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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - My heart hurts... really bad... (please enter with a mature and open mind) |
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Joachim Red Goomba                   Since: 11-18-05 From: Earth Last post: 6398 days Last view: 6303 days |
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| Yeah a lot of whining ahead but I just don't know what is going on right now... I'm lost.
[WARNING! REALLY LONG POST!!!] Key: Beth = Girlfriend Trisha = Friend/Girlfriend's Friend Ok before we delve into anything, I'm 16, never had a girlfriend in my life prior, extremely emotional with a haunting childhood (mostly psychological, nothing physical), etc. Ok, there was this girl named Beth from school. I've had a crush on her for a long, long time... I mean, LONG ASS time. She hung out with the group of misfits I usually hang out with since the male gender usually outcasts me because of my odd emotions, so yeah I hang around a lot of girls. We talked sometimes and I've hung out with her (with friends though) on a few occasions outside of school. Well I knew deep down that I'd never get her... I always looked at the crush as silly and I'll get over it like all the ones I've had in the past during my early teenage years... well awhile ago for some reason she just starting paying a lot of attention to me... something she never really did before which included casual hugs, goofing around and this little "poke" thing we got going on... hehe. *poke poke* Well one day at the lunch table at school she said she was tired and laid her head against mine. The first thing that went through my head is that she is just probably being her silly, hyperactive self. Well one day a few weeks later for some reason I leaned BACK on her when she leaned on me... well anyway my friend Ben caught this and the next day confronted me and was like. "So why don't you ask her out?" Well my stomach just kind of dropped there... he started talking more and he was like... "Well Beth talks about you sometimes, about how silly and cool you are..." Well I just felt really weird there. Then that day at the lunch table Beth was all like... "Yeah I'm going to the mall today... does anybody want to join me?" Well she said that outloud to everyone in our group and everyone said they were busy and I... without thinking... said I would. She then replied with... "Well OK! Meet me after school and if you don't show up I'm gonna cry!" in a sarcastic tone. So ok, it happens and we go to the mall and goof off while she looks at stuff and we made fun of crap and went into novelty stores and had a lot of fun. Well for awhile Beth knew I had a crush on some girl and she was DETERMINED to find out JUST WHO it was. She kept asking me questions about her like "her hair color" and "how well do you know her" and it just kind of annoyed me but deep down I kind of liked it. Well near the end she just got bored and stopped and we boarded her car and left the mall and went to visit her friend at a nearby coffee shop. Well along the way she started questioning me again and it eventually got to the point where I started telling her about herself basically and started to caught on when it ended with "they sit at our lunch table" and then "the only one left is me"... she just kind of blushes and thinks it is the cutest thing ever that I had a crush on her, and I started blushing like mad and then she says... "So why don't you ask me out?" Well I'm just as usual SHY AS HELL and eventually when we got the coffee shop we sit at the table there and she just stares at me and one thing went to another and with some tempting from HER, I eventually asked her out. ... I felt bad in a way because SHE STILL HAS A BOYFRIEND! Dumbass me! What the fuck? But of course I know she is in the process of breaking up with him because according to her, he is a shit who doesn't pay attention to her anymore... I concluded she couldn't have got to me to "go out with her" to create jealously because this guy doesn't even live in this town, but of course she could talk to him and shit like that but me being Mr. Romantic I totally forgot about it, really... 
So anyway her friend finds out (from the coffee shop) and thinks it's really cute, and apparently she knows the situation too because DUH she is her friend. Well she takes me home and we hug, blah blah. Then the next day the whole lunch table finds out that we're going out (well after I leave that day) and we talked on the phone a bit that day... and we made plans to hang out tomorrow... well tomorrow came, TODAY. So basically we met around 3:30 PM and it was her friend who was also a friend of mine that I've known longer than her. Well our "poking" relationship picks up a lot from here and it because a nice little custom. So we go dick around at places and just have fun, etc. etc. and we ended up at a bookstore where they *had* to check out their manga and read it. Well normally I don't have a problem because I'm addicted to video games and if I said anything I know deep down I'd be a stupid hypocrite because I torment other people with me playing video games a lot that are single player when we hang out. So anyway she realizes I'm getting annoyed a bit but I try to hide it but eventually I find this REALLY great book by George Carlin... forgot what it was called... "Where's Jesus With The Pork Chops?" or something like that, I cannot remember. Anyway I entertain myself for awhile and then we both read this cool book about Suiciding Bunnies and we laughed together (all of us) and yeah, not much going on here... then we go back my friend Trisha's house and we just hang out for awhile and I meet her dad and I somehow passed out on her (I fell asleep because Trisha was taking forever to finish up the dishes and we were waiting there forever) while she was lying on the couch and they took a picture and tried to blackmail me but of course I didn't give a shit... then we go out to eat for some Chinese, all swell and crap and then we go back. We were bored as HELL and things started getting... rather weird. Well you must remember these are nerdy women, but Trisha brings out her dad's porn novel collection and we ended up making fun of it and stuff, wasn't a big of a deal I thought it was going to be and then we ended up playing Truth Or Dare and Trisha kept telling me to kiss Beth (we've only been dating for two days and I wasn't ready) and crap, and we just ended there and goofed around for a bit, then (during TOD) she brings up in a round of Truth to me about "what makes you think I should stay with you and not go back to Chris (the guy she's supposedly breaking up with)?" Well I had a feeling it was a joke to irritate me but deep down I feel crushed, I wanted to cry and I don't know why... I'm just feeling really attached right now and she keeps asking me why I'm not showing emotions or anything and eventually tackles me and starts tickling me and I'm of course "having fun" and she ends up sitting on top of me... on my waist... thank god no "chemistry" is starting to overload "down there". She just starts looking at me and I'm not saying a word, my heart is racing and a bunch of conversation between me, her and Trisha was going on while she was tickling me and I just couldn't move I didn't know how to act... eventually I ORGASM (I never knew this was possible from not having a hard on) from her moving around too much (no boner up, so no problem) and now my PANTS FEEL STICKY, ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW IS A HAMMER TO THE HEAD. Then she's teasing me a lot because I'm a virgin and crap. Then I look at her in the eyes and say "we need to talk..." and Trisha goes into the other room looking kind of disturbed... I start pouring my guts out at her, how I'm emotional and I'm afraid of showing crap like this and she starts talking "I KNOW! I can understand, I'm just having fun right now and I understand if you don't feel confortable in front of Trisha with me doing this but you weren't saying anything so I didn't think there was a problem" or something quite similar to that. Now it's 9:30 PM and she takes me home. I start talking to her about my whole life story, how I'm so emotional and crap and she reaches over and grabs my hand tight... I feel like crying but I'm trying to hold it back. She talks to me and how the world sucks and crap, and I kept mentioning how I'm a freak (yeah I know it's stupid but it JUST came out, I'm pathetic) and she says "if I didn't like you I wouldn't have bothered to go out with you" and we reach my house. We get out and I hug her tight for a long, time. She says she'll see me tomorrow and says bye... then we just look at eachother in the eyes as if a cue to kiss her... but I just don't... I walk towards my door and she shouts "WEREN'T YOU GOING TO KISS ME" and I shout back "What?" and she says "Oh nothing!" and I walk up to her and she just looks at me and runs up to me and pokes me saing "POKE! See you tomorrow!" and gets in her car and drives off because she has to get home. I enter my house and bubble around for awhile and here I am seeking some sort of support... I just feel so attached to her, it's only been two days and I feel like we are soulmates or something, it's just that moment in the carride home was so powerful, I've never told ANYBODY about my fucked up family, never! I'm afraid shit is going to happen, like breaking up or she's using me for something and I'm going to end up going back into the giant deep depression mood I've been in for the past 4 or so years... and of course she has that "Chris" who she is breaking up with... WHAT the fuck should I do? Really... I can't handle this right now... I don't trust my judgement right now because I know all I'm gonna do is listen to my hormones and not my brain. I need help... (edited by Joachim on 01-05-06 11:48 PM) (edited by Joachim on 01-05-06 11:49 PM) |
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Tarale    2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Well, I don't know the full story (depite having read every word) but as far as I can see, I think you should definitely pursue this thing with Beth.
She needs to break it off with Chris (and this might be tricky just cause breaking up is always hard) but give her your time and support  |
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Tzepish UFO Since: 11-21-05 From: Redmond, WA Last post: 6352 days Last view: 6352 days |
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| You have it good, man. It seems like she likes you and is willing to be with you, even after you "freaked out". I say kiss her next time, but be honest with her that you're nervous and everything. She'll probably teach you what you need to know, and it won't be so bad.
One thing that disturbs me, however... "and of course she has that "Chris" who she is breaking up with..." does that mean she hasn't broken up with him yet? |
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Wurl Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6337 days Last view: 6337 days |
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| Ach, I was hanging around with a girl this summer. She was hitting on me, but whenever I responded to it, she got somewhat taken back. Then I found out she had a semi-serious boyfriend and I didn't want to mess with all that crap of breaking them up, ect. It's a pain, but "meh." I actually liked her (as a person), which made it worse since most of the girls around here are boring/sluts. | |||
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Joachim Red Goomba Since: 11-18-05 From: Earth Last post: 6398 days Last view: 6303 days |
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Originally posted by Tzepish Bingo, yes it is indeed, this is an affair and you can see why I'm so stirred up right now, I really want to tell her for us to break it off until she gets that cleared out but I don't want her thinking I'm making up an excuse to leave her. I really fucking wish I could go back to step one. |
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that you really really like her, and you want to take a chance with her -- but for that to happen, it needs to happen properly and she needs to break it off with Chris.
Don't be pushy about it, but make sure you put it out there. And be supportive of her when she's doing it -- breaking up is hard cause you never want to hurt the other person (even if there are no feelings there anymore), so pressuring her is only going to freak her out. If she doesn't want to break it off with Chris, that means you have to think long and hard about whether you're willing to carry on an affair, or tell her that you can't commit to that kind of relationship. |
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Joachim Red Goomba Since: 11-18-05 From: Earth Last post: 6398 days Last view: 6303 days |
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| That sounds like a good idea to really consider... thank you for input... and I thank everyone for not jumping down my throat accusing me of being a bad person because I started to carry on an affair. | |||
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Originally posted by Joachim Meh. I really don't mind. Matters of the heart are so complex that I think it's really unfair of others to judge in that way. Without really being in a situation, you don't really know it... Although I would try to resolve the situation as quickly as possible, to avoid people being hurt. It's when this kind of thing drags on that it's really not for the best. |
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C:/xkas bio.asm Compiled ASM code   Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Almost similar thing has happen to me, exept that I got a bigger psychological problem *cough*psychosis*cough* I tried all my high school to be with here, but I was alway feeling too shy, she was having a boyfriend (a muscle-head hockey player). One day, I've heard she been telling that I was a god(yes, she used the term god)
I have tried, but she said she have a boyfriend and I was only a friend now she is gone, living with her boyfriend. I suggest you to look for another girl, you will feel less discouraged If you think that she waren't your only chance to get a girlfriend I really understand how you feelling (edited by Bio on 01-06-06 12:59 AM) |
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Originally posted by Bio I think he needs to find out how SHE feels first before giving up. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6686 days Last view: 6686 days |
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| Okay, my suggestion would be:
Staying involved with a girl who is still involved with someone else (even if she is breaking up with him) could very possibly lead to a bad place. You don't want to end up being the crutch or stepping stone that gets used whether shes conscious shes doing that or not. That said, I'm not suggesting you should call it quits. I would suggest you make it clear how you feel about her and that might mean you have to be a little bold. If she wants to kiss you then maybe do it, make sure she knows you really like her and want to have something with her, hopefully she'll realise that this sin't easy for you and appreciate you've made an effort. However you then have to explain that you want to cool it off a bit until she is truly single again. There's a whole lot of possible mess and pain if you keep the relationship growing whilst she is still involved with someone else. EDIT: I just realised I said exactly what Tarale said. Do that. (edited by Randle on 01-06-06 08:15 AM) |
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Scatterheart Paratroopa Since: 11-18-05 From: Sydney, Australia Last post: 6319 days Last view: 6295 days |
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I was kinda in a similar situation a while ago. Everyone here probably remembers me from the K.T's Club for the Lonely Hearted thread back in the last board. I had always been shy, always had bad experiences, and never thought I'd get anywhere with a girl that I actually liked. I was also a virgin too, BTW.
Started talking to a girl I knew back in high school over MSN. I knew she had a boyfriend, and was uber-jealous about it. I later found out that he was a mega-asshole. * Shitty Looks * Shitty Personality and CONFIRMED * Shitty in Bed. We're talking about a 10 second man here. She knew she was in a mistake relationship too. We kissed abit, and about a week later, we started "going out". All was well, except he was still living in the house with her, her father, and her brother...even sleeping in the same bed! (Boy! Did that shock the hell out of everyone here. ) She assured me many times that nothing happens, and that nothing had happened in almost a year, so I had nothing to worry about.
Eventually he moved, and he now lives on the other side of the country. My girlfriend doesn't speak with him anymore, too! 
Everything's been going wonderfully! Yesterday was our 5 month anniversary. Can you believe it's been 5 months already?
Okay! Now you really should try, man! Better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all, right? Ofcourse -- That in no way inplies that I think this thing won't work. That's just stupid. I slapped myself (not litteraly) on the forhead when I read about your nervousness when you two came close to kissing. The first time is ALWAYS the hardest. When I first kissed Jayde (my girlfriend(which wasn't even my first kiss)), I was so nervous that I was shaking! 
She thought she'd done something wrong, and chances are; your girlfriend thinks she's done something wrong too. As soon as your lips meet, everything'll come naturally. Your girlfriend can correct any minor faults with your kissing afterwards, okay?  |
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Joachim Red Goomba Since: 11-18-05 From: Earth Last post: 6398 days Last view: 6303 days |
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| So I talked to her today... I brought up the subject and she told me to stop worrying and she said she was going to break up with him the next time she talked to him. Apparently they've been seperated for quite awhile but the "break up" thing never really happened and she's still afraid of pissing him off incase he still seriously thinks there's something going on still.
Anyway afterwards we had fun tonight... so I guess all is well now. |
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Originally posted by Joachim Sounds good, and it sounds like she'd already made her mind up before you'd asked Which is even better.
Course, she's going to find breaking up with her ex (he's an ex now really) difficult; as this "pissing him off" thing sounds like he might be quite a jerk. Nobody really wants to put themselves into a situation of pissing off a jerk... Make sure to be extra patient and supportive of her while she's going through all that |
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Deleted User Banned    Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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| Ralph, I'd be worried about one thing. She apparently had no problem with cheating on her boyfriend before she broke up with him. :/ | |||
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Joachim Red Goomba Since: 11-18-05 From: Earth Last post: 6398 days Last view: 6303 days |
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| Well before I dated her I knew she had a boyfriend but was going to break up with him, etc. etc... but my friend Ben said she was free so I assumed she had broken up with him but when I was with her I discovered it wasn't happening yet but I got pulled in anyway so I doubt she had intentions on cheating on him. But yeah I guess it's still cheating technically... (edited by Joachim on 01-06-06 11:07 PM) |
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Riku Sledge Brother Unpredictable. Watch your backs. Or not. Whichever. I want Metal Gear Solid 4 so badly. Since: 11-17-05 From: Tompkinsville Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Hey, one word of advice, take your chances. If you don't react, she'll take that as a sign of unattractiveness and other crap. She's digging for you, and she won't stop until she goes all the way. | |||
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Tarale 2710 Affected by 'Princess Bitch-Face Syndrome' ++++!! Persona non grata Since: 11-17-05 From: Adelaide, Australia Last post: 6295 days Last view: 6295 days |
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Originally posted by Thayer AND? This sounds more like what happened with a dear friend of mine than anything malicious or sneaky. She had been growing apart with her boyfriend... he'd actually been quite a jerk and she felt somewhat alienated and mistreated. She was considering breaking it off with him, but just before she did so, she found somebody she liked... She immediately broke it off with her ex; and has been with that boyfriend for close to 10 years. Last year, they got married, moved into a house together, and had their first child, a baby girl. And they still utterly adore each other. |
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Randle Bronto Burt Since: 12-05-05 Last post: 6686 days Last view: 6686 days |
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| I don't see how the fact that she cheated on her ex signifies anything. If she made a habit of it or the relationship she was in seemed okay I could understand possible anxieties.
The bigger worry is staying with her whilst she is going through the breakup. I speak from experience as the person who got involved with someone coming out of a long term relationship. We discussed cooling it off until it was well and truly over with the ex and then possibly giving it a little time before we started anything and we even intended to but I was just too damn impatient. I was scared that if we did cool it off, they would possibly rediscover feelings for their ex or possibly even find someone else. As it happened, we continued to be very close whilst they ended their other relationship. However this merely resulted in them starting to feel guilty and eventually led to them convincing themselves that they had to find atonement for what they'd done to their ex. So I got dumped and they decided to try and give the old relationship another chance. Problem was that the old relationship had long been dead so this second chance didn't last long. Enough bad water had gone under the bridge between me and them, I was associated with too many bad things and feelings of guilt to effectively screw up any hopes I might have of getting another chance, they simply weren't prepared to let me into their lives again. I didn't even find out they had been available until they announced that they had got involved with someone else and in turn having to see this tore me apart. I don't mean to hijack a thread or anything but just point out the dangers of remaining closely attached through a breakup. Sure, sometimes you can remain close and it can all work out beautifully but other times you can get hurt. Depending on the relationship she was in, it could end up not being as easy as is first perceived, If the ex is an arsehole then it should make things easier. My problem was that the ex was a really sweet and understanding person so feelings of guilt were enhanced. That said, the arsehole sometimes has a strange hold over people. People can feel sudden strange pangs of guilt, loyalty and betrayal towards complete gits. It's a phenomena that will probably never be understood but it can happen. |
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Deleted User Banned Since: 05-08-06 Last post: None Last view: 6296 days |
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Originally posted by TaraleOriginally posted by Thayer Correct me if I'm wrong, but your situation sounds like she broke off their relationship before she was with the other guy? |
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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - My heart hurts... really bad... (please enter with a mature and open mind) |
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