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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - Corn-fused |
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drjayphd Torosu OW! BURNY!                   Since: 11-18-05 From: CT Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6296 days |
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So I just got back from a certain bar. (For those who've seen me LJ, yes, I did see the friend from high school who's on the Real World.) The fellow high school people there were happy to see me, and that includes the aforementioned friend and her bff/might as well be assistant. ( ) And that also means I met her boyfriend. (OMGZ SPOILERS: She's back with Keith. Ya know, the guy that beat her?) And... he's not a bad guy. As far as I saw, at least. I'm told/guessing he's getting help, at least I'd hope he is. And he certainly didn't seem violent. Butbut... I still feel like I should do something for her. She's still recovering (?) from her bulimia (for reals, she's BONY) and seeing a guy who did some Very Bad Things To Her. But what can I do? More importantly, does she want my help? (I can guarantee I won't be asking these questions tomorrow morning, when I've sobered up, so that's why I post NOW.  ) |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now.    Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Well... what can you do? You can be there if she needs you, but I'm thinking that's about the extent of it. She's dating the guy by choice, so the only thing you can do there is keep your mouth shut unless you wanna come off as an ass.
As far as the bulimia goes, the only thing you can really do is keep an eye out for abnormal behaviors and know what to look for. With people paying attention she's a lot less likely to purge and probably wouldn't binge as badly. I would probably get away with a lot less if more than a tiny handful of people knew that I'm bulimic. So for both of those issues you can keep your eyes open and you can be there if she needs you. Other than that your help might not be needed or even wanted. Nothing garners resentment faster than unwanted help. So just be cool about it. |
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Arwon Bazu Since: 11-18-05 From: Randwick, Sydney, NSW, Australia Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| You can't fix eating disorders in someone else but by knowing and talking you can make them a bit less severe as was said by Kasdarack. They're usually consequences and symptoms of other issues, the classic one being feelings of powerlessness and needing to be in control of something. Don't push.
Do you want her for yourself? I'm assuming as much, that's usually the case in these situations... "help" being in the form of "surely being with me will help solve all your problems". Either that or I'm projecting my own situation onto this as I often do. |
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drjayphd Torosu OW! BURNY! Since: 11-18-05 From: CT Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Arwon: Nope. I don't have the patience to solve any of her problems. Getting away from the ex (unless he truly has renounced his ways and any desires to go back) is enough, but I don't want her to glomp onto me.
Kasadrack: The keeping of eyes on her would be easier if she wasn't running around the country generally being Someone On A Reality Show. You'd be amazed (maybe not) how many bars will bring in Someone Who Was On A Reality Show for star power.
And as for the fixing of things... If she wants help, she's going to have to come to me, rather than I offer it to her. I know that it's on her, and I know it's bloody unlikely, but I still feel like I should do something.  (Kinda like how people keep saying she's hot, but the body image issues are still there.) |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| I'd suggest asking her... just be honest and ask her if she's doing okay, offer that she can call you if she ever needs anything, plan future get-togethers so you can visually check up on her... don't get too involved, just be casual about it. | |||
witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6405 days Last view: 6405 days |
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| You can tell her that you are worried, and you will be there if she needs your help.
That is all you can do. Do NOT try and force her to open up to you. Do NOT tell her that she needs to dump the guy. Do NOT try and talk the guy out of it. This will make you look like an ass, and is a great way to make them both hate you. I learned that the hard way. Chances are they will fall back into the habits they had when they were last together. Studies have shown that there is a large probabilty of this. Sadly, all you can do is damage control; not prevention. |
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drjayphd Torosu OW! BURNY! Since: 11-18-05 From: CT Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Well, things certainly got a whole lot more interesting.
When I was babbling about wanting to help... I'm not referring to bail. I gave her my number Friday (well, slipped it to her trusted confidant who wasn't her boyfriend, as she was occupied) and I sincerely hope she takes advantage. |
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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...Third degree assault? Wtf did she do to him 
It's sad that she could get up to a year, when he's clearly the instigator here... he has a bad history. Ack. |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now. Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| She won't do time. I'm assuming there was a police report filed when he beat her. They'll take that into consideration. And is he even pressing charges? Because they can't nail her for assault if he doesn't.
And assault? If you hit someone it's battery. Assault is strictly verbally or otherwise threatening but not attacking. So why third degree assault and not a battery charge? (edited by Kasdarack on 07-11-06 08:41 PM) (edited by Kasdarack on 07-11-06 08:41 PM) |
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drjayphd Torosu OW! BURNY! Since: 11-18-05 From: CT Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle It sounds like he locked her out, they got into a fight, and she bit him. (People on the Best Week Ever blog already made the requisite eating-disorder inappropriate cracks.) Making the rounds to see if anyone else heard from her. EDIT: Original story, with more detail, here. (edited by drjayphd on 07-11-06 08:44 PM) (edited by drjayphd on 07-11-06 08:55 PM) |
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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...You can't be serious, a year of jailtime for biting someone? 
I hope she gets out of that... it seems like a crock. |
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drjayphd Torosu OW! BURNY! Since: 11-18-05 From: CT Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle Well, she did, quite well and truly, bite him. No way she gets a year. I'd be surprised if she did get any time. Last I heard, she's got an otherwise clean record. (And something that's a bit confusing about the story: Keith is actually the guy's middle name. So that is the legendary Abusive Ex.) |
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