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| Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Officer's Club - Remnants of a memory |
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Rom Manic                  Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| So I recently had a dream, last night to be exact. Amongst the various random images which I still have yet to decipher, there was another part of my dream which I do think I understand.
I was on MSN, chatting to someone I don't know, and the words "She cut herself to help her feel the pain" kept on scrolling down the page, like the other person copied and pasted it over and over again. I felt, or rather I knew he was talking about my Ex, who I knew cut herself in the past. It's strange, though. We've been out of contact for at least a year and a half. But we went out for a year, so when we broke up it was very hard on me...I am semi-ashamed to say I ran away from that situation, but I know it's never too late to try and talk to her again. It's just so damn hard to even look at her anymore...Maybe it's because she's now with the guy who is her first love, and the guy who took advantage of her on multiple occasions while we went out. Or maybe it's because I'm a damn coward... But regardless, I find myself lost again, like I was for the first few months of our relationship. I am gonna be 21 in April, and my grandmother wants to see me with a child before she dies...What the hell am I going to do? The only one I really ever cared about is with someone else, and I've been looking for a while now. It's like nobody shares my interests. But at the same time, I don't want to get hurt again. I don't ever wanna feel so miserable like I was back then. What should I do? I'm comfortable with being single, but deep down I want someone to hold close. It's just I can't find the right one... |
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Shadic The Adventure of Link Perfect Member  Since: 11-18-05 From: Olympia, Washington Last post: 6285 days Last view: 6282 days |
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Originally posted by Rom Manic She cheated on you? No offense, but she doesn't sound like the best person to run back to.. You have to keep looking, somebody that you want to spend your life with shouldn't be somebody that you had to "Settle down and give up looking," to get, it should be one that appears in your life and that you truly want. |
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Rom Manic Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| When you love someone, you tend to overlook things that are out of your control. I do not consider myself naive, however forgiving I am, but when this happens to you, you're faced with a choice. I hold no judgement for her on that, but I felt I should have mentioned it anyway.
I know she was drunk beyond control, on both occasions. I chose to overlook it because she loved me like I loved her. Let me remind you on my choice of words: I chose them for a reason. She was taken advantage of, willingly or not. |
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Shadic The Adventure of Link Perfect Member  Since: 11-18-05 From: Olympia, Washington Last post: 6285 days Last view: 6282 days |
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| However, it happened more than once.
I mean, if it happened once when she was drunk, that's something. But she chose to get drunk with him again, even after knowing that her last encounter of the sort led to her cheating on you. Regardless of your feelings for her, I believe that you are better than her, and the fact that you can try and keep a relationship going after that happens twice proves it. Maybe I ask, what DID lead to the two of you breaking up? |
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Rom Manic Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| We went on a break. She mentioned to me she had interests in other people she wanted to explore, so I brought up the idea of taking a break for a month, no commitments. We both got what we wanted out of it, some released tension between us, but things just soured. So I told her one night, in a frustrated effort to relieve myself of the stress of being so emotional all the time over her, that I couldn't wait for her any longer.
Pretty much the last words I spoke to her. That was back in October 2005. But let me give you all a piece of advice, based on that: don't run away. It'll just fuck you up more, for longer. |
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BlackNemesis13 Micro-Goomba  Since: 02-28-06 From: In my own little world Last post: 6304 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| When it comes to dream interpretation, I usually go here when I feel like looking up a few dream symbols.
I know the site is really girly, and there are probably better ones out there. When looking around I just stuck with the first half way decent site I found, but it has a fairly good amount of symbols on it, and its good enough for me. Of course, I don't really take dream interpretation (at least of this type) very seriously. Dream dictionaries of any sort are mostly just too generic to really apply to you. Ultimately you have to find your own meaning for the dream, but sites like this can offer a start or a fresh perspective if you feel like analyzing it. Often I have found looking up your dreams can help give you a better perspective of what you are currently going through, and help you look at where you've been. Or if anything, the site can be good for laugh when you know they are WAY off. |
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Black Lord + Flurry Since: 11-17-05 From: Where indians still roam... Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6281 days |
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Originally posted by Shadic If a girl truly loved you, she wouldn't put herself out there, even if she was drunk. Period. In the cheating department, I'm a 1 strike your out type of guy. And as far as interpreting dreams... they're dreams, random images fired off while you sleep by you brain. They have no significant meaning to your life. |
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ICheatAtGolf Rat  Since: 01-01-07 Last post: 6302 days Last view: 6284 days |
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| You're in the exact same situation as me. From my experience, if she was able to make you that miserable...and not stand by you and help you out of that depressed state, then shes not the one you want to be with. | |||
Silvershield   580  Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6291 days Last view: 6279 days |
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Originally posted by Black Lord +Wow, you're three for three  .
First, getting drunk is no excuse for cheating. Period. Second, "one strike and you're out" is a pretty good philosophy to go by, at least in my experience - both firsthand and among others, I've seen that a person who cheats generally continues to be untrustworthy, despite how often they promise otherwise. Third, dreams are random images. They have no deeper meaning, and any such meaning that you find is either pure coincidence or observer bias. |
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Rom Manic Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| For a Christian, you seem awfully hateful towards sinners, SS...Love those around you who sin like brothers, and lead them by example to forgiveness.
As for dreams, they might have been random. But I believe they reflect something I recently thought about, consciously or not. I have been thinking about her alot lately, it's just confusing why I would think of her cutting herself. Maybe I knew she probably did all along, but I tried emailing her to talk to her, but she seems to be very disconnected. |
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BounderTower Tektite Since: 01-26-07 Last post: 6280 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| All I'll say to this is that I've known cutters, and there's always been a deeper reason than just that which you've stated. I mean, when somebody has that problem and admits to a relative stranger that they know it isn't right, but it makes them feel better anyway... What do you really think? That said person is of a sound mental state?
This being said, I wholly agree with Blacklord+. I'd never allow a cheater of any sort back into my life. (edited by BounderTower on 01-29-07 10:21 PM) |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6291 days Last view: 6279 days |
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Originally posted by Rom ManicWho ever said anything about hatred? Our Lord taught us to love those who harm us, but he didn't suggest that we must surround ourselves with those people so that they can continue to abuse us. |
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Rom Manic Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| So how does one go about teaching them the ways of kindness, show them resentment and let them wallow in their self pity? You must take it upon yourself to show others what you believe is right, for they very well have influences to show them otherwise. From there, it's a choice up to them to make, but you can take peace in knowing you did all you could.
But anyway, this may go off topic. I'm just explaining myself as to why I would let her back into my life. Originally posted by BounderTower I don't suggest otherwise. Why should you have pity on them for making a mistake which hurt you? I think in the end, BounderTower, the circumstances will affect your decision, like they have for me in the relationship at hand. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6291 days Last view: 6279 days |
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Originally posted by Rom ManicThe girl who cheated on me - for the record, it was more than just "cheating" in the simplest sense of that term, but I'll spare you all the details - is a close friend of mine now. I gave her a second chance. Not necessarily a second chance for a romantic relationship, but at least an opportunity to remain together in some capacity. My point is that, while I took the proverbial high road, I would've found myself justified if I refused to speak to her again. Or, if I went no further than allowed an apology (if that's what she wished), forgave her, and then broke ties with her. But I digress. What I'm trying to say is, Christian morality does not call for a person who has been wronged to take the perpetrator by the hand and lead him down a road of repentance and rehabilitation. If I am injured in some way, and the wrongdoer either continues to cause injury or otherwise shows signs that he will continue to do so, I am under no ethical obligation to expose myself to it. Conventional Christianity is not a doctrine of self-inflicted abuse (discounting the more radical actions of martyrs, flaggelants, and others), but one of forgiveness. I can forgive someone without personally accepting the burden of guiding him through his own personal process of self-improvement. It would be nice for me to do that, but it's hardly expected or "required." |
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Rom Manic Since: 12-18-05 From: Detroit, WHAT?! Last post: 6279 days Last view: 6279 days |
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| I do not mean to imply following your beliefs to be a way of guiding others; more so, let it guide your own moral thought train to influence others. If someone you know sees you doing what is right, it influences them, however small or large. I'm glad to see you chose that path, but that is because that is what I believe is the right thing to do.
Off topic in response to the second part of your post, Christianity may not call for that, but what do you have to lose by being a beacon of light in their darkness? By forgiving this person, you showed her that forgiveness is always an option. That's something not easily forgotten. You are under no ethical obligation, of course, but by being yourself, your moral self, you show others that there is a path to righteousness and a path to sin. You may wander between them, but when you take a situation literally and analyze the decisions made, you might realize that there is no escaping there is right, and there is wrong. Wrong may not be wrong for them, but as I said, all you have to do is show them another way. The rest is up to them. |
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Silvershield 580 Since: 11-19-05 From: Emerson, New Jersey Last post: 6291 days Last view: 6279 days |
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Originally posted by Rom ManicI can't argue with the gist of what you're saying, but I need to protest against the idea that a Christian is obliged to sacrifice his own well-being if not to save or somehow redeeming another. In many scenarios, that is not an objectionable ideal: if there is someone who does not have a seat, you may give him yours; if there is a person who is being persecuted in some way, you may step in and take his suffering upon yourself, if possible. However, there is no obligation to put up with abuse at the hands of another if you are able to avoid it. If escaping from such abuse does not put another person in harm's way, and causes no indirect or direct harm to others, there is no moral objection to it. Case in point, if a person is going to cheat on you again if you "take him back," you are not compelled to do so. Christianity, as a religion of forgiveness, would compel you to offer the opportunity of repentance or forgiveness, but that does not include the requirement to go above and beyond. Like I said, it's admirable if a person can make that kind of sacrifice, but it's not expected. Originally posted by Rom ManicIf we're talking about a situation in which you somehow know that you are in no further danger from this person, then it is a virtuous Christian action to make an effort to offer guidance if you are able. But if "being a beacon of light in their darkness" requires that you are repeatedly cheated on or otherwise abused, there is no obligation. Originally posted by Rom ManicIn the end, it comes down to how earnest a person is when he asks for forgiveness. If he will take advantage of your kindness and forgiveness by continually acting wrongly, only to "apologize" each time because he knows that you will forgive him, that's one thing. Conversely, if the person is making a legitimate effort to improve himself, then it is only right to forgive him. |
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