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| 0 users currently in Femine's Corner. |
| User | Post |
| D3stiny_Sm4sher Posts: 192/226 |
Amen to those last two posts.
I'm in the same boat with you, man, and believe me, you've still got college to go through. Hell, I'm only done with my 1st year in college, and yea, I've already experienced a hard rejection/loss of a friend, but I've made so many MORE friends that I KNOW are worth my time that it easily outweighs it. Also, I've already met another awesome girl that I actually feel like something might work out between us. I totally didn't expect it, but that's how these things work. So focus on what you love right now, not on finding something TO love. You'll change as you get into college, but I say it's good to always focus on what you love, not trying to find something to love. You may end up finding that another person is that big something you love, but until then, you shouldn't worry about it. And as much as I hate to admit it, confidence really is a pretty big thing with lots of girls. I don't strike girls to be as dependent and confident about myself as a I really am, and thus they think I'm more dependent, less confident, and less courageous than I really am on the inside, and that's no good. The lack of outward confidence led to the girl I liked to PITY me instead of admire me or appreciate me at all. And you don't want that. Because that's no fun at all. |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 252/613 |
Grunkles gave some good advice, although I'd like to add that you shouldn't give up on relationships entirely.
Mostly, you do not turn a bad life into a good one by having good relationships and girlfriends; you improve your life and you have good relationships with people (including girls) because of it. |
| Grunkles Posts: 11/14 |
I think the question Spiroth10 has to ask himself here is whether or not he really wants a girlfriend.
Many times I felt down on myself and equated my feelings of depression with loneliness. It wasn't until a bit later that I realized that regardless of whether or not I was in a relationship, those problems would still exist. Furthermore, I would probably just be dumping that baggage off on that other person. Therefore, a relationship wasn't the answer to my problems. When it comes to yourself; always keep a tidy house. Know what's going on. Be honest with yourself. Be willing to face problems and challanges (no matter how ugly) and confront them. Being straight-forward with yourself will build character. You will show strength on the outside because of it as well. And soon, you'll find that girls will actually be coming up to you. Confidence; it's stronger than cologne. When a girl sees that you're cool with yourself, she'll go out of her way to be with you. Funny how that works, huh? Besides, I realized that I take a ton of joy in music, writing, and gaming in general. I like sitting back and enjoying my hobbies. Truth be told, once I became comfortable with who I was, I realized that I didn't really even need a relationship at the moment. I was just enjoying life for what it was. And there's some advice that you can take from that as well: enjoy life for what it is. All those hobbies that you think classify you as some kind of geek or nerd; that's totally the wrong outlook. You should appreciate the fact that you have the ability, intelligence, and zeal to take interest (as well as participate) in many of the things you do. And if you don't feel that way about what you do; maybe it's time for a new hobby. 
Regardless; take it easy. Take it from someone who knows; depression takes you no-where. It's easy to sit and feel sorry about your circumstances; it's another thing to take charge and try to change them. And oddly enough, even if you fail, you'll stop being depressed regardless. 'Cause you tried. And that'll give you the confidence you need to try and try again. The world is an amazing place. Explore it. Understand it. Become it. Don't feel bad about the things you cannot change, just realize that they probably don't have as much weight as you give 'em. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 256/886 |
Yeah. 16.
Wait till you're MY age and then give up on women like I have |
| Xeo Belmont Posts: 250/1016 |
I only read the first post, but look ... I'm 18, will be 19 by the end of this year. I have not yet found myself in any kind of relationship with a girl at all.
Yes, I'll admit I've been annoyed by it myself, and sometimes wish things were different. But it doesn't put me in a depressed mood or anything. That and I'm going to College next year, hoping things will be different. Simply put, you're only 16. I even say to myself, I'm only 18. There's still plenty of time. |
| Dude Man Posts: 70/96 |
If there is anything I learned about highschool relationships it's not to bother with high school relationships. I didn't get my first real girlfriend until after May when I graduated.
Your only 16. I'm just getting into this stuff now. |
| Doritokiller Posts: 39/369 |
Originally posted by NSNick Heh. You should see middle school. One-week relationships where the couple really doesn't show any love for eachother. All they do is hold hands ALL DAY. Seriously, two lovers never hold hands that long. |
| Valcion Posts: 467/585 |
Maybe i just went to a rather immature community college, but sometimes it felt the same. |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 123/613 |
Originally posted by KasdarackOriginally posted by Valcion I think it's more the people that change in college. It's not a magical transformation or something, it's a part of maturing. If you go to a big college, having a lot of people to meet is a bonus too. Getting shot down is a lot easier to take when word won't spread around the school like fire, and when there's still a trillion other girls left for you to talk to. |
| Sweet Kassy Molassy Posts: 25/886 |
Originally posted by Valcion I found that EVERYTHING changes in college... |
| Valcion Posts: 466/585 |
Doesn't change much in college, either.
And like everyone said, you just have to keep trying and well, just not give up. If you wanna put love on the back burner, then fine, do it. There's a lot more important things out there that you could focus on at your age. Try and focus on improving your self-worth first, like everyone else said. And the thing is, if you believe you'll fuck things up, you eventually will. So don't think that. |
| Sabishii Posts: 30/60 |
Look, it helps a lot if you remember that not everyone has the same taste.
Some people like nerds and punks. Besides, if someone doesn't like you, odds are a relationship wouldn't have worked even if they did. It takes a lot to accept rejection, but a piece of advice an old friend gave me really seems to come in handy here. You have to love yourself before you and expect someone else to love you. I know that's cliché, but it's one of the more truthful things I've been told. Love who you are, be secure with the fact that you're human and therefore you will have faults and you will not be able to please everyone. Take comfort in that. Embrace what you like in yourself, change what you don't and then flaunt it. If people like it, they'll come. If not, screw them. Someone will take interest eventually, promise. Kinda like Wite, I used to have all kinds of issues there. I'm short, slightly heavier than most teenage girls, nerdy and geeky and sarcastic enough to push away the most amiable people. I just had to find someone who laughed at my sarcasm instead of being offended by it and someone who realized that you dont need a supermodel exterior to have a beautiful mind. You know what's even better? I've found several people like that. They all tell me i'm crazy every time my confidence slips and I start to be down on myself. It's just high school though. Keep in mind that most high schoolers are out for "fun," be that in the form of sex or trying to date the hottest or most popular guy in school. Dating isn't really about curing loneliness or serious relationships in high school, it's all a game. I'm told that changes in college, but I won't find that out until fall of 2007. Love yourself and the rest will come as it must. Love yourself and you won't need someone else. That's confidence in the purest form and confidence is dead sexy. |
| NSNick Posts: 1281/2228 |
I'd like to say that you don't need to stress out about getting a girlfriend now, or even any time soon. You're only 16. Just let it happen when it happens. |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 119/613 |
Originally posted by Danielle I liked your first post better, but this is still good advice. A point I completely forgot to make is that you need to let go of what other people think about you. You create your own worth, not other people. Babe Ruth struck out over a thousand times, but he still went up to the plate and gave it his all every time, which is why he's a legendary baseball great. You can't hit a homer until you accept that you might strike out, too. Also, I'd sorta like to apologize for driving the thread this far off-topic. I probably should have shut up and just PMed jomb from the start, but I wasn't thinking that it would escelate like it did. I'd rather just not talk about it in this thread and stick to the topic of helping this kid. |
| Danielle Posts: 4648/6737 |
...Going back on topic a little... I'd just like to add on to what wite and Kasdarack (ps- you're a newbie? You're pretty cool!) were saying. You're not dating yourself, don't forget that. You may not find yourself attractive, but why does that matter? SHE is the one looking at you, and if your attitude is that of "zomg im ugly h8 me" then... why would a girl waste her time? Be someone that is carefree and fun, willing to take risks and willing to accept himself. Nobody wants to date someone who will give them nothing but emotional baggage.
Just don't worry so much. This is your life, dude. Now I'm going to be totally and completely corny and say CARPE DIEM. *bows* |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 117/613 |
I am not going to argue this with you here, as my reply is going to be long and angry and would end up derailing/closing this thread. I'll PM you my reply, and I'll PM a copy of it to anyone else who is interested. Just don't accuse the kid of seeking shallow validation ("I'm sure you posted here so that people would pat you on the back and try to talk you out of it...") when he might have an actual issue. |
| Jomb Posts: 271/448 |
therapists are a professional leeches
I was'nt being an asshole to him, i was being 100% upfront and truthful. I meant everything i said. Attacking my credentials is childish. I went to a good school and was origionally a psychology major. I was near the top of my class when i switched majors. The man in question clearly is having a hard time with the opposite sex. Its obvious to me he needs a break from trying to impress girls and getting used by them. I think he is doing the right thing. So you'd have him go to a therapist and get bled dry for some "professional advice"? |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 116/613 |
Originally posted by Jomb Funny, I have a major in psychology. I'm sure the class at your local college was easy, but try again when you've actually learned something. Not everything like this is just an attempt at validation. I used to believe the same stupid shit you are spouting, until I learned it is dead wrong. Furthermore, what makes you think this is some sort of veiled cry for help? If he posted it here, he obviously wants replies, and probably some sort of help. Maybe he doesn't know what to do himself, and is just looking for advice? No matter what the case is, being an asshole to him isn't going to help. Pitch in or shut up, just don't fuck everything up. (edit: took out some unnecessary stuff. The post still says essentially the same things) (edit2: I sorta want to delete this post, for the thread starter's sake, but I don't want to seem like I am trying to go back on what I said or something. I'm leaving it up simply because it's what I said.) |
| Jomb Posts: 270/448 |
Funny you should mention it, i have a minor in psychology. Enough to know it is complete and utter bullshit  |
| witeasprinwow Posts: 114/613 |
Originally posted by Jomb Pyschologists usually have a degree. |
| This is a long thread. Click here to view it. | |
