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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Fantasizing About People |
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Anya                    Since: 11-18-05 From: South Florida Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| Is it wrong to have fantasies about someone, other than the person that you are with? Or is it just a normal thing to have when you dream from time to time? Should you feel guilty? Or just let it go, I mean dreams are just dreams, right? From what I gather, people tend to have fantasies about celebrities (who are just normal people too) and that’s not usually frowned upon, so would it be so wrong to fantasize about a regular person? Especially if you can’t control it; but what if you could, would it be wrong then? | |||
Skydude Armos Knight   Since: 02-18-06 From: Stanford, CA Last post: 6570 days Last view: 6570 days |
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| I think one of the big issues that comes up is feasibility of acting on those fantasies. If you fantasize about Brad Pitt, well, chances are that's not going to happen. If you fantasize about the guy next door, well, I'm assuming here, probably safely, that you wouldn't actually go with it...but maybe you could. And that's a big part of it right there.
If you can't control it, no need to feel guilty about it; our dreams are not really ours to consciously control. If you find yourself trying to recreate that situation while awake or thinking about it before you sleep hoping for it again, that's another thing. Is it "wrong" to consciously fantasize about another person than the one you're with? I'm not sure. It's likely not going to be healthy for the relationship with the person you're with OR the other person, even if you think you have it completely under control; our emotions can do tricky things. Sometimes, though, it can be completely benign. Still, it's probably best to avoid it, even if it's not really "wrong" which is something that I'm currently out on. |
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Anya Since: 11-18-05 From: South Florida Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| BTW This is generally speaking, I was just wondering about the subject.
The way I see it, if you can control your emotions while awake and you don't act on it and if its not your brother or sister, then its okay, since you really can't do anything about it anyway. |
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Uncle Elmo Porcupo Loved up and ready to go :) Since: 11-24-05 Last post: 6312 days Last view: 6352 days |
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| Fantasies are generally ok if they're kept as just that - fantasies. it's when people try and act upon them you get a problem. | |||
Jomb Deddorokku  Since: 12-03-05 From: purgatory Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6299 days |
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| In my opinion virtually any fantasy you have is A-OK and nobody elses damn business, as long as its only a fantasy. If it gets pervasive, where you no longer think about your significant other because you keep thinking about somebody else, then thats a problem, or if you start taking steps to act on the fantasy. From a psychological point of view it is very normal to occasionally fantasize about people other than your current love.
For me, if my GF told me she had fantasies about someone we knew, i'd laugh about it, but if i then noticed her trying to be alone with him alot then i'd start to wonder and get concerned. |
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Sinfjotle Lordly? No, not quite.  Since: 11-17-05 From: Kansas Last post: 6298 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| It... depends...
Even if you're a stable person, fantasizing can be harmful to a relationship. If you let something slip, it could get blown out of proportion and taken offensively, but that depends on your partner too I guess... I don't think its right, but I don't really think its wrong. A dreams a dream and you can't control dreams. If you're doing it willingly, and you're doing it on purpose, I don't think it is wise. |
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Skydude Armos Knight Since: 02-18-06 From: Stanford, CA Last post: 6570 days Last view: 6570 days |
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| Even if you don't let something slip, I think that psychologically speaking you might, even as a very stable person, be affected by the fantasy.
While it's much more pronounced in children, to some extent adults can have difficulty separating their feelings for something that isn't actually happening from what is actually the case. It's largely through this that people can be immensely sad for a while after seeing completely fictional movies. If you fantasize about a person, even if you don't act on it, you will begin at some level to associate these fantasies with that person. That will often be fine, but if you persist in the fantasy, it could become stronger, such that it may serve to make you feel less interested in the person you're with, even if you don't think about it much, just because your mind is associating pleasure with the other person rather than the one you're with. Again, this is something of an extreme case among responsible adults, but it's certainly not out of the ordinary. I'm sure you've likely found yourself somewhat annoyed at a person even when they've not done anything to you, if they had done so in a dream, only to realize that and be fine. The problem comes if something like that persists, as it may very well do in fantasy. It's not likely to be anything major, but even small things can be magnified over time to eat away at what could otherwise be a healthy relationship. Wrong? Nah, probably not, if you're not going to act on it. Healthy? I have to say, probably not...I'd say watch it, but some of these effects may be a bit too subtle to catch. Overall, I would recommend against actively fantasizing about people you're likely to interact with. |
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Anya Since: 11-18-05 From: South Florida Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6297 days |
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Originally posted by Skydude But what if you can't interact with the said person(s) and the chances of it ever happening is like 10000 to 1. Then I'm taking that some here are saying/thinking that it is okay? |
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Skydude Armos Knight Since: 02-18-06 From: Stanford, CA Last post: 6570 days Last view: 6570 days |
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| Well, even then, there's still slightly the danger that it will affect, very subtly most likely, the relationship of the person you're with. But it's probably ok in that case. | |||
Rydain Sir Kibble Blaze Phoenix Runs with the Dragon Within  Since: 11-18-05 From: State College, PA Last post: 6301 days Last view: 6297 days |
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Originally posted by Uncle ElmoI completely agree. They could also be problematic if you focus on them to the extent of neglecting your existing relationship or if their very existence is annoying you ("I'm happy...why can't I get that person out of my head?"), but I don't think they're inherently wrong. |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Rydain Yeah, that's what I was thinking. More specifically if they become annoying. If you have a random dream, that's easy to dismiss. If they're confinual, or you can't get it out of your head despite being in a relationship, I think that leaves room for some problems. |
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Cynthia Uh-huh. Since: 11-17-05 From: LaSalle, Quebec, Canada Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Fantasy != Reality. People fantasize about things all the time, and if that's all it is then fine. You might feel a little guilty but it doesn't hurt anyone.
Like others in the thread said, it's when you make that attempt to make the fantasy a reality that things go wrong. Look at that userbar in your signature as a reminder, sweetie.  |
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Dudette Metal axe  Since: 11-28-05 Last post: 6375 days Last view: 6309 days |
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| Tricky subject, I'm confused about this myself. I used to .. well still do fantasies about my used-to-be-neighbour, the dreams would become constant and when I had to interact with my neighbour I would find it hard to talk to them, knowing I had dreams about them. I think that if I didn't have such dreams about them then it wouldn't have been so hard for me to talk to my neighbour.
I guess it really depends on how comfortable you feel about it. Looking back on what occurred with my neighbour, I do wish that I never had the dreams. .. if that made any sense  |
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Anya Since: 11-18-05 From: South Florida Last post: 6299 days Last view: 6297 days |
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Colin....did you miss the part when I said this was a general type question? Jeeez, way to jump the gun. 
Now, here's a bit of a tiwst, what if the person that you are having fantasies about isn't real. What if its some made up character? |
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Skydude Armos Knight Since: 02-18-06 From: Stanford, CA Last post: 6570 days Last view: 6570 days |
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| Well, Anya, obviously he wasn't the only one to think otherwise...
If it's a made up character, then it comes into about the same category as what I was saying before. Obviously it wouldn't affect your relationship with that made up character, since that character doesn't exist...but it could somehow alter your feelings, subtly, of the person you're with. So not as much 'danger' so to speak but still a potential for some trouble. |
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candrodor Red Goomba Since: 12-31-05 Last post: 6383 days Last view: 6383 days |
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I do this loads with IRL friends, teachers(not the ugly old or nasty ones, kthx), neighbours... >.>;; Nothing to worry about as long as you can still interact with that person fine... I think. Also, as long as you fantasizing doesn't make you start daydreaming when you've got to be paying attention etc... Otherwise, enjoy away  I certainly do~ |
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Ailure Mr. Shine I just want peace...  Since: 11-17-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6296 days |
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This thread reminds me about some product which stated would improve concentration, and where the women said a another male's name during copulation. :d Meh, it's fine as I bet that most male persons in the western civilization does this at some point, married or not. And if it's a fictional charcther, then no harm is done as long it dosen't turn... fanatical. |
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Skydude Armos Knight Since: 02-18-06 From: Stanford, CA Last post: 6570 days Last view: 6570 days |
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| ...wait, WHAT happened during this ad you're talking about? | |||
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candrodor Red Goomba Since: 12-31-05 Last post: 6383 days Last view: 6383 days |
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| One problem I've found with fantasising about real people. I've noticed, for me at least, when they feel sad, it affects you more. |
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