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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Femine's Corner - fallling OUT of love? |
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jeff Double metal axe                   Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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| yeah, i'm confused... i'm in a spot that i'm sure many people before me have been in. how do you just, stop loving someone romantically?
it's incredibly difficult for me because the person in question is my best friend and i talk to her for about an hour or two every day.. and definitely don't want to lose that(which, i think, is a big motivation for me to love her so much in the first place). so... yeah, how have you handled this before, either from crushes or breakups or whathaveyou? |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now.    Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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| My ex g/f and I were friends before we dated. We have amazing chemistry and if not for the age difference and my general laziness we'd probably still be together.
How did we handle it? Wow. We talked for a while, I tried to salvage it. We didn't talk, started keeping secrets. We talked again. Bullshit occurred. We fought. Every day. For weeks. I hated her fucking guts (because I still loved her and she hurt and betrayed me.) I didn't talk to her for forever after that. Finally we were on speaking terms again but it was tentative. It took a long time before we were ok with each other. It took even longer to be comfortable. Now... We talk pretty often and can talk about anything again. We have fun when we hang out, the hugs are nice, we're really ok. It was a really rough road getting there, though. I hope you do a much better job of it than we did. |
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Anya  Since: 11-18-05 From: South Florida Last post: 6283 days Last view: 6281 days |
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| Heh, I wish I knew. If you find out, please let me know.
I would say that you just need to give it time, but that's a load of BS right there. But are you sure you love her romantically and not just as a dear friend? There's different types of love that you can feel towards a person...finding out what type it is, is very hard to do IMO. |
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Hiryuu Sword Maiden Retired Admin  Since: 11-17-05 From: Nerima District - Tokyo, Japan Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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| One I handled like a fifth grader because I was. One I handled by having the person completely resent me until the end of my days. One I've had drop out by me just flat out not seeing her again...and one of them's ended with me barely talking to the person anymore but we're still on good terms. Those are the ones that really meant something, I've had others but they really didn't register for me.
A good majority of the time, when you break up with someone, it ends up fizzling any kind of relationship that you have with the person completely. Even explaining the whole 'let's be friends' bit may just extinguish any kind of friendship you might have for that person so you really have to be careful about what you say in that regard if you really care for that person. Caring for the person doesn't necessarily preclude love, but it does make for a stronger friendship than a normal one usually is. If you can explain that to anyone, and they listen, they're a better friend than you may know. Now if they don't, then perhaps it really wasn't meant to be. It's really that blunt, I know, but it's the truth. If they're not willing to accept that the particular relationship isn't going anywhere and don't want to keep it going on friendly terms, then perhaps this wasn't really meant to be a friendship in the first place. A lot of people don't really see this part, however, and it really is a shame. A lot of people expect a hell of a lot more but it's impossible to give if you're not in a 'love' situation. It's all a matter of luck getting in and staying together and it's all a matter of luck getting out and staying together. Course, if you hate her guts anyways, you could easily drop her like a bad habit.  |
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jeff Double metal axe Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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Originally posted by Anya that's what i still need to figure out myself, yet i can't even see a difference in the two. being so detached from the world probably did that... |
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SamuraiX Broom Hatter Since: 11-19-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6281 days |
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Originally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya Is it that you don't want to be close, but you don't want to lose a friend? |
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jeff Double metal axe Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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Originally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya i want both. does that help any? |
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SamuraiX Broom Hatter Since: 11-19-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6281 days |
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Originally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya Yep. =P That's what I was thinking. You want to maintain your self, without losing her, and you're afraid if you ask her, you might lose a friend, but if you don't do anything, then you'll get more deeply entwined in this relationship. Correct me if I'm wrong. O= I'd say to give it some time. Unless she asks to marry you, then I expect that your relationship will eventually adjust to a point where you're still close, but you can maintain an identity of your own. Or so I think! |
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jeff Double metal axe Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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Originally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya no, she knows. she even said she liked me for a time. and then that went away fast... and then it came back one day.. and then went away. do you see why i don't want to? |
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SamuraiX Broom Hatter Since: 11-19-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6281 days |
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Originally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya You're afraid of the fluctuations? |
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jeff Double metal axe Since: 11-17-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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Originally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya that's one reason, yes. her mind changes a lot. sometimes, it seems like she never really grew up... it's just the way she is. |
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SamuraiX Broom Hatter Since: 11-19-05 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6281 days |
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Originally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by SamuraiXOriginally posted by jeffOriginally posted by Anya It's a lot easier to lose a friend than make one. But if her indecision hurts you so, then do what you feel will work best. |
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Sweet Kassy Molassy Out of ice cream and PB. Would KILL for a milkshake right now. Since: 06-17-06 From: LoozeeAnna Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6280 days |
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Originally posted by jeff Originally posted by jeff I've had an ex who was a lot like that. She ran hot and cold. I agree, that's not a situation you want to be in, chances are it'll end badly. I think if you want her as a friend you're right to exp |
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