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| User | Post |
| Danielle Posts: 1443/6737 |
...Closed by request.
I'm sorry to hear that, man. =( |
| Joachim Posts: 28/38 |
Typical bitch that dumps you and goes back with the abusive/ignoring boyfriend, but "still wants to be friends".
Someone can lock this thread now. |
| Cruel Justice Posts: 527/1637 |
Just don't let your heart drag your head around. If you know what you want (she's vulnerable to you right now), just get it. Don't be shy.  |
| Tarale Posts: 341/2713 |
No, actually she started dating Kane a week before she dumped the other guy. And she spent all week guilt tripping herself over it too. The reason she didn't immediately break it off is that the other guy was abusive and so she was afraid of him.
But that was one week... their relationship as I've stated is nearly 10 years and going strong. |
| Deleted User Posts: 268/-7750 |
Originally posted by TaraleOriginally posted by Thayer Correct me if I'm wrong, but your situation sounds like she broke off their relationship before she was with the other guy? |
| Randle Posts: 15/23 |
I don't see how the fact that she cheated on her ex signifies anything. If she made a habit of it or the relationship she was in seemed okay I could understand possible anxieties.
The bigger worry is staying with her whilst she is going through the breakup. I speak from experience as the person who got involved with someone coming out of a long term relationship. We discussed cooling it off until it was well and truly over with the ex and then possibly giving it a little time before we started anything and we even intended to but I was just too damn impatient. I was scared that if we did cool it off, they would possibly rediscover feelings for their ex or possibly even find someone else. As it happened, we continued to be very close whilst they ended their other relationship. However this merely resulted in them starting to feel guilty and eventually led to them convincing themselves that they had to find atonement for what they'd done to their ex. So I got dumped and they decided to try and give the old relationship another chance. Problem was that the old relationship had long been dead so this second chance didn't last long. Enough bad water had gone under the bridge between me and them, I was associated with too many bad things and feelings of guilt to effectively screw up any hopes I might have of getting another chance, they simply weren't prepared to let me into their lives again. I didn't even find out they had been available until they announced that they had got involved with someone else and in turn having to see this tore me apart. I don't mean to hijack a thread or anything but just point out the dangers of remaining closely attached through a breakup. Sure, sometimes you can remain close and it can all work out beautifully but other times you can get hurt. Depending on the relationship she was in, it could end up not being as easy as is first perceived, If the ex is an arsehole then it should make things easier. My problem was that the ex was a really sweet and understanding person so feelings of guilt were enhanced. That said, the arsehole sometimes has a strange hold over people. People can feel sudden strange pangs of guilt, loyalty and betrayal towards complete gits. It's a phenomena that will probably never be understood but it can happen. |
| Tarale Posts: 328/2713 |
Originally posted by Thayer AND? This sounds more like what happened with a dear friend of mine than anything malicious or sneaky. She had been growing apart with her boyfriend... he'd actually been quite a jerk and she felt somewhat alienated and mistreated. She was considering breaking it off with him, but just before she did so, she found somebody she liked... She immediately broke it off with her ex; and has been with that boyfriend for close to 10 years. Last year, they got married, moved into a house together, and had their first child, a baby girl. And they still utterly adore each other. |
| Riku Posts: 329/1823 |
Hey, one word of advice, take your chances. If you don't react, she'll take that as a sign of unattractiveness and other crap. She's digging for you, and she won't stop until she goes all the way. |
| Joachim Posts: 21/38 |
Well before I dated her I knew she had a boyfriend but was going to break up with him, etc. etc... but my friend Ben said she was free so I assumed she had broken up with him but when I was with her I discovered it wasn't happening yet but I got pulled in anyway so I doubt she had intentions on cheating on him. But yeah I guess it's still cheating technically...  |
| Deleted User Posts: 264/-7750 |
Ralph, I'd be worried about one thing. She apparently had no problem with cheating on her boyfriend before she broke up with him. :/ |
| Tarale Posts: 326/2713 |
Originally posted by Joachim Sounds good, and it sounds like she'd already made her mind up before you'd asked Which is even better.
Course, she's going to find breaking up with her ex (he's an ex now really) difficult; as this "pissing him off" thing sounds like he might be quite a jerk. Nobody really wants to put themselves into a situation of pissing off a jerk... Make sure to be extra patient and supportive of her while she's going through all that |
| Joachim Posts: 20/38 |
So I talked to her today... I brought up the subject and she told me to stop worrying and she said she was going to break up with him the next time she talked to him. Apparently they've been seperated for quite awhile but the "break up" thing never really happened and she's still afraid of pissing him off incase he still seriously thinks there's something going on still.
Anyway afterwards we had fun tonight... so I guess all is well now. |
| Scatterheart Posts: 17/144 |
I was kinda in a similar situation a while ago. Everyone here probably remembers me from the K.T's Club for the Lonely Hearted thread back in the last board. I had always been shy, always had bad experiences, and never thought I'd get anywhere with a girl that I actually liked. I was also a virgin too, BTW.
Started talking to a girl I knew back in high school over MSN. I knew she had a boyfriend, and was uber-jealous about it. I later found out that he was a mega-asshole. * Shitty Looks * Shitty Personality and CONFIRMED * Shitty in Bed. We're talking about a 10 second man here. She knew she was in a mistake relationship too. We kissed abit, and about a week later, we started "going out". All was well, except he was still living in the house with her, her father, and her brother...even sleeping in the same bed! (Boy! Did that shock the hell out of everyone here. ) She assured me many times that nothing happens, and that nothing had happened in almost a year, so I had nothing to worry about.
Eventually he moved, and he now lives on the other side of the country. My girlfriend doesn't speak with him anymore, too! 
Everything's been going wonderfully! Yesterday was our 5 month anniversary. Can you believe it's been 5 months already?
Okay! Now you really should try, man! Better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all, right? Ofcourse -- That in no way inplies that I think this thing won't work. That's just stupid. I slapped myself (not litteraly) on the forhead when I read about your nervousness when you two came close to kissing. The first time is ALWAYS the hardest. When I first kissed Jayde (my girlfriend(which wasn't even my first kiss)), I was so nervous that I was shaking! 
She thought she'd done something wrong, and chances are; your girlfriend thinks she's done something wrong too. As soon as your lips meet, everything'll come naturally. Your girlfriend can correct any minor faults with your kissing afterwards, okay?  |
| Randle Posts: 12/23 |
Okay, my suggestion would be:
Staying involved with a girl who is still involved with someone else (even if she is breaking up with him) could very possibly lead to a bad place. You don't want to end up being the crutch or stepping stone that gets used whether shes conscious shes doing that or not. That said, I'm not suggesting you should call it quits. I would suggest you make it clear how you feel about her and that might mean you have to be a little bold. If she wants to kiss you then maybe do it, make sure she knows you really like her and want to have something with her, hopefully she'll realise that this sin't easy for you and appreciate you've made an effort. However you then have to explain that you want to cool it off a bit until she is truly single again. There's a whole lot of possible mess and pain if you keep the relationship growing whilst she is still involved with someone else. EDIT: I just realised I said exactly what Tarale said. Do that. |
| Tarale Posts: 312/2713 |
Originally posted by Bio I think he needs to find out how SHE feels first before giving up. |
| C:/xkas bio.asm Posts: 104/1209 |
Almost similar thing has happen to me, exept that I got a bigger psychological problem *cough*psychosis*cough* I tried all my high school to be with here, but I was alway feeling too shy, she was having a boyfriend (a muscle-head hockey player). One day, I've heard she been telling that I was a god(yes, she used the term god)
I have tried, but she said she have a boyfriend and I was only a friend now she is gone, living with her boyfriend. I suggest you to look for another girl, you will feel less discouraged If you think that she waren't your only chance to get a girlfriend I really understand how you feelling |
| Tarale Posts: 310/2713 |
Originally posted by Joachim Meh. I really don't mind. Matters of the heart are so complex that I think it's really unfair of others to judge in that way. Without really being in a situation, you don't really know it... Although I would try to resolve the situation as quickly as possible, to avoid people being hurt. It's when this kind of thing drags on that it's really not for the best. |
| Joachim Posts: 19/38 |
That sounds like a good idea to really consider... thank you for input... and I thank everyone for not jumping down my throat accusing me of being a bad person because I started to carry on an affair. |
| Tarale Posts: 308/2713 |
Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that you really really like her, and you want to take a chance with her -- but for that to happen, it needs to happen properly and she needs to break it off with Chris.
Don't be pushy about it, but make sure you put it out there. And be supportive of her when she's doing it -- breaking up is hard cause you never want to hurt the other person (even if there are no feelings there anymore), so pressuring her is only going to freak her out. If she doesn't want to break it off with Chris, that means you have to think long and hard about whether you're willing to carry on an affair, or tell her that you can't commit to that kind of relationship. |
| Joachim Posts: 18/38 |
Originally posted by Tzepish Bingo, yes it is indeed, this is an affair and you can see why I'm so stirred up right now, I really want to tell her for us to break it off until she gets that cleared out but I don't want her thinking I'm making up an excuse to leave her. I really fucking wish I could go back to step one. |
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