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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - A Happy Ending? |
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Sabishii Red Paragoomba                    Since: 02-26-06 From: Georgia Last post: 6463 days Last view: 6463 days |
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| WARNING: Book post.
Does anyone else ever worry about the happy ending? That’s all I want, a happy ending. Anyone who’s been friends with me for a long time knows all the crap I’ve dealt with. I discovered my parents did drugs when I was 9, watched them go through the process of a divorce and fight like demons when I was 10. One of the biggest issues however, was my father’s suicide. He disappeared for three days in the summer of 2000 and on July 18th, I just so happened to find it. I was 11 at the time. That brought an end to so many of the issues connected to him, his verbal abuse, his diabetes, his clinical depression, his hepatitis and cirrosis, his smoking and drinking issues and god knows what else I haven’t mentioned that he had or did. That event scarred me in ways I still haven’t completely figured out, nearly 6 years later. It brought my mother and I much closer as we both struggled with pain people shouldn’t have to experience, only to tear us apart again when some Christian shrink tried to force religion on me again and convinced my mother to try to force me to act like a child, which I’ve never really been able to do. My father is the reason why I work so hard. All I wanted from him was respect and to feel loved, but multiplication doesn’t impress an engineer. He’s the reason why I have so many guy friends. I seek father figures and people I feel safe with. He’s the reason why I cringe whenever someone yells and why I have a hard time seeing people being disciplined. I always feel like it’s my fault, even if I’m completely innocent. He’s the source of so many of my issues, yet I respect and revere the man to no end. Hell, his ashes are sitting next to me as I type this in a jar on my bookshelf. I felt so plagued after his death, like my whole world caved in. I started gaining weight and became extremely depressed. My mother had only a high school education and had a hard time supporting us. My family fought over my dad’s ashes and in a series of a few years my aunt died of lung cancer, my great grandmother died, my grandfather died of hypothermia in a freak fishing accident, my mother had still more financial issues supporting us and so on. Last year in a hurricane the winds were strong enough and the rain was heavy enough to knock a tree over and knock the back corner of the trailer we lived in off and in April it happened again, I woke up in the middle of the night in April, terrified. I ran to my mother’s room without really knowing why, started sobbing and apparently said something along the lines of needing to leave. She rolled towards me, there was a big boom, I felt dust sprinkle my eyes and when I opened them, there was a tree in the room. My mother told me to get up and leave, but it was hard. I couldn’t walk and I felt drunk. Apparently a combination of physical shock and the sharp slant of the floor due to the weight of the tree. I cried the next day because it was obvious there was no way we could live there again and because, for the first time in my life, I’d have to move. So now, in June, we live in an apartment. I just got my ACT scores back and I made a 30 for my composite score. I’m going back to my senior year in August at the high school I’ve been to for my whole high school career so far and I’m taking AP gov, AP econ, AP lit and AP euro hist. Everything looks okay. For the first time in my life, things are starting to really look and feel up. But do you ever worry about a happy ending? I wouldn’t trade what I’ve been through for a lifetime of peace. At 17, I’ve been through more hell than most people will ever go through, and I appreciate that. It gives me stronger empathy and it shapes my personality. All I want, however, is a happy ending for my life, something in which I’m safe and content and in which I can help others. Someone to love and be loved by would be nice too. |
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Tarale    2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Sorry to hear you've had it so hard.
I understand what you mean about a happy ending. I haven't exactly had things easy myself, and I hope I'll have one myself. I like to entertain a belief that even though things can -- and have -- been bad, it'll kinda balance itself out again and things will get good. I hope things work out for you.  Keep your chin up. |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6403 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Holy crap. I never knew that life had been this hard for you. It was very sad to read what you´ve gone through. I agree with your feelings about going through this (gives you stronger empathy, etc.) but I understand that it´s been very hard for you. I suffer with you. You can contact me if you want to talk sometime. It often feels better to talk with someone about it.
Had I gone through all that, I don´t know if I´d been here talking today. I´m glad to see that things are looking better for you these days. I also hope that you don´t have to go through such terrible things again. Try to keep your mood up now. (edited by Trapster on 07-07-06 09:09 AM) |
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witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6405 days Last view: 6405 days |
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| About a "happy ending"...
The beginnings of my life are on the other side of the spectrum from yours; Instead of being exposed to pain at a young age, I was completely sheltered from everything for years. For some reason, despite that difference, I sorta find myself asking the same question: How good of a life am I going to be able to carve out of my situation here? Of course, you can never know. I plan to shoot for the stars. Basically, my goal in life is to be the most awesome person ever. I'm still a ways away from that, but It's a nice goal to have. Anyways, I don't think I can tell you much but to try your best. You weren't dealt the most fair hand in life, but you do not need the best cards to play the game well. You sound intelligent and sincere; I'm sure you will make good things happen. |
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Sonic 3 Micro-Goomba Since: 07-05-06 Last post: 6511 days Last view: 6511 days |
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| ???"?""??"?!??!
Ahh that is a hard story! Forcing religion on ya.......not good to have anything FORCED on you tbh. Most people choose to follow a religion. Your father sounds like he had it hard as well. But sometimes people rarely think of the things that they are doing to affect other people as well as themselves. I'm proud of you, able to recover the way you did. BUT! Tell us what are you doing now? How are you coping right now? lol, because even I could just be a junkie using the p.c's in the public library! lol no offence meant. Happy endings are weird. Last year when I stayed in canada for a few weeks, I awoke one morning to feel the rays of the sun on my face, and the smell of a good fry being cooked for me in the kitchen, and I could hear my bro and me mate trying to rap along to 50 cent....and the cars were going by outside and the trees were rustling.......It's hard to explain, but at that point I felt this was the ending for me, and so I lay back on my bed, closed my eyes and fell silently back to sleep. The camera panned out, the screen faded to black, and the credits started to roll. Of course I'm still alive and kicking, and am glad that I'm still alive able to try a new thing out each day, or relive a past memory or etc. I was only 21! I still hadn't completed Final Fantasy 6, or rode The Drop, or grimaced at hearing the name "The Nintendo Wii" yet! No way would I have called that a true 'happy ending', one which I felt completely at ease with, one where I was safe and content in the knowledge that I had 'completed life', brought the T-Shirt and read the whole bok from cover to cover. But that moment felt like a movie moment to me, a moment with which the show could have ended on. You're only 17, you've got your whole life ahead of you. This is the part where people either tell you to assume you're going to live forever, and live each day planning for a big future, or they tell you to live each day like it was your last, the former usually your parents telling you to plan ahead, and the latter usually your friends getting you to try a bit of bud for the first time. I usually ride somewhere between the two......lol most people do! However, hang in there baby.....or dude, and keep your head up. It's been a long road, but you cn still make it! Can you seen the finish line? Don't let anything keep you back! p.s. sorry for the TLDR above. I just wanted to speak to you personally, and plus also respond to the subject matter. |
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witeasprinwow Since: 12-29-05 Last post: 6405 days Last view: 6405 days |
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Originally posted by Sabishii Oooo, I completely missed this. I know how that feels. Bad things have happened in the past (In my case it's more stupid mistakes of my own due to my relative naivete, while your case is slightly different), but I like who I have become so much that I wouldn't change my past, because I would probably be worse off for it. |
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I hear you also on the idea that the experiences (good or bad) you go through shape you into a better person.
I think back on all the worst things that have happened to me, and even though they all sucked pretty bad (my father's passing for one, and that... incident.. in high school I've mentioned a few times before for another) I don't think I'd give up those experiences. They have -- for better or for worse -- shaped me into who I am. And while I might not always like myself (perhaps also because of some of those things), most of the time I'm happy with the person I am. I think though for my "happy ending", I need to learn to be at peace with myself better. I don't think I can expect others to respect me while I have little/difficult respect for myself. |
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Sabishii Red Paragoomba Since: 02-26-06 From: Georgia Last post: 6463 days Last view: 6463 days |
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| Everything's looking wonderful right now. My ACT score of 30 and my SAT score of 1810(roughly a 1200) put me really close into entrance to my dream college(I really want to go to Carnegie Mellon in Pennsylvania). I just hope my AP scores came out okay! *prays to whatever god(s) might be listening/exist*
I'm going to be taking a hell of a lot of hard classes next year, but the challenge should be worth it.I love learning. As for bad habits. My worst is probably downing a caffiene pill or two after an all nighter. i'm never smoked, never done any sort of drugs, and the closest I've come to alcohol is a teaspoon of amaretto I swallowed while cooking ( NEVER AGAIN! Ew  ) or NyQuil.
As far as I can tell, I'm doing the best I can to set up for a good future. I've used my father as a model of what not to be. No smoking, drinking or what have you and I've promised I'll never let myself become that apathetic or callus. I pity him, because he was raised by a father who fought in both Vietnam and Korea and due to the military tended to take physical punishment to the level of abuse. I've been trying to learn to have peace with myself as well. It's difficult to do and even more difficult to maintain. As selfish as it sounds, it's doubly so when, for some reason, you have mental wounds that never do anything more than scab over. I wind up looking back on everything I've been through at least once a year. I always wind up crying because I can't believe that I'm still alive and sane. I've had so many chances to ruin it and I haven't Thanks for all the kind words. It's nice to know that there are other people out there who have crap of their own to deal with. Logically you know they're there, but emotionally it feels like they're so distant or very hard to reach. As a side note for anyone who's interested, I decided to save up all the money I can in August and send it to an orphanage in Africa. I have a friend who's spending the summer there in an attempt to open her eyes to world issues and to help out some. Once I get a job, I'm completely considering sponsoring one of these kids. (shameless plug: http://www.twanatwitu.org/) Sue me, I have a softspot for kids who never really got to have a childhood(been there, this is why my room is decked out in an odd mix of Care Bears and robotics or computer stuff) EDIT: Added the URL for the orphanage (edited by Sabishii on 07-07-06 04:07 AM) |
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