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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - A little frustrated, a little troubled |
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Keitaro Mole                Since: 11-18-05 From: Massachusetts Last post: 6453 days Last view: 6453 days |
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| This could be taken as a vent of sorts. I just have so much on my mind right now and yeah. I'm going to give a little background to my situation so that you have ab etter idea of just why I'm frustrated right now.
Let me just say right now, I'm not your average teenage "swinger". I've only ever been in one other 'serious' relationship asside from what I'm in right now. I think the whole misconception is that teens are incapable of having anything serious is stupid, though I know why it exists. Its sad really, its like you see people together then broken up like, after less than a week even. This is why I tend not to get involved in relationships unless it at least shows some sort of long term promise. That being said, I am currently in what many would call a serious relationship. My current girlfriend, I care about her oh-so-much. One could even say I love her (in fact, that's the word I'll use because I truly beleive I do). As of right now however, the one thing that keeps us appart is distance. Currently, I reside in Massachusetts up on the east coast. She resides in Texas, on the...not east coast. Despite our distance, we manage to maintain a fairly solid relationship, keeping in mind my every intent to come for her once I've completed my senior year of highschool (basicly, next year). There's very little that gets in the way of our relationship asside from that. Or so it would seem. The main thing is that she is bi-polar. This is not a problem for me, I completly accept that she is, and I understand that it can and consequently does influence how she can act. But as a result of this, it causes her to go from pleasent, or really, from any state, into a seemingly unprovoked fit of rage. I have no idea if this is typical bi-polar behavior or not, but she tells me this is why. I put up with it because I know she truly can't help it. But in these fits, she becomes insultive, some of the stuff which she knows hurts me. Through these fits I've cried a few times, things have been said between us that we never truly meant. But in the end we've always made ammmends, ALWAYS, and she's always taken out time to make sure I knew she was sorry (I'd usualy be greeted the next morning by one of the most touching e-mails I'd ever seen, or her coming back on later saying she felt bad, as would I). She's also been on a 'nice streak' lately, and that just makes things alot easier. But she still can break off into unprovoked anger at any given time, depending on the situation. That's not always the easiest thing to cope with, but I do, she can't help it, so I can't be upset at her.. Her homelife is anything but spectacular, and that puts alot of un-needed stress on her that dosn't help with her volatile nature...her parrents, ESPECIALLY her father, hit her, it happens way too much (read: it happening at all is too much) and its just...well, wrong. She obviously can't run away, I've told her to call authorities or something like that but you know...she has her reasons for not doing so, and I could do that (call authorities) but its not my place to do so and...she's still alive so...I don't know. It pisses me off to no end that I can't be there when shit like that goes down, but yeah. In addition to all of this, theres just alot she dosn't like about me, and especially when she's in one of her fits, is not affraid to tell me. For one, she's very, very tall. Like, 5'9. I'm 5'4, which is short. Very, very short. I'm shorter than most of the other Jr.s in my school. It's not a PROBLEM so much as its something she clearly dislikes and has exp Another thing she's not pleased with is how she views me emotionaly. She sees me as weak, due to the times I've cried over some of the things she's said (and it may seem like over-reacting but they were kinda harsh). She sees me as too sensitive. I guess I just can't help it. When something is said to me I take it to heart. If she didn't mean it in a fit of anger, I can't tell that then. I get caught up in the moment I guess. I can't help if I take her seriously when she's like that. I know deep down she dosn't mean it in the end but at the time its like...you know? I don't know, maybe I am weak. Maybe.. And now theres another thing which impedes. Lots of guys like her. My biggest fear is one who dosn't take her seriously when she says she has a boyfriend, and she also happens to like him back  in fact, she wouldn't shut up about him earlier. Though she says not to worry because she likes him, but she loves me. But how can I not feel even just a little jealous? I trust her, I do, but she...when she said all that, and...gah. It's all just so very frustrating. I get scared shitless just by the very concept of loosing her. Though she assures me its alright, it still worries me. It worries me that I'm just not going to be good enough.
I know I'm not the most perfect person, or the most perfect boyfriend, and she's clearly exp (edited by Keitaro on 02-25-06 12:32 AM) |
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Deleted User Banned       Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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That's a lot, too much for me so after I while I just started skimming. I'm only going to say one thing: If you succeed in this relationship until after you're out of college, I will be very surprised. I have seen very few high school relationships succeed past high school. Normally they'll go out all throughout high school and then may not see each other again for a long time. See, personally, I wouldn't mind having a gf in my high school and college years, but I've always thought it's best to wait until after college to get into the more serious relationships. Now see, I'm not the best with ladies because I'm very shy and actually, to todays standards, quite ugly( ) and no one really would want to go out with me. Most people try to avoid me and find me repulsive and annoying. See, the people I don't really even know are better friends to me than my actually friends. Truthfully, under my ugly self, I'm a funny kind guy. Okay, this isn't about me, but here are somethings I have figured out being me and what not. To really hold on to a girl, you got to be funny. Nobody likes anything(mostly anything) more that laughing/laughter. I've figured this out a while back and has made me some really close friends. Now, another thing is that you have to be kind. You can't expect to have someone you love and then be a total bitch. That=failure. Always be mature, never act immature around the love of your life or your screwed. Don't be selffish in any way. Doing that could cause failure quite quickly. This is probably the most important thing: Show her your real self the first time you go out. Just act how you would normally act. See, if you're too uptight at first, you could end up being like that for the rest of your relationship if you want to keep it. Make sure you have common interest. Being totally different most likely doesn't work in relationships. I could blab on a lot but these are just some tips for those who want a relationship or to keep one. It seems though that you are doing fine and just wanted to tell us about everything. Now this is a lot, and probably a lot of it is not important to you, but I just felt like getting what I had to say across. Whenever it comes to relationships, I have answers. AIM me if you need help with yours.  |
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Keitaro Mole Since: 11-18-05 From: Massachusetts Last post: 6453 days Last view: 6453 days |
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| Just a little update to the status of it all. She wants to 'take a break'. When? 'Until I have time for it'. Good to know, good to know. She has better things to do than wworry about me =| I know people don't...always have the time to make relationships work but THIS IS OUT OF NOWHERE. In her attempt to "not hurt me", it ends with "Why should I waste my time with you, when you can't be here? you're just online". Yeah. And now, I'm selfish and un-understanding...I know she has alot going on in her life but, this is so sudden, and out of no where, and she wouldn't have even TOLD ME had I not pressed her on it. She would have just done it, and I wouldn't have known. This sucks. Alot. I feel like I want to cry on the inside but physically, I'm not even close.
OH but here's an update, as I am typing this...looks like its permanent. Apparently, I was only thinking about how taking a break would effect me, not her. I KNOW it would affect her because she had her reasons. And she has alot going on in her life and it wasn't easy but...now, somehow, in all my might and wit, I have fucked up to the point of no return. She has politly asked me to stay out of her life. All together. As in I basicly just fucked up any chance I ever had again with her. When I asked if there was a chance for us once stuff settled down, her responce? When am I going to stop hiding my own needs behind us being 'together'. She signs off, most likely never to return. I could call her, this will make things worse. What I don't get is...theres not an ounce of truth to that. She seems to think I'm only with her just to have someone. I guess its that unfathomable for me to actualy have feelings for her. I might be selfish in some ways, and I might be wrong in some ways, but....that just hurt. This all just hurts. But you know...people break up all the time, so what can you do? =| I just need to work on moving on, I guess. Which I don't particularly want to do, nor is it the easiest thing in the world to do. It's going to be akward as hell going to sleep next to the teddybear she sent me for valentine's day tonight. Maybe he'll have to sleep on the chair tonight =\ Thanks for anyone who read through all this mindless crap. I'm sorry I've wasted your time with my...self. It dosn't look like theres much left for me and her, so I guess you could say you're assured I won't be writing any more posts of this size. Though who knows really 
Edit: and I really feel like an asshole right now =| just...I do. I guess it was selfish of me to plead for her to stay when I guess she just wasn't happy with me and...wow, its my fault, the whole thing, and any attempt to make ammends will only be seen as an attempt at self gain. I truly fucked up this time. Go me. Edit: One could view me as un-understanding selfish asshole who drives away those he cares about. They probably wouldn't be too far off =\ again, go me. Last Edit(no, I swear!): She wanted out a while ago but couldn't think of a reason, did I mention that? And I didn't pick it up. Or maybe I just didn't WANT to pick it up. Maybe I didn't want to see that. Maybe I wanted so bad for it to work that I didn't think that she was unhappy, just that I could make her happy. Which I clearly failed at. Some boyfriend =| (edited by Keitaro on 02-25-06 12:30 AM) (edited by Keitaro on 02-25-06 12:37 AM) (edited by Keitaro on 02-25-06 12:54 AM) |
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Deleted User Banned Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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| Lesse, I believe I said something like, "I would be surprised if you had a relationship that last beyond college and it was successful unlike most other high school relationships" or something like that. I figured that it wouldn't last, but it seemed that from the time I first posted and the time you posted a lot went on. I believe you said that she was bi-polar or something. Maybe she's just having her... bi-polarness affecting her. Or it could be that she really means it. So, I'm probably the only one that read this, and I do somewhat feel sorry for you. Here are a few things to keep in mind when in a relationship:
1) If you are going to do a long distance relationship, you should've already had a great one within reaching distance of each other. Normally long distances fail if you haven't really know the person before you started it. 2) Wait until the later years of college before you get the girl you really want. I would even suggest after college. See, the thing about high school relationships is that they don't normally last much after high school. Take a girl to your high school prom and see how it last. If it ends in failure, wait until you're getting out or not in school anymore and you have plenty of money to provide. That often times helps. Those are just some when and where tips. I've given some of my behavoir ones before. As I said, if you or anyone needs help or just wants to talk about relationships, I'm always free on AIM. Good luck with your girl though. |
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Aiya Poppy Bros. Jr Bah. >B(  Since: 11-28-05 Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Hey.. I realize I'm kind of bumping an old~ish thread here, but.. reading this made me.. angry. I read your first post, Keitaro, and I went "..Holy crap, what a rude bitch." (Sorry, but.. yeah. ..Oh, and I mean her, not you. >> ) I'm actually surprised noone else mentioned anything like ..what I'm about to say. I'll probably come across kind of.. harsh, I guess, but.. ugh.
(Oh, and also, I'll probably botch a lot of sentences and stuff, because.. that's what I do.  ? I tend to use a lot of run-on sentences. >> )
...(last side note.. I'm going to address your first post first, sort of in.. the present tense, as if I hadn't read your second post yet.. hope that's not too confusing. >>; ) Yeah, okay. Movin' on. Originally posted by Keitaro Okay, first of all. Your height is not something you can change, as you said. The fact that she would make you feel bad/insecure about something that's a physical, uncontrollable 'feature' is ..pretty sad. I'm 5'10", which is pretty tall for a girl. I used to feel weird, and would hunch over and stuff, trying to be shorter like everyone else. However, that was more a.. personal feeling of insecurity, because I was different. Having someone you care about telling you that's something about you that you can't change is something they don't like, to the point where you start feeling insecure and awful about it..that's just cruel. Even if she is bi-polar, that's not an excuse. There are medications you can take that can help control 'episodes', make a person more stable, etc. It sounds to me like she didn't investigate her options with that, if that is indeed what's wrong. Sounds to me like she just liked putting you down. She can dislike things about you, but that doesn't mean she has to tear you apart over them. Originally posted by Keitaro That is a load of BS. Either that, or she's used to being abused, so she might not feel secure in your relationship without some form of nastiness. I'd almost go as far as to say that you made her feel insecure because she couldn't stop herself from saying rude and nasty things, and yet, you can stop yourself. (And keep in mind that when I say "you made", I mean your actions created that reaction, not that you forced her into.. feeling whatever she does/did). Originally posted by Keitaro That's another load of BS. You're human, not a robot. When someone says something hurtful, it's natural to cry. Even for guys, believe it or not. ;p It doesn't mean you're weak, and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or even that you're over-reacting. I mean, I don't know what she said, but.. judging by what you've said about her, in general.. I highly doubt it's over-reaction. If it was something like "I wish you wouldn't eat pizza. That's so.. gross." or something.. well, fine. lol But if she has a problem with you exp Originally posted by Keitaro Again, natural. Listening to the person you're with go on and on about some other girl/guy.. yeah, that sucks. My ex-boyfriend did that right before we broke up. >>; "I like him/her, but I love you" is a cop-out, more often than not. Originally posted by Keitaro If you think that, then she's obviously not.. 'holding her end up'. Being in a relationship is supposed to make you feel good about yourself and your relationship, not feel as though you're worth nothing, or easy to replace. Granted, a lot of that security needs to come from your own sense of self-worth, but constantly being put down by the person you're with is no way to fuel good self-esteem. Originally posted by Keitaro Yeah, it is.. especially when a lot of the time "teenage" relationships only last a week or two. I'd also have to say it shows something about yourself too. You'd have to be extremely patient to put up with that kind of thing for that long.. I'm not sure if I should say you can be proud of yourself for that, or if I should tell you that's not healthy. heheh Originally posted by X DSMSTER X Don't worry if you don't consider yourself funny.. it's not the only thing that attracts girls. ;p Granted though, it does help. heheh Originally posted by X DSMSTER X I'm pretty sure he said he couldn't stand being mean to her.. Originally posted by X DSMSTER X However.. "just act how you would normally act." People are, by nature, selfish. You can't CONSTANTLY think about the other person's feelings.. you need to look out for yourself too. I'm not saying ONLY think about your own feelings, just.. balance it. (And to me, it sounds like you're a bit.. TOO considerate of her feelings, Keitaro.. =/) Okay, now.. about your second post. I'm sorry, because I know it hurts to break up with someone. However, in all honesty.. I'm glad you're out of that situation. I hope you don't allow her to try and pull you back in. She sounds abusive, and downright awful. I'm not going to say it's all her fault, or anything like that, but I want you to consider the idea that it isn't all YOUR fault either. Relationships are two-sided, right? She sounds really, really selfish, not caring about your feelings.. and it sounded like you were the one doing most of the 'work', to make your relationship function, as it were. Obviously, I don't know the entire situation, and I'm just going by what I've read.. but I just.. couldn't stand letting this thread pass by. I don't know what to tell you, but.. I think you should consider looking for ways to make yourself more.. important, to yourself, I guess. It sounds to me like you're very low in the self-esteem department, and could use a boost. I don't know if there's someone you can talk to about stuff like that, but.. I hope you do. One piece of advice I would give though, is that you shouldn't get into another relationship right now. You'd probably be vulnerable to putting yourself in the same situation (not a DEFINITE possibility, but.. it's plausible). Work on that self-esteem. *nodnod* You sound like a good person who's just.. really down right now. Take some time to be yourself and learn to like yourself a bit more, if you can. ;p ~Aiya. P.S. tl;dr: I think you're better off without the girl, and you need to work on your self-esteem, because you're just as worthy of having people be understanding of your flaws as you think/thought she is../was. (edited by Aiya on 03-06-06 12:02 AM) (edited by Aiya on 03-06-06 12:19 AM) |
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mattp Red Paratroopa Since: 03-04-06 Last post: 6560 days Last view: 6560 days |
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Thats as far as I read. Dump her. You can do a lot better than a crazy chick living halfway across the continent. Plus bipolar girls are usually huge bitches and you don't want to have to deal with that. |
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Keitaro Mole Since: 11-18-05 From: Massachusetts Last post: 6453 days Last view: 6453 days |
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Aiya: I want to thank you for actualy taking the time to read through all that, I really appreciate it  I've been looking at your responce and you know...the scary part is, she almost got me back. She attempted to use me as a sort of failsafe, if things didn't work out for her she'd give me another shot. I finaly took a stand and told her I wasn't going to play second string, and that my emotions should be taken into consideration. Apparently, I'm selfish and inconsiderate and she dosn't care about my emotions. I know now that I definatly want this to be completly over, the hard thing is that deep down I still feel like I love her, that'll be the hardest part to get over.
As for my self esteem issues, they've always been a little on the low side. My last serious relationship ended due to cheating. Combine that with the fact that I've never had that much luck in the romance department (though never really showed it or let it get to me), and I more or less began to feel like I wasn't worthy of having someone, or something like that. Stupid, yeah, but the way things were with this relationship sometimes, it just sort of added to all that. It's my own fault for having such low self-esteem, I realise that...I just need to improve it. Perhaps if I feel a little better about myself, people will start to percieve me as a little 'better' in their eyes. Worth a shot anyway... I've definatly decided to not get into a relationship right away, as per your advice. For one, if I could get over her THAT fast, you could say I never really cared about her, and that couldn't be more wrong =\ also, I just...don't feel ready. I guess I need to sort things out with myself (self esteem like you said, maybe some other things) and be sure with myself on everything before I get involved just yet. Right now, I fear I'll end up getting involved just to get involved and it will end less than splendid. I want to be sure of what I'm doing Anyways, thank you so much for your advice and your words. I truly appreciate yout aking the time to try and help me out like that. |
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Arwon Bazu Since: 11-18-05 From: Randwick, Sydney, NSW, Australia Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| I'm a little late here, but that relationship is poison man, and the sooner you get it out of your system, the better. If you get over her quickly, all the better, because it means you didn't feel that strongly for her and that's a GOOD THING. You don't WANT to be in love with girls who fuck you around so badly.
Bear with me here, as I'm projecting a past situation of mine onto this because your post kinda rang some bells for me. Forgive me if I'm completely off base in my reading of the situation and your state of mind, but here goes. If your self esteem is as low as you say, it's far likelier you liked her not for who she was and how she made you feel, but because she was with you and made you not be alone. If your self-esteem is as low as you say, it sounds like you figured you couldn't get any better and you'd better try to hold onto what there was even though it sucked. It's far likelier that you were in love with the idea of being in love, and tried unsuccessfully to make the situation fit your desires. I've been there myself man, it is not good. The consolation is that if your situation is anything like mine was, in two years I doubt you'll believe you loved the girl, and will regard the whole situation as an embarassing fuckup. You'll be a better person for it. Suck out the poison and move on man. Don't jump right into something else, natch, but reassess what you did feel, and see if I'm not partially right here. If I am, realising this is the reason you got so into such a shitty relationship, and admitting it to yourself, will help make you a stronger human being. (edited by Arwon on 03-07-06 09:53 PM) |
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Aiya Poppy Bros. Jr Bah. >B( Since: 11-28-05 Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| No problem Keitaro. ^-^ Glad I could help. ;p
I hope you keep feeling positive about stuff now. I know it's really hard to 'get over' someone you've been in a relationship with, and I hope that goes alright. Just keep thinking about the differences between your life right now, and your life when you were going out with her. It's might be lonely for a while, but in the long run, you'll be happier, I think. ;p I'm glad to hear you stood up for yourself. Generally if you let people 'walk all over you', they'll do it, even if they don't realize what they're doing. =/ Anyway. heheh Good luck with dealing with whatever issues you need resolved, an' stuff. ^^; ~Aiya |
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