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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - Butterfly in the Wind |
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D3stiny_Sm4sher Ninji                   Since: 02-04-06 From: Searching for t3h g4t3... Last post: 6341 days Last view: 6341 days |
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| Well, I could go through the entire history of my 'love life' but suffice it to say that all it has been is flops.
I will open with a poem I wrote about me and this girl I like right now: Butterfly in the Wind Rushed is she, a humble bee, And I, a wayward butterfly. Maybe it’s Wind which blows me there But why would I decide to care? I follow the bee. Perhaps by Winds, perhaps by song, Yet either way, I drift along And flap my wings to reach that hive. Are they to say I’m not alive? I make no honey. Is she to say I’ve gone astray And shake her head; send me away? Is here where Wind wants me to go, Or there to flowers down below? I doubt I’ll ever know. The Gusts may push and forge a path But I need not obey their wrath For I could go against their spell And keep on flying, just as well. Where would I go? Though, still, the question does remain: Am I a slave, or just insane? And does the Zephyr really mind If behind I leave what is behind? I see a bee in front of me. What is it in her I see? Yellow and black with buzzing wings, But I like many other things As she is not like every bee. Will she sting? This single bee is gentle, kind, She works by nature’s law In blissful tandem with time Like many others of her race. I can’t retain that brisk pace. How does she lead a buzzing life With miles of flight pollen rife, And doesn’t stop to love the flower Whose very nectar she does devour To process within walls of wax? She and I are unalike bugs. Still, this will inside me tugs My anxious wings to push through air To find this bee, and follow her where She goes, and goes, and goes, and goes, Whether she cares, whether she knows. OK. So, in high school, I liked a girl, she was one of my best friends. Long story short, she turned out to be a slut, broke my heart, destroyed our friendship, etc. Second girl: I liked her, we were friends, but we didn't know each other too well. I asked her out, she said no, started dating this neurotic psychopath, our friendship crumbled away, try as I may to salvage it. And half the girls in my class thought I was a stalker because I was trying to keep our friendship alive...but, ya know. High school. 'Nuff said. So I've never had a girlfriend, but I've had my heary broken twice. And for a good year and a half, there wasn't any girl I really liked. And now I'm in college. And there's a girl I like. Not that I was planning on it or expecting it, of course. But I know this feeling Ihave for her is a bit different than what I've felt in the past. Can't explain it. But she's a music major, and she's busy all the time, and I'm hardly busy at all. So we don't see each other that much or talk that often. I mean, it's getting better now that we've known each other since the beginning of last semester, but... I don't know why I like her so much. There's so many other girls here that are physicall more attractive than she is, but there's just...something about her that, to me, makes her more beautiful than all of them. And so, since every time in the past I've felt this strongly about a girl, liked her spo much, cared about her so much, and was willing to do so much for her, it's always been bad, somehow. So I'm petrified that if I tell he my feelings, it'll make her uncomfortable, she, of course, won't like me, and our friendship will become awkward. And that will inexorably make me seriously question why I ever feel this way in the first place. So I figure I must've been too fast in the past, or something. (Actually, the 1st girl was just a slut, really, when it came to dating) So now I'm trying to take things very slowly. But I have trouble actually hanging out with her, because she's so busy. Half the time I actually spend any time with her, it's more like I'm sort tagging along, following her around, and I get this impression that she could care less whether I was with her or not. (Then again, I get this feeling with a lot of people, maybe because I'm so shy and quiet) There's so many other details I could go into, but that's the main gist of it. I don't seem to know a thing about 'pre-dating rules,' as it were, but I just know if a girl I really liked and cared about this much gave me a chance, I would make a good boyfriend. It's like this gut feeling I have. So I really like this girl and care about her, she's an angel to me, and I really don't want to screw things up. I mean, for all I know, love between us was doomed from the beginning. All of my friends now, and, well, some of HER friends know, too. And I'm sure some of her other friends have figured it out or could guess. I don't know. I just hope she doesn't know herself. So I guess I'm just sort of asking for any words of advice on how I can go 'at the right speed' as we get to know each other, and how I can hang out with her without forcing myself on her, I guess. Valentine's Day is coming up, so I'm pondering exactly what to do. I want to subtley let her know I like her, but not be obvious and blunt and scray about it. I'm gett my friends yellow and pink roses, so I figured I'd get her a white one. Don't know if I should give them all to people in person or through our mailboxes, either. She's from Taiwan, too, so I'm trying to be respectful to her culture and what-not. Fire away. Any advice is appreciated. ... No, seriously. I'm really desperate here. (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 02-04-06 04:54 PM) (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 02-04-06 06:38 PM) (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 02-04-06 06:39 PM) (edited by D3stiny_Sm4sher on 02-05-06 09:39 PM) |
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