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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - To tell or not to tell? |
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Yoronosuku Toss Tortoise                   Since: 11-17-05 From: Massachusetts is my new home.. Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I'm sort of in a predicament. I am friends with a girl who I know is cheating on her boyfriend. I am very very good friends with her boyfriend. He thinks the world of her and to this day has no idea and thinks she is still faithful to him..
My question is what do I do? Do I confron the girl? Do I just tell the guy? The whole thing is really bothering me because he deserves better than this. I would just like some suggestions, because I'm all out. |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE   Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Meh, the big decision is if you want to get involved or not. Doing so will more than likely lead to a rift, because that's how people are. But if you were to do anything, confront her. Don't tell her boyfriend. That's just... bad. He probably wouldn't believe you anyway, if you thinks so highly of her. | |||
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Yoronosuku Toss Tortoise Since: 11-17-05 From: Massachusetts is my new home.. Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I'd feel kind of guilty not to get involved in some way. It would be like one of those things where if he did eventualy find out later, I'd feel really bad having known about it the whole time. Guilty concience, I guess I'm saying. I will probably have a talk with the girl, if I get the opportunity to. I think, at the least, she at least owes it to him to tell the poor kid she's found someone else..or at least that she hasn't been honest with him. | |||
Jomb Deddorokku  Since: 12-03-05 From: purgatory Last post: 6298 days Last view: 6298 days |
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| If it were me i'd tell the guy and tell the girl to go to hell for being such a scumbag, but i'm a hard ass like that.
Maybe you could tell him anonymously? That way he finds out but you are'nt involved? |
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acillatem98 Crow  Since: 11-18-05 From: Barberton, Ohio Last post: 6300 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| If it was me, I'd tell him. Later on he'll probably thank you for it. Just think if you were in his position, and he knew this, you would want him to tell you about it right, because it's just not right to be cheated in anything. Even if she is your friend, she isn't doing right, and the longer you wait, the more guilty you'll feel for keeping this from him for so long. | |||
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE  Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| If I were in his position, I'd rather SHE told me, not you Yoro. Sure, he'll be happy later on, now that he's out of the relationship... but wouldn't it be better for both of them if they talked about it? I mean, a third leg never bodes well... =\
But if after all efforts she refuses to tell him.. then I would agree that you should. |
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Black Lord + Flurry Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6298 days |
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Originally posted by Danielle That's where you're long Danielle, my third leg always bodes well... or beyond well. As for the situation at hand... it's a tough one, but I think I'd like to be informed by anyone if my significant other was cheating on me, just so I know, and that I don't go on thinking everythiing is alright. |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6404 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by Yoronosuku Yeah, that´s a real dilemma. I think you should confront the girl about it and make her realize what she´s doing. Then you could try to make HER tell him, like Danielle said. He´d probably take it better if he gets to hear it from her. I hope this won´t turn out too bad. For your friendship's sake. |
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Yoronosuku Toss Tortoise Since: 11-17-05 From: Massachusetts is my new home.. Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Oh, she knows full and well what she's doing, which is what makes me hate this so much. Like I said before...he deserves so much better than this, just because he's given her so much and this is how he's being repayed.
As for my friendship with either one, I'm trying to be as neutral as possible, but at the same time I know in my heart the girl is in the wrong and I in no way intend to defend her actions. This is just way too confusing  |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6404 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Hmm. Maybe you could drop hints to him so he can figure it out himself without knowing that you knew about it.
Or you could tell him in a nice way about it because you care about him and think he deserves better than that. This is quite hard. (edited by Ran-chan + on 02-14-06 04:19 AM) |
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Apophis Ropa  Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| give me his email. I'll tell him. | |||
Sion Im Back Baby!  Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Im with Apophis, that way he will know and youll never be suspected. | |||
Tzepish UFO Since: 11-21-05 From: Redmond, WA Last post: 6352 days Last view: 6352 days |
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| I agree with the previous two. He needs to be told. You know that what she's doing is wrong, and that isn't enough (IMO) to allow it to happen simply because you're just as much her friend as his. He's being dicked over and doesn't deserve it; it needs to stop.
It's true that he would probably rather hear it from her, but it's doubtful she'll ever tell him, considering she seems to be fine with what she's doing. Also, if he finds out (through her or on his own), he may actually be pissed at you for knowing about it and not telling him (I would be). My recommendation: Confront her about it, try to convince her to tell him. Failing that, tell him yourself. |
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acillatem98 Crow Since: 11-18-05 From: Barberton, Ohio Last post: 6300 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| I know if I was being cheated on, I don't care who tells me, as long as I know and know it's the truth. I'd just be happy to get the girl out of my life. It probably isn't going to happen having her confront him, if you tell him, he'll confront her about it, that should be good enough. Just as long as he knows before this goes on anymore. No matter how, just let him know, so he doesn't think he has something with her that he doesn't, the love. (edited by acillatem98 on 02-14-06 05:04 PM) |
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Yoronosuku Toss Tortoise Since: 11-17-05 From: Massachusetts is my new home.. Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| I've been thinking about it...and I think, it would be best, to at least talk to her and tell her why I feel how I do about this. If she doesn't end up telling him, I might have to tell him myself. I appreciate the offer, Apophis, but, I think he might want to hear it from someone that he can trust and can back it up (he might not believe just anyone telling him that, you know..)
I appreciate the suggestions though...If I end up doing this, I'll probably be doing it some point tonight. How depressing, and on valentine's day =| I'll keep you guys posted if I do end up going through with this. |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon  Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6302 days |
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| I'd tell the guy. I had to tell one of my friends that her boyfriend was cheating on her... it's rough. She eventually thanked me for it when she found out it was true from him. Of course... they broke up bitterly... but that's better than being lied to longer. If I were in that predicament I think being told by my boyfriend would be harder... cause that has happened to me. I would have rather found out from someone else... so I can confront him in an angry rage and make him feel like a dick. Kind of.... a pathetic revenge.
But that's just me. |
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Silvershield 580  Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6308 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| A cheater is a vile person. Plain and simple. I've been on the receiving end and, let me tell you, the guilty party deserves no mercy as far as being implicated to his or her significant other. He needs to know, one way or another; if she tells him, perfect, but otherwise it's your moral responsibility to do so. | |||
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6302 days |
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| Here we go.
me: the fact that we're not "official" yet.. kind of bothers me a friend: u can wait all ur life he wont ask u out me: but at the same time.. I'm not sure why it would matter.. cause I don't think he'd go for someone else. a friend: who knows a friend: when you two just like started ur thing a friend: he said he liked julie and wanted to go for her also a friend: and that you knew about that a friend: im not sure if he likes u or not, he probabley does a friend: but he said something about he doesnt wanna be tied down me: I knew that julie liked him kinda me: but he didn't tell me that. An example of a friend being honest to with me... because he's concerned that the person I'm "seeing" might cheat on me. He was trying to warn me to not be so trusting all the time and stuff. But point? I'm happy he told me... cause now I know what questions to ask... and how he really feels about this whole situation. |
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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Originally posted by Silvershield Wow, that's harsh. |
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Danielle 6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| How so, Wurl? |
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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - To tell or not to tell? |
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