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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - I hate myself |
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Rockman Shyguy                   Since: 03-10-06 Last post: 6373 days Last view: 6306 days |
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| I have been in a depression for about a month now. And it kind of started when this girl at my job came to overnights. I met her and talked to her a few times when she was working the day shift, but then I didn't see her very much, and thought that she just quit. Then, all of sudden, she works overnights now. I'll try to keep this a short as possible. I'm attracted to her, in some way. I don't know what is, but she has done something to me that I can't get my mind off of her. After a few days of having this feeling, I thought that maybe its just because I finally know what love feels like. I don't know what to do. I'm hurting really badly, because I don't have any friends. I am lonely as hell. I haven't had any friends in about 10 years. I have been anti-social, and liked being alone, but now I'm really taking a beating. I can't get her to notice me. I know there are a few things about her that we have in common. She is more extrovert though. I'm introvert. She likes to party, meanwhile I'm the type of person who never cared to be in a crowd, always keeps to himself. I don't know what to do. I know she has a Myspace. I know it would be so much easier for me to just tell her how I feel over the internet, because obviously I can't do it at my job.
One week later... I have been showing a negative attitude at work, and I have this feeling that she has taken notice to it. I feel like I'm screwing this up each step I go. How pathetic is it that I am attracted to her in some way, yet I try to act like I don't even notice her, and get angry because I'm merely angry at myself for being so stupid. She is the main reason I'm still there at my job. I have really felt like quiting it, despite the fact that I got benefits from it now. I think I might need to see a therapist on this issue. I don't have any friends I could talk to about this. If you guys have any advice, please feel free to post it here. And, thank you. |
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Karadur Red Paratroopa  Since: 11-22-05 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Last post: 6540 days Last view: 6540 days |
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| Right now, I'd say your best bet would be to simply tell this girl how you're feeling, and Myspace may or may not be a good choice for that. See, I've never bothered with the site, so I don't know whether it's possible to have private conversations with people there, or if everything done at the site is open to any random person that happens to view what you wrote. It'd make sense that the former is possible, but once again, I don't know whether it is or not.
Barring that, have you given any thought to actually face-to-face talking to her about what's going on? If that's to difficult (and given what you said about being an introvert, it very well could be), give some thought about writing her a note about how you're feeling and such. It doesn't have to be anything really fancy. Just tell her how you're feeling. That way, you'll have plenty of time to make sure you've written / typed everything you wanted to say, and you'll also be able to avoid the whole "I don't know how to say what I want to say" feeling of actually having to talk to her. Back when I was new to my job, and desperately wanted to quit, I had a couple "resignation letters" typed up, and had planned full well to leave one on the general manager's desk one night, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, because my friend was the night manager for that night, and once he saw the letter, he'd have assumed responsibility and would've never let me hear the end of it. The point being, it's alot easier to write or type your thoughts and feelings down onto a piece of paper, and then give them to the person they concern, even though it may not seem like it. Even if something happens and the letter never makes it to her, you'll feel at least a bit better from actually having gotten how you feel out in the open. Consider this scenario: you go into work tonight, and see the girl you're talking about suddenly hanging around with someone else. You work up the nerve to walk up to them and ask what's going on, and get told off for being too weak and such to have said anything before. How would you feel if that were to happen? A whole lot worse than before, I'm willing to bet. The longer you wait to say anything to her about how to feel, the more likely the chances are of something to happen that'll turn the tables on what's going on between the both of you. I'm not trying to scare you into making any sudden decisions or anything, but it's just something to think about. Ultimately, the choice of what to do is up to you, but if I was in your position, I'd consider writing her a letter of some sort before it's too late. It's in your hands though  |
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Rockman Shyguy Since: 03-10-06 Last post: 6373 days Last view: 6306 days |
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| It sounds like an alright idea when I think about it, but it would just be very awkward. Yes, she would know then, but I feel like that maybe I couldn't handle that pressure afterwards. But when I think of the bigger picture, yes at least she would know. But another problem is that I'm dry. What is it about me that she could possibly like? I know it would come to that. I have been alone for all of these years. The only thing I know are computers. I think about how I would talk about my past when I'm older. There is nothing unique about my past. I'm too different from everyone else. To put it simply; I just exist. I have nothing to lose. I live at home, I have this one job, my only interests are computers, ROM hacking, movies, game development. I go one day at a time. But I guess if I have nothing to lose, I could just go for it and write her a letter. This is definately hard but interesting. Thank you Karadur. I appreciate your support. | |||
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Karadur Red Paratroopa Since: 11-22-05 From: Chatham, Ontario, Canada Last post: 6540 days Last view: 6540 days |
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| You're quite right with what you said. Maybe the two of you will turn out to be "incompatible", but the thing is, even if it comes to that, at least you'll know you tried and did what you could. If you were to write her a note, end up talking to her eventually, and find out that you really have no mutual interests, or that she considers you to be, as you said "dry", that's not the end of it. This line seems horrifyingly cliche, but anyways, there are other fish in the sea. If things end up not working out with this girl, it doesn't mean you're doomed to live the rest of your life without anyone to love and care for.
In short, if things don't work out with this girl, it doesn't mean you've lost your only chance at loving and caring about someone. When it comes to the pressure you'd have to deal with afterwards, don't worry about that right now. Take things one step at a time. If you look at things in an everytning-at-once perspective, you'll likely scare yourself out of doing anything at all before you even start. As for what you said about having nothing to lose, right now, that's pretty much what it seems like. The only thing that'll happen if you don't take any sort of action as to the way you're feeling right now is that things'll continue exactly as they are, except that if things get bad enough (in terms of your negative attitude at work), you could find yourself out of a job, which is, in my opinion, a whole lot worse than simply having a hard time figuring out what to do about how you're feeling. Finally, what you said about "What is it about me that she could possibly like?". I don't know. You don't know. Nobody else in the world would know except her. The only way to find out what she thinks of you is to ask her yourself. Either that, or you could get a trusted friend to initiate things for you. The only problem with that idea is that you need to be sure the person you're making the request of will respect your privacy. If not, you could end up far worse off than you were before. So basically, as you said yourself, there's really nothing to lose at this point. The only thing that may throw a snag into everything is your workplace's policy towards employee relationships themselves. Once again, I'm not trying to be mean by mentioning that, but it's something you'll have to take into consideration. It'd be horrible if you finally got this girl to notice you, and found out you couldn't do anything further without risking your employment. It sucks, but you'll have to find out what your employer's views are on that subject first. If things were to work out between you and this girl, you could very well agree to have a relationship outside of work, and act professional while at your job, or you could ask the person(s) that make the schedule to give you shifts where you won't both be working at the same time, so complications won't arise. Anyways, listen to me. Here I tell you to take things one step at a time, and yet I can't follow that rule myself 
I'd worry about the possibility of writing her a letter right now, and not give a second thought to anything after that quite yet. Once again, it's your choice though, so don't let anything / anyone influence you as to what you actually do. We can give you the ideas, but it's your choice whether to act on those or not  |
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Rockman Shyguy Since: 03-10-06 Last post: 6373 days Last view: 6306 days |
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| Thank you Karadur. I appreciate it. I already decided on what I'm going to do. I just got done typing up a note, and I'm going to try to put it in her locker tonight. I think I did a good job with the note, so I'm not worried about that. If I can't put the note in her locker, then I'm just going to give it to her in person. At least what I have to say is already there on that note. I don't care what anyone else at my job thinks. I'm doing this for me, and possibly for her too. If she is lonely like me, then maybe this is the start at making both of us happy. I will definately let you know how this goes. |
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xZeaLitYx Paragoomba  Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6324 days Last view: 6323 days |
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| Just be careful. The advice "Tell her how you feel" is given out a little too often, and it's dangerous. At the wrong stage, it can be the creepiest fucking thing you can do. There is a game of friendship and relationship building that comes before things get serious, and telling her how you feel at early stage is blowing your cover and game. No, I don't mean that you can't be sincere, or that dating is some kind of manipulation. But sadly, there are rules of attraction; you have to feel it out until the time is right. I made the mistake of writing some love poem and putting it in a girl's locker, and it accomplished nothing. Had I actually gotten to know her, become friends, and generally been sociable and happy for the sake of happiness and fun, things would have happened. | |||
Black Lord + Flurry Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6298 days |
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| I just want to know, if you can't tell her how you feel in person, then how is there a chance of a relationship even working out.
??? |
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Rockman Shyguy Since: 03-10-06 Last post: 6373 days Last view: 6306 days |
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| You make a good point, but even after reading the note, she doesn't seem like she is interested in me. It's not like I haven't talked to her a few times. I don't think this was ever meant to be. | |||
Skreename Giant Red Paratroopa Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6302 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Black Lord + First step's always the hardest. Just because there's difficulty with saying that (just typical jitters--nothing out of the ordinary) doesn't mean they'll last forever. Of course, it all depends on the individual. Rockman: Sorry to hear that. On the plus side, though, things could go a LOT worse. Nothing quite like BELIEVING that they do for way too long, only to find out they don't... Yeah. Either way, just having said that will probably improve your mood a bit... Things that are felt but not said tend to kinda eat at you emotionally. |
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Rockman Shyguy Since: 03-10-06 Last post: 6373 days Last view: 6306 days |
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| Thank you man. It means a lot to me.
I'm not going to give up on her. Even though giving up is such an easy thing to do, and the way I was feeling last night I felt like it. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I have to at least make an attempt. I feel like in a way I might have screwed up, but if I go and talk to her, tell her how I feel 100% honestly, maybe things will look up. This is just very difficult, since I never went through anything like this before in my life. I don't want to look back and regret not doing this. I have too many regrets as it is. Is it really possible to go from being introvert for 10 years of your life, to being someone who is extrovert? Perhaps I should do some research on this. (edited by Rockman on 05-12-06 06:15 PM) |
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Skreename Giant Red Paratroopa Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6302 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| All I can suggest is to take things slowly... Be careful. I made a rather serious mistake dealing with something like that last year. I suppose the biggest thing is to try to become her friend first... Get to know her some. After that is when you should start worrying about your chances.
As for the introvert thing, one major question is most important for how possible it is to change: Why? Why are you that way? You need to figure that out first before you try to change, since otherwise, no matter how much you may change, even the slightest thing may be enough to knock you straight back to how you are now. ...Take my advice with a grain of salt. It sounds reasonable to me, but... Considering how well I've done, it's kinda hard to say how good my advice may be. Main thing is, what you've talked about sounds INCREDIBLY familiar to me... Different circumstances, but a similar situation. Good luck, one way or the other. If things don't work out, don't kick yourself too hard, no matter how much it may hurt. |
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Croatia Games Goomba  Since: 06-10-06 From: Split, Croatia Last post: 6539 days Last view: 6539 days |
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| k, bro, i'm kinda in a situation like yours. well, almost, i do have friends, i like being in crowds, and i don't like being alone (not insulting you, so no hard feelings, k?)...
Anyway the girl i like.. i've known her for years now, i even used to hang out with her a lil' bit, ya know, like buds or something. Anyway, after i went out of school, i rarely hung out with her, i had lots and lots of shit to do, then i totally forget her, because i was with my other friends. The thing is, i never loved her, and i dunno if she kind of "liked" me back then (ya know, she was pretty friendly to me and stuff.)... untill last saturday... she played basketball with her friends, like she usually does, and i'm sitting with my friends on the benches, like usual. I looked at her without any deeper feelings or anything. When she was about to shoot, she suddenly looked at me quickly, and concentrated on the game again. Then it happened to me, bro, it just motherfucking happened. Now i can't stop thinking about her, i even (day)dream about her. Right now, she's on an excursion and will be back in like 3-4 weeks, i'm thinking about telling her how i feel, but i dunno how to do this, and with every day passing, my heart goes faster and faster. I had many girlfriends before, but this time, it's different. I just don't know how to tell her, i don't even know how i should start a conversation with her. |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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