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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Craziness Domain - Hilarious Church Bulletins |
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mvent2 Paragoomba                    Since: 11-17-05 From: Brizzy, Australia Last post: 6616 days Last view: 6616 days |
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| I found these on another forum. These are actual phrases published in real church bulletins.
***The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ***The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus." ***Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. ***The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ***Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ***Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ***For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ***The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy." ***Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ***Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ***Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ***The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility ***The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ***Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. ***This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. *** Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. ***The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. *** Low Self Esteem Support Group! will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. *** The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. *** Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance LMAO |
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Zem Permabanned. Flaming, trolling, reregistering.  Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6618 days Last view: 6618 days |
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Originally posted by mvent2 I doubt it, since many of them have shown up in several of these lists and are sometimes listed as coming from "flyers," "newsletters," etc. |
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mvent2 Paragoomba Since: 11-17-05 From: Brizzy, Australia Last post: 6616 days Last view: 6616 days |
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Originally posted by ZemOriginally posted by mvent2 The source said they were all from church bulletins. Whether or not they were in church bulletins, they were published in the media in some form, and they are related to church. Instead of over-analyzing things and ruining their humorous value, just read them and laugh at them. K? |
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Zem Permabanned. Flaming, trolling, reregistering. Since: 11-18-05 Last post: 6618 days Last view: 6618 days |
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Originally posted by mvent2 I HATE FUN. |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6403 days Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by mvent2 Uh, okay. I always knew it was something weird with churches. _¬ |
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Snow Tomato Snap Dragon  Since: 12-31-05 From: NYC Last post: 6316 days Last view: 6302 days |
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| See the attachment and let the fun times ensue.
That church near my house is notorious for bad signs. Another time it said "Love Christ? Die." I wish my digital camra was with me when I saw that. Apparantly someone must have removed the "happy" or they forgot to put it up. I'm not sure. Hysterical though. |
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NSNick Gohma IF ALL ELSE FAILS USE BOOZE  Since: 11-17-05 From: Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6297 days |
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| Yay Churchsigngenerator! |
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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| I'd laugh, but I haven't gone to church in like 7 years. | |||
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Kyoufu Kawa Intends to keep Rom Hacking in one piece until the end  Since: 11-18-05 From: Catgirl Central Station Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| 22. I win. | |||
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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| I meant 7 Space years, which equals 230492309740293750932 of your Earth years. | |||
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Alastor Fearless Moderator Hero  Since: 11-17-05 From: An apartment by DigiPen, Redmond, Washington Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Pfft. I haven't been to church in -11 super dimensional space decades. | |||
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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| Dimensional Time only applies to black holes, n00b. | |||
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Thoughtless [Danielle] Thoughtless is my secret lover [Danielle] *flutters eyelashes* [Thoughtless] SECRET IS OUT I miss my two pussies :( (Part II) Since: 11-17-05 From: PR Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| According to the bulletin Snow Tomato posted, looks like body piercings save souls.
No more time spent worrying if whether eating babies is harmful to my soul. Kick ass. My soul is saved. |
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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| Yeah, I eat enough babies a day to populate a nice sized European principality. | |||
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Sinfjotle Lordly? No, not quite.  Since: 11-17-05 From: Kansas Last post: 6297 days Last view: 6296 days |
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| Oh God, thank you for blessing this earth with the best of population controllers. | |||
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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Originally posted by Dracoon Plus I have a higher efficency rating than condoms. |
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Trapster King Dedede Since: 11-19-05 From: Sweden Last post: 6403 days Last view: 6296 days |
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I surely hope so but I´d rather use a condom than having you involved. 
"***The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus." Does that mean that he sank? _¬ |
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