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SamuraiX

Broom Hatter


 





Since: 11-19-05

Last post: 6279 days
Last view: 6280 days
Posted on 01-07-07 02:01 PM Link | Quote
Today, my dad found out I was majoring in Economics. Not Engineering. I got an angry phone call, and didn't get much across. However, that's not my problem. I'll probably talk to him later when I get home, and we'll reach some conclusion.

My problem is that I fear the reasons I myself chose my major. It's not at all that I don't love economics and wouldn't mind doing as a career, but that I wouldn't have done engineering because I almost felt as if I wasn't up to it.

Four years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about majoring in engineering because I felt good about math and the sort. Four years ago, I think I was probably better at math, for my age. Now, everything seems different. By all standards, most would say I'm doing fine since I have an A in the math class I'm taking now, but I would beg to differ. Be it my own frailties, the result of my situation, or any such events in between, I feel a lot stupider, just an A among others in a (relatively) low course. And by stupid, I mean as compared to what I should have been. I slipped, and fell between the cracks, and became merely average.

I feel the same about my musical talent, that despite my lack of teacher, it is still another one of my failings.

English has just been bizarre. I feel completely alienated. I haven't had a teacher I could really talk to about my writing since tenth grade, and she retired that year. If I get high marks, I have no idea why, or for low marks, there are scarcely ever comments. All I've gathered is that I'm good enough to be ignored, but not good enough to not be ignored. But pretty bad nonetheless, as it would seem.

But in the end, I chose economics because I thought I saw some sort of sanity, some vague semblance of sense. And I can even do it in the morning, as opposed to math. Of course, that sounds utterly ridiculous, and no one would believe that I failed math just because it was early in the morning.
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