats what i used to try to do way back when i was new to girls and dating. I'm sure alot of the people at your school are genuinely conservative. But i also know for a fact that many are not and are there because that's where their parents wanted them to be, or because its a good school and they just want the education. Any girl who wants to only date a guy she knows she will marry is a fool and is most likely setting herself up for a bad marriage. Because you have to get to know someone before committing to such things, and you do that by a period of dating/courtship. Unless we move to India and get arranged marriages |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6325 days Last view: 6325 days |
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| Yea, I think you're right about all that.
And by the way, what you said isn't something I need to 'consider,' it's something I am perfectly aware of.
That's been the whole problem, you see--people assuming all I want is to date girls. I'm not trying to skip dating...well, I don't know, because when I hear the word 'dating', serious relationship is what I'm actually thinking about. A girlfriend, but not just a girlfriend, someone I actually care about, you know? Not just to 'have fun' with. I also am not wanting to go from one straight to the next, I know it doesn't work like that. And yea, of course there are people here who are fakes, but guess what? Those people aren't my friends. I do have some friends who are liberal and disagree with a lot of the stuff people think around here, but they don't try to disguise themselves. And yes, of course you need to get to know someone before comitting, that is EXACTLY why I can't see myself dating someone until I know them well enough to know that it could work well. Perhaps 'courtship' is the better word for my intentions, I guess. My friend from Taiwan who made that statement has said she wants to be 'courted' but not to 'date.' Perhaps this is because our perspectives on the word 'dating' ae different, but in actuality, we think the same way. I don't know. However, honestly, she lets her mom dictate her life enough as it is, and seems antagonistic about getting to know boys well that I personally think that, deep down, she wants her mom to play match maker for her. If that's the truth, I think she may well end up in a bad marriage. But who knows? All I know is that right now, I'm not her type, and she's not entirely mine--but I know she could be if she changed the way she acts toward me into the way she acts around all of her other friends. Oh, well. That's why I'm trying to focus more on my friendship with her and my romantic interest instead is placed in this newer girl (and potentially someone I may meet when classes start soon). And I just realized that my posts look longer than usual because my text is different, as well as my spacing... (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 08-13-06 10:09 PM) (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 08-13-06 10:10 PM) |
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Jomb Deddorokku Since: 12-03-05 From: purgatory Last post: 6282 days Last view: 6282 days |
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| I think you are right, the main reason you got so much stuff that seemed like bad advice to you is because to you dating and serious relationship are the same thing, but to most people dating is just the getting to know her with the option of a serious relationship open if you end up being compatible.
I dont know much about Taiwan culture, but in lots of places to the East it is common for the parents to arrange the marriages of their children. So perhaps she really is expecting her mother to have a hand in coming up with her husband. Maybe you'd do well to talk to her mother and get on her good side if you want to date the daughter? Good luck, let us know how things turn out! |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6325 days Last view: 6325 days |
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 ;
I'm not so sure trying to talk with her mother would be a good idea. I seriously considered telling her mom I liked her daughter a while back, but...I don't know, something about her mom just...unnerves me. She just seems a little too controlling, but in a sort of guilt-tripping way. Also, there's no doubt that her mom wants her to marry a psychotically A-Type, Prince Charming little Asian boy. After all, it seems that Asian boys are raised to want to go and marry non-Asian women, but Asian women are raised to want to marry Asian boys. *shrug* That seems kind of contradictory to me, and I don't even think they should focus on marrying a certain type of person at all, but... Anyway, at this point, I'm just trying to ignore any feelings I have/had for her, and just focus on our friendship, which is shoddy as it is. I have a new friend that I have an interest in, and maybe that won't work out, either, but at leats it'll help me stop liking this other girl. I don't even know who I'll meet this semester with all the incoming freshmen and what-not. And I'm sure I'll be letting people know how anything in this aspect of my life turned out, thanks. LOL. |
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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Horrible Dating Advice, anyone? "The times are changin'." |
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