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Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - Trying to find love for a friend. New poll | |
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Sartan

Struttin' On In


 





Since: 11-28-05
From: Canadia

Last post: 6386 days
Last view: 6296 days
Posted on 07-29-06 08:13 PM Link | Quote
This is a bit of a clumsy situation, but I'll try to explain. A friend of mine has recently suffered a painful breakup when his boyfriend turned out to have found someone else and conveniently forgotten to mention it. This has made him depressed and mopey, but his nature (apathy) makes him unable or unwilling to actively seek love, which he's said himself he needs. And I'm trying to help because I'm a big damn softie. Any advice? I can tell you the sort of guy he's interested in if it helps...
Luigi-San

Ptooie
ZOMG Wii is teh pwn


 





Since: 11-18-05
From: The Mushroom Kingdom a.k.a Buffalo, NY
Wii: Yes

Last post: 6297 days
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Posted on 07-30-06 12:35 AM Link | Quote
Originally posted by Sartan
This is a bit of a clumsy situation, but I'll try to explain. A friend of mine has recently suffered a painful breakup when his boyfriend turned out to have found someone else and conveniently forgotten to mention it. This has made him depressed and mopey, but his nature (apathy) makes him unable or unwilling to actively seek love, which he's said himself he needs. And I'm trying to help because I'm a big damn softie. Any advice? I can tell you the sort of guy he's interested in if it helps...


Is your friend gay or something?
Tarale

2710
Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!!
Persona non grata


 





Since: 11-17-05
From: Adelaide, Australia

Last post: 6295 days
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Posted on 07-30-06 01:46 AM Link | Quote
Luigi-San -- given the description, I would say so... why the though?

Meh... honestly, finding love for another person isn't exactly an easy thing to do. You need to get them to find it themselves.

The best thing you can do in the meantime is make sure your friend goes out and stuff - invite him to parties or social gatherings with other friends of yours who might be his type. Just don't try to "set him up" or anything, just see what happens.
Sartan

Struttin' On In


 





Since: 11-28-05
From: Canadia

Last post: 6386 days
Last view: 6296 days
Posted on 07-30-06 02:49 AM Link | Quote
The primary difficulty is that he's an online friend. We're in different countries. Otherwise I'd be dragging him in every damn direction to find him a delicious cuddly friend.
witeasprinwow









Since: 12-29-05

Last post: 6405 days
Last view: 6405 days
Posted on 07-30-06 11:12 AM Link | Quote
I never get people like this.

Why is he so pissed he got cheated on, and not so glad he found out and llost the slob who cheated on him? Having two girlfriends (or boyfriends in this case) doesn't make you a player, it makes you a liar.

If it'll help any, you can tell him I said that. I don't think you can do anything from across countries, though.


(edited by witeasprinwow on 07-30-06 10:13 AM)
(edited by witeasprinwow on 07-30-06 10:13 AM)
Tarale

2710
Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!!
Persona non grata


 





Since: 11-17-05
From: Adelaide, Australia

Last post: 6295 days
Last view: 6295 days
Posted on 07-30-06 11:43 AM Link | Quote
Nah, I don't think you can do anything in the "finding" category for him across countries and such.

You CAN encourage him to go out. He might not listen to you, but if he's really depressed, it's important that he doesn't stop any real-life social activities / give up going out / etc, as it will only make it easier for him to get all wrapped up in the depressive feelings.

Even if he doesn't find love right off the bat, going out is better for his mental state than staying in all the time in any kind of isolation.

Maybe he might not be ready to find love right away anyway -- generally after a very rough and emotionally traumatic breakup people might not be willing to even think about "dating" as such in any way. If that's the case, then they need help and support while they get back on their feet just being "them" again instead of being "them + partner".
Sartan

Struttin' On In


 





Since: 11-28-05
From: Canadia

Last post: 6386 days
Last view: 6296 days
Posted on 07-30-06 04:48 PM Link | Quote
The distance isn't so much of a problem. His previous relationship was online. The real trouble is that he really doesn't have any social activities to stop in the first place. He's told our lot that he doesn't have any friends other than online. ;-;
Tarale

2710
Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!!
Persona non grata


 





Since: 11-17-05
From: Adelaide, Australia

Last post: 6295 days
Last view: 6295 days
Posted on 07-31-06 10:18 AM Link | Quote
Well, unfortunately there isn't a whole lot you can do then, honestly.

The best thing for somebody to do when they're down is to go out -- doesn't have to be out clubbing or anything, but out for a quiet night with some friends, or having friends over or such, just for a movie or something.

If this friend of yours doesn't have much of a social life, it's going to be very hard for you to help out with that. And online, I'm really not sure how you can go about social stuff frankly... sure you can introduce people to other people online, but it's a bit... weird.

That really leaves the best thing you can do... as... well, being a supportive friend. When your friend's down and needs somebody to talk to, just make sure to be there.

Other than that, I really got no ideas, sorry.
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