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Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - General Chat - Help with writing class =| New poll | |
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Darkdata

980








Since: 02-25-06
From: Newfoundland

Last post: 6297 days
Last view: 6296 days
Posted on 03-23-06 10:01 AM Link | Quote
Guys my writing adverage is really down.... could you people look over a resume and cover letter and pick apart all the mistakes?



Resume

Chris Hall
Adress removed because im not posting it here.

Job objective:
Position as a liberty assistant.

Summary
Hard and careful worker.
Has great work habits
Honest and trustworthy
Patient and capable
Considerate of people of all ages and personalty types
Can understand and follow orders well


Work experience
•Summers of 1990-2005
Baby Sitting Removed Mr. and Mrs. Hall

•September-June 2004-2005
Cataloger of Books at School Liberty removed Mrs. Judy Dunphy

•January-June 2006
Webpage work for school Removed Mr. Cherwinski

Education
School, place (removed)
Will graduate in June 2008


Related Courses
Writing:
Completed 65+ average
Language Arts:
Completed 83 average


Relevant Accomplishments
2004-2005 Participant in school math contest.
Grade 9 and 10 perfect attendance


Computer Skills

Proficient in:
MS word
IE
lololol
Open Office
NVU Webpage Builder.
Winamp/Windows media player.

Skills:
Web space design
Trouble shooting
Python Programing
[/Quote]
Cover letter

=========Adress removed

March, 21 2007

Mrs. Summers
=========Adress removed

Dear Mrs. Summers

I am applying for a position as a assistant Liberian for the Lourdes library as posted in the library window on march, 3 2007.

As shown in my resume, I have helped out with cataloging books and website design. I also understand the Dewey Decimal System and basic computer system trouble shooting and updating. I have volunteered as a baby sitter for one who needed one and also am very respective to people of all ages.

I am very particular when it comes to sorting and cleaning. I also follow orders well and I am willing to learn anything new.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Flame me if you will but help me get my mark up.
Thank you
-Darkdata.








(edited by Darkdata on 03-23-06 02:30 PM)
Ziff
B2BB
BACKTOBASICSBITCHES


 





Since: 11-18-05
From: A room

Last post: 6297 days
Last view: 6297 days
Posted on 03-23-06 06:10 PM Link | Quote
I'd have to see your resume format before I pass any judgement. But you should probably do a run-over on the grammar of the cover-letter and expand on your experiences.

If this were citations for a research paper/essay I'd be ALL OVER it.
Danielle

6730
Administratorrrr
HELLO THERE









Since: 11-17-05
From: California
Rate me
^_^

Last post: 6298 days
Last view: 6296 days
Skype
Posted on 03-23-06 09:39 PM Link | Quote
Like Ziff said, you need to clean up the grammar a bit. For example, you're applying to be a librarian, not a liberian. And um, you saw the hiring sign on March 3, 2007? Awesome, can I borrow your time machine?!

Just give it one good read through, look for typos and words you can take out/replace to make it sound more professional.
The Red Snifit

Ropa








Since: 03-05-06
From: Here

Last post: 6298 days
Last view: 6297 days
Posted on 03-24-06 04:06 PM Link | Quote
I think your main problem is typos (Same with me.) But other wise I think you're doing good!
Muzgash.

Red Tektite








Since: 03-28-06
From: A very cold place

Last post: 6336 days
Last view: 6336 days
Posted on 03-28-06 06:31 PM Link | Quote
Dude... I am out of college and I have had to revamp my resume a boat load of times. It has sucked every one of them

but I have a few tips if you want them...

1. Obviously fix grammer... as stated three times prior
2. Remove summary section and move up work experience
3. Cite one or two things learned/testing conditions from each job

An example being: While you were a catologer became familer with the DD system

4. Next put in Education... Make sure not to focus too much on your corses. They should be no more than one line each. Mention the skills you learned not the corse... unless you are a perfect student. If you are not (like most of us) do not put in your grade.
5. If there is still room, add an attributes/awards section. Here you focus on skills not previously mentioned. Here you can throw in a few of those lines that you had in your summary section. Your reference to your perfect attendence should go in this section.


Anyways... Sorry if I picked it apart. I can be an ass about that kind of stuff.

Good luck
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