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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - It's very rarely that I feel like this.. |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon                    Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6301 days |
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| Do not delve into this lengthy lengthy novel if you're going to judge me. I need advice, not criticism.
The other night I was at Dock Street (a local venue) with some friends at a show, and I turn around and my friends ditched me. They got a ride home from my friend Matt and didn't bother to tell me. So I called my friend Krissy and she said "Oh, I'm sorry.. I didn't want to leave Matt alone.".. but there were five other people there. Whatever, I knew that was messed up.. but I'd just end up taking the train home by myself.. it's cool. Sitting at the train station I'm flipping through my cellular device looking for someone to call... when it hits me. Out of the 108 numbers in my phone book, I can only call two people. Krystie and John. Now, it was midnight.. this is true, but I knew if I called anyones cellular devices they still would have been up because it was a Saturday. Keep in mind I was in a BAD neighborhood, FAR away from home... and it's like literally 15šF outside. Coldest night in a while. I was scared and cold and lonely... and I only felt like there were two people I could have called that would have stayed on the phone with me.. and actually listened and talked to me like I had real feelings. It goes kind of deeper. I've had this group of friends since the 6th grade, most of them. And I think it might be a case of "familiarity breeds contempt". We've gotten too close, and now I feel like we all just use each other. My friend Derek is the only one who drives out of all of us (until this summer, we'll basically all be driving).. and if you've ever seen Dane Cook... he's the friend that you hear is comming to hang out and you go "OH FUCK IT'S DEREK!.. Who the fuck invited him?!!"... that's how it is normally. Now? Everyone wants to hang out with him. Because he has a car. WTF is that? My friends and I enjoy to get high occaisionally. Don't worry, it's only the ganjaa. We don't mess with anything else. But recently, these like three times a month when we'd hang out and get high (we hang out EVERY DAY)... have increased to... well, pretty much EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE THESE PEOPLE. That is really, really not cool. Now our friendships are based around "Okay, you hanging out? Make sure you bring 10$... or else you can't come." It's gotten to the point where I barely want to even leave my house to be with these people anymore. And here's the clincher. Two nights ago we all went out. We went to this park and my idiot friend Krissy brings two bottles of vodka. Now, in true douschebaggery style she gives one of the bottles to my sister and tells her to CHUG IT. I wasn't there... but if I was.. oooh. My sister has never drank anything before... she didn't know that vodka was like.. different than say... beer or something else. She didn't know that if you drank a whole bottle of vodka... you'd probably die. Krissy did.. she drinks all the time and only had three shots of the stuff herself. So basically, my sister drinks to the point of.. she can't stand up, or think.. she's crying.. there's throw-up in her hair and she PISSED HERSELF. This happened across the park at the beach.. I was near the swings with my friends sitting on them. So I walk over and to my surprise my sister is laying in a puddle of her own excrement crying. I fucking flipped out. I called my friend John and we made the decision to bring her home. He brought around his car and we positioned her in the front seat, buckled her up.. and brought her home. He explained to my parents that he had nothing to do with it and that I called him in tears... scared for my sister. So my parents and John helped my sister into my house, we layed her down on her side and made her chug bottles and bottles of water. She didn't even know her name at this point. I stayed in her room all night with her as she vomited and shook and was flipping out crying and screaming. I eventually calmed her down.. and stayed up all night watching the original Batman, and all three star wars movies... I made sure she slept on her side and that she was breathing. My point? My friends turned into irresponsible douschebags. I feel like I don't know them anymore. I'm all up for having a good time, drinking, smoking.. whatever you wanna do I don't really mind... just be RESPONSIBLE with it. Honestly. Don't get to the point like how my sister did. She didn't know anything about drinking you douschebag Krissy. Gahh. It's so frustrating. So I have two friends and my sister now who I feel are on the same wavelength as me. My boyfriend here isn't even one of them. So that's going to end soon probably.. considering I haven't seen him all week. He's been out partying and probably cheating on me and shit. I just don't know how to make new friends. I've known these people since the 6th grade and I don't want to cut them out of my life completely. I just want to limit my time with them... because they are truly douschebags. Everyone around here parties like they do though. I liked it better when we weren't like everyone else around here. We partied sometimes... but like.. we were never, ever, ever like this. We used to be able to hang out and not have to bring the bong or the liquor. I want to make friends who care about me, and not just how much bud I've got on me. And there's another confusing problem as well. I've pretty much stopped talking to Austin, which was this online relationship I had going on for over a year and a half. And you know what... he's finally comming over here in like three weeks. WTF?!! We've been best friends for a year and a half.. and all of a sudden he stops calling me and talking to me just about when he's going to come here finally? What is that? It gets more confusing in a second. I was sure we were like soulmates... for a year and a half I spent my time thinking about when we could finally be together again. Now, enter John. I've known John since I was in kindergarten. I mean, way way way back in the day. We went out from 4th grade to 8th grade. Yes, merely puppy love... but we had strong feelings for each other... that we didn't know what to do with... because we were so little. I eventually got restless and dumped him, because I'm crazy I guess. He's been my best friend forever, and still is. He saved my sisters life the other night. He got her puke ALL OVER him (as did I), to help her. I know he's always wanted to be with me.. but after I dumped him he did sincerely try to move on from me. He didn't have a girlfriend for a yearish because he said he felt too heartbroken.. but eventually he met this girl Christine and they've been going out for a year and a half. Recently, he's been stopping by my house alot and we've been just hanging out and talking and stuff. I mean, he always stopped by... but now it's like... every single day. He's been telling me how his girlfriend treats him like shit, cheats on him, doesn't call him... and that she has no imagination, she's emotionless, heartless... and on top of telling me just that.. he said that she is the complete opposite of everything I am.. and he hates it. He's also told me that he feels the most depressed that he's ever had in his whole life. He started popping xanax so he wouldn't feel like shit.. and the other day he was crying to me about how messed up he feels right now... so I held him and let him blow his nose on my hoody (which I then removed). So, he's been telling me these things for like a month now. Enter the kiss. Yeah, we kissed in his car. And it should have just been a kiss. But it was more like 289346289346289346 kisses. Take like 4 years of wanting to be together, and not being able to or just.. not... and cram it into about 20 minutes and that's what you got. It was like a fucking explosion. That happened like two days ago. Now whenever he comes here we talk, we flirt.. and we cuddle. And.. we feel like we're at home. He's stopped thinking that the world is cruel and messed up, and he's stopped popping xanax. Keep in mind, he's had a girlfriend for a year and a half... and I've had a boyfriend for about 2 monthes now. But, both of our relationships have soured. His girlfriend barely even wants to see him anymore... as is the case with my boyfriend. They're both cheating on us... and we didn't plan on kissing each other and being intimite.... but... it really just happened. Like, I couldn't even explain it if I tried. We haven't even talked about what we're going to do about this. We're just like... happy that it happened.. and we're just focused on the moment. It's so weird. But I'm also scared that John might rely on me a little bit too much. I always plan on being there for him, I have my whole entire life, but if you couldn't tell.. when it comes to romantic relationships I'm kind of schitzo. Basically? I feel like I've found myself in a really really really really really deep hole of shit and I can't find my way back out. Of course time will pass and things will settle down... or eventually I'll make some new friends... or my friends will stop being dicks or something. There's a thousand million kajillion variables. Just, is there a way to help time out? Is there a way to make friends who like to party... in moderation and responsibly? Is there a way to fix this? I just need the resolving chord, and then it might make some sense. |
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Ziff B2BB BACKTOBASICSBITCHES  Since: 11-18-05 From: A room Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Well, it all depends, kiddo.
I've gone through much the same thing my entire life. And trust me, it doesn't get any easier because once you and your friends go "College Stylez" you never see each other and you really get seperated. I, frankly, think that you DO need new friends. The issue is that your friends are going through the teenage-to-mid-20s "let's see what this does!" phase (similar to a 2 year old with keys and an electric socket...but with pot and booze now :o). However, this is an easier said then done scenario. Wait til' college and then you'll meet lots of awesome people. As for the relationship thing...Meh, I don't know. I've never been good at all with my own relations, but I appear to have a knack to help others. You guys like each other. Go for it. There, I said it. |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6403 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Itīs saddening to read that your friends/former friends did this to you and to your sister. Honestly, Iīd like to give a few punches each right now. 
Youīre probably right about them turning irresponsible douchebags. Whatīs so surprising is that they did after all this time. I guess they wanted to try a new sort of life or something but it certainly ainīt any better than before. Apparently, this girl Krissy doesnīt know what alcohol can do with you if you drink too much and especially not if you havenīt drunken much before. Whatīs even more sad is that they didnīt do anything when your sister was lying there. She couldīve been in real trouble because of all that alcohol. Iīd drop these so-called friends if I were you. It might sound harsh but to me it sounds like they just donīt care about you anymore. Be careful with drinking with them and such things from now on if youīre still going to see them because you donīt know what might happen if they leave you like this again. As for the relatuionship part, I think that you and John should go for it because it sounds like the other relationships have already reached the bottom. Iīd like to help you more if I could. I hope things will turn better for you.  |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| You should just try talking to your friends about it. Your "casual" drinking/drug use has turned into something much more, and if that's not something you like, then who knows. Maybe none of them like it either, but aren't saying anything just like you. If you'd rather not confront them, then next time they say to bring $10 or whatever, tell them you don't want to get high/drunk. Just see what happens. If they truly care about you, they'll stop with that stuff to ensure your friendship. If it's that bad that they wouldn't care losing you... new friends wouldn't be a bad idea. =\ Find some people that appreciate you, not the fact that you'll get high with them.
As for your sister, I hope she realizes not to trust them anymore. That was a horrible thing to do, downing that much vodka could have seriously hurt her. I don't know about killing, but I'm no expert. The fact that they did that and laughed about it shows their true character a bit, doesn't it. =\ About your long distance boyfriend, just see how it goes when he visits you. Maybe he's just getting nervous, you know? If you're confident enough to call him your soulmate, be a little more patient. That includes getting too close with John, although I don't really know what you do there or what you and your LD boyfriend think is okay. Just don't cross any lines. Anyway, I'd say talk to them. You have to figure out what they think before you can really make any big decisions. Good luck with all that, really. You're a nice person as far as I can tell, you deserve nice friends. |
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Valcion Knuckle Joe too much high power man  Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| They don't seem like the kind of friends i'd like to have. They seem like they're going to eventually send you down the shitter. Stop hanging with them. Find some new friends somewhere. It sounds like you have a fair share of options as to where you can find new friends. All that matters is that you go out there and do it. You don't want to be stuck at a party where someone stupidly drinks himself to death or gets in a car drunk. It sounds like they would probably do such a thing.
As for love... follow where your heart wants to go. It'll cause some people to get hurt or very angry... but as long as you're happy with your decision and you don't have any regret, you'll be fine. Good luck. *hug* |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6301 days |
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| Awe, thanks.. *hug*.
I know, I'm being patient.. I can't wait for him to come here in 24 days. It's just very very frustrating when you haven't talked to him for like 2 weeks... I don't know.. maybe he is getting nervous. Cold feet or something like that. I am confident that we're a perfect pair, but I just don't know what he's feeling on his end of all of this. I should know within the next month though. I'm still pretty ticked off at my friends. I've been working on distancing myself from them a little bit.. I haven't been hanging out with them as much.. just been hanging out with the people who really do care about me. I've decided in a way... that this might be a good thing. It'll probably get lonely for a while.. but I'm good like that, I'll be able to meet new people. I just can't stand the irresponsibleness of the whole situation. Drinking and driving, drinking to the point of being like caked in puke. I think it just comes down to... I dislike drinking very very very very very much. Smoking? Fine with it. People don't smoke weed and then pass our, or vomit everywhere.. or act like irresponsible retards.. cause you can like, control yourself. I dunno. The fact that they were laughing at my sister really really pushed me over the edge. Just, roar. This island tends to be filled with people who are exactly like them though. So, wish me luck.. hahah. Thanks for reading that all.. and the advice and stuff. I really really do appreciate it  . It's good to vent and share . |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6403 days Last view: 6295 days |
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They LAUGHED at her too? 
Anyway, glad I could help, Snow. Seems like youīre getting a hold of stuff now. |
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Tzepish UFO Since: 11-21-05 From: Redmond, WA Last post: 6352 days Last view: 6352 days |
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| I've dropped friends for offenses far less severe than what you have described. Krissy literally tried to kill your sister. I mean, attempted murder. I suggest severing ties with her immediately. | |||
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6301 days |
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| I can't even begin this. It just got. Way way way way way way out of fucking hand.
I started seeing John alot. As in alot, I mean.. every single day. We started getting really involved. Talked on the phone everynight, always near each other.. he came and visited me every single day no matter what. We were cuddling in his room.. and it just happened. It just happened and now I don't know why, or when or how to deal with this shit. Okay, explain from the beginning. I lost my virginity to someone I truly love. The past month he's just reminded me of everything that we used to have... and everything we could be. And I don't know.. I just gave myself to him. And I don't regret it. I can't regret it. You only get once. And I was happy.. I was so happy when it happened... and the day after we were so happy. And today, so happy... and it happened again. This time it didn't hurt as much.. we were able to hang out together all day long (I didn't go to school)... and it was effing amazing. He's always been here for me... since like fucking kindergarten. And, I can't even.. ugh. Today he stops by like he always does. And we had a long long long long long talk.. I'm talking... like 2 1/2 hours in his car. He had just recently broken up with his girlfriend of a year and a half. And he was saying like it's just not like him to abandon something that's gone on this long (even if she did treat him like SHIT). And how he needs to pull himself together and figure out what he really wants to do right now... because he's been acting on impulse and not on what's best for him. He needs to just re-evaluate the whole situation and find out what's the best to do right now. We both cried hah. He said it hurt too much because he loves me, he really really does. He always has. I mean that. I left him in the beginning of my freshman year... and I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn't left him.. this would have played out differently. I thought I was so much stronger than this. I thought I could handle everything that ever came at me in life. I'm truly the most optimistic person ever ever ever ever. And I cried in front of someone for the first time today... I've never done that before. I cried so hard. Wow, this is fucking ridiculous. Why didn't he think about what he was doing to me? Why can't he just let go and be happy? But... somehow I understand where he's comming from.. I know he needs time and space and something to help him feel better about himself and his life. I'm just scared for when he goes back to her... which looks like a certainty.. she's just going to make shit THAT MUCH harder for him. Like.. I was always there for him to talk to. She's not like that... he'll start saying something and she'll turn it into something about her. Anything. I've seen it in action. So I'm going to be there with him through him.. trying to figure out which way is up.. but I know this isn't over. It just hurts so bad. I feel like someone's ripped my lungs out. I can't believe this. I just simply can't. He's never left me like this before. Wow. Just fucking wow. I don't know what to do. I overestimated my coping skills. I just don't know anything anymore. Why do I keep getting myself into these messes? I think I'm too niave for my own good. |
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mattp Red Paratroopa Since: 03-04-06 Last post: 6560 days Last view: 6560 days |
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| Take a stand for yourself. Stop associating with anyone who doesn't care about you and replace them with those that do. You'll find great people if you look, even if they may be socially outcast a little.
As for John... Tell him if he goes back with her ( old abusive girl ) then you will stop associating with him. I assure you that he won't, if he's worth your time anyway. If you are not happy, then it is your responsibility and right to ask yourself two questions: What do I want in life? and How shall I acheive that? As long as you are making progress to the answer of your first question, you will be better off. Good luck for you. |
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Arwon Bazu Since: 11-18-05 From: Randwick, Sydney, NSW, Australia Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Right, first thing's first. This girl that almost fucking killed your sister, you need to either sever contact with her if you haven't already, or have a serious bloody talking to these people about what is and isn't cool. Drinking's fine, drinking's great, but being idiots about it is not cool. It actually sounds like your friends have gone a pretty different path to you and distancing is going to be inevitable. It happens. What are you, going on 17? Towards the end of High School? It happens, people grow apart. Wait til high school ends and then you'll see, THAT changes everything... I still have contact with only two of my friends from high school. One I live with, the other goes to the same university as me. Everyone else... well I was never close enough or similar enough to keep in contact with them.
As for John, don't beat yourself up over stuff that happened in the past. You two were young and stupid, that excuses a LOT. No frame of reference, no idea how things are meant to be, no way to tell if things are good or bad. It's very very difficult... what are we at 15? We're nothing, our personalities have barely formed, we have very little life experience, we don't understand ourselves let alone other people... how can we be expected to handle intense, real-seeming attraction at that age? Hell, even at twenty we're mostly the same way. Just look at the vast wreckage of intense but broken relationships most people end up with. This shit ain't easy. Maybe that's just a personal belief of mine, but what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up too much if this John thing is confusing and difficult, and don't fucking blame yourself for his issues. No-one could expect you to be responsible enough and have the forsight needed, at the age of a freshman. What you need to do though is talk with him and make clear how you feel, what you want, and how you think he will be happy with you, and feel better about himself (if that is indeed the case), yatta yatta yatta. He's bound to be a mess right now, be patient and such. And for fucks sake don't blame yourself. I hope it works out with him, because it certainly sounds like it's worth pursuing, and I'd wager going back to how things were before will be extremely difficult if not impossible... but I also hope you have a sense of perspective about this and realise that this relationship stuff is difficult for anyone. I really think that when the feelings are intense and deep, that makes things harder, not easier. |
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