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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - Well here I go... |
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Zer0 Micro-Goomba                   Since: 02-17-06 From: Detroit Last post: 6658 days Last view: 6658 days |
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| I posted this at Ice Board, just wanted to get some more different views on this...
--------------------- Ok people let me get to the bottom of things, and save you the tragic boring stories of my life. maybe this wont make sence to alot of you since your over seas, and since im up late and under the influence of heavy medication, maybe its my way to vent. But i need to get this off, before i explode. Some of you, probably only a few drops of you know i definitly suffer from depression, but am never properly diagnosed for it. A handfull of you may know that i was handed alot of things as a kid, and up till a few years ago hardly worked for a dime. Few may know that i am not a usually angry person. i dont resort to violence, or yell, and some say i have a very high tolerance for anger. However they may not know that it builds and builds, and on on few days that anger flows over and i lash out. ---- Few of you may know back 2 years ago, my father cheated on my mother, with a house attended that was hired by my aunt to watch my grandfather in his last days on this earth (Rest his soul). Since then, our family has gone down the shitter. Days go on that i dont wish that this ever happened, days go on that i wish that my family was for one aspect normal, like it was when i was younger. But it hasnt, and i have accepted it. However, it seems for the rest of the family of mine keeps going downward. My sisters are all bent out of shape and fire random spurts of anger and energy at myself and my mother. back when i was in 7th grade, 3 of my good friends committed suicide all within a 5 months span. one even took the initative to call me on the phone just before he pulled the trigger. I went into a deep state of just pure shitness. My parents never knew, only knew of one of them, because they found out before me. I dont take finding out these things to well. I was the last one to find out that my grandfather died and my aunt died. I was real close to both of them, and my parents knew that. But for days they knew, and even my siblings knew before i knew. They put me into counciling after my teachers noticed how my grades litterally floped from As to Ds. The councilor they sent me to, was aclaimed to be one of the best in the area. he made me play with blocks and legos the whole time. The thing was that everything i told him, he conveyed to my parents over the phone at a later time. There was no confidelity at all. I later stoped going because it didnt work. My parents decided to go after the incident 2 years ago. It seemed to work for about 6 months, then they couldnt help but stop going and give up on all the work they did to help themselves get back together. When my dad did what he did...and then told us. I didnt hate him, but i didnt stop talking to him. Where as the rest of the family sided with my mom. I tried for the longest time to play the neutral party, because i knew if we all sided with my mom that he would leave. But what really got me is that he told me that it was a loveless marriage from the start. yeah...25 years married, with four kids and a 350,000$ house... yeah that sure is loveless. Countless hours i would have conversations with both of them. In ways it made them feel better because they knew one of the four kids still cared. even though things are patched up in that area, there never is a moment that crosses my mind that he is still in contact with that fucker. because of this whole situation i refuse to go back to NJ and stay in the same house. Whenever we go there, i always put myself and my brother up in a hotel or stay with a friend. its always a promise, when i am older and i can take trip out there, im going to hunt down the woman who did this and ripped my family apart, and put a silver bullet between her eyes. its a promise i made to myself, and intend on fufilling one day. Is there something missing that is the final puzzle piece to a happy life? Is it something that im doing wrong? Or my family is just failing miserably? I do understand that women go through phases, but these arent those phases, these last for weeks and can range up to almost two months. (edited by Zer0 on 02-17-06 12:57 AM) |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE    Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I've been trying to figure out how to respond to this for a while.
I can empathize with you a bit. My family isn't together either, I was sent to counseling when I was younger to "deal with it" (the counselor also told my parents everything I said), and one of my parents have remarried (well, practically...). All I can tell you is that you have to accept things and move on with life. Sure, nobody likes having a family that isn't happy and together... it makes it seem like less of a family. But everything happens for a reason, you know? Not all marriages can work out, no matter how bad you want it, and attempting to kill your stepmom isn't going to solve anything. Sure, she's in the way of having a happy family again. But... do you honestly think that if she were gone, your family would be together again? Just let it sink in, let yourself come to terms with it, make peace with it. Move on. Life is what you make of it, and there is nothing that says a "normal" family is the only one you can be happy with. Try being more optimistic. And good luck with everything.  |
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Zer0 Micro-Goomba Since: 02-17-06 From: Detroit Last post: 6658 days Last view: 6658 days |
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| She isnt my step mom. She was a care giver over my grandfather when he was on his last breath. She did a very good job caring for him, but shes 25 and my dad is 51, at the time 49. What they both did was wrong.
Then him saying it was a love-less marriage from the beginning...how does one say that with four kids, a 2 year old house thats worth $500,000, and a 25+ year gaining marriage? (edited by Zer0 on 02-20-06 04:42 PM) |
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Well think about it. Would you rather they lived a lie forever? I mean, everyone makes mistakes. His was a rather large one. You just gotta take what gets thrown at you. You won't have that perfect family anymore, but that's okay. It's not the end of the world. You had no control over the situation, and you still don't. Trying to force control like you plan... that's not going to get you anything. |
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