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Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Craziness Domain - Hilarious Church Bulletins
  
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Trapster
Posts: 2056/3604		 I surely hope so but I´d rather use a condom than having you involved.

"***The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

Does that mean that he sank? _¬
Wurl
Posts: 427/842
Originally posted by Dracoon
Oh God, thank you for blessing this earth with the best of population controllers.

Plus I have a higher efficency rating than condoms.
Sinfjotle
Posts: 368/1697		 Oh God, thank you for blessing this earth with the best of population controllers.
Wurl
Posts: 401/842		 Yeah, I eat enough babies a day to populate a nice sized European principality.
Thoughtless
Posts: 479/2405		 According to the bulletin Snow Tomato posted, looks like body piercings save souls.

No more time spent worrying if whether eating babies is harmful to my soul.

Kick ass. My soul is saved.
Wurl
Posts: 380/842		 Dimensional Time only applies to black holes, n00b.
Alastor
Posts: 2711/8204		 Pfft. I haven't been to church in -11 super dimensional space decades.
Wurl
Posts: 376/842		 I meant 7 Space years, which equals 230492309740293750932 of your Earth years.
Kyoufu Kawa
Posts: 475/1353		 22. I win.
Wurl
Posts: 372/842		 I'd laugh, but I haven't gone to church in like 7 years.
NSNick
Posts: 484/2228		 Yay Churchsigngenerator!
Snow Tomato
Posts: 264/798		 See the attachment and let the fun times ensue.

That church near my house is notorious for bad signs. Another time it said "Love Christ? Die." I wish my digital camra was with me when I saw that. Apparantly someone must have removed the "happy" or they forgot to put it up. I'm not sure. Hysterical though.
Trapster
Posts: 1991/3604
Originally posted by mvent2

***Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

***Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


Uh, okay. I always knew it was something weird with churches. _¬
Zem
Posts: 701/1097
Originally posted by mvent2
Instead of over-analyzing things and ruining their humorous value, just read them and laugh at them. K?

I HATE FUN.
mvent2
Posts: 57/76
Originally posted by Zem
Originally posted by mvent2
These are actual phrases published in real church bulletins.

I doubt it, since many of them have shown up in several of these lists and are sometimes listed as coming from "flyers," "newsletters," etc.


The source said they were all from church bulletins. Whether or not they were in church bulletins, they were published in the media in some form, and they are related to church.

Instead of over-analyzing things and ruining their humorous value, just read them and laugh at them. K?
Zem
Posts: 699/1097
Originally posted by mvent2
These are actual phrases published in real church bulletins.

I doubt it, since many of them have shown up in several of these lists and are sometimes listed as coming from "flyers," "newsletters," etc.
mvent2
Posts: 55/76		 I found these on another forum. These are actual phrases published in real church bulletins.

***The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

***The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

***Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

***The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

***Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

***Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

***For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

***The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

***Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

***Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

***Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

***The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility

***The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

***Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

***This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

*** Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

***The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

*** Low Self Esteem Support Group! will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

*** The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

*** Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance

LMAO
Acmlm's Board - I3 Archive - Craziness Domain - Hilarious Church Bulletins


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