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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - Happiness... |
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Black Lord + Flurry                  Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6298 days |
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| Is so hard to come by these days... now before you guys all yell and shout "EMO", I have some esplainin' to do. And no I'm not "EMO", so shut it, bitches.
Here is my life story-in a sun-flower seed shell, because not shells suck. It all started when I was a youngster, my parents bought me this thing called a "Nintendo Entertainment System". This "system" was mine and purely mine, it was a gift. This gift made me make friends who wanted to use my gift, then years pass, and my gift is outdated, and everyone gets this "Super Nintendo Entertainment System" and nobody is friends with me because I'm still playing my "NES". I am fine with this, because I fell in love with my NES, and that is when my mother decides to sell it on a garage sell and get me a "SEGA". To this day, my relationship with my mother is not good, and I blame it on this. People wanted to come play my "SEGA", but it was about this age when I realized that these people were not my friends, only people that wanted to use me for things. I played alone, and I was happy, very happy, I was a loner and happy. Couple years pass, I'm in middle school, everyone is getting their PSX's and N64's. I'm just buying a SNES. Just how I wanted. I was happy being alone throughout my middle school years, yes people made fun of me, girls would always turn the other way from me, and I was 'happy'. It was about this time, I discovered porn, which made me even more happy, but that happy wasn't a good happy, and I'm still tempted sometimes to make that happy come, I'll explain later. So Middle School passes, and High School comes, I'm the star athlete my senior year, people look up to me, people vote me best role model, I play in football and baseball allstar games, yet, friends or people I think are friends are not. I got called names, made fun of, girls go out with me for short periods of time only to dump me because I become too attached, and teachers praise me because I'm the all-star athlete, therefore, I can not do any homework and still get A's. Which, is not good for a student planning on going to college. So through high school, I pretty much had some stupid relationships, with friends that weren't friends, etc. I wasn't with the right crowd, and never was, because if I was with the crowd I wanted to be with, I would not of been able to play the sports because the team would of made fun of me, still I didn't care, I was happy alone. Well, all through high school, I asked sympathy dates to dances, dates who I know didn't have a date, and I knew that they would say yes to me, because I feared rejection so much. Pretty fucked, yes, but it was how I was. Well, through high school, I pretty much idolized this girl, she liked retro gaming like me, she was beautiful, and she was always taken, except for my senior prom. So, me fearing rejection, make up some elaborate scheme to make it so she cannot say no to me unless she had a date, which I knew she didn't. The scheme worked (turns out I wouldn't of needed it) but still we had a great time, I predicted she'd win the TV at post prom, she won it, I told her I cut some strings, she called me a liar (which I am), and the night ended well. I drop her off, am too chicken to go in for the kiss, I guess she wanted to kiss me, she comes in, I think she's givin the courteous kisson the cheek, so I accept, and the night ends. Couple weeks pass, we talk to each other, then about 5 days before graduation I ask her out on a date, take her out, dinner & movie, I pay, everything went well, I ask her if she'd be interested in more dates, she asked if I was asking her out, I said yes, she said yes, I asked "Are you sure?" she laughed in said yes. We graduate, go through summer, it's great, I lose my virginity, etc. etc. Then we go to college, and she's an hour away. Not a big deal right, well here's where the happiness factor comes in. See after all my years alone, being with someone, whom I love so much has pretty much made it impossible for me to enjoy being alone again. I find myself making 'special' trips to go see her everyday. Not so 'special'. I find my self skipping months worth of class, because I don't feel like doing anything without her, in other words, I diagnosed myself with Seperation Anxiety. I wouldn't even know what this is without games (beatumup spiderman game if you guys don't know it), but I believe this is what I had. I find myself being sad for no reason, calling her, she doesn't understand, then I say because I miss her, and she still doesn't understand. I feel like I'm sending my relationship to the flaming depths of hell. I honestly have made an attempt to stop, but everytime I'm fine, or so I think, something bad happens, i.e. I wreck my car, I realize my GPA is a 2.0, I get made fun of by the Calc teacher, etc. I need help, I need to stop this before my relationship goes down the shithole, because honestly, I want to marry this girl some day, I love her dearly, and she loves me too. But honestly, I know there is so much a person can take, and I know she won't be able to take much more of it. So, any of you out there, if you have any advice for me, please tell me... I need something to help me out. |
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Danielle     6730 Administratorrrr HELLO THERE     Since: 11-17-05 From: California Rate me ^_^ Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Is there a possibility in the future that you two won't be an hour apart?
I know how it is. And I can understand how you miss her and want to be with her too. But if you don't get the rest of your life in working order, what do you plan on doing? Sadly enough, you can't make a living loving someone, as wonderful a "job" that would be. You have to learn to balance everything in your life. School is important. Graduating college ready to find yourself a career is important. Staying alive is important too, fyi. The distance only makes it harder, because if you were together, then you wouldn't have to ditch classes or make special trips all the time. It would be casual, quick... which is why I ask if you'll be together eventually. Soon? Just take a step back. You want to marry her, that says a lot. Don't you think you could sit down and talk to her seriously about this, and she would understand/be able to help you? Maybe she could identify with you, too. Tell her how you feel, what you want, what bothers you, ask her for her opinion and advice. You can't let things spiral out of control, that's not going to get you anywhere good. So my advice to you is to let her know everything, don't hold back. Make her understand how you feel, that's the only way you two can work through it together. I sort of rambled a bit... sorry.  |
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Black Lord + Flurry Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6298 days |
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| Actually, I'm transfering to her school after the Spring semester... And yes, I know I need to talk to her, I'm planning on doing that tonight actually, or maybe tomorrow when I go home for Christmas break. Thanks Danielle.
Edit: Well I just got off the phone with her, and everything seems alright. She told me what she got me for Christmas, because she told me I needed a cheering up. She got me... drumroll please... A top-loading NES, if this isn't love I don't know what is, I mean, I would propose to a girl with something like that. (edited by Black Lord on 12-15-05 10:21 PM) |
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Cruel Justice I have better things to do. Since: 11-18-05 From: At my house! Last post: 6296 days Last view: 6295 days |
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| Anticipation dude... it's killer, I know you want to talk to her. If she's not calling you, she's either busy or (worst comes worst, I pray it is not) she's preparing to let you go.
Nexttime, you get a chance to talk to her, let her know that it is she that needs you and you're not depending on her. Tell her something along the lines of, "Call me when you need anything, I'll always be near". No matter how deep your relationship is, if you call her, you're handing her your balls and I swear she'll use them against you if she wants to. Maybe she's not having fun at this point, keep your conversations lively, say something witty (I'm sure you could think of something good). You should string out the number of calls to about 3 to 6 days at a time. If you go for a week or more, she'll think you abandoned her. EDIT: Okay good, just keep it real. Seems the appropriate time to think of gifts.  (edited by [GGS] Cruel Justice on 12-16-05 08:44 PM) |
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