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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Writing - The three Dimentions |
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anoobshobby Mini Octorok                 Since: 08-23-06 From: Chicago, Illinois Last post: 6287 days Last view: 6287 days |
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| I just have to be the one in the middle. There's no other way to explain it. I feel and know what I would have done otherwise but I don't end up doing it here.
Confused? Let me explain... It all started at age 11. I began puberty then: The ache in my legs, the zits, the fur where there wasn't fur normally. Then I got headaches. It would hurt especially after I wake up in the morning. I would mumble something incoherent and just sit there with my hands rubbing my temples. The doctor said nothing was wrong, just that my head was growing also. I couldn't tell you why, but I just knew that what he said, wasn't the case. I wouldn't know about it till High School. By then the haedaches were a thing of the past, I was on my way home. I took a different path this time because at that time there were all kinds of bullies pushing me, shaking me or hitting me. I just stayed quiet, not knowing why. Turns out Wilt was following me with his friends. I felt a hand on my shoulder and it roughly turned me around. "Trying to avoid me freshie?" I got really quiet. I looked at him and his friends, they blurred a little in my eyesight. "What's the matter with you, freshie, cat got your tongue?" Wilt and his gang was laughing it up, though not doing anything. They continued to blur and...shift. That's the best way I could describe it. I heard my voice, I know it was me, but it wasn't me saying it. You know when you go through a car wash and the water is running down your window before it get's blow dried? That's how I saw things. I shouted at them and cursed. Wilt took a swing at me, but I blocked it and placed my hands on his throat. I squeezed. He started turning blue. His friends got scared and ran. I let go of him. He struggled to breathe. I kicked him and ran. I heared the ambulance comming. If he died I'll never know, but at that moment, I didn't care. Blink.....Breath....rub my eyes. Wilt looks at me strange and takes two steps back. He walks away with his friends, not saying a thing to me. I run home, I jump in bed and stay there for hours. I did my home work there and ate there. I worried. I slept. There I dreamed I fought Wilt again, only this time it was more trading blows. I won that fight and he looked up at me with a bloody nose. My hands hurt. I told him I don't want to be bothered again. His friends were shocked, but repsected my wish. I extended my hand to him. He was in shock, but still took it. I told him I was sorry, he understood that and walked away. I woke up. The alarm clock was buzzing in my head and I reached to turn it off. My hand screamed in pain and I looked at it. Nothing was wrong with it, dispite the fact it felt like I busted the knuckle. I touched my hand and nothing. But I remember the pain..... [To be Continued] (edited by anoobshobby on 02-16-07 10:43 PM) |
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PCD Octorok     Since: 01-27-07 From: Krypton Frank Last post: 6286 days Last view: 6285 days |
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| Hmm. It's not bad, but you need to work on "Show, don't tell." It's the most important thing to learn to do in writing, and if you can find a way to do that, it'll be fine. I also reccommend varrying your sentence structure; there's far too many sentences that start with "I." But that's not too hard change.
Hopefully it'll work out. Keep on writin'. |
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