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| User | Post |
| Koneko Posts: 628/656 |
Nope, you're not alone. I've had one relationship of note (for those of you that care, it was terminated when the other party had to leave the country for the next 4-5 years and we mutually agreed to avoid the long-distance relationship thing, 'cause they never work out, and yeah, a part of me wishes we had tried it...)
That's enough of that. Where was I? Oh yes. I've had one relationship of note, and it worked because we had a lot in common and really fit well with each other, enough so that we asked each other out for the first time simultaneously (yeah, it was funny.) I've had several relationships almost start but not really work out because one or both of the people involved were too uncertain. Confidence is a major help, but it won't help you get a committed, satisfying relationship if the two of you just aren't compatible. |
| A. Posts: 5/11 |
I have to agree with Tarale 100% here. If a girl even has to question whether or not she wants to go out with you, in my opinion, it's probably not worth it. There should be no doubt in a relationship and I see it as, you either want to be with someone, or you don't. I don't think I could date someone who "didn't know" whether they wanted to be my girlfriend. I'm probably alone on that but, I'm pretty proud of it. |
| Tarale Posts: 2461/2713 |
Originally posted by Ogama Dobe It's not just girls that do this. I have had men do this to me too. All I can say is that human emotion is a difficult thing, and it makes human relationships difficult too. At least she had the sense to know that she was not ready for a relationship rather than try to force one when she's not ready. In the end you have to know yourself, and do what is best for you, otherwise if you force something you're likely to make things bad for everyone. |
| Ogama Dobe Posts: 45/102 |
Why do girls have to pull that "Not ready for a relationship" stuff? Because that happened to me, and I loved the one who did it to me with all my heart. I would've died ten times over for her. Yet she pulls that I haven't felt normal at all since then. I don't think she understood what kind of effect it had on me. |
| Tarale Posts: 2440/2713 |
I'm going to leave this fairly short to try to avoid derailing the thread.
Thankyou for your apology. I am still a bit upset with you (given some of the arguments used in your discussion with me earlier) but I am not going to pursue this any further at this time. I hope that I will not see any more of the comments seen earlier in this thread. If anybody wishes to discuss the issues surrounding sexism, please do so in a different thread. |
| Clockworkz Posts: 918/984 |
This is gonna be long.
To start, I'd like to thank the Staff of Acmlm's for allowing me speak here. Firstly, I'd like to make a board-wide public apology to any and all people that may have been offended by my statements. I admit that it was in exceedingly bad taste, and mainly due to thoughtlessness brought by a combination of lack of sleep and a stomach virus. However, that is no excuse. My behavior, to all involved, especially to you, Tarale, was uncalled for, and I honestly say, with utmost sincerety, that I apologize very deeply. I do not blame you, I blame myself for my true meaing behind my rather cryptic and poorly thought out post being misunderstood. I am not trying to defend myself, for I know that I have done wrong, and I am on my hands and knees begging for you to forgive me. For those of you that have known me: You know that I'm not an ignorant, idiotic, unkind or otherwise heinos person. The same holds true for sexism. You may call me whatever you want; you can scream at me until your face turns blue, and you can stab me with sharp words, designed to cut and tear the delicate fabrics of my mental well-being. But no matter what slings and arrows are hurled at me, no matter what instruments you use to bludgeon me, I stand by my word, even if it costs me my life, that I... am not... a sexist. Whatever you have come to think of me, if I can't take that away from you with these words spoken from the heart, then I have no place here anymore. I consider the majority of you to be my friends, and I don't want to see that get ruined over something as mindless and as petty as this. ...Thank you for your time. |
| Danielle Posts: 6409/6737 |
Originally posted by jeff I'll find it in my heart to forgive you! |
| jeff Posts: 157/213 |
Originally posted by Tarale okay, i see where you are coming from, and certainly understand your frustrations, but you are flipping out way too hardcore about this. look at the demographics of this forum. 1413 specified males, and 156 females, and not even all of those are actually correct in their specification(and don't even forget about the unspecifieds). still, that's 1 female to every 10 males. when you see a thread about a male's relationship problems, you should expect other guys to join in, and even some to say something hurtful. they've got bad experiences and they're left with a bitter feeling. don't you have the same feeling sometimes? i don't mean to personally offend you, but you should understand that this is exactly what it's like. not everyone in the world can stomach things in a respectable manner or remain as nice as you do. we're all different and we all respond to things differently. you've just responded the best way. clockworkz seems not to have. that or he's being sarcastic. what he said was so bad it has to be. re: confidence, i really don't see how this is sexist at all. everyone likes confidence in each other. you feel more alive around confident people because they seem important, and usually are important, and would have never been without their confidence. as far as the topic at hand, i'm not sure what you're asking for. based on my experience, people i've met seem to be seeking either a commitment or just someone fun. you might be looking for a commitment but being with people who want fun. ..and fuck, this just sounds like restating dani's post. goddamnit. |
| Arwon Posts: 495/631 |
Maybe you just got boring.
I'm serious, not trying to be insulting despite stating it in an inflammatory way. Most relationships end, especially when we're young, and so it's fairly certain you two just simply just weren't to be and ultimately, weren't compatible. Being nice and respectful doesn't guarantee you anything, but you seem to feel that it does, or should. You seem to think you were being the ideal boyfriend, and maybe for some girls you were... but seriously, just because you think you were being nice and respectful and blah blah blah doesn't mean you were what she needed and wanted at that time. I mean, look at this:
Much more likely that it simply wasn't working out any more, you two had passed your used-by date, and so it ended, as these things often do, in flames. Buck up, learn from it, there'll be others, try not to blame all women. It sucks that it ended in cheating as opposed to, say, a serious talk and a mutally amicable parting of ways, but then, we're all young and stupid here, so sometimes things don't work out that well. Cheating is often simply a sign that a relationship is over and should be ended. |
| l0rca Posts: 67/70 |
Originally posted by Tarale ++ |
| Stalle Posts: 25/44 |
I'm ashamed that this thread has attracted sexism in ANY way. It was 100% not my intent and am sorry for anyone it has hurt as a result of my posting.
I made this thread as a means of getting advice for moving on with my life and not making women feel bad for the actions of one. |
| Metal Man88 Posts: 501/701 |
I would be inclined to agree that this sort of sexist junk is worthless; if you blame it on a gender, you may never fix problems with yourself that could be causing the problem. And from there comes the whole rant and stuff; it's not about the gender, a lot of it can be turned around in some way to reflect on the speaker. Either way, it's a bunch of hasty generalizations against something people can't change;
In short, sexism sucks. |
| Tarale Posts: 2429/2713 |
I've fucking had enough.
I've had enough of how every single time some guy posts on here about a bad relationship experience, several other male participants of the forum join in with sexist comments like the above. Just because you've had a bad relationship experience, is that reason to hate the the entire female population, to paint them all with the same brush? And the cunt comment -- that's real classy. How's somebody supposed to feel about an insult like that -- one that insults who a person is, something a person can't (easily) change? We don't get to choose prior to birth what gender we will be you know. Put the blame where it belongs -- on the individual that did you wrong -- not on all women. I am sick of the sexist crap that goes on in this forum. |
| Clockworkz Posts: 917/984 |
EDIT: Tired of looking at my ineptitude. |
| l0rca Posts: 64/70 |
Originally posted by Valcion This is true. Assholes have a confidence about them. Girls aren't so much after the asshole side, but at a young age I think, this is the only quality in most boys which carries much confidence. There is a charming confidence you might consider developing. Sometimes it comes with being erudite, sometimes it just comes with experience and simple self esteem. Women, like men, like other animals, will prey on a person who seems weak. |
| Valcion Posts: 551/585 |
mainly a confidence issue. Girls dig confidence and assholes are the way they are because they'vegot loads of it. |
| ibz10g Posts: 527/588 |
My school influences what I know and believe. At my school, a lot of the girls want a nice, smart and caring guy. The problem is, these girls always go with the wrong guys who only want sex. Yeah, there are people like that in the world. It's weird, I know. So anyways, these relationships always end like crap. |
| Stalle Posts: 12/44 |
That's some good advice..
I guess next time I decide to get involve with someone I should ask them up front what their intentions are going into it..  |
| Danielle Posts: 6375/6737 |
The only possibility I'm thinking of, other than the whole "that's life, it sucks" scenario, is that you're dating the wrong crowd. We all know there are two different kinds of people when it comes to relationships. I know it's not black and white, but eliminate the gray area for a moment to get the idea. There are the people that date because it keeps their confidence up, it keeps them from being bored, it gives them experience. Then there are the people that really do want a relationship, and go into it with a positive attitude and the promise of commitment. Maybe you're dating the first person, when you really should be dating the second person.
Or, you know, life could just suck. |
| Stalle Posts: 5/44 |
Feel free to move it wherever someone sees fit, It could really match up anywhere.
After looking through some of the other forum descriptions, I have to agree with you though.  |
| This is a long thread. Click here to view it. | |
